Gina and Mike (20 page)

“Fuck later,” I said, taking Gina in my arms and kissing her hard. “I’m not giving you up without a fight this time.”

I felt Gina’s body respond. She twisted her hands in my hair and arched her back as I kissed a path along her jaw line and down her slender neck. “God, you’re beautiful.”

Gina moaned, and it only made me want her more. I could feel her body shake. “God, Gina baby. You drive me crazy.”

She laid back on the couch and she pulled me toward her, unbuttoning my shirt and kissing my chest.

My hands tangled in her hair as she went lower and lower. I couldn’t take it anymore. I slid off my jeans as she ripped off her clothes and our bodies hungrily wrapped around each other. I could smell Gina’s fragrant hair and taste her sweet skin. 

“Let go, baby,” I whispered. “Just let go and feel it.”

Gina responded and she matched my rhythm as we slowly picked up speed and exploded in each other’s arms, our bodies quivering in the aftermath.

The next morning, I woke up before Gina. After we made love on the couch, we ended up in her bed. I slipped out of bed and tiptoed downstairs without waking her. I was still trying to process everything that she had told me the night before. I knew that Gina needed time to figure things out, and I knew that I needed to give her that time. She was right. Her life was in Florida and my life was here. We’d lived in two different worlds and led completely different lives. I was a fool to think we might have a shot at making something work. It wasn’t fair of me to think she’d give everything up for me.

I knew I had to let her go even if it meant my heart would be broken – again. Tears filled my eyes. I found a piece of paper and a pen in the kitchen and left a note.

“Sometimes, Gina, the thing we want most is the thing we can’t have. This time, I’m the one letting go. I hope you find what you’re searching for. Always, Mike.

Chapter 15

Gina

Going back to work was a blessing in a lot of ways. It kept my mind off things, at least during the day. But late at night, when I was alone in my bed in a city that felt cold, I thought about Mike. He was like a favorite song that I couldn’t stop singing, a song that gets stuck in your head – and forever in your heart.

Images of us making love played over and over in my mind. I hadn’t been that turned on or felt that connected to any guy in twenty years. Just thinking about Mike taking me so high took my breath away. It was sad to think I might not ever feel that way again. Deep down, I wanted Mike. But he had a life that I wasn’t a part of, a young son that he was helping to raise. He needed to be there and I needed to be here. Nothing would change that.

I pulled out the note he left on the kitchen table.

Sometimes, Gina, the thing we want most is the thing we can’t have. This time, I’m the one letting go. I hope you find what you’re searching for. Always, Mike.

I hoped that I found what I was searching for, too.

****

I started running again, but lately I’ve been so tired that I don’t even have the energy to do that. I ran into Rob and Molly at the park and we sat on a bench and talked for a long time. The tingle I felt the first time I ran into Rob, wasn’t as strong, and I knew why. I was thinking about Mike. When Rob asked me out, I had to be honest. I told him I ran into my old boyfriend at my high school reunion and had to sort out my feelings.

“I see,” he said, brushing Molly’s coat. “That’s usually the way it goes for me. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl meets better boy.” He laughed.

I turned toward him so that I was looking straight into his eyes. “I just don’t think it’s fair for me to start something with you when I have so much to figure out.”

Rob nodded. “Thanks for being honest, Gina. I like you, but I definitely don’t want to get mixed up in something until your head is on straight.”

He stood up. “You have my number. So call me if things ever change.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Rob. I will.”

He scratched the top of Molly’s head. “Ready, girl? Let’s go home.”

I waved and smiled. Home. That word I couldn’t get out of my mind. Where was home for me? Here didn’t seem like home as much as it once did. When I was home, that seemed like home, even after Mom died. But if that was home, what was I doing here?

When I got back to my condo, there was a message from Sue. I grabbed a drink and called.

“How are things going with Tom?” I asked.

“Unbelievable,” Sue said. “I’ve never been this happy. We see each other every night.”

I could hear the happiness in Sue’s voice. It was higher than Chloe’s piccolo, and the words seemed to dance on her tongue. “Does Chloe like him?”

“I think she’s more in love with him than I am.”

“Whoa! Sues. Did you just say the L word?”

There was a pregnant pause. “Well, I might have said the L word.”

I shrieked and started to dance around my living room with the phone sandwiched between my ear and my shoulder. “Does he know? Did you tell him?” I wish I was with Sue because I know she would be dancing, too.

“Oh, God, no. Not yet.” Sue said.

“What are you waiting for?”

“Well, the last time it didn’t work out so well for me.”

I stopped dancing and sat down on my couch, tucking my legs beside me. “But this isn’t like last time. You’ve known Tom all of your life. He’s been in love with you since high school. He would never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know,” Sue said. “It’s just a scary step.”

“I get that. I really do. But sometimes you’ve got to go for home. If you never get off third base, there’s no chance of ever getting to home plate.”

“You’re a fine one to talk.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I’m talking about Mike. You’ve been in love with him your entire life, and just when he’s back in your life, you let him go.”

“He’s the one who walked away.”

“Only because he thought that’s what you wanted. And, besides, you could have gone after him.”

“But what about my life here? Sues? I have a job. An important job. I just can’t walk away from my responsibilities.”

“Your work has always been your life, Gina. But maybe it’s time that there’s more to it, and Mike might be that more. Plus, lawyers can find work anywhere.”

I bit my lip. I knew there was a lot of truth in what she was saying. I hated that about Sue. She had a way of cutting through the crap and saying what I needed but didn’t want to hear. 

“Chloe and I ran into him and Jack today at Pizza Palace,” Sue said. 

“Did he ask about me?”

“Of course he asked about you. He wanted to know if the house sold yet. What we were doing with the contents.”

I choked on my sip of water. “The contents?”

“Yeah. I told him that you had put what you wanted to keep in storage and had arranged for an auction house to clean out the rest.”

“Anything else?”

“My, aren’t we the nosey one.” Sue laughed. “He asked what auction house and when you were coming home again.”

“That’s strange.”

“What?”

“The auction house. That he asked about that,” I said.

“I thought it was a little odd, too, but whatever. So what’s the update on the last showing? Have you heard from your real estate agent?”

“I heard from her earlier. She said the couple seemed interested but wanted to look around some more. I think they were concerned about the age of the furnace and roof. I don’t blame them. Whoever buys the house will have to replace both within a couple of years.”

I could hear Chloe in the background telling Sue to tell me something.

“What’s Chole want?”

“She wants me to tell you that she made the distinguished honor roll.”

“Awesome,” I said. “I know she must feel great about that, especially since she worked so hard to bring up that math grade.”

“Yeah, speaking about feeling great, are you still so tired?”

“Yeah. I think that it’s because I’m depressed. When I’m depressed, all I want to do is sleep.”

“When I’m depressed, all I want to do is eat,” Sue said.

“Well, I go to the doctors tomorrow for a checkup. He sent me for blood work a few days ago so maybe that’ll show something.”

“Yeah, you could be anemic,” Sue said. “I had that problem before. But you ought to ask her about getting something for the depression. Mom was on something for a while after Dad died. Just took the edge off. Helped her cope a little better.”

I stretched out on the sofa, leaning my head against the armrest. “I thought about that. We’ll see.”

“Are you still going through with the insemination?” Sue asked.

“Yes. I’m not getting any younger and I want a baby. Losing Mom has made me even more determined to make this happen.  I’ve waited long enough.”

****

Mike

I wasn’t expecting to run into Sue and Chloe at Pizza Palace. I couldn’t help asking about Gina. She was all I had thought about lately. It was more than the incredible sex we had, although I had to admit that I missed that. It was the way she made me feel. I wanted to call her, but I didn’t want to pressure her. When I slipped out of bed and left her that note, I put the ball in her court. Damn how I hoped she’d pick up the ball and run in my direction. I looked for her every day, but she never came. 

“You not hungry, Dad?” Jack asked.

“Not too much.”

He pointed to the half-eaten slice of pepperoni pizza on my plate. “I’ll finish that if you’re not going to.”

I smiled. Jack was growing as fast as my grass. I pushed the plate toward him. “Go right ahead.”

“Dad, did you always want to be an engineer?”

“No,” I told him. “I wanted to be a professional baseball player.”

“Like me,” Jack smiled.

“Yep, just like you. Only I wasn’t as good as you. Keep working hard and who knows.”

Jack smiled and took the last bite. “What’s for dessert?”

“You’re still hungry after eating all that?”

Jack nodded.

“There’s some ice cream in the freezer. Oh, and I got a bottle of chocolate syrup at the store.”

Jack got up to get the ice cream and I cleared the table.

“How’s your little sister these days?” I asked.

“She’s teething. Mom rubs something on her gums but it doesn’t help much. And she’s all slobbery. Kind of gross.”

I laughed. I was glad Jack had a sibling, though. I remember how much Gina hated being an only child. She was the only one in our group who didn’t have any brothers or sisters. Guess when Gina has her baby, she’ll be an only child, too. I wondered if she would name her baby Daisy. She’s loved that family name forever.  

****

Gina

“How long have you been feeling like this?” Dr. McGuire asked.

“A few weeks. But with my mom dying, I’ve had so much to take care of. And when I’m depressed, all I want to do is sleep.”

Dr. McGuire opened my chart on her laptop. “Let’s take a look at your blood work.”

She studied the screen and a smile slid onto her face. “Have you seen the fertility specialist?”

I nodded. “Yes. We’ve talked and have plans.”

“Well, congratulations. It looks like the insemination has worked.”

I was so startled that I jumped and almost fell off the examination table. “But I. I didn’t have the insemination. Because of my mom dying, we had to reschedule.” My leg started shaking and I could feel my face heating up.

Dr. McGuire pursed her thin lips. “Well, then. Maybe you got some explaining to do to someone.”

“Are you serious? I’m pregnant? That’s why I’ve been so tired?” My hands clutched the sides of my head.

Dr. McGuire smiled. “Yes, you’re pregnant. And apparently you got pregnant the old-fashion way.”

“Oh. My. God. I, I…”

“Everything OK, Gina?” Dr. McGuire asked. “This is what you wanted, right?”

I sighed a million years. “Yes. Absolutely. I just didn’t think. You’re right. I have some explaining to do. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve never been happier. I just didn’t expect it.”

I could tell by the way Dr. McGuire scrunched her nose that she was confused.

“I’m sorry, you’re probably wondering what the hell is going on in my life that I didn’t expect it,” I said. “And I don’t want you to think I’m a slut who sleeps around.”

“Gina, I…”

“It’s OK. I want you to know. I reconnected with my high school boyfriend at our 20
class reunion. He was the love of my life – still is.  One thing led to another and, well, now I’m pregnant. I’m not complaining; it’s just that the thought never crossed my mind. I had planned to get pregnant from insemination, not from Mike. But there’s no man’s baby I’d rather be carrying.  But it does mean I have some explaining to do.”

****

Mike

When I came home and found Gina sitting on my front porch steps, my knees buckled. She looked so hot in her jeans and white button-down shirt. I noticed immediately that she was wearing the silver heart necklace I had given her when we were in high school. It was the necklace she wore in her formal graduation photo, the one hanging on her Mom’s wall.

She stood up and I hugged her.

“Nice necklace,” I said.

Gina touched the necklace with her hand. “I wasn’t sure you’d notice.”

“And I wasn’t sure I’d see you again,” I said, motioning her to follow me into the house.

She saw the plaid couch right away, sitting against the wall. “So that’s why you wanted to know about the auction house?”

I smiled. “How’d you…”

“Sue told me.”

“Of course.”

“Why did you want that ratty old thing anyway?”

“Good memories, I guess.”

“They weren’t all good?”