Glitter on the Web (35 page)

“Sounds like an asshole,” she said, using a very colorful word for her age.

In this case, it was completely apt. “That night he cornered me and said he’d be more than happy to help me work off the weight. He just wanted to help me be beautiful again. But I, for the life of me, couldn’t think of a good enough reason to attract a jerk like him. I just wanted it to end. I decided to do what I should have done in the first place. I told Amber.”

Gabby gulped, as if she knew what was coming.

“She accused me of lying, of course. She thought I was trying to be mean to her, rub it in her face that I was the thinner one now. Said that it was no secret that I had always wanted Wyatt even though he could have never wanted me.”

“Didn’t you tell her that he’s the one that came onto you?”

I sighed. “By then I had spiraled out of control, gaining a ton of weight, drinking a lot, going with all the boys, trying to figure out what the great mystery of it was, or why I was supposed to want any of it. I couldn’t be perfect, so I decided why bother? I turned into every bad thing that my family now thought I was. Meanwhile Wyatt turned into an exemplary father and husband. He joined a church. He stopped drinking. When he said that I had come onto him, and he had rejected me, they found it easier to believe him. I was the odd one out. Again. As always.”

Gabby scooted off of the rock. She tossed the bag of remaining marshmallows off into the darkness before she walked towards me and curled her arms around my waist for a big hug. “I’m sorry you went through that.”

I knelt down in front of her. “And I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

She nodded. She still hadn’t said the words yet. Who knew if she ever would? But she saw now that some problems go far beyond being fat or being thin. I took her hands in mine. “After college, I spent some time getting things right in my head. I joined groups. I went to meetings. I found a trainer who was focused more on being healthy than being thin. She taught me food wasn’t my enemy or my friend. It was just a thing. I found other ways to cope, like meditation and self-care. I forged positive friendships with people who didn’t need me to change to accept me. I gave up the scale, or diets, or fitting into a certain size. I allowed myself to be me and loved myself despite my imperfections. I had to. If I didn’t, no one else ever would.”

I took another deep breath. “In the end, I had to leave my family. Every time I tried to be around them, they would trip all the triggers. The longer I spent away from them, the stronger I felt. With my new support group, my new family of choice, I didn’t have to earn their love. I just had to be me. And that was enough. With my family, I’d always be the lying Lolita who tried to seduce my brother-in-law. Eventually I realized that it wasn’t my job to fix their opinion about me. I could be me. I could be happy. Even if they didn’t think I deserved to be. I started walking and I never looked back. Sometimes that’s necessary. You can love anyone in the world, but you’re under no obligation to fix it if they can’t love you back.”

She nodded. I knew she was thinking about her mom, not Michael.

I wiped the tears from her face. “You don’t have to walk my path. You are strong. You are smart. You are beautiful in all the ways that really matter. Real ways. Ways that don’t change by what size dress you wear. I can help you see that, Gabby. We can fix this.”

Another tear slipped from the corner of her eye. “And you’re leaving in January.”

Her words pierced my heart. I didn’t even know what to say. When she started to cry, I took her into my arms and held her tight.

We walked back to the camp together hand in hand. I let her go in first, then slipped in next to Eli. He waited until she had fallen to sleep before he said, “You okay?”

“No,” I murmured softly before I turned away.

The next morning we headed back to the cabin. The town was hosting a 4
^th
of July celebration that evening, and we were all supposed to go. I knew it was the last thing Gabby and I felt like doing, but we were experts at keeping up appearances.

Eli watched us warily, trying to figure things out. We didn’t get much time to talk, especially with Daphne micromanaging all of us to escort the brood into town for an early start to our day. She and Beth had entered the marathon, which she praised her stepdaughter for endlessly, bragging about her discipline to train. She was supportive and encouraging, telling Beth she would prove to herself how strong she could be after it was all over.

Instead of praising Gabby for all the amazing things she did, she would use those things to prod her to lose weight, or control her body. There was only one criteria to perfection in Daphne’s book, and no matter what Gabby did outside of that, she’d never truly be worth her mother’s praise.

She had Gabby change at least twice, virtually shaming her into living up to her standard. It was likely a subtle hint that I should change as well, since it was clear she wasn’t going to be happy with me until I did. But I was done changing to make other people happy, especially people who worked that hard to find reasons to hate me in the first place. I kept what I was wearing. I ate what I wanted. I drank what I wanted. I danced with Eli as we listened to live music. And when the fireworks exploded overhead, I kissed him long and deep. I didn’t care if she saw. I didn’t care if she didn’t like it.

I didn’t care if she didn’t like me. As for as I was concerned she was the one with something to prove.

Tempers flared throughout the weekend. It had been storming, so we were all trapped in the cabin. My fuse was already short and getting shorter by the second. Finally I blew up at her for nitpicking poor Gabby over every little morsel she ate. “What’s the big deal? So she puts on few pounds. Is being fat really the worst thing a person can be?”

She turned up her nose. “You tell me.”

“I’d rather be a happy fat person than some stressed out Stepford wife,” I shot back.

“Please,” Daphne sniffed. “You’re not happy. It’s an act. You’re a liar. I knew it the second you walked into this house.”

Eli was on his feet in a second to run interference. “Come on, Mom. We don’t have to do this.”

“Give me a break, Elijah,” she said, using his whole name for emphasis. “Are you really going to stand there and tell me this is the girl you want to be with?”

“So what if I do?” he asked as he pulled me closer. “What’s wrong with her? She graduated at the top of her class. She’s a sweet and devoted friend, who never lets anyone suffer if she can help it. She’s not afraid to put me in my place when I deserve it. Am I really supposed to want her any more if she was thinner?”

Daphne stood. “You would and you know you would. That’s just how you’re wired. That’s how all men are wired. It’s biology, Eli.”

“It’s bullshit, Mom,” he shot back, which caught me by surprise.

“This isn’t about your roaming eye and your perverse curiosity. This is about offspring. You find a superior mate, you produce superior offspring.”

“I guess that didn’t work for you,” he pointed out. “Dad was a loser, or so you keep telling us. I guess that’s why you prefer the kid Wayne had without you. Gabby and I have never been able to impress you. You chip away at our flaws until we feel worthless.”

She scoffed. “So worthless that you’re a major pop star all over the world. How will you ever forgive me, Eli?”

“I did that in spite of you,” he corrected. “If you had your way, I’d be in some stuffy office right now, making a fraction of the money doing a job I hated, just so I could have a little ‘security.’”

Her contemptuous glance fell on me. “And look at how far you had to sink to make that happen.”

Eli stalked over to where she stood. “Carly is a step up from you, Mother. She busts my balls, but at least she makes me a better man. I appreciate her. I endure you.”

Wayne finally piped up. “I think that’s quite enough, Eli. Apologize to your mother.”

“No,” Eli told him. “Because it’s not just me she’s hurting anymore.”

“Eli,” I warned, but he was way past hearing.

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

“Gabby,” he said softly. I spotted her in a corner, her eyes wide, shaking her head. The shit was officially about to hit the fan. “She’s sick, Mom. And you’re keeping her that way.”

I squeezed his arm. He had to stop talking. “Eli, please,” I said softly.

He pulled away. “She is developing an eating disorder,” he said, dropping the bomb in the middle of the room. Both Wayne and Daphne took a direct hit, wearing the shock right on their faces. “She binges on food and then throws up. She did it at least three times that we know of at our house, and once since we’ve been here.”

Daphne turned to Gabby. “What is he talking about?”

She just shook her head. “I’ve just been sick,” she said weakly, still trying to lie. She wasn’t ready for this, especially with Michael watching. I could feel her spirit shrivel from across the room.

“Eli,” I said again, reaching for his arm.

He wrenched around to face me. “I’m not going to let what happened to you happen to her, Carly.”

I backed up a step. What was he saying?

He turned back to his mother and Wayne. “Gabby’s sick and we have to fix it. Together. As a family. If we don’t, we could lose her.” Tears filled his eyes as he turned to Gabby. “We’ve been losing her.” He turned back to his mother. “Carly was the only one who saw it. She’s doing what she can to save her, and you’re treating her like gum on your shoe because of what she weighs? How fucking heartless are you, Mother?”

Wayne stepped around Daphne. “It’s time for you to go. Get your girlfriend, get your stuff and get out.”

“I’m taking Gabby with me,” Eli decided.

“Like hell you are!” Wayne thundered.

“Guys?” Beth chimed in, but we all ignored her. I stood between the two men before they could come to blows.

“Are you happy now?” Daphne sneered at me.

“Guys,” Beth said again.

I turned my back to both of them to concentrate on Eli. I cupped his face in my hand and forced him to look at me. “Let’s just go.”

“Not without Gabby,” he stated again. Those sharp blue eyes welcomed no argument.

“Guys!” Beth screamed, forcing us all to look at her. “Gabby’s gone,” she said, pointing to the open door, where the rain and wind raged just outside.

Gabby was nowhere to be found.

CHAPTER
TWENTY
-
ONE

Though the thunder boomed overhead and dangerous cloud-to-ground lightning split a nearby tree completely in two, all six of us headed outside to search for Gabby. It was dark and we were isolated on ten acres near the national forest. She could be anywhere.

We were desperate. Emotions were high. And I was livid at Eli. “How could you spring that on everyone like that?”

“What was I supposed to do? Let her keep beating the hell out of the poor kid?”

“And this is better?” I shrieked. I jumped every time the thunder clapped. “I begged you to keep quiet. But you’ve never listened to me before. Why start now?”

He spun around to face me. “This is my sister, Carly. I made her a promise.”

“So did I,” I gritted between clenched teeth. “There are better ways to handle sensitive situations like this, Eli.”

“Newsflash! I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, okay? I’m not another great and powerful OGWO, okay?”

“Then listen to me!” I shot back.

“Then talk to me!” he retorted. I spun away. “Why didn’t you tell me about Wyatt?”

Tears strangled me in my throat. So he
had
overheard.
Great
. “It’s none of your damned business, that’s why. It’s just a thing that happened a long time ago to a person I don’t even remember. It doesn’t matter.”

He closed the gap between us. We were soaking wet in the rain. He cupped my face with his hand. “It matters to me.”

The minute he touched me thunder crashed and I jumped. I pushed him away. “We have to find Gabby.”

He glanced around, trying to figure out any clue where she might be. Then he brightened. Like a light bulb. “I know where to look.”

He led me by the hand as we trotted along the muddy path towards an old barn behind the main house. Since this was a summer home, they didn’t use it for its original purpose. Instead it worked as a hideaway for a little girl, who could escape there among the bales of hay, finding refuge in the secluded loft overhead. Eli made a beeline up the ladder, and I followed suit. “Gabby!” he called as we reached the top. He pulled out his phone to shed some light on our surroundings. There were funky drawings taped to the walls, and a bale of hay dressed up with a blanket, some pillows, and an assortment of stuffed animals.

It was Gabby’s secret hiding spot all right.

“We used to sneak out here when things got too tense at the house,” he told me as he opened the latch in the roof, to show the stormy sky above.

“This has happened before?”

“Every year they’ve owned this place,” he shrugged before he uncovered the other “bed.” It had a sleeping bag, an old flannel blanket and a pillow. He landed on it with a thud. “Fuck,” was all he said as he dropped his head in his hands.

I joined him on the bed. “I know your heart was in the right place, but you really need to coordinate with your head sometimes.”

His eyes met mine. “That’s why I have you.” I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. “Where is she, Carly? You were a scared little girl once. Where would you run?”

I shrugged as I looked around. “Fuck if I know. I didn’t run away until I was a scared adult.”

“And you’re still running,” he said softly. My eyes met his. “I get it now.”

I sprang off of the bed. “You do not
get
it,” I corrected.

He stood. He spoke as he approached. “You’re scared, but you don’t have to be.”

I scoffed. “I am not scared of you, Eli Blake.”

“No,” he agreed when he reached me. “You’re scared of you.”

“Fuck you,” I snapped.

“You keep saying that like a threat.” He toyed with a tendril of my hair. “Tell me, Carly. When did it start feeling like an invitation?”