Glass Ceilings (10 page)

F
EBRUARY 2014

Luca arranged for a new cellphone, and he'd be the only person who had the number. All communication would go through him, including any with his sister, Eve. The reason given for my sudden disappearance was pathetic. Eve was told it was to protect me and the baby from Ronnie, while my parents, aunt, and cousins were told it was to help a friend. Luca said they'd eventually get used to it, and all we were doing was buying time…my new life was temporary.

Nick was told an entirely different lie.

When my flight to New York once again came and went, he lost his patience with me. I gave another bullshit excuse for my delay, which he didn't buy. That call ended in our first fight, and for the next few days I gave him time to calm down as I packed up my life. When I was about to leave Chicago, I called him on Skype one last time.

“Hi.” He looked so tired.

“Hi. How are you?”

Instead of responding, he pinned me with his eyes. The computer screen did nothing to lessen the intensity of his stare, or the hurt that altered his normally relaxed, handsome face. I was supposed to be there, with him, possibly having a romantic evening, making love all night. Instead, I was about to break his heart, and desecrate my own.

He sighed and waited a few seconds before he said, “Listen, Angela. For whatever reason you're changing your mind about trying to have a relationship with me. I just want you to be happy, and if it means being apart then I'll let you go.”

I wanted to say he was absolutely wrong and being apart was what caused my unhappiness. I wanted to admit I desperately missed him. I wanted to tell him the reason for my stress was because Ronnie was a criminal who was after me and anyone connected to me, including Nick himself. Most important, I wanted to tell him that even though I barely knew him, I had fallen in love with him and would do
anything
to protect our child.

But instead I agreed with his sentiment, causing my heart to splinter in my chest from the absolute lies I was about to say.

“I decided to stay in Chicago. My life and my family are here. If we had met at a different time, we wouldn't be having this conversation. If your new job were in Chicago, if my uncle hadn't died, if we knew each other longer than we had, I'd absolutely be in your arms instead of staring at a laptop screen while you sit hundreds of miles away. But our worlds weren't meant to mesh. We've been forcing our destinies to change course.”

I was met with a blank stare making the pain in my chest unbearable, but I needed to get out everything I had rehearsed.

“Nick, I hope to get to New York someday. When I do, and if our situations allow it, I hope you and I can pick up where we left off. I don't expect you to wait for that, but I can just hope upon hope that our stars will somehow align. It's really not a good time to leave my family.”

His silence was deafening. When he finally spoke, the hurt in his voice and on his face was obvious. “You do what you have to do, Angela.”

I waited for him to insist, or threaten to come get me himself, but there was no fight, no argument, and the fact there wasn't hurt me more than I wanted to admit. His last comment solidified all I had feared up until then…that we really didn't have anything substantial between us worth fighting for.

Knowing that we wouldn't talk again for a while, I desperately tried to hang on to the connection that we had. Tears poured from my eyes as I caressed my belly wanting to tell him everything.

“Nick, I do care about you,” I whispered while staring into his eyes.

“I know, just not enough.”

No, I love you!
But I couldn't tell him that, not yet.

A door slammed in the background, and he turned his head toward the sound. “I gotta go. We'll talk later. Bye, Angela.” He met my gaze one last time, and ended the call without another word.

Losing him suddenly sparked a fury deep inside my core. I deserved to be happy, and so did my child. That day I vowed to myself that Ronnie Delarro wasn't going to win this fight.

S
EPTEMBER 2014

O
HIO

Dawn Thorton became my guardian angel. She was just as Luca described her—sweet, kind, and caring, but most of all she was intellectually the female version of my cousin. They had met at Ohio State and became very good friends. I could tell she adored Luca, just from the look in her eyes when she spoke of him.

She and Luca had tried a relationship, but it didn't work out. His future was in Chicago, working alongside his dad. Dawn was hell-bent on becoming the DA in Cleveland. Deciding they were better suited as friends than lovers, they didn't force the issue, parted ways, and remained close throughout the years.

Hearing their story made me think of Nick and how very similar our situations were. Sometimes reality thwarts fantasy, and in our situation I hoped it was temporary.

Dawn stayed true to her dreams and stayed in Ohio after graduation to continue with law school and her career. She owned a ranch in the country that was the perfect place for me to hide. She insisted I owed her nothing, financially or otherwise.

So, for the months that followed I did just that; I hid. It was boring, lonely, but at least my baby and I were safe. Ronnie was relentlessly badgering Eve at home. After showing up at the store one day, he admitted he knew all about my “affair,” as he called it, but forgave me for my indiscretion. He also claimed he'd find me, eventually. Eve threatened to call the police if he ever showed up at her store again.

After that, Luca had no choice but to tell Eve exactly what he discovered and the real reasons I was sequestered. Fear that Ronnie would do something to hurt Eve, or Nick, or anyone else in my family consumed me.

I decided once I had the baby, I was going to New York to tell Nick everything.

The day couldn't come soon enough. My time in Ohio dragged by. My pregnancy wasn't an easy one. Morning sickness plagued me the entire time, making it difficult to properly take care of myself. I felt the real reason I was so sick was from the stress, guilt, and regret that festered within me. Dawn found a wonderful midwife who helped settle my severe nausea with herbal remedies.

I filled a journal with silly little things that I could remember from the week I spent with Nick. I scoured the Internet looking for glimpses of his life, desperate to learn more about him. In one of my Google searches, I found out he was in the FBI. I couldn't believe he was more than just a cop, so much more.

That information complicated things, because once Nick knew, he'd be forced to act on Ronnie's threats. But I'd worry about that after I reconnected with him.

I became obsessed with finding any information I could on Nick. There were a few articles of cases he'd solved as well as a picture of him when he graduated from Quantico. I printed out that picture, and stared at it every day. The serious expression on his much younger face wasn't one I often saw on the Nick I knew. I missed seeing his gorgeous, stunning smile that could instantly melt my heart.

I spent hours debating on calling him regarding Ronnie, and his family, and how it related to my uncle's death. Fear of Luca's involvement was what had me changing my mind, deciding to wait until we were face-to-face.

Dawn was there for me on the twenty-first of September when I gave birth to Nicholas David Cavello at her ranch. He came early, but thank God was healthy. What should have been a joyous day for me turned into one filled with sadness and guilt. As I cradled my son, I ached for all those in his life that weren't there to welcome him into the world.

I promised I'd make it up to him, and there would be a day when we would be surrounded by everyone who loved him. I told him of places we'd visit. I remember memorizing his perfect, angelic little face while promising him the day when he could meet his daddy would happen very soon.

O
CTOBER 2015

She stared into space, probably reminiscing, with all the memories coursing through her mind. Suddenly, she stood and asked, “I need coffee. Do you want some?”

“Sure.”

The digital clock on the cable box read four a.m. She'd been talking for hours, and kept asking if I wanted her to stop, worrying that I needed to get some sleep. I insisted I'd survive, and asked her to please keep going. I knew she must have been exhausted, but I couldn't let her stop yet.

She'd unleashed my deep-rooted need to know everything…every single detail I missed out on that brought her back into my life. It might be under horrific circumstances, but I needed to believe there was a reason she stood before me after assuming I'd never see her again

“Angela.” She turned to look at me at the sound of her name. Even with tearstained cheeks, messy hair, and wrinkled clothing she looked stunning. I missed seeing the fire in her bright green eyes, and the smile that stopped me in my tracks the night we met in Chicago.

With compassion in my voice, I said, “I'm sure this is draining you and I don't want to add to all the stress you are carrying on your shoulders right now, but I can't leave here without knowing everything.”

“I intend on telling you everything.” She offered a sad smile and turned to make coffee in her tiny kitchen. I watched, wondering what our lives would be like if we had remained together. Nicholas was on his way regardless of our separation. Would we be married? Would I be happy?

When she returned with two cups, one black for me, my heart softened toward her a tiny bit more. With each moment we spent together, I was slowly reminded why I fell for her to begin with.

“Nick, I do have a question.” I met her gaze, and she asked, “Why didn't you put up a fight?”

Her question hit hard. I couldn't ignore the irony that she picked up on the single thing I'd regretted since she ended it. “I don't know,” I answered honestly. “I did call you a few days later. I also called Eve's store, but anger had me hanging up before speaking to her.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “You did?”

“Yes. You disconnected your number.” The disappointment I felt that day resurfaced along with the hurt. “I assumed you did that because of me. I considered using Jase to reach you. But then what? If you wanted to be with me, you would have. I had no idea what was truly happening.” I took a sip of my coffee, before adding, “Let me ask you a question. If I had, would it have made a difference in your decision to run?”

“I don't know.”

When she looked at me I could see fatigue in the dark circles under her eyes. I felt bad for all she'd been through, alone. Having her a few feet away caused an inner conflict between wanting to pick up where we left off, and wanting to punish her for cutting me out of her life as she had. The one thing I did know as I sat there with her that night, I couldn't easily walk away this time around.

“Why didn't you contact me after Nicholas was born?” I reversed the conversation, asking a question I'd been dying to know the answer to. “Ronnie had no idea where you were, you successfully fell off the face of the earth, what happened to stop you from doing the right thing?” I couldn't hide my accusing tone.

“I thought of you every day. When Nicholas was two months old, Ronnie traveled to Italy again with his family for the holidays. It was right before Christmas, and I couldn't very well call you after not seeing you for almost a year. It needed to happen face-to-face. I told Luca it was time to have people know about Nicholas, including you.

“Knowing Ronnie would be gone for a while, on my suggestion Luca arranged for my parents to come see me. Time was dulling my logic, making me feel like I'd panicked and caused all this drama for no reason. It gave me a false sense of security that maybe he had finally given up on me.”

“Your parents didn't see Nicholas being born?” I asked incredulously.

“No,” she admitted, the pain evident on her face. “They had no idea I was pregnant. I wrote them often, sending the letters to Luca, who would forward them to New Jersey, lying to them in each and every letter.”

I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees, staring at the cup I held between my hands. “I'm so sorry you were alone.”

I spoke the truth. I was sorry. To have a child without those closest in her life, not to be able to share her happiness, it must have ripped her apart. Angela was kind, sweet, generous, and loving to a fault. It was basically why she was in the situation to begin with…always thinking about everyone else.

“I'll never forget the pain in their eyes when they arrived to find out they were grandparents. It just added to the insurmountable guilt that I had already been carrying. They stayed with Dawn and me through the holidays. Once my parents knew about Nicholas, I felt like the pile of weights that sat on my chest had lessened by one. Eve and Jase were next to visit. They came at the tail end of their honeymoon in Vegas, anxious to meet Nicholas.”

“Honeymoon?”

For the first time all night, the corners of her lips lifted into a semi-smile. “Their Christmas gift to each other was to elope in Vegas. After my uncle's passing, Eve wanted nothing to do with tradition. She missed him terribly and couldn't fathom a church wedding without her father walking her down the aisle. She and Jase are so good for each other. He became her rock during the most difficult time of her life. Despite all his silliness, he adores her and she him. He finally wore her down, and they ran off and got married on the anniversary of the night we all met.”

Sadness passed over her face at the mention of that night before she quickly went on with her dissertation. “My aunt was devastated that her only daughter eloped, but Eve promised her a huge reception once they settled in New York.”

She went on to explain that Eve's plan to open another store location coincided with Jase's new job in advertising. “After they shared their news that they were moving, I knew it was time for me to find you. They still had no idea where you were, or who you really were. Impulsively, I told them everything about us. They were stunned speechless.”

“And then?”

“And then I came to New York.”

“Which you did in April?”

“Yes.” She placed her coffee cup on the table and tucked her legs beneath her on the couch. It reminded me of the day I showed up at Eve's townhouse in the middle of the night. Just as she did that day, she began nervously fiddling with the hem of her T-shirt. “They got here first, and Eve found me this apartment. It's affordable, close to the store, and the daycare center Nicholas goes to is a few blocks away. When Nicholas and I arrived, Eve had furnished the place, done my food shopping. She even left the framed picture of us playing darts on my kitchen counter for me to find. I finally felt optimistic for the first time in a long time. I was so excited to be here. I couldn't wait to come see you.”

Her eyes briefly met mine before she looked down. “Once I got settled and got Nicholas into a routine, I called headquarters asking for you. I was told you were not available, and asked if I wanted to leave a message. I declined, and decided to go to your apartment to see you. I didn't even know if you still lived in the same place, but it was a start. I left Nicholas with Eve after work, and sat on the steps of the building facing yours in hopes I'd catch you either coming or going.”

Her fingers continued to fiddle with her shirt when she looked up, flushed with embarrassment. “Nick, I'm aware that sounds borderline stalker-ish, but I couldn't just call you after all that happened. I needed to see you face-to-face to explain myself.”

I didn't respond and continued to watch her body language expose the level of her anxiety.

“So, I sat there for an hour, wondering what I would say when I finally saw you…and as if my thoughts summoned you, there you were.” She closed her eyes, and took a calming breath.

“You came out of your building smiling and talking to a beautiful woman. She was obviously pregnant, and she looked up at you and laughed at something you said.” When Angela opened her eyes, they focused on mine. “I watched as you both stood on the sidewalk chatting for a few minutes, her wedding band visible from where I sat. A cab pulled up and you led her to it with a hand on her back. After you hugged her, she got in and you bent into the opened door to kiss her cheek. You smiled as she pulled away.”

I remembered the day vividly. “That was Ella Stone.”

“You said earlier in the café that she was the wife of a friend?”

“Yes. He's a cop. I became great friends with Ben after a case we worked on together. I also met Ella during that case. She was planning a surprise party for Ben at their beach house. It was my job to get him there the next day. We were all going to spend that weekend in Long Beach.”

“That explains a lot. I came back, hoping to see you again. I'd walk Nicholas in his carriage past your apartment risking that I would see you and you'd immediately see I had a child. But, I didn't care. The seed of telling you the truth had firmly been planted, and I wanted you to meet your son. By Sunday afternoon, I began to lose my nerve.”

“You still should have contacted me, Angela.” Anger controlled my voice when I continued. “You owed it to me for no other reason but to tell me I had a son.”

“You're absolutely right.” Tears welled in her eyes and she nodded sadly. “And even though I was crushed thinking you had moved on, and you looked so happy, I spent the weekend sitting in my apartment holding our son and building my nerve to make that phone call I had dreaded all along.”

“But you didn't, did you? You let another six months pass, and you never reached out…and even now the only reason we're here is because that motherfucker is dead. So why should I believe you at all?”

“Nick, I know it sounds suspiciously like I've been crying wolf in regards to contacting you. I swear on everything I love, I never intended for almost two years to go by. I never intended to keep your son from you all those months.”

“Why did you then?” I venomously spit out.

“Ronnie found me.”

Once again, the air left my lungs at her words. Fuck, this was never ending. “How?”

“After my parents visited me in Ohio, Luca came to Dawn's ranch to fill my parents in on who Ronnie really was and what he was capable of. He also told them of our fears regarding my uncle's involvement with the Delarros.”

“And?”

“My dad went pale. He and his brother weren't on good terms when he passed away. He admitted Uncle Carmine confided in him regarding a loan he took from Ronnie's dad a few years earlier. My dad was furious with him. Carmine paid it back on time, plus interest. Unfortunately the Delarros wanted more, and not in the form of money. Carmine refused them, and that's all my father knew. The accident no longer looked like an accident to him, and that terrified him. He pleaded for us to go to the police.”

“But you didn't.”

“Luca promised we would, but not until he could find some concrete proof of Carmine's dealings with the Delarros. We were working on borrowed time. My goal was to keep our son safe; my cousin's was to find evidence to support our claims.”

“How did he find you?”

“Ronnie had been watching my parents for months, and when we moved to New York, they led him right to my door.”

“Why wouldn't he let you go? What happened between you to keep him chasing you?”

“It angered him that the only thing he wanted and he couldn't have in his life was me.” I scoffed at her theory, and she felt forced to continue. “Nick, he was the prince in his family, could do no wrong, was denied nothing, until I came along. I'd told you in the beginning he was the perfect boyfriend. We even discussed marriage, kids…then I started working for Eve and loved it. My hours were long, and he hated not being the center of my life any longer. That's when things started to change between us, when he became the frog. Coincidentally, it was also when he began working for his father.”

A key turned the dead bolt in her door, causing us both to twist our heads in that direction. “Eve,” she breathed out as she stood up in a panic. “I lost track of time.”

My heart slammed in my chest waiting for the few seconds it took for her to walk through the door.

“This kid doesn't give Auntie Eve a break. Mr. Early-riser wanted his mama,” she said from the door and immediately halted her steps when she saw us. Angela awkwardly remained stone still at her end of the couch, while the inside of my mouth suddenly felt like I drank a cupful of sand. “Ang?” she said to her cousin, but her eyes were focused on me.

The two exchanged a look, and all I could see was my son in Eve's arms. He twisted around looking for his mother, his face lighting up in a huge smile when he saw her.

“Mama!” he called, struggling in Eve's arms as he reached for her. His tiny feet kicked impatiently forcing Angela to robotically walk forward to take him into her arms.

“Eve, we need more time. I'll fill you in later, okay?”

Eve nodded, immediately understanding the magnitude of what was about to occur. I was about to meet my son, for the first time in his life. I heard the door click closed, but I could do nothing but stare at Nicholas.

He was now watching me curiously from his mother's arms. The hair on his head was the same color as mine, and poked up adorably in all directions. His eyes were green, gorgeous, like Angela's…otherwise he looked so much like me.

He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, besides his mom.

Tears pooled in my eyes, blurring my vision and making it hard to memorize every part of his face. I cried once in my life, when I lost my granddad at the age of twelve. That moment marked the second time, as my tears fell uncontrolled down my face.