Authors: Mary Monroe
I got up again around two and read an article in a two-month-old edition of
Ebony
magazine. Then I read the latest edition of
Jet
magazine, from cover to cover. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the magazine articles were so intriguing that I didn’t want to go to sleep now. But I knew I had to if I wanted to be able to perform like a normal person at work in the morning.
After I put the magazines away, I padded downstairs to the kitchen and heated some milk. Before I could drink it, I remembered that somebody had told me a glass of merlot was good for insomnia. I didn’t hesitate to try that. I snatched open the refrigerator, popped open a fresh bottle, poured a glassful, and drank it as fast as I could.
I knew right away that I would have no trouble getting to sleep now—
if I could make it back upstairs to bed. I got such a mellow buzz so GOD AIN’ T BLIND
155
fast that it felt like was I walking on a cloud. I was so dizzy, I couldn’t even find the light switch in a kitchen that I’d been familiar with for more than thirty years. I left the light on and staggered out of the room. I literally crawled back upstairs. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.
When I opened my eyes the next morning, Pee Wee was already up. I could hear him stumbling around and bumping into things downstairs. That man was so clumsy. It sounded like he was tearing down the house.
I groaned and rubbed the back of my head. Even though the merlot had helped me get to sleep, I promised myself that I would never drink as much as fast as I’d done the night before, because now I had a mild hangover. Then I took a shower, because the wine had made me sweat, so I felt unclean and sticky. I had no idea how my day was going to go, so I was a bit apprehensive. I was even tempted to play hooky from work and go shopping again, since my recent shopping expedition had been interrupted by Jade.
Just as I entered the kitchen, already dressed for work, Pee Wee dropped a glass. It was just a small glass, but it sounded like a chan-delier when it hit the linoleum floor. He squatted down and started to scoop up the pieces, cursing under his breath.
“I’ll take care of that. You’ll be late for your fishing trip,” I said.
I was glad to see that he had made a pot of coffee. I poured myself a cup immediately.
“I got it,” he insisted. A second after he said that, he howled like a wolf. “I cut my damn finger!” He rose from the floor, cursing under his breath and shaking his hand.
I put the coffeepot down and got a Band-Aid from the drawer by the stove where we kept a variety of notions. Without a word, I grabbed his hand and wiped the spot of blood off his middle finger with the tip of my finger.
“You’ll need to change this Band-Aid in a few hours,” I informed him. “You’d better take a few with you to that creek.” I looked in his eyes, and for a moment, I saw the man that I used to know. He looked away first as I took my time wrapping his finger. “I saw Jade yesterday,” I said.
“Humph! I seen her, too. That heifer! She was struttin’ down Main Street yesterday like she was Diana Ross’s cat. Had some for-156
Mary Monroe
eigner with her, holding on to his arm like he was her pocketbook that somebody was tryin’ to snatch.” There was a grimace on Pee Wee’s face as he spoke. “She seen me, but you would have thought I was a rank stranger by the way she looked clean through me. I spoke to her, but that little ninny didn’t even speak back!”
“I had my run-in with her at the mall,” I groaned and shook my head. “I feel sorry for her family and everybody else who enters her orbit. She’s going to cause them so much misery.”
“She done already caused half of Richland enough misery to last
’em a lifetime. And us, too.”
“I don’t want her in this house unless I’m here. It’s too dangerous for you to be alone with her,” I announced. I checked the Band-Aid and tapped it. “Try not to get this wet.”
“You ain’t got to worry about me. I wouldn’t let Jade in this house if I had a SWAT team standin’ by.” Pee Wee shook his hand again and looked at me. “Annette, by the way, you are still a real good wife,” he told me.
Still a good wife?
I appreciated that comment, but it also confused me. I asked myself if there was a time when I wasn’t a good wife.
“I’m glad you still think that. I’d like to think that I’ve always been a good wife,” I squeaked.
“And you didn’t have to lose all that weight for me. I was happy with you bein’ a real big woman. Your weight was never no problem to me. You were the first extra-large woman I ever got serious about, and I never regretted it. I loved the fact that you was so soft and mushy and cuddly and shit. That was a unique experience for me.” Pee Wee leaned to the side and checked out the snug linen dress I had on. “One of the best kept secrets in America is that big women give the best sex. . . .”
My husband was not a stupid man, but he sure knew how to come up with some dumb shit. I was reluctant to respond to his off-the-wall comments. I gave him a disgusted look and rolled my eyes, and he got the message. “You’re giving me more information than I need,” I said in a deliberately dry voice.
“Don’t you want to hear the truth?” He had a contrite look on his face, so I could not understand why he was still on the same subject.
GOD AIN’ T BLIND
157
“You just told me all I need to know,” I insisted. “Can we put this puppy to bed?”
“Oh. Well, now you know what I think.”
“And for the record, I know what I looked like before I lost the weight, and I know what I look like now. I don’t need you or anybody else to remind me.” A sharp pain shot through my chest, because at that same moment, I recalled some of the hurtful things that Jade had said at the mall in reference to my weight.
It was obvious that Pee Wee wasn’t going to get off this subject until he was good and ready. I was clearly annoyed, but that didn’t seem to bother him. If he was trying to get my goat, he had already done that.
“Do you have anything else to say about my weight?” I asked with a sneer.
He gave me a thoughtful look. “Now that you mentioned it, I just want to say that I don’t see why you get so sensitive about your weight now.” He shook his finger at me. “You done made your point by losin’ so much of it, and I want you to know that I am real proud of you. You done good.”
“I didn’t lose all that weight for you,” I told him. “I did it because I needed to. And besides, it pretty much happened on its own, thanks to Jade.” I took a sip of my coffee. “And to think that I treated her like family for all those years. Boy, was I a fool.”
“Sure enough,” Pee Wee agreed, pouring himself another cup of coffee with his uninjured hand. “They say that the folks closest to you can be your best friend and your worst enemy at the same time.” He set his cup down and whirled around, looking at his watch. We stood in the middle of the kitchen floor, looking at each other. “You look real nice today, Annette. If I didn’t already have plans, I’d take you somewhere to show you off.”
I gave him a hopeful look. It was the closest he had come to propositioning me in months.
“I can take the day off, too,” I told him. If this wasn’t the perfect opportunity for him to make a choice that would make me happy, I didn’t know what was. “We can spend the whole day doing some of the things we used to do.” I gave him a pleading look.
“Uh, that’s all right,” he said abruptly. “Listen, if you don’t see 158
Mary Monroe
me for a couple of days, don’t worry about it. If them carps really is bitin’ as good as I was told, you might not see me for a while.” He grabbed his fishing pole and the rest of his fishing gear off the counter and practically ran out the back door.
I didn’t know what I had done for him to lose so much interest in me. But it seemed like every day he did something to push me farther and farther away. And Louis just happened to be moving closer and closer to my bruised heart.
C H A P T E R 3 2
Icouldn’t wait to dial Louis’s number! For one thing, I owed him an apology and an explanation as to why I had missed our date at Antonosanti’s last night. And I couldn’t wait to hear more of the sweet things that he liked to say to me that made me feel so good about myself.
But it was too early for me to call him. I wanted to chat with Rhoda, but with Jade in the house, that wasn’t so easy anymore. It was better for me to wait for Rhoda to call me, and she still did as often as she could.
Even though I was already dressed for work, I decided at the last minute to take the day off. I was already missing my parents and daughter, and they hadn’t even left for their summer vacation yet.
I thought it would be nice to follow them to the airport in my car to see them off. But when I called, they had already left. With them gone, Pee Wee acting like a part-time husband, and Rhoda now having to devote some of her time to Jade and her boyfriend Marcelo, I knew it was going to be a long, hot, lonely summer for me. Then there was Rhoda’s in-house lover, Bully. He took up a lot of her time, too. That man was in and out of the country—and in and out of Rhoda—more than a drug runner. If things didn’t work out between me and Louis, I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself.
160
Mary Monroe
I looked at my watch every few minutes. I knew Louis opened for business at eight in the morning, but I didn’t want to call him too soon. Knowing what I knew about the restaurant business, thanks to Muh’Dear making me work with her from time to time at the Buttercup, I was certain that Louis was probably busy getting things ready for the day. He was so dedicated and ambitious. Some woman was going to be very lucky, but not until I turned him loose.
By ten I could no longer stand it. I called him up and didn’t mind waiting the ten minutes it took for him to come to the phone after one of his workers answered.
“I’m so sorry about last night,” I began. “Something came up that I couldn’t get out of.”
“I’m glad to hear you’re all right. I was worried sick when you didn’t show up. And I had to force myself not to drive around in my old jalopy, looking for you,” Louis said.
“Oh? Well, I’m glad you didn’t,” I told him.
“Are you at work? Maybe you can come by for lunch. The daily special is assorted seafood, with catfish stew at the top of my list.
When you didn’t show up, I came back here and was up half the night mixing up batter so I could offer some hush puppies to go with today’s special.”
“I am taking today off,” I announced, tilting my head and purs-ing my lips as if I was vamping for
Vogue
magazine. Even though I knew he couldn’t see me, I felt good doing it, because when I did it in front of him, he told me how cute it made me look.
“That’s nice for you, but what’s in it for me?”
“It means my whole day is up for grabs,” I teased.
“Ooh, girl,” Louis said, swooning. “Oh, that’s perfect. I can sac-rifice a day, too. That’s the best advantage to being the boss. Maybe we can spend today together to make up for last night?”
I had not expected him to propose another date so soon, but I was glad he did. The fact that he had presented it as a question made it easier for me to respond.
“I’d like that very much,” I quickly told him. “Just tell me where and what time.”
“Let me address a few things here first. I’ll call you back as soon as I’m done. Uh, that is, if it’s all right for me to call you at home.
GOD AIN’ T BLIND
161
I don’t want your husband to walk in on you having a phone conversation with a strange man and wonder why.”
“You’re not a strange man, Louis,” I stated firmly. “You . . . we have a valid reason to be talking on the telephone. We do business together. Other vendors call me at home from time to time. You can call me at home when you have to.” I wasted no time giving Louis my home telephone number.
“It’s all good now. I’ll call you back soon, baby. I can’t wait to see you.”
“I . . . I can’t wait to see you, too,” I panted. “If you ever want to talk to me and don’t want to call here, call my girl Rhoda and have her get in touch with me.”
“And that’s another thing. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about one of your friends.”
“One of my friends? What about one of my friends?” I panicked.
My first thought was that he had had a disturbing encounter with Jade. The last thing I needed was another situation involving that heifer and a man in my life. For one thing, she was the last person on the planet that I wanted to find out I was having an affair. I’d feel better if my husband found out before her! “Who?” I asked in a shaky voice.
“That elderly sister that runs what she calls a hospitality house. That old lady pimp. She said she helped raise you.” Louis let out a sharp laugh. I laughed, too, but mine was more like a nervous chuckle.
I breathed a sigh of relief. “I’ll tell you all about Scary Mary when I see you.” I chuckled again. “She’s a real piece of work.”
“Rhoda sent her to me, too. She’s planning some big shindig for her girls next month. She’s gwine to rent the special events room at Antonosanti’s and everything. She’s real picky and messy, so I know this is gwine to be a real challenge. But I don’t mind. Whores got to eat, too.”
I planned to tell Louis a G-rated version of my relationship with Scary Mary and her prostitutes. I saw no reason to reveal that I’d been one myself back in the day.
“Call me back when you can,” I told him before I got off the telephone.
I went up to my bedroom, humming all the way, stepped out of 162
Mary Monroe
the snug linen dress, and returned it to my bedroom closest. It gave me a lot of satisfaction to stand there and look at all the new smaller clothes that I had been forced to buy to accommodate my newly streamlined body. But I didn’t get too carried away with that thought.
To keep from getting too far out of touch with reality, I had re-tained at least half of my fat clothes. The flowered muumuus, mater-nity tops, bras with cups that looked like Big Dippers, and dresses that I could have used for bedsheets occupied the far end of the rack. I had no way of knowing whether or not my metamorphosis was permanent or not. Especially since my frame had always been used to hauling around a much larger load. I grabbed a cute sleeveless top off its hanger and a pair of beige running pants from my dresser drawer. After I’d re-dressed, I returned to the kitchen and awaited Louis’s call.