Gina and Mike (18 page)

Gina

Sue and Judy stood beside me at the casket, crowded with flowers on either side. A heavy floral scent permeated the air. A line of people snaked through the cavernous room and disappeared around the corner.

I sneezed. I’m not sure why I even bothered to wear makeup. Between the fragrant flowers and my inconsolable grief, I was on my second pack of tissues. I was sure my eyes looked like a panda’s. 

I knew Mom had a lot of friends, but I didn’t expect to see a couple hundred people. Most I hadn’t seen in years. I was glad Judy stood beside me because she could tell me who was who. Mom would have felt good that so many people came to say goodbye.

The best part about the evening – if there is a best part – were the stories the older people shared about Mom when she was a young girl. I never knew she was such a mischievous kid. Like the time she hid the tests she found on the teacher’s desk. I laughed when Mrs. Snyder told me that story.

I felt as though I got to know Mom better. Sad in a way that it took her funeral to see a side of her I hadn’t seen before. To me, she was my mom. But to these people, she was their friend and classmate and Sunday school teacher. It was an exhausting evening, and I knew that tomorrow would be worse.

I remember when Dad died. It was in January, and the day of the burial was biting. Not many people went to the cemetery. It was just too cold. It was just Mom, me, and a few others.  At least this time it was April and the weird weather we’d been having made it feel more like summer. I’m sure there’d be a crowd at the burial. 

I saw Mike as he turned the corner and entered the room. He looked sharp, dressed in a black suit and white shirt. It took him about an hour to get up to where I stood. As soon as I saw him I broke down. He took me in his arms and whispered in my ear: “So sorry, Gina. If you need anything, I’m here.”

I nodded. I wanted to tell him that I needed him. That I was sorry and stupid for ever letting him go. That I missed him already and I just saw him this morning. God, there was so much that I wanted to say but this wasn’t the time nor the place. He moved on to Judy, then Sue.

I thought the night would never end. My lower back hurt from standing and my feet were killing me. I should have listened to Sue and skipped the high heels for the pair of flats she offered to let me borrow. I’d wear those tomorrow for sure. All I wanted to do was go home and climb into bed.

When everyone was gone, I leaned over the casket. “I love you, Mom.” I patted the sun brooch I had pinned on her coral floral blouse.

She looked so peaceful. Her nails were painted a pale pink and her hands were folded with a red rose stuck in the middle. I picked up the photo of the two of us taken when I was six. I didn’t have any front teeth and Mom and I were standing in front of our Christmas tree. I can still picture Dad taking the photo, telling us to make sure the presents we were holding weren’t covering our faces. I was holding a purple smiley pillow and Mom was holding a gold bracelet Dad had bought her. Every Christmas, Dad would buy Mom a piece of jewelry. I touched the gold cross that hung down over her blouse and the gold chain bracelet that hugged her sleeve. Gifts from Dad. 

She had left instructions that I was supposed to keep her wedding band and engagement ring. Her hope was that I would pass it on if I ever had a child and it would stay in the family.

“Are you ready?” Judy asked, patting me on the back.

I nodded. “Yeah. I’m ready to go home. I mean, to Mom’s house.”

Judy smiled. “It will always be your home, Gina.”

****

Mike

When I left the funeral home, I felt lousy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Gina so torn up. I wish I could do more for her. I hate funerals. And here I was at my second one in weeks.  

I stopped at the old watering hole on Main Street for a beer and burger. I hadn’t eaten and there wasn’t a whole lot at home to make.

When I walked in, the place was pretty empty. Two tattooed bikers were playing pool in the dimly lit corner. A couple I didn’t recognize sat at the one end of the wooden bar. I pulled out a stool at the other end.

“Lager?” Bill the bartender asked.

“Yeah, and a glass of water.”

Bill slid the beer in front of me. “Rough day?”

I nodded. “Yeah, rough day all right.”

“Anything else?”

“How about a burger, Bill? And some fries.”

I sipped my cold draft, thinking about Gina. If someone would have told me a week ago that all of this would happen, I’d have laughed in their face.  

By the time my burger and fries arrived, the larger was gone.

Bill nodded. “Another?”

“Yeah, one more.”

I bit into my burger when I felt a slap on my back.

“Hey, Mike,” Tom said. “Guess we had the same idea.”

I turned around and nodded.

Tom sat next to me. “I saw you at the funeral. You were ahead of me. It took me about an hour and half to get through the line.”

“Me, too.”

“Gina was pretty torn up,” Tom said.

“Yeah, I know. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her quite like that.”

“What can I get you?” Bill asked Tom.

Tom threw his head toward me. “I’ll have what he’s having. That burger looks good.”

I took a swig of my cold draft. “So, did you ask Sue out?”

Tom nodded. “But with everything that’s happened, I don’t know when that’ll be.”

“Don’t give up on her, Tom. You’ve waited a long time to ask her out. After Gina’s gone, Sue will have time again.”

“Do you think she’ll go home?”

“Who? Gina? Sure. Of course. Why not?”

Tom shrugged. “I just thought that maybe she might think about moving back.”

“I don’t think that’s gonna happen. Her life’s in Florida. Why would she leave a career she worked so hard to build and come back here? And for what?”

Tom shifted in his seat. “You two seemed to be getting along pretty well at the reunion.”

“There’s a big divide between getting along well and Gina moving here. I just don’t see that happening. Unless.”

Tom cocked his head to the side and cast an arched eyebrow. “Unless what?”

“Unless she found something that was worth coming back to.”

****

The next day was the funeral, and I decided to take a half-day at work and go. Seemed like the right thing to do. I knew Gina hated the cemetery where her Mom would be buried. It was the same cemetery where her friend, Alicia, had been raped. It happened ten or fifteen years ago. Sort of lost track of the time.

Anyway, Alicia had been running through the secluded cemetery at dusk one day and was raped and left for dead. She was found the next day. From what I hear, she’s been pretty messed up ever since.

I thought about Alicia as I entered the cemetery through the huge wrought iron entrance gates. The gates were attached to huge stone pillars, made from stone from the local quarry when this land on the outskirts of town was mostly farm fields and meadows.

I followed a long line of cars and a long line of cars followed me. The road was narrow and uneven, and my car bounced when I hit a pothole. I hated cemeteries more than I hated funerals. I figure when I die, I want to be cremated and my ashes scattered in the ocean. The idea of being stuck in the ground, slowing decaying until there’s nothing but bones was morbid to me.

****

Gina

When we passed the stone mausoleum, my throat tightened and my palms got sweaty. I hated this cemetery. My neighbor Alicia was beaten, raped, and left for dead near the mausoleum. That’s where the bastard who nearly killed her was hiding. They never found him.

I never told Alicia about Smith. I had considered it, but didn’t. Every time I visited Alicia – and I usually tried to see her when I was home visiting mom – she’d make me sit across the room. She never allowed anyone near her. And she never left her house.

Every day, she’d get up and do puzzles. All. Day. Long. Puzzle after puzzle. And it didn’t matter what designs they were – landscapes, animals, famous places – she liked them all. But she would never put the same puzzle together twice. The ladies at church held a puzzle drive a couple of times a year to stock Alicia’s supply. And I always brought her a few new ones whenever I visited. 

I never figured out the whole puzzle thing, though. Why puzzles? It occurred to me that Alicia was like a puzzle with a couple of pieces missing. No matter how hard everyone tried, they couldn’t put Alicia completely back together. They couldn’t make her whole. There was always a piece or two missing.

Maybe that’s why Alicia loved puzzles so much. She could take all the odd shapes and put them together, making something whole and beautiful. It was the one thing in her life that she had control over and could feel good about. The one thing she could figure out. 

I was in the car behind the hearse with Sue and Judy. Sue squeezed my hand as we passed the mausoleum. She knew what I was thinking. When we stopped, we waited in the car as the pall bearers removed the coffin from the back of the hearse and carried it over to the burial site sheltered from the sun by a green canvas canopy with scalloped edges.

I jerked when the funeral director opened my door. He took me by the arm and led me to a chair a few feet away from the coffin. My knees buckled as I sat down. Judy and Sue sat on either side of me. 

I’m not even sure what the pastor said. Something about walking through the valley of death and fearing no evil; it was all a blur. I couldn’t stop looking at the coffin in front of me. Mom was inside that thing. That mahogany thing with the antique hardware and adjustable bed and mattress.

She was going to be put in the ground and I’d never see her again. I knew Dad was down there, and I couldn’t help wonder what he looked like. I do this to myself. Think stupid things and then obsess why in the hell I thought them in the first place.

At least the cemetery stone was already on the grave. The only thing I had to arrange was the engraving of Mom’s death date. When she had the stone made for Dad, she included her name and birth date. I always thought that was a little morbid, but Mom went on and on about how practical it was. She was right, I know. She was always right. Still, I didn’t like seeing her name on the tombstone when I came to visit Dad.

Now, the stone would be finished. Pastor Greg was leading us in a prayer. Sue pulled a few flowers out of the funeral spray on top of the casket and handed them to me. With Judy’s help, I stood up, only to be lost in a sea of hands and hugs, people saying they were sorry and that if I needed anything to let them know. I looked out over the crowd that had gathered, and in the back I caught a glimpse of Mike. He caught me looking and nodded. I wondered if he was coming back to the church for the funeral luncheon. After a few more hugs I walked with Sue and Judy to the car. Mike was waiting by the door.

“You go ahead,” Sue said. “Judy and I will wait.”

****

Mike

I wanted to say something to Gina, but there were so many people that I couldn’t get close to her. So I decided to wait by her car. I figured I’d catch her when she went to leave. I wasn’t going back to the church for the luncheon, so I wanted her to know that if she needed anything, all she had to do was call.

When she walked up to me, I hugged her and whispered how sorry I was in her ear.

She nodded. “Are you coming back to the church?”

“No. Jack has a baseball game tonight.”

“Oh, that’s right. You’re his coach.”

“But, if you need me to come over later...”

Gina shook her head. “No, I’ll be fine.”

“How long are you staying?” I asked.

“I’ve got the rest of this week and then I need to head back.”

I kicked the loose stones on the road. “Make any decision about the house?”

“Only that I’m going to wait a bit. Let things settle. It’s not like I have to do everything before I leave. Sue and Judy will check the house and keep an eye on things until I’ve made up my mind what I’m going to do.”

“Can I see you before you go back?” I asked.

“Yes,” Gina said. “I was thinking about tomorrow night. Can you come over for dinner? We can do Chinese takeout or something.”

“Jack’s at Lisa’s tomorrow night so, yeah, that’ll work. See you about 7?”

Gina nodded, and I hugged her one more time before turning and walking away.

As I drove out the wrought iron gates I had entered, I noticed for the first time how intricate and beautiful they were. They were forged by hand so many years ago and had stood the test of time.

****

Gina

The funeral luncheon was almost as much of a blur as the funeral. The last thing I wanted to do was eat but the church ladies insisted I go through the buffet line first. And I didn’t want them to think I was ungrateful for all they had done.

There was Mrs. Matthews famous meatballs, Mrs. Nade’s macaroni and cheese, and Mrs. Aughenbaugh’s cheesy hashbrowns. There were salads of every kind and homemade cakes and pies and cookies. Mom always made baked ziti and I noticed that someone had made it and placed a little note in front of the dish that read: Betty McKenzie’s recipe. I scooped out some of the ziti and took a piece of Mrs. Beakler’s homemade chocolate cake with peanut butter icing. She always made the best cake, and I hadn’t tasted it since dad’s funeral.

With Sue and Judy’s help, I managed to get through the luncheon. I heard more stories about Mom when she was young and some that were from more recent years. Some of the ladies even brought photos of Mom to share. There was one of Mom and me at one of the church’s Mother/Daughter banquets. We wore matching floral dresses mom had made.

By the time I got home, my eyelids felt like lead.