Glitch (30 page)

I swallowed, feeling my throat clog up again. I didn’t know why he cared so much after how I’d hurt him, but I nodded anyway.

“Then trust me when I say I’ll look into it,” he said, pulling us back into the crowd of walking students.

I looked at him uncertainly.

“I promise. Just don’t do anything dangerous in the meantime,” he hissed.

The rest of the day went by in a haze. I clicked back into the Link, unable to trust myself. I’d been so sure that the next time something like this happened in real life, I wouldn’t stand idly by—that I’d act. I wouldn’t allow someone else to be taken like I’d let them take Daavd. But I’d just stood there, again. Letting it happen.

I closed my eyes hard, but over and over the scene replayed. Daavd’s face replaced Juan’s as it spooled out again in my mind, until I thought I wasn’t going to be able to hold back the water that had been threatening to pour out of my eyes all day.

That night, I didn’t look up when I heard the ceiling tile shift. I curled up in a ball, hiding my face in my pillow.

“Zoe,” Adrien said, his voice full of emotion. “Are you okay?”

I didn’t say anything. He touched my shoulder but I jerked it away.

“Zo, look at me. The Rez is handling it. If they can do anything for Juan, they will.”

I sat up, hope blooming for the first time all day. “Do you think they can get him out?”

Adrien didn’t say anything for a second. “You need to be ready for the fact that sometimes there’s nothing we can do. After they’ve transported a glitcher to a secondary location, it’s usually impossible to get them back before they’re reprogrammed or … or they do other things to them.”

“Like deactivate them, you mean.” A fresh pain burned in my chest. Adrien tried to hug me but I pushed him away.

“No, I don’t deserve comforting. I’m a monster. Just standing there, watching it happen.”

I dropped my head, sobbing quietly.

“I thought I was different now,” I managed to say between sobs. “At least before, I was numbed by the V-chip. What’s my excuse now?”

“Zoe, stop it,” Adrien said heatedly. “There was nothing you could do that wouldn’t have gotten us all taken away with him. Max and I just stood there, too. Do you think we’re monsters?”

“No!” I said automatically.

“Then why do you get all the blame? Why are you cracking taking this all on yourself? It’s not your fault. It’s the Chancellor’s fault and all of the Uppers who’ve done this to us.”

But I shook my head when Adrien tried to pull me close. “It could have been you, or Max, or…” My voice broke. “Or Markan.”

“You can’t think like that.”

“Would it have been any different?” I stared at the wall, feeling sick. “I have this horrible feeling that it wouldn’t be. That I betray everyone who comes near me. What I did to my own brother. And then Max, too. All he wanted was for me to want him.”

I turned and crumpled into Adrien’s chest, crying harder all of the sudden. He held me tight. “What else is wrong? Zoe, you’re scaring me.” His voice was tense.

I heard the muffled thud of Markan’s door sliding open.

“Hide, hide,” I whispered urgently to Adrien, pushing him back up the ladder. “Close the ceiling tile and hide up on the bed against the wall.”

He hurried as quietly as he could back up the ladder. I went to listen at the door. I heard footsteps, but they walked past my door and on toward the bathroom. I sighed out and leaned my head against the wall. Adrien stayed silent.

I climbed lightly up the ladder. Adrien was lying down, his long body taking up the entire length of the bed so he’d be out of sight. I lay down, facing him, far enough apart that only our bent knees touched. I curled my hands up under my pillow.

“Tell me about hate,” I whispered quietly.

“Zo.” He curled up one arm under his head like a pillow. We were close enough together that I could smell the cool mint of his breath.

“Tell me,” I repeated stubbornly.

He sighed out, rubbing his temple with his other hand. “Hate is a strong emotion. One of the strongest humans have.”

“But what
is
it?”

He frowned, thinking. “I don’t know how to describe it. How to define it. It’s like when anger against someone or something becomes so strong it consumes you. Life is so hard and people are so shunting cruel to each another, sometimes I think hate is what comes most naturally to humans.”

“And it makes people want to deactiv—to kill each other?”

He nodded.

“Have you ever hated anyone?”

“Of course. I hate the Uppers and this shunting Link system that has put us all in this position.…” He leaned in, his head slightly sideways. “I hate the people who put
you
in danger.”

His green eyes flashed in the dim light of the night luminescence panel. Our faces were six inches apart now. “But the thing is, the opposite of hate is love.…” He looked away from me and ran a hand through his hair. Then he looked back at me with an intensity I’d never seen in him before.

He moved closer.

Three inches.

Two.

The electricity I’d felt from him the other night was tenfold, burning out from his eyes. I lifted a hand to my chest monitor and tried to breathe to calm myself down.

“Then tell me about love again,” I whispered.

He scooted closer still, taking my hand from my chest monitor and entwining his fingers with mine.

“Hate’s a strong emotion, but…” He paused, looking down at our hands. His thumb rubbed mine, sending little popping sparks through me. “I like to think that love is stronger. Even though love makes no sense to me sometimes—that it even still exists seems like a miracle.”

He closed his eyes, drawing back a bit. “I’ve seen so much. Hate and death and brokenness and pain. People trying to survive and failing.” His face looked haunted by the memories.

“People hungry for power and willing to do anything to get it. But love?” He looked back up at me again. “A love that makes people sacrifice for one another—give up everything, even their lives? I never understood it.”

“Adrien,” I said, squeezing his hand tighter.

He leaned his forehead toward mine. “Love shouldn’t exist but it does. It’s the biggest anomaly, some might say the biggest defect, of the whole human race. But it’s the most beautiful anomaly. I understand that now. And I would give up anything for you, even if you don’t feel the same way.” He swallowed hard. “Because I love you.”

He breathed out heavily and sat up. He put his elbows on his knees and rubbed his temple with both hands so that I could barely make out his face.

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I was still, too much in shock to fully understand what he was saying.

He looked at me, uncertain of my reaction. His voice became distant suddenly. Detached. “I saw in a vision right before you returned to the Academy—I saw you and Max kissing. That’s why I haven’t said anything about how I feel. But the more time I spend with you, and after we kissed the other night, I just couldn’t
not
tell you.”

“I do feel strongly for Max,” I said slowly. Adrien winced, so I hurried on. “But not in the way you think.” I sat up. “He was the first one who was there for me when I came back and was so scared and alone. But he always wanted something from me.” I paused. “More than I could give him. I didn’t know why. I only realized recently, and that’s why he and I got in a fight.”

“You don’t have to explain to me,” he said quickly, shifting to get up and leave.

“Adrien.” I grabbed his arm to stop him. “The fight was about
you.
Because I told him of what I feel for you. Of what I think I’ve been feeling for a long time now but didn’t know how to put into words. I…” My voice trembled as I finally said it. “As much as Max means to me, I have stronger feelings for you. I don’t really even understand them, they’re so intense.”

His face froze and he sank slowly back down to sit on the bed. “You do?” His voice was barely audible.

I nodded and watched the uncertainty in his face slowly turn to hope like an unfurling bloom.

“I think—” I started in a whisper, then took a confused breath. I looked away and felt a rush of memories. The confusion I’d felt at how Adrien’s touch made me feel, the electricity between us. But it was more than that. It was the times we’d spent talking. The connection I felt to him that was unlike anything I felt for anyone else in the world—the way he seemed to put all my feelings into words, the way he felt about life, his hopes and dreams, the way he’d opened up a new world for me. Being with him made me want to make my own dreams, discover my own path. I was my best self when I was with him. I looked back up, the realization flooding me like the brightest silver of happiness.

“The way you describe it—it’s just how I feel. It’s
love
,” I said with awe, laughing with the joy of the discovery. I couldn’t believe one day could hold such wildly opposite emotions from one moment to the next. “I
love you
, Adrien.”

He blinked rapidly, stunned. “Say it again,” he whispered.

I laughed and pulled him close. “I love you,” I whispered in his ear. Then he grabbed me in his arms, squeezing me in a tight hug one second and then kissing me like he could never get enough the next.

I laughed at his genuine, complete joy and kissed him back. We kissed for a long time, clutching each other clumsily at first, blinded by euphoria.

Tomorrow, I’d think about all our problems tomorrow. Right now there was only this, only him.

The flying sensation came again but it was like we were soaring together—like I couldn’t tell where my body ended and his began. He finally pulled back, still cupping my face in his hands.

He laughed. “Zo, look up.”

I did and saw my pillow levitating and spinning above our heads. I gasped in wonder and it fell, plopping on my head. Adrien just laughed and kissed me again.

“I can barely cracking believe this is happening,” he said. “I mean, I’d seen you in my visions. I knew you were important to the Rez, but I hadn’t seen how important you’d become to me. My life’s been so hard for so long—and the world is too cracked to ever believe I’d get to be this happy.” He laughed, his eyes shining.

His words made my insides light up.

He pulled back a moment, staring at me as if convincing himself that I was actually there, in his arms. “I had that vision of you and Max and I thought I’d lost you.” His words came out in a rush. “And then you looked at me like I was no one, or worse, someone to fear. Just when I thought I’d made peace with the fact that you’d forgotten me forever, I’d spot some glimmer of recognition, some little hint that maybe…” There was water brimming at the edges of his eyes, and the pain he’d felt poured over into me. I wanted to take it away. I never wanted him to feel that way again.

I cut him off with a soft kiss.

“This is real,” I finally said. “We found each other again, and you’re never going to lose me,” I said.

He smiled, leaning down to kiss me back, a deep kiss that let loose all the passion and fear and hurt and hope that must have built up inside him.

Eventually he pulled away. It was getting late, but I didn’t want him to go.

“Soon we’ll be away from here,” he whispered, one hand stroking the hair around my face. “You’ll be safe.”

“Why are we suddenly leaving so soon?” I asked after a few quiet minutes. “What about my allergies?”

He paused, his hand midstroke through my hair. His body tensed under my hands. “I just have a bad feeling,” he finally whispered. “Like I’m not seeing things right. I don’t know why I didn’t see what happened today coming.” His eyebrows cinched up in worry. “Something is off with my Gift. If I can’t trust my visions, we’re completely in the dark. It’s too risky.”

I wrapped my arms around his chest and squeezed. “I’m sure your visions will sort themselves out.”

I closed my eyes, wishing guiltily that I could stay like this forever. Suddenly I felt his body stiffen in my arms.

My eyes flew open, thinking Markan or my parents had opened the door to my room, but it was firmly shut. I looked at Adrien. His face was frozen, his eyes vacant.

“Adrien!” I whispered, shaking him. His body was rigid. He didn’t respond. My heart monitor was about to start vibrating, but then he blinked and looked like himself again.

“Adrien, are you okay?”

His face was pale and there was a sheen of sweat across his forehead. I’d seen that look before. He’d had a vision.

“Was it Juan?” I asked worriedly.

“No.” He looked at me, eyes wide. “We have to escape. Now. Tomorrow.”

“What?” I sat up, matching his alarm. “Why, what did you see?”

“Molla’s pregnant.”

“WAIT, WHAT?” I ASKED
, completely confused. “That’s not possible. She’s too young. They wouldn’t have let her into the fertility clinic.”

“There are other ways.” He slammed his fist into his open palm. “Max! Godlam’d shunting fool,” he said, his face furious. He looked away. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just dropped it on you like that. I mean…” He swallowed. “I understand if you’re … jealous.”

“I don’t understand,” I said quickly, “I thought he felt very intensely about
me.
”

“Um, well…” He trailed off, looking up like he was trying to figure out the words. “Not everyone has strong feelings for just one person at a time.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Anyway, the point is we have to get her out.
Now.
Molla’s never been the best at hiding her emotions. She won’t know what to do, and she’s going to know something’s wrong. Someone’s bound to find out. And if that happens, we’re
all
cracked.”

I frowned. “Well, wait. It was a vision of the future, right? So maybe eventually they will, what did you call it? Fall in love. That’s good,” I said, smiling as I thought about it. “He should be happy with someone who can love him back.”

“Zoe, it didn’t feel like something far off in the future. It seemed like she’s pregnant now. Present time. We have to get out immediately.”

*

I felt the tugging guilt when I looked at Markan at breakfast the next morning, but the feeling was followed by one of determination. I might have failed Daavd, but I would save Markan. We’d get him out. He’d be safe with me, and even if he didn’t turn out to be a glitcher, he’d be safe and free. The thought brought a flush of happiness.