“Then you know about me meeting with Cal Johnson. I didn’t do anything wrong, you know. It was all on the up-and-up.”
“I know. If you had done anything, we would have had to tell Tristan. I know it’s not my place to say so, Nina, but your ex-boyfriend is a scammer.”
“I found that out. I guess it’s nice to know that you guys were around to make sure nothing bad happened.”
“And Jensen too,” he said with a smile. “I was surprised he jumped in that night at that bar. You must have made quite an impression on the guy.”
Gage’s phone dinged, and he lifted it to show me it was Daryl texting him. I didn’t have to see the entire text to know what he wanted. All it took was one word I saw scrolling across the top of his phone.
Kiss
His text was longer than that, including where and when to kiss me, and as Gage read it to me, I felt the intense need for another drink. Maybe being entirely hammered would make it possible for me to kiss another man for the cameras.
I lifted my glass, but Gage pushed my wrist down so the glass sat back on the table. “I think we need to go.”
“I think I want another drink. You just read the decree from Daryl that I have to kiss you, and what that means is that the man I love told him he’s okay with that. I need another fucking drink.”
“Let’s get you home and then whatever you’re feeling you can let out all you want. I just don’t want to see you unravel in front of these people.”
Turning to look out the window, I saw the photographers and suddenly hated them. I hated this whole thing. I didn’t want to do this anymore. As I stared out at them, my phone vibrated and I swiped the face to see Daryl had sent me a text too.
But it was even worse than the one he sent to Gage because this one wasn’t from him. It was from Tristan.
Daryl says you won’t do what he asked. I know this is hard, but we need the world to think you’ve moved on. It’s just for a short time, princess. Remember that and we’ll be okay.
Princess. It was Tristan, after all. All those texts and this was the one he decided was worth responding to? Crushed, I let my fingers fly over the keyboard on my phone.
What happened to the man who was so jealous that I couldn’t even have drinks with my ex? Now you’re okay with me kissing Gage, the guy the world knows as my incredibly sexy bodyguard who’s doing so much more than just guarding my body these days? Thanks for bothering to clear this up for me.
I waited for another text from Tristan from Daryl’s number, but it never came. Whatever he felt about me kissing another man, he couldn’t even bother to reply.
The Kiss happened just as Daryl dictated—or maybe it was how Tristan dictated—right outside the restaurant as we walked to Jensen and our waiting car. It meant nothing to me physically, but emotionally, I was devastated that Tristan had actually wanted it to happen. All those months alone and what did I have to show for it? The man I loved and prayed every day and night to see again telling me that I had to kiss another man.
We rode back to the house in silence, my misery stewing inside me as I listened almost hypnotized to the sound of the tires rolling over highway, and I beat a path for my room the moment the car jerked to a stop in the garage. All I wanted was to be alone. No more pretending with Gage. No more orders from Daryl. No more anything. Just me curled up in bed.
Before I did that, though, I had to text Tristan. Even if he didn’t answer back, which he never did, I needed to say some things. Slowly, I spelled out how much I hated all of this, ending with the one question I couldn’t push out of my mind.
Do you even care about me anymore?
Closing my eyes, I let the tears burning my eyelids slide down my cheeks and prayed to God I could at least suffer in solitude.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t even have that. Just minutes after pulling the covers up over my head, I’d barely closed my eyes before I heard a knock on my door. I hadn’t told Gage I didn’t want to be bothered, assuming he understood that by my behavior all the way home from the city, so I padded over to the door and opened it to find not him but Daryl standing there. His bushy red beard looked like he’d been tugging on it all day, and he looked about as bad as I felt.
“Can we talk?”
“Now? I’m a little busy trying to sleep, Daryl. Come back later.”
“Why are you sleeping in the middle of the afternoon?” he pried, irritating me.
“Because I’m goddamned exhausted after my little shopping trip with Gage and the subsequent show you made us put on. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone. Why don’t you talk to him? Maybe you have some more things you want us to do together. A make out session on Broadway? Or maybe a live sex show right outside the gate so the press can get their pictures and their rocks off? Sort of a kill two birds with one stone kind of thing.”
“I can see you’re upset, but we need to talk. Tristan wanted me to tell you…”
I pushed my hand in front of his face to cut him off. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear another thing about what Tristan wants. I know what he wants, so thank you for that. Now leave me alone.”
Before I could slam the door in his face, he pushed it back and stuck his hairy face toward me. “We really need to talk.”
All the sadness at realizing Tristan was with Daryl but couldn’t even contact me, except to tell me to kiss another man, came flowing out of me, and I released the door. I didn’t care if my crying made Daryl uncomfortable. I didn’t care what he thought at that moment. I was sick and tired of his edicts or Tristan’s edicts, or whatever the hell they were.
I just wanted my life with Tristan back.
“Nina, I know this is hard, but it’s important.”
“I don’t care anymore! The only goddamned time Tristan bothers to text me back is to inform me that he wants me to kiss Gage? Are you kidding? I’m supposed to be okay with all of this? Well, I’m not!”
Daryl stepped back as my voice grew louder and louder until it was nothing less than a shrill scream. All the better. After all this time, I wanted to scream. I wanted to hit my fists against something, or better, someone.
“And you can tell my dear fiancé that he should be nervous. I mean, Jordan already thinks that I snuck behind her back to snag Gage from her. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m sick of waiting for Tristan and living here all alone. You had Gage move into the room right next to mine. He’s pretty good looking, Daryl. Maybe I’m ready to move on, even though I know Tristan isn’t dead. Maybe you should tell Tristan all of that and see how he feels. Tell him I’m all for fucking my hot bodyguard, you know, just to make sure the press really believes our story. Maybe then he’ll understand how awful I feel.”
I’d never seen Daryl surprised before. He usually wore a mainly bland expression with me, but at that moment, I saw that he knew I was serious. Maybe he even believed I did want Gage. Good. Then maybe he’d go back to Tristan and let him know that their stupid plan was tearing me apart.
“Nina, I don’t think Tristan meant to upset you.”
Rubbing the mascara from underneath my eyes, I snapped, “Well, he did! Let him know that too.”
He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an envelope with my name on it. I recognized the writing instantly. Tristan’s. Daryl held out his hand for me to take it, quietly saying, “Maybe this will help you feel better.”
This time one of Tristan’s love letters wasn’t going to do it. In fact, it only served to make me angrier. Shaking my head, I folded my arms across my chest. “Nope. You can take that back to him, wherever he is, and tell him that whatever he wants to say to me he can say in person. And since I’m getting closer and closer to Gage every day, tell him he doesn’t have to worry about me being in danger.”
I knew my words were harsh, but the ones I left unspoken were even worse. And I knew Daryl. He had no sense of romance whatsoever and little tact, so he’d tell Tristan exactly what I’d said. When he did, Tristan would read into my words, like always, and hear everything I’d said and what I’d left unsaid.
Backing away, Daryl still wore a look of shock on his face as he stood with Tristan’s letter in his hand watching the door close in front of him. I walked back to my bed and slipped under the covers again, swearing that I wouldn’t come out again until Tristan was the one knocking on my door.
That pledge didn’t pan out either, though. As I lay there hearing someone knock on my door once again, I found it stunning that in a house where I was surrounded by mostly men I couldn’t be left alone. It was like being in the middle of every woman’s dream of having men who wanted to talk. To me, it was more like a nightmare.
I shuffled over to the door, fully prepared to read Daryl the riot act this time. This was my house, and he had it coming. Flinging it open, I saw Gage standing there looking down at me. Reaming someone out would have to wait.
“I just wanted to check to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“If you want to talk…”
Gage’s voice faded to silence, as if he instantly regretted his offer. In truth, I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to scream.
“What do you want to talk about? How my fiancé thinks making me kiss other men is a good idea? How I’m devastated over knowing that he’s obviously with Daryl and can’t be bothered to even fucking text me to tell me he misses me?”
With each syllable, my voice grew louder until by the end, I was yelling at my poor bodyguard-turned-fake boyfriend. At that moment, I didn’t care if I was hurting anyone else’s feelings. I was just sick of what I was feeling.
I turned away from Gage and walked back to my bed, suddenly exhausted from the weight of my emotions. He cautiously followed me, taking a seat next to me on the bed as I began to sob, and put his arm around my shoulders as they heaved from my crying.
“It’s okay, Nina. I know it seems like everything’s crazy now, but sometimes that’s how it has to be,” he said softly as I buried my face in his chest.
“I can’t do crazy anymore. This is too hard.”
For the first time since that night Tristan and I first made love, the thought that I couldn’t handle Tristan’s world settled into my mind. I still loved him, but I just didn’t know if I was the right person to deal with all that came with him.
Gage let me have a good, long cry, and I sat back from him to wipe the tears from under my eyes. Shaking my head, I apologized for being such a fucked up mess. “I’m sorry you have to see this. I bet right now you’re wishing you never said yes to pretending to be my boyfriend, although I’m guessing Daryl didn’t give you much choice, did he?”
A gentle smile lit up his face. “Not really, but it’s okay. This isn’t so bad. I’m used to crying females. I had three sisters all within five years of me, so high school was an almost constant stream of crying and screaming.”
“Three sisters so close together? The bathroom arrangement alone must have been a nightmare.”
Chuckling, he said, “I don’t remember seeing the bathroom much in high school. Thankfully, we had a half bath in the basement or my father and I would have been in real trouble.”
“Your family sounds nice.”
“My family sounds like a bunch of crazy people. It’s okay. You don’t have to lie. I know.”
Sniffling back the last of my tears, I said, “I don’t know what it’s like to have a family like that. My mother died when I was little, and my sister’s six years older than me. By the time I was old enough to want to hang around with her, she wasn’t interested in hanging around with me.”
He nodded. “Yeah, siblings can be like that. I never had a brother, but I had three younger sisters, and I can tell you I never wanted to hang with them back then. People change as they get older, so maybe you and your sister could hang out now.”
I shook my head, all too sure that would never be the case with Kim. “I doubt it. My sister and I are just two very different people. Do you know that even before she met Tristan she accused him of being a murderer? A murderer! She hadn’t even laid eyes on him or ever talked to him for a minute and she was sure he was some ax murderer or something. That’s who she is. I just don’t think she ever wanted me to be happy.”
“I’m hoping he’s not an ax murderer because I’m not in the mood to defend myself right now since if he saw us sitting together like this he might want to kill me,” Gage said with a smile.
Turning to face him, I folded my legs underneath me and hung my head. “I doubt it. He seemed perfectly fine with me kissing you, so I doubt you sitting here with me would bother him even a little.”
Gage shook his head. “I think you’re wrong there. Men don’t appreciate other men sitting on the same bed with their girlfriends. Sorry, fiancée. I know I wouldn’t.”
“I would think those men might not order their girlfriends or fiancées to kiss other men then.”
Smiling, he shook his head again. “He thinks you’re in danger and is trying to keep you safe, Nina.”
“Then he should be here taking care of that himself instead of making you and me play house.”
“Powerful men have enemies. Dangerous enemies. I don’t know Tristan at all, to be honest, but from what I’ve seen, he cares about you.”
I knew Gage was right, but that didn’t mean I was feeling any better about Tristan and Daryl’s plan. “Sometimes I wonder.”
Without any warning, I broke down in tears again. God, I was a mess! Burying my face in my hands, I sobbed at the reality that I wasn’t sure if Tristan even cared anymore. Months of wondering where he was and if he was okay had turned into wondering if he still loved me at all.