Gina and Mike (16 page)

I stood in front of the red brick funeral home on Main Street, across from the Lutheran church I grew up in. I could feel my entire body tense up, like a twisting rubber band. Let go and I would snap and unravel. I rubbed the muscle in my neck. It felt like a big sailor’s knot.

I didn’t want to meet with the director. I didn’t want to pick out the casket. When Dad died a few years back, I helped Mom with the funeral details. I tried to be strong for Mom, but deep down I hated it. And I knew that I never wanted to pick out a casket ever again. And here I was. Damn, I hated life sometimes.

Sue took my hand. “It’ll be all right. I’m here with you. We can do this together.”

Her words, her friendship turned me into a sobbing mess. Together, we walked through the massive carved oak door with a floral arch.

Mr. Little showed us the caskets. Tears pooled in my eyes. I looked away. “I’m not sure I can do this again.”

“How about this one,” Sue said. “Your mom loved mahogany. Her bedroom set is mahogany. This is beautiful.”

I glanced over at Sue. She was standing next to the casket. It was beautiful. Well, as beautiful as a casket can be.

“It has antique hardware,” Mr. Little explained. “And an adjustable bed and mattress.”

Christ, I thought to myself, he’s talking about it like it’s a damn bed. “That one’s good. Can we get out of here?”

I caught the arched-eyebrow look Mr. Little flashed Sue. She nodded to him and we followed him to his office down the hall.

He opened a desk drawer and pulled out about a dozen funeral cards with various designs. He fanned them out on the desk in front of us. I took a deep breath.

Sue immediately pulled one out. “Oh, look, Gina. Your mom loved the Footprints in the Sand poem. This one’s perfect.”

Sue was right. The front had “In loving memory” on top of footprints in the sand. Inside was the poem and space to add the personal details. I nodded and Mr. Little put the others away.

“Is this memorial registry book OK?” He held up a white, hardbound leather book.

“Sure. It’s fine. All of this is just fuckin’ fine.”

I ran out the door, and I heard Sue tell Mr. Little that if he needed to know anything else, he should call her.

I ran out the door and across the street to a small park and sat on a bench. Sue sat down beside me and put her arm around me. “I’m sorry, Gina.”

I couldn’t contain the volcano of tears any longer. They spewed out of me like they had been pent up and bubbling forever. “She won’t be here to see me have my baby. She was supposed to help me. Not leave me. Now I have no one left.”

“You have me,” said Sue, brushing back my hair.

“You know what I mean. You have brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles. It’s always just been me and mom and dad. I feel so all alone.” 

“Families aren’t always blood related,” Sue said. “You know that better than anyone. Chloe and I will always be your family.”

I buried my head in Sue’s shoulder and cried for what seemed like hours. “Thank you for coming with me today.”

“I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Ready to go home?”

I nodded. “I guess I have to go home sometime, huh?”

Sue nodded. “Do you want me to stay over tonight?”

“No. I’ll be fine. You’ve done so much already. I plan to go to bed early, and I think I’d rather just be alone, if you don’t mind.”

Sue pulled up to the curb. “Sure you’re going to be all right?”

I nodded.

“If you get hungry, there’s food in the refrigerator that the ladies at the church dropped off earlier. It was a lot, so I stuck some of it in the freezer.

“Thanks.” I opened the door. “See you later, Tig.”

Sue laughed. “No one’s called me that in ages.”

“Well,” I said. “I’m feeling a bit nostalgic and a bit like Eeyore. And I need your bouncing Tigger self to keep me afloat.”

Sue laughed. “See you later, Gina. Remember. Call if you need anything.”

****

Opening the front door jolted me back to when I was in school. I remember coming home and Mom calling my name from the kitchen when she heard the front door close. She’d be peeling potatoes or rolling out potpie dough or making one of her yummy apple pies or a batch of soft sugar cakes. The sugar cakes were my favorite, and it occurred to me that I never asked her for the recipe, that I never actually made them myself. It was something that Mom always made, something I looked forward to eating every time I came home to visit.

I checked the answering machine. There was a call from Judy, but I didn’t feel much like talking.   Instead, I headed to the bathroom for a lavender soak. Mom always kept a bottle of bubble bath on hand for those times when the only thing that soothed you was a long soak in the tub.

I drew the bath water and crawled in, slipping completely under with only my head above water. I closed my eyes as the warm water embraced me in a gentle stillness. When I opened my eyes, my skin was red and wrinkled. And the water was cold.

****

Mike

Jack was spending the night at Lisa’s house. It was his step-dad’s birthday and Lisa was throwing a big bash. Jack had called earlier and said Lisa had hired caterers to take care of all of the details and that the food was “out of this world.” He sounded like he was having a good time. 

I couldn’t get Gina off my mind. Even taking a shower didn’t help. I wondered if she was OK. A part of me wanted to drive over and find out, but another part of me thought that I might get the door slammed in my face. I threw a frozen chicken dinner into the microwave and followed that up with a peanut butter sandwich, and then a banana. 

I tried watching TV, but it was no use. I couldn’t stop thinking about Gina. Damn. That’s it. I grabbed my keys and wallet off of the kitchen table and drove over to her house. I thought maybe Sue would be there, but I didn’t see her car. I waited in my car, trying to get up the nerve to go to the door. I hit the steering wheel with the palm of my hand. What the hell. I have nothing to lose. I went to the door and knocked. I waited a few more minutes and knocked again.

“I’m coming,” I heard Gina say.

When she opened the door, she looked like she had just crawled out of the shower. Her head was wet and she looked like a kid in an oversized plaid shirt that looked like it had belonged to her father.

“I told you I’d be OK” Gina said as she opened the door.

She jerked back. “Oh, Mike. It’s you. I thought it was Sue.”

“Can I come in?” I asked. “I was worried about you. I wanted to make sure you were OK.”

“So you heard?”

I nodded. “Jeremy called.”

Gina started to cry and I put my arms around her and led her to the couch.

“First Dad; now Mom,” Gina exploded. “There’s no one left.”

“Gina, you have friends. Like Sue. And I’d like to be your friend, if you’ll let me.”

Gina blew her nose. “This house. What am I supposed to do with this big, old house. And all the stuff? Mom saved everything.”

“Look, I’ll help. I have a friend who sells houses. If that’s what you want to do. Sell it.”

Chapter 13

Gina

When I opened the door and saw Mike, I couldn’t stop the tears from taking over. It was like everything I had been feeling – the desperation and loneliness and uncertainty – fizzed and blew the lid off my emotions. My whole body wracked with mournful sobs that started way down deep, so deep that by the time they reached the surface their power scared me.

Mike put his arms around me and I felt as though he was pulling me onto a life raft. I felt safe and protected. Maybe even loved.

When he offered to contact one of his friends about the house, my sobs crescendoed. My world had changed tempo overnight and I was thrust into a mournful lament.

“But if you don’t want to sell the house, don’t,” Mike said.

“What would I do with it?”

“Ever think of moving back?” he asked.

“Are you kidding me? I have a great job. To leave everything I’ve worked so hard for and move back here. Why would I? Especially now that Mom’s gone. And Sue and Chloe fly down to see me a few times a year.”

As soon as I said it I could see the hurt on Mike’s face. His furled brows always gave him away.

“I thought maybe seeing everyone at the reunion might have given you the itch, you know, to move back.”

“Seeing everyone also brought back a lot of pain,” I said.

“What do you mean pain? Do you mean me?”

His eyes searched mine.

“No. You never caused me pain. You were among the good parts of this place.”

“So why’d you dump me?”

I bit my bottom lip. I knew sooner or later it was going to come to this, and I really wasn’t up for talking about it.

Mike caught my sigh. “I’m sorry, Gina.” He touched my arm. “I didn’t mean to go there, especially now.”

“That’s OK,” I said. “I knew you’d ask sooner or later.”

“That’s what you wanted to talk to me about the other night, wasn’t it?” Mike said.

I nodded. “But I’m too tired to go into it right now. Can we talk later? Maybe after the funeral. I need to make it past that.”

“Sure. I understand. Need help with anything?”

I shook my head. “I think Sue has everything under control. The ladies at the church are doing the funeral luncheon in the church social hall. Mom would have liked that. She always helped with the funeral luncheons.”

Mike looked around the living room. “Do you remember the last time we sat together on this couch?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “How could I forget?”

“Believe me, I’ve tried to forget many times,” Mike said. “But you don’t forget the love of your life breaking up with you.”

“Oh, come on,” I said. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was, too,” Mike said. “Damn near made me want to become a priest.”

We both laughed. “Somehow I can’t see you being a priest.”

“Guess I would have an awful lot of things to repent for.”

“No more than the rest of us,” I said. “Well, most of the rest of us.”

****

Mike

I love hearing Gina’s bubbly laugh. She’s right. I wasn’t priest material.

“In all seriousness, I can’t believe twenty years have passed since BMH day,” I told her.

“BMH day?” Gina asked.

“Yeah. The day you Broke My Heart.”

Gina playfully hit my arm. “A lot’s happened in those twenty years.”

“Yep,” I agreed. “A lot’s gone down. But some things haven’t changed.”

“Like what,” Gina asked.

“Like how beautiful you are.”

Gina blushed red tulips. “Oh, come on. Guess you haven’t noticed the wrinkles hugging my eyes.”

I smiled. “Those?” I touched the corner of her eyes. “They’re laugh lines. They add character.”

“Character, huh? You always were a smooth talker.”

“When it came to you, I always told the truth. There was never any bullshit. It’s still that way. You breaking up with me really pissed me off, especially since I had no idea what I did wrong.”

“Stop,” Gina said. “Not now. No talking about that now.”

I ran my fingers through my hair. “Jesus, Gina. You’re more beautiful than I remembered.”

“Even with no makeup on?”

I touched her cheek. “You’ve never needed makeup.”

Gina looked down. “Thanks. I haven’t felt beautiful in a long time.”

I lifted her chin and stared into her green eyes. “You’re more beautiful that you’ve ever been.”

I couldn’t help myself. I had to kiss her. I had to feel her silky skin next to mine. I ached to hold her in my arms, to kiss her everywhere. It was all I could do to hold myself back. It’s was like seeing an opening during a basketball game and wanting to run through it and make a basket. Only I didn’t want to screw up and miss. Oh, what the hell. I went for the shot.

****

Gina

When our lips touched, I felt things I hadn’t felt in 20 years. My body tingled. I wanted him to touch me, undress me, and make love to me. No guy I had ever been with ever made me feel this way. Other than him. I was awakened and suddenly the only thing I could think about was Mike being inside me, making me feel the way I knew I could feel. God, I missed that.  

I felt like I was at the edge of a cliff. I knew that if I jumped I could land on jagged rocks below, but I didn’t give a damn. I jumped. Fast. I wanted more. I needed more. I needed Mike. I wanted to feel him inside of me. I wanted him to take me. I unbuttoned his shirt and planted a trail of kisses down his chest. He moaned as I reached for the top of his jeans and ran my hand over his bulging crouch.

Mike pulled back. “Gina, you’re driving me crazy. Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

I answered by pulling his head toward mine and kissing him hard and deep. He tasted good. Sweet. God how I missed that sweetness.  

He pulled back again. “Not here. I want you to be comfortable.”

“I am comfortable,” I said, slipping off my oversized shirt and exposing my breasts.

“Oh, Gina, baby.”  Mike’s mouth found one breast and I moaned as he kissed and sucked while rolling the other nipple between his two fingers. My nipples hardened in response and my body felt like it was doing cartwheels. I was head over heels for this man. Still.

And then I felt Mike lift me off the couch. He carried me upstairs to my bedroom, which hadn’t changed in twenty years. Cheerleading trophies sat on my white dresser and my porcelain doll collection filled the shelf Dad had built. My violin and music stand were by the window. Everything was the same.

Even this.

Mike laid me down. I pulled him toward me, devouring his mouth with mine once again.

“Oh, God, Gina.”

He undressed and lay down beside me, kissing my jaw line, his sweet mouth trailing down to my breasts. Our bodies tangled, rolling one way and then the other. I had never felt such electricity in all my life. It was like twenty years of longing came pouring out in seconds.