(Glory St Clair 11) Real Vampires Say Read My Hips (15 page)

“You are very lucky. To have a man of your own choosing.” Alesha sighed then flushed. “I hope it will turn out that way for you, mistress.” She smiled at me then hurried to the door. “I will be back in a few minutes.”

“
She
hopes. I’m not marrying Kratos and that’s that.” I looked up at the ornate ceiling.

“I hope you are right. Now your mother said you need an armed guard if we’re to go out.” Flo patted my shoulder. “Is it really necessary? To go see some witch doctor?”

“A person would have to be insane to attack Zeus’s granddaughter. I say we can do without the guards. Where are you going?” I smiled when Flo ran to her closet.

“To change, of course. I wear black, I think. Something loose to hide these extra pounds.” She gave me a long look. “You make me look fat now when I stand next to you.”

“I’m not listening to that. But I will show off my new trick again.” I stood and imagined myself in a cream designer sweater with brown leggings and thigh high leather boots. Snap.

“Oh, I hate you. Zeus’s granddaughter. Who knew?” Flo darted into her closet and I heard the sounds of clothes hangers rattling. “But it has advantages. No?” She came out in a black knit dress with boots of her own. “How I look?”

“Cute and skinny.” I turned when Alesha appeared in a doorway. “Can we go now?”

“Yes, he’ll see you but we must hurry. He has other appointments after you.” She gestured for us to follow her. “Self-important male. One word to your mother and she will have him thrown in the cells for impertinence.”

“Let’s leave my mother out of this.” Though I figured she’d be all for this effort at birth control, if she thought I was using it.

“Hopefully it’s not far.” Flo was right by my side as we headed down one of the golden paths, avoiding the soldiers who were smoking under a tree a few yards away. “What do you think he’ll give us? Condoms or something to take? A pill? Some elixir that will taste nasty and do strange things to us?” She did a little hop. “Do you know I’m a little excited about this? It will make our lovemaking, I don’t know, dangerous.
Capice
?”

“Don’t freak yourself out, Flo. Or me either.” I added that when she gave me a suspicious look. I had to pretend like I was going to do whatever this sorcerer suggested too. I just hoped he wouldn’t insist we take whatever it was in front of him. That would take some maneuvering.

Soon we were in front of a golden door. It had a moon and stars carved in the center of it which Alesha explained was the symbol for sorcerers. I commanded the handmaiden to wait for us outside then knocked. A deep voice told us to enter and the door swung open on creaking hinges. Flo and I stepped inside where a man in purple velvet robes lay on a pile of pillows stacked on a Persian rug. I recognized him and wasn’t happy about it. When he choked on a grape being fed to him by a handmaiden, I knew he remembered me as well. Oh, how I wished for my fangs.

“Waldo!” I turned, ready to head right back out the door. “Come on, Flo. I’m not taking anything
this
guy makes.”

“Wait!” The sorcerer stood and straightened his robes. His hat slipped off his head and it was obvious that he was completely bald. When we’d met before he’d been punished by a more competent sorcerer by having his hair and beard singed off. Apparently it had never grown back.

“Why should we?” I turned to face him. “You almost killed Jerry, my lover, with a Hellfire potion. Cornelius is the one who saved him. I want to go see
him
. He’s a sorcerer I would trust.”

“Maybe so, but he doesn’t lower himself to do the kind of ordinary work you’re after today.” Waldo dismissed his handmaiden and smiled broadly. “But then maybe you don’t wish to use birth control after all?” He breathed deeply. “Mortals. Hmm? Well, you can always just take your chances.”

“Glory, no!” Flo grabbed my arm. “What did this man do? Explain. I’ve never seen him before.”

“You’re the lucky one. I met him at Ian’s. My mother had hired him to help with Jerry’s amnesia. Instead he almost killed Jer with his stupid potion.” I looked him over. “Birth control must be an easy job here for
you
to be trusted with it, Waldo.”

“The gods and goddesses rarely have need of my services.” Waldo frowned. “They have the ability to do their own thing. Though it sometimes misfires.” He nodded at me. “
You
are evidence of that.” He swished his robes and walked over to a long table full of the tools of his trade. There were glass beakers, bubbling mixtures over low flames, and several boxes of various leaves and powders. The smell made my eyes burn and my nose itch.

“Be careful how you speak to me, Waldo. I have two very powerful parents and my grandparents…”

“Threatening me, Gloriana? I have a few good connections myself.” He stirred a mixture then sniffed and added a few leaves which made it boil and hiss. “Now why don’t we get down to business? I have something you want and old grudges shouldn’t enter into our current business.” He whirled around, his long robe almost catching fire when it brushed too close to a flame.

“Fine. I believe our handmaiden explained what we need.” I couldn’t get out of here fast enough.

“Ah, yes. I do a brisk business aiding visitors here and helping the handmaidens. The lusty gods don’t seem to care if they leave one of the servants in a family way.” He picked up a vial of green liquid. “They leave it to the girl to figure out what to do about that.” His smile made my skin crawl. “So you see, I provide a very valuable service.”

Flo and I exchanged glances. I wasn’t surprised that the arrogant gods didn’t worry about consequences when they were with mere mortals. But did I trust Waldo’s elixirs? I couldn’t forget how Jerry had suffered from the Hellfire potion. Jer had been burning from the inside out until Cornelius, Waldo’s superior, had arrived with an antidote.

Flo decided to speak up. “Do you sell condoms?”

Waldo laughed. “No. It wouldn’t help the handmaidens when they lie with a god. Those men would never wear anything.” He shrugged. “And even if a clever girl could persuade them, I’d bet their swimmers would be able to penetrate through any material I could create.”

“Too much information, Waldo.” I tried not to think about what would happen if Jerry couldn’t beat Kratos and I’d have to… Well, there was just no way I’d ever lie with that man.
Not even to save the man you love?
I shook my head and glanced at Flo.

“What
do
you have?” She looked skeptical when checking out his array of beakers and I didn’t blame her. It all looked pretty primitive. Dark ages indeed.

“This.” He handed the vial to her, uncapping it. “If you want to avoid getting pregnant during your stay here, you must take this elixir, every day or night before you lie with your lover. It will prevent any unwanted consequences.”

“And the cost?” Flo was always about the bottom line.

“Hmm. Shall I charge it to your mother, Gloriana? I’m sure she will be happy to cover the expense. For you, anyway. I can pad the bill to cover your friend here.” He winked. “It can be our little secret.”

Mother would pay of course. I wondered if she even wanted to be a grandmother. Flo would need plenty of the potion. But then I didn’t intend to take it myself. Waldo’s eyes narrowed as he studied me. Surely he wasn’t reading my mind, was he? I didn’t like the idea of making a special secret deal with him but what choice did I have?

“Yes, charge it to my mother. All of it. And load up enough of that stuff for both of us for a month. Do you take it every time you make love or just every night no matter how many times you, um, do it?” I smiled at Flo, ignoring Waldo’s chuckle of satisfaction.

The sorcerer grinned and winked. “Lusty men, eh? Once a night should take care of it or every four hours. If you enjoy a morning or afternoon delight, take it again.”

Flo exclaimed. She’d just sniffed the elixir. “This smell. I don’t like it. Here, smell it, Glory.” She thrust it under my nose.

I sniffed and fought a grin. “Are you sure this will work, Waldo?” I patted Flo’s shoulder when he nodded. “Relax, pal. I had my first hamburger yesterday. This actually smells like dill pickles.” I passed it back to her. “Which is weird, especially for birth control.”

“I’ve never eaten a dill pickle in my life.” She sniffed again. “You ate a hamburger, Glory? Now I must try one. French fries too. Do the handmaidens take dinner orders?” She screwed on the cap. “Pah. I will go home as big as a house if I’m not careful.”

“I have an elixir for that.” Waldo rummaged in a cabinet and came out with a vial of pale pink liquid. “Guaranteed to keep you slim and trim. Take a vial before every meal and the calories are magically whisked away.” He laughed. “It’s one of my greatest inventions. Even Cornelius was impressed when I came up with it.”

“Don’t take it, Flo. Waldo tends to screw things up. Remember, he almost incinerated Jerry.” I tried to snatch it out of her hand. She wasn’t letting go.

“No! This smells nice. Like roses.” She smiled and slapped my hand. “Please, Glory.
Amica
! Don’t deny me this. I want to eat. I
have
to eat. When will I have another chance, I ask you?” Her eyes filled with tears. “If this works--”

“Oh, it does. Money back guarantee.” Waldo quickly filled a burlap bag with at least two dozen vials. “Of course if I charge it to your mother, Gloriana…”

“You can’t. She’ll know I don’t need that kind of product.” I heard Flo actually sob. Oh, give me a break. I knew a fake one from the real deal. “Stop it. I’ll figure out a way to pay for it. We can ask Mars for some cash or whatever currency you use up here.”

“Cash works. It has a picture of Zeus on it. Gold coins, of course.” Waldo was ecstatic. “Blessings upon you, Gloriana, for being such a kind friend to Flo here.”

“Yes, she is.” Flo hugged me so hard I had to push her off.

I watched as Waldo loaded the small vials of birth control into two canvas bags. “Any side effects you’d care to share from the birth control, Waldo? A craving for hamburgers, perhaps?”

“Very funny.” He frowned. “You made me lose count.” He pulled the vials out and started over. “No, you won’t breathe fire or see everything in shades of green.”

“Flo, Waldo’s last elixir had horrendous side effects. Try this one while I watch. Let me know if you feel funny or if anything happens.” I smiled and shoved a vial into her hand.

“Wait. Why me?” She tried to shove it back at me. “You first.”

“Did I or did I not just agree to do you a tremendous favor? Besides, I’m the granddaughter of Zeus.” I cut my eyes at Waldo. “Which you’d better remember, Waldo. So up here I have seniority. Come on, Flo. You are usually up for anything. Not chicken, are you?”

“Is this a dare?” Flo’s eyes twinkled. “Yes, you are letting me eat. Side effects. I need to know this too. About both elixirs. And, Mr. Waldo, I know you would not dare hurt our Glory. Her grandfather would make a necklace out of your testicles. Am I right?”

Waldo paled but he just went back to counting the vials. Finally he finished and set two bags on the table. “Of course the elixir is perfectly safe. Ask your handmaidens. The pickle smell is from the combination of ingredients. I could add a scent if it would please you but it would take me another day before I could deliver it to you. Would you wish me to do that?” He pressed his fist to his heart and bowed. “Lady Gloriana?”

“No, no. we need it immediately. And I liked the dill pickles.” I eyed Flo. “But we must be assured it has no ill effects. Flo?”

“Fine. Fine. I try.” She uncapped the vial and drank the stuff down, wincing as she swallowed. Waldo handed her a glass of water which she took gratefully. “Nasty stuff. I tell them leave the pickles off the hamburger, I think.” She looked around. “I feel okay. But it had better work. I don’t want any little surprises. You understand me?” She gave Waldo a hard look. “No bunny in my oven to surprise my lover.” He just shrugged like he had no idea what she was raving about.

I picked up our sacks and handed one to Flo. “We’ll let you know if and when we need more. I assume next time you will deliver.”

“Certainly, Lady Gloriana.” Waldo bowed again. “I will give your friend the magic weight loss potion on credit. I know you will take care of the bill when I present it.” He handed Flo another bag, this one blue velvet.

“Of course. Now I’m glad you’re finally remembering how unhappy my mother was the last time I saw you with her.” I practiced a haughty look, similar to what my mother used when she was displeased. It worked because Waldo couldn’t get us out of there fast enough.

“Wow. You have that granddaughter of Zeus thing working well.” Flo skipped along the golden path. “I wonder where Ricardo is. Now that I’ve taken my little elixir, I want to try it out. Four hours. Time for some fun, I think.” Flo stopped at her door. “Alesha, can you send someone to find my husband and tell him I need him? It is an, um, emergency.” She laughed. “I think your mother put some sexy nighties in my closet drawers, Glory. I will go get ready. What a surprise for him.”

“Certainly, madam.” Alesha bowed.

“Sounds like a plan, Flo.” I was determined to play this to the hilt. “I’ll wait to drink mine until Jerry is with me. But I’ve got some amazing nightgowns too.” I put a hand on Flo’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I made you test the elixir. That was a bad thing to do.”

“No, you were right. We needed to see if it would make us sprout horns or fall down or whatever.” Flo laughed. “See you later.” She flushed. “Much later.” She fanned her face. “Oh, Ricardo. I need you.”

Alesha giggled.

“I didn’t know it worked as an aphrodisiac but it seems to.” I walked on down the path toward my own door.

“Did someone say aphrodisiac?” Kratos suddenly appeared in front of me. He was flanked by two of his soldiers. “You have just become even more fascinating for me, Gloriana.”

“I think you misheard, Kratos.” I wracked my brain. “I said that I once worked as an acrobat. In a circus.”

“Even better.” He laughed and punched one of his men on a muscled bicep. “I love flexible women.”

Oh, God. Was there any way to discourage this man? “I was just on my way back to my chambers.”