Gina and Mike (7 page)

Cookie was killing me. I felt like an asshole laughing while standing in line to see a dead man. I thought that maybe we should switch to a more somber topic, given the occasion and all. “Shame about Doug dying. Every time I drive past where it happened I think of him.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Cookie said. “He was the first one in our class to die. Not sure about any others. Guess we’ll find out at the reunion. Are you going?”

I grimaced. “Man, I don’t know. I haven’t been to any yet.”

“This is the 20
; you should come. Bring your wife.”

Guess Cookie hadn’t heard about the divorce. “We’re not together anymore.”

Cookie’s hand flew to her mouth.  “Damn! Sorry, Mike.  Me and my big mouth. I didn’t know or I wouldn’t have gone on like that.”

“It’s OK. We’re friends. It wasn’t one of those divorces where people end up hating each other. Just didn’t work out.”

“So do you have joint custody of Jack?” Cookie asked.

I nodded. “And we live close so Jack can come and go as he pleases no matter which house he’s sleeping at.  He has a baby sister so he seems to be at my house more lately. I don’t think he likes the crying.”

Cookie popped a mint in her mouth. “That’s cool that you and your ex are friends. That has to be great for Jack. I don’t know of any divorced couples who ended up on good terms. Most of the ones I know would kill each other if they had the chance, including me. The only thing good about the loser I was married to was that he stopped being able to get it up because of his health. Suited me just fine because he was a lousy lay anyway. Mr. Vibrator did a better job than he ever did.  When Hubs No. 2 came along, didn’t need the vibrator anymore.” She laughed.

One thing about Cookie, you always knew what she thought. The woman definitely didn’t hold anything back.

“Yeah, Lisa and I just realized a little too late that that’s all we really were – friends. She deserved someone who could love her in the way she deserved to be loved. I wasn’t that guy. But her husband, Jack’s step-dad, is a good guy. A dentist. I’m happy for her.”

I looked around as we turned the corner; the door was about thirty feet away. “Anyone else coming?”

“Sue and Diane said they were going to stop by, and I saw Keith and Tom leaving as I pulled into the parking lot.”

“Do you see the old gang much?” I asked.

“Not really,” Cookie said. “My kids had Diane for county honors band and I run into Sue from time to time. What about you?”

“I see Jeremy. And sometimes Tom.”

Cookie smiled. “Some things never change.

“But that’s about it. Ever hear from Gina?” I asked. Twenty years have passed and my heart still races when I say her name.

Cookie shook her head. “I know Sue does. Gina is Chloe’s godmother. She’s not married, I know that. And she’s a killer prosecutor, according to Sue.”

“A prosecutor? I always thought she’d be a writer.”

“She works in the sex crimes/child abuse bureau,” Cookie said. “Prosecutes rape crimes. Sue said she works all the time. Sue’s trying to convince her to come to the reunion. Says she’s thinking about it.”

Gina wasn’t married. She was a prosecutor. Damn, I had no idea. I wanted to know more, but I didn’t want to seem overly interested.

“Think a lot of people will come to this one, since it’s the big 2-0?” I asked.

Cookie shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I hope so. Maybe at this one people will be over having to prove that they’ve made it. At the other ones, there was a lot of that. ‘Oh, I did this and that.’ Really? Who cares? Cause I didn’t come to the reunion to hear you brag about all the great stuff you’ve done since high school,” Cookie said.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

We were finally at the door. I whispered to Cookie, “It was great seeing you. And I’ll think about the reunion. I still have the invitation at home.”

I made my way through the crowd to where Coach Smith’s wife and sons stood by the casket.  The boys towered over their mom. They were well over six feet, dressed in black suits and white shirts. Their mom, wearing a short black dress, looked more like their sister.

I shook their hands and expressed my condolences. Mrs. Smith remembered me.

“Thanks for coming,” she said. “Rich would be honored that so many of his former players came.”

I walked by his mahogany casket, topped with dozens of red roses. I sneezed. Flowers always made me sneeze. The red roses reminded me of Gina.  I had saved money for weeks to get her a dozen red roses for our first Valentine’s Day. I worked at the grocery store stocking shelves so it’s not like I was raking in the greens. I can still see Gina’s smile when she opened the door and I handed her the long white box tied with a red ribbon. Gina loved roses and said that she wanted to carry a bouquet of red roses when we got married.

I couldn’t wait to get outside, away from all of the people. I wasn’t much for crowds, and I hated waiting in lines. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t like taking Jack to the amusement park.  Those lines were ridiculous. My head pounded as I weaved through the parking lot to my car. 

I couldn’t stop thinking about Gina not being married. It’s all I thought about on the drive home. That and what I had learned about her prosecuting sex crimes. How did I not know that?

It was Lisa’s night to have Jack, so I came home to an empty house. I threw a turkey and cheese sandwich together and grabbed the reunion invitation off the desk in the den.

The invitation wasn’t fancy. It was a piece of white computer paper folded in thirds.  I couldn’t stop thinking about Gina, wondering if she would come.  After our breakup, I tried reaching out to her but she would never take my calls or return my letters. Finally, I stopped trying. I couldn’t take the rejection anymore. But I always wondered about that wilderness stuff Gina had talked about.  Did she ever make it out?

When I met Lisa a couple years later, I thought that I was over Gina, but I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over her. Before dating Lisa, I found myself trying to find someone who looked like Gina. It’s not easy finding girls who have long red hair. After awhile, I realized that I was trying to replace what I had lost and that wasn’t cool. I needed to move on. And I thought I had when Lisa came into my life. She wasn’t anything like Gina. Gina was tall with gorgeous legs that went on forever. Lisa was much shorter and had blond hair. She was a Tasmanian devil on the basketball court and could beat me in the mile without even trying.

Don’t get me wrong. What Lisa and I had was great. But there was just something that wasn’t there on my part. Lisa sensed it from the very beginning but convinced herself that it didn’t matter, that she loved me enough for both of us. When she told me this it broke my heart. I never meant to hurt her, and I really wished that I could have felt the way about her that she felt about me. We agreed that Jack was the best of both of us and that for his sake, we’d be friends. Lisa’s happy and I’m happy that she’s happy.

I get lonely sometimes and I’ve dated some, but there’s no one special in my life. There’s a woman I work with that I sometimes hook up with. It’s convenient and she doesn’t want any commitment so it works. But it’s just sex. That’s all. And it always leaves me feeling like there has to be more.

****

Gina

Even though Sue’s my best friend, I never told her that Smith raped me. There were so many times that I wanted to, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The only person I told was the therapist who helped me deal with the flashbacks and pain long after that brutal night.  So when Sue went on and on about the funeral when she called, it was hard for me to listen. I hated the bastard. I was glad he was dead. 

“The line was out the building and around the corner,” Sue said. “I figured there would be a crowd, but it was way more people than I had expected. Coach Smith must have touched a lot of lives. ”

I coughed.
And ruined some
, I thought.  I picked up the magazine that had come in the mail that day and thumbed through it while I listened.

“And they had this slideshow with photos of him and his family over the years that played continuously, and his baseball uniform and glove and some other stuff was scattered on tables throughout the room.”

I gritted my teeth. “That’s nice.”       

“I felt so bad for his wife and sons. They looked pretty whipped,” Sue said.

“I’m sure.”

“Are you listening to me, Gina?”

How did she know I was looking at my magazine?
“Of course, why?

“Well, it doesn’t seem like you’re saying much,” Sue said.

“I’m listening. You said his wife and sons looked pretty whipped. See? I’m listening.”

I could hear Sue sigh through my earpiece.

“You never liked him much, did you?” Sue asked.

I could feel my muscles tense up, especially my neck and shoulders. I had spent the last twenty years dealing with what the creep did to me. No, I hated the son of a bitch.

“He was OK,” I told Sue.

“Remember our calc final? It was so hard. You were the only one in the entire class who got an A, which totally amazed me because I was doing better than you were in the class.”

I silently snickered. If only Sue knew why I got the A. 

“Oh, almost forgot. Mike was at Smith’s funeral. Chloe and I ran into Cookie and her two girls at the mall. She waited in line with Mike.”

Hearing Mike and Smith mentioned in the same sentence made my heart race. Then I realized I was holding my breath and forced myself to breathe.

“Oh, yeah?” I said. “Mike was there?”

“Yeah. Did you know he’s divorced?”

I spit the hot tea I had just taken a sip of all over the fashion spread in the magazine. I had no idea Mike and Lisa got a divorce. The last I heard they had a son and were happy. “No, I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah. Apparently his ex remarried a couple of years ago and has a daughter that’s about one. Mike told Cookie that they’re still friends. They just realized too late that that’s all they ever really were.”

I closed the magazine and tossed it aside. “I had no idea.”

“Me, neither, but I thought you’d want to know.”

“Now why would I want to know that Mike is divorced?” I asked.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Sue said. “Maybe because you’ve never stopped caring about him.”

“Oh, come on, Sue. It’s been twenty years.”

“That’s right. It has been. And in those twenty years you’ve never stopping loving him. You might be able to fool other people, but you can’t fool me. God only knows why you broke it off in high school. I’ve never been able to figure that one out.”

“I told you why. I didn’t love him anymore.”

“I know that’s what you said, but it’s a crock of shit,” Sue said.

“It’s not like I haven’t dated other guys,” I said. “I even had one propose to me.”

“Sure, you’ve dated. But you’ve never married. Christ, you’ve never even lived with a guy. And spending weekends is not living with a guy, Gina. So that one guy, the one who asked you to marry him, doesn’t count.”

“Can we talk about something else?” I asked. “You haven’t asked me about my doctor’s appointment yet.”

“OK. How did your doctor’s appointment go?

“Great. He gave me lots of information to look through. Each sperm donor is assigned a number. It’s like looking through a catalog. There’s tons of information, like eye and hair color, ethnicity, height and weight, blood type.”

“So you’re really going to go through with it?”

“You know how much I’ve always wanted a child. I’m 38. It’s now or never.  I can afford a nanny and Mom said she’ll come down for several weeks afterward to help.”

“And you know Chloe and I will help in any way we can.”

“I know. And I appreciate that. It’ll be like a sister for Chloe. ”

“So, you decided on a girl?”

“I would love both, but I thought that if I’m going to be a single parent, that probably a girl is best. At least I know what to expect.”

“Good point,” Sue said. “Did you get the flyer about the reunion?” Sue asked.

“Yeah. Got it and tossed it in the trash.”

“Gina! Come on. Come home and go to this one. It’s been 20 years. Everyone would love to see you.”

I sighed.

“Promise me you’ll think about it,” Sue said. “You and I can go together. Like old times.”

“OK. I’ll think about it.”

“Might see Mike there.”

I had wondered if he would go.  “Is he going?”

“Cookie told me that he was thinking about it. He hasn’t committed yet. But you read those love stories all the time about high school sweethearts that reconnect at high school reunions.”

“You’ve always been a hopeless romantic.”

“But it could happen,” Sue said.

“Could, but I think that stuff is more fairy tale than anything else. I’m not the same person I was in high school. You know that. And I’m sure Mike isn’t either. Twenty years have passed and a lot has happened in those twenty years.”

“Yeah, I’ve gotten fatter,” Gina laughed.

“I’m serious. My life is so different than I ever would have imagined. I love what I do. I’ve worked hard to be one of the county’s top prosecutors. I wouldn’t give up my life for anyone. And now I’m going to become a mom and all of my energy and focus will go into being the best mom I can be. Yes, I would have preferred becoming a mom the traditional way, but life, as we both know, doesn’t always turn out the way we always thought or wished it would.”

When I got off the phone with Sue, I picked up the sperm donor profiles. I felt a little weird, like I was trying to put together a designer baby. I guess in a way I was. I wanted my child to look like me, so red hair was important.

Each profile came with notes from the interviewer.

Donor came to our interview wearing khakis (with one leg rolled up for bike riding), and a button-down shirt. His reddish hair is cut short. He has closely cut facial hair and perfectly straight, white teeth. He has light skin with some freckles. His hobbies include playing sports ….