Girl Code (19 page)

I was silent for a moment. “I wrote
Grind
in the spring of my second year of college,” I said, just above a whisper.

Leo stopped breathing for a long moment. When he started to breathe again, I felt his heart racing against me, and beating hard.

“That book was…raw,” Leo whispered. “It gutted me. Tamara’s emotions felt so damn real.”

“Because they were,” I whispered.

I pushed at him to get him off of me, and I was surprised when he moved easily. I got out of bed and left the room to lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes.

It wasn’t easy admitting to Leo how badly I was hurting after he left all of those years ago. I never missed classes or missed work before, but I didn’t leave the apartment for days after that. I had so much hatred directed at myself, for betraying Leslie, for hurting Leo. I had sat down at my desk to write it out, to try to release some of the pain, and before I knew it, a whole story had formed, and three weeks later,
Grind
was finished. But it took me a couple of years before I was ready to even read it, and even then, I didn’t read it. I allowed an editor friend to read it instead, and that was the beginning of my writing career. But I still couldn’t read it without reliving that storm of emotions.

When I came out of the bathroom, I heard the shower running in Leo’s bedroom. I went into the guest room and made the bed and then went into the kitchen in search of a caffeine fix. Leo came out a little while later, hair damp from his shower, and dressed in a pair of black slacks and a black polo with Leo’s in gold lettering on the front pocket.

“Check you out,” I said, passing him a mug of coffee. “Mr. Casual business owner.”

“I make polo shirts look good.” He grinned before sipping his coffee.

I rolled my eyes. “Can you ever just take a compliment without being a conceited bastard?”

He seemed to think about it for a moment. “No, not really.”

I shook my head and turned around to wash my mug in the sink. “So, what kind of hours do you work?”

“Whatever kind I want,” Leo said as he leaned against the counter beside me. “I have a really good team. I can become the invisible owner if I wanted to, and things will still run well, but I think it’s good for morale when I show up and work just as hard as anyone else. I assist in the kitchen, I wash dishes, I bus tables, I mix drinks; I do it all. The employees will work harder and care about their jobs and the restaurant if they see that I am not just some dick owner who doesn’t care about them.”

I smiled. “I like that. I wouldn’t have minded having you as a boss when I was bussing tables.”

He grinned devilishly. “I think I would have liked hearing you call me sir.”

“I would have never called you sir,” I said and flung water off of my fingers into his face. I backed away quickly before he could retaliate with a headlock or something. “Since you’ll be working, I guess I can work, too. I should, actually.”

Leo touched a small drawer by the stove. “There’s a key for each door in here,” he said. “You can have or do whatever you want here. If you want to get naked and masturbate in my bed, I’m okay with that.”

I gave him a look of disbelief. “There’s something very wrong with you.”

He held up a hand in defense. “I’m just saying that it’s an option. Also, if you would like to be naked on the kitchen table offering yourself up as a meal when I get home, that’s cool, too.”

I punched him. Coffee splashed onto his pretty polo. He looked down at it and looked at me with that grin that women love so much.

“Baby,” he said, putting his mug down. “If you wanted me to take my shirt off, all you had to do was ask.” Before I could object, he pulled his shirt over his head.

I openly stared at his chest, but with a blank expression on my face.

“I’ve seen better,” I shrugged, hoping he didn’t see the fast beating of my heart in my jugular.

Leo narrowed his eyes and took a step toward me. “You better watch your mouth, little girl,” he said evenly.

My hand was still wet from washing the mug, so I did what anyone else in my position would do. I smacked his rock hard stomach with my wet hand. The sound it made was awesome.

“Damn it!” Leo said, rubbing at the red spot. “Why are you so damn abusive?”

“It was a love tap,” I said sweetly.

And then I ran, even though it was pointless. There would be no escaping a headlock this time.

“This is Mayson,” my cousin Mayson said distractedly and shortly into the phone.

“This is Tabitha,” I countered.

“Tabitha who?” she asked dryly. She sighed into the phone and in a mono-tone, recited a practiced set of lines. “I’m still squeaky clean. I haven’t taken any drugs in almost three years. I do enjoy alcohol from time to time, against the recommendation of my drug counselor, but I am not a lush, most of the time. When I get a craving for crack or any other form of cocaine, I take out my vibrator and put it on the highest setting and—”

“Too much information!” I cried out.

My cousin snickered. “What’s up? I really am working, like actually working. Since I got this promotion, I never have time to surf the internet and shop and look at funny baby videos. Can you believe it? I rarely even have time to take naps anymore. This is out of hand.”

I laughed, even though I knew she was completely serious.

“I won’t keep you on long then. I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.”

I was so damn proud of Mayson. Almost four years ago, she hit her rock bottom. She wouldn’t tell me what it was that threw her into sobriety, as far as I knew, she had not told anyone. Whatever it was, it made her take the right steps to get clean. I knew it wasn’t easy after spending a significant portion of her life on drugs, but she didn’t give up. In the end, she had some anxiety issues, and she may have been a little OCD with some things, but she’s clean. Emmy helped her out and got her into a position at the company she was working for, and just recently, Mayson got a promotion.

I had high hopes that Tack would see what Mayson had done and would want to get himself together, but my brother had no qualms telling me that he was who he was, and he had no inclination to change or to be clean.

“You don’t have to keep checking up on me,” Mayson said. “Where are you? Are you still in California?”

“Oh…no…” I said carefully. Mayson didn’t know about my past with Leo. She knew we had been friends, but that’s about it. She wasn’t exactly lucid during those years anyway.

“Oh no? What kind of answer is that? Where are you?”

“Miami,” I said and cleared my throat.

“Miami. Okay…” She paused. “…Why do you sound that way?”

“Sound what way?”

“All evasive and shit. What are you doing in Miami?”

I cleared my throat again as I walked to my favorite corner of Leo’s house, with the perfect views of the ocean.

“I am visiting Leo.”

There was a brief silence.

“Pecorino?” she squawked.

“Pesciano.”

“Whatever. I thought you didn’t talk to him anymore?” Mayson asked, sounding very confused.

“I…do…now,” I managed.

“You sound fucking weird.” She gasped. “Are you fucking Pecorino?”

“Pesciano, and no. I’m not fucking him,” I said, trying my best to sound completely offended by the idea. “He had a party, like a mini class reunion and I was invited. Sandy convinced me to come down and it was like we had never stopped talking. I’m going to hang out here for a couple of weeks while I have time, you know to catch up and to…hang out…”

“Are you hanging out in his bed? Naked? With your thighs spread open?”

What kind of people do I surround myself with?!

“No! You know I wouldn’t do that anyway.”

“Uh, why wouldn’t you? He was hot fifteen years ago, and…yup, checking him out on Facebook. He’s hot now. Hot damn! Oh my god, my thighs just clenched. You’re hanging out and you’re just friends? I am so fucking disappointed in you!”

“I’m serious,” I said flatly. “You and Sandy must have come from the same gene pool.”

“Tabitha!” Mayson said my name admonishingly. “What the hell are you doing there if he’s not hitting it?”

“We’re friends, you know friends? A man and a woman can be friends without hitting anything.”

“Okay, maybe ugly people can be friends, but he’s smoking—no, he’s more than smoking. That motherfucker is on fire and there is nothing that can put him out. Nothing. Nothing. Do you hear me? Nothing. You need to get burned. Bad. And then tell me all about it.”

I was smiling like an idiot and trying not to laugh and giggle. “Mayson, he dated Leslie all through high school.”

“High school? Who cares about high school? They were kids. Besides, no one really remembers high school.”

“No, you don’t remember high school because you were high throughout your high school years.”

“Oh. Well, yeah. But still!”

“Look, it’s kind of fucked-up to sleep with a friend’s ex, especially when that friend used to be closer to me than a sister. Besides, we had this code and—”

“Wait, wait, wait. I know my memories of my teenage years are cloudy at best, but I vaguely remember some stupid code you and Leslie had.”

“It’s not stupid. It’s…respectful and honorable and loyal.” I said the words, but a small part of me didn’t even believe what I was saying.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s bullshit,” Mayson spat out. “It’s selfish. It’s been long enough, and it’s not like they were full grown adults when they dated. Do you even talk to her anymore?”

“I talk to her sometimes,” I said quietly. “But it doesn’t matter. Mayson, I know she would be hurt and she would hate me. Even though we aren’t close like that anymore, I don’t think I could stand to hurt her and I don’t think I can stand to be hated by her. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.”

“Well…judging by what you just said, it sure as hell sounds like you’ve considered it.”

“I’m ready to change the subject,” I said hastily.

Mayson sighed heavily. “Okay, here’s an equally appetizing topic of conversation. You have a signing in Chicago in May, right? Mid-May?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Lucas is going to be one on May 18th, and Emmy and Luke are having a party for him. Everyone is invited, including you.”

I rolled my eyes. I had not spoken to Emmy in a couple of years, and even then, it was by accident. I ran into her at a mall. I had been cordial, but I really had nothing else to say.

“Dude, I don’t care about Emmy’s kid,” I said and I knew it sounded really mean. The truth was, from the pictures Mayson and Sam, Emmy’s mom, had shown me, I could see that Lucas was a cute kid, and I hoped he was well and healthy and all of that, but I really didn’t want anything to do with his mother.

“Dude, it’s been years.” Mayson sighed. “When are you going to let it go?”

“I can’t let it go. What she did to you and Tack—”

“Tack and I made our own choices,” Mayson cut in with an edge to her voice. “Just as I made my own choice to get clean and he didn’t. Are you going to blame me for that like you’ve blamed Emmy for our addictions?”

“That’s not the same,” I argued.

Mayson made a small noise of exasperation. “Okay, whatever. I’ll text you the day, time, and place of the party. If you want to come off of your high horse to attend, that would be great. If not, happy riding, cowgirl. I just hope that the horse is in the form of Pecorino’s dick.”

“Pesciano!” I snapped.

“Whatever. I have to work. Piss off.”

“Bye, Mayson,” I said.

“Peace out, love,” she said with a sigh and the call ended.

I had only meant to check in on Mayson to see how she was doing. I didn’t mean for her to open one can of worms and stir another. I had no real desire to go visit with my cousin in Chicago. I didn’t even know who Lucas’s father was. All I knew was that they weren’t together, but they lived together to take care of their son together, which was a little weird, but whatever. Mayson told me some time ago that Emmy was struggling and suggested maybe I drop her a line sometime, but I didn’t, because where the hell was Emmy when Tack was stealing money, terrorizing the household and getting locked up? She didn’t show her face once, or call or send a postcard. I got nothing. So, I gave nothing in return.