Read God Hates You, Hate Him Back: Making Sense of The Bible Online
Authors: CJ Werleman
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It teaches us that a father may sell his daughter (Exodus 21:7), that he may sacrifice her purity to a mob (Judges 19:24) and that he may murder her and still be a good father and a holy man. It teaches that a man may have any number of wives; that he may sell them, give them away, or change them around and still be a perfect gentleman, a good husband, a righteous man and one of God’s intimate friends.”
Whilst this may seem a squandered opportunity for Jesus to distance himself from the wickedness of God, you have to remember the target audience for these books. The motivation for writing all of the New Testament was to recruit fellow Jews, and gentiles, to their fledgling religion and by denouncing the law of the time, that being Mosaic law, would have meant that the Jesus following Jews would have been bashed to death for blasphemy. Should you defend Jesus’ endorsement of Old Testament barbarism as merely a strategic or life preserving tactic then you are not only calling Jesus a liar, but also a coward for failing to make a principled stance for morality, peace and harmony. What a beautiful conundrum!
John writes one of the most widely known pieces of the Bible in an attempt to show that the Jewish elders and Pharisees were a cunning bunch but no match for quick-witted Jesus. But in doing so, he further illustrates the conundrum that Christians today have in divorcing themselves from the wickedness of the Old Testament. John exemplifies this in the tale of a young lady caught in the act of adultery. The Pharisees dragged this woman by the hair and threw her onto the ground in front of Jesus, demanding to know if he agreed that the female perpetrator be stoned to death as per Mosaic Law. This, the Pharisees thought, would place Jesus in a catch-22. If he did not agree with her being stoned to death, then he was in violation of the law. If he did agree then he contradicted his teachings of forgiveness for sin. Jesus sensed the trap that had been set. Knowing this he stooped onto his haunches and began writing something unintelligible with his finger in the dirt and in a calm soft voice replied:
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If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7 NIV)
John writes that the crowd promptly dispersed one by one until only he and the adulteress remained. To which Jesus said to her, “I forgive you. Go forth and sin no more.” A couple of issues this raises, that being if it was only her and Jesus that remained how do we know this is what he said to her? And where was the husband she had committed adultery with, as the law would demand his execution too?
Further, on what authority did Jesus have to forgive her? And as God’s law of adultery applies only to women, what of her aggrieved husband? Did he forgive her? On this issue, C.S. Lewis, in
Mere Christianity
, makes the following stinging point:
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Now, unless the speaker is God, this is really so preposterous as to be comic. We can all understand how a man forgives his offenses against himself. You tread on my toes and I forgive you, you steal my money and I forgive you. But what should we make of a man, himself unrobed and untrodden-on, who announced that he forgave you for treading on other men’s toes and stealing other men’s money? Asinine fatuity is the kindest description we should give his conduct. Yet this is what Jesus did. He told people that their sins were forgiven, and never waited to consult all the other people whom their sins had undoubtedly injured. He unhesitatingly behaved as if He was the party chiefly concerned, the person chiefly offended in all the offenses. This makes no sense only if he really was the God whose laws are broken and whose love is wounded in every sin. In the mouth of any speaker who is not God, these words would imply what I can only regard as silliness and conceit unrivalled by any other character in history.”
Three of the four Gospels believe it interesting enough to write of Jesus’ ability to walk on water, but Luke must have thought this miracle to be so 500 BC. The narrative has it that Jesus sent his disciples on ahead of him in a separate boat to cross over to the other side of a sea. Jesus wanted to remain behind by himself so that he could pray. Matthew writes that Jesus then walked to the top of a nearby mountain to spend the next four days praying in solitude before performing his aqua miracle, but Mark and John claim that he walked on water the same day he had sent his followers forth.
The stories corroborate in the most part from here, with the three Gospels writing that the boat carrying his disciples was not only at least three miles from shore but was also being buffeted by huge waves and a storm. The disciples feared for their lives, but in the middle of the night one of the oarsmen spotted what he thought was a ghost off in the distance walking across the waves towards them, before another yelled out, “Holy shit, it is Jesus!” The relieved disciples welcomed their teacher onto the boat and for Mark and John that it is the end of this story. For Matthew, his wild imagination leads him to further indulge this piece of fanciful fiction, as he adds that rather than being merely helped into the boat by his disciples, it was Peter who first spotted Jesus and he stepped out of the boat and across the surface of an angry sea to greet Jesus, with both men shaking hands whilst the water lapped below their sandals. The reality, however, of what was happening quickly dawned on Peter and he became concerned that he would sink beneath the waves because whilst he was managing to walk on water without difficulty he could not swim. Jesus seeing Peter’s fear and trepidation grabbed him by one arm and said famously:
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You of little faith, why do you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31 NIV)
Both men returned safely to the boat and the other disciples fell to their feet in praise.
Whilst I enjoy this Biblical story from an entertainment perspective, I prefer the wisdom of an old Russian proverb, that says:
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Pray for help. Fine. But whilst you are doing that don’t forget to row like hell.”
I bet this headline shocked you, even if you aren’t a believer. But believe me, the passage I am about to refer to is one that equally shocked me when I stumbled upon it. Without question this narrative lays the charge that Jesus was indeed a racist and, at the very least, contemptuous of non-Jews.
The story is told in Matthew, whereby Jesus and his disciples leave for the region of Tyre and Sidon. Once parked there for the night, a Caanite woman (non-Jew) approached Jesus pleading that he heal her daughter who was suffering from demonic possession:
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Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly.” (Matthew 21:22 NIV)
Demonstrating that whilst she may not have been of Hebrew origin, she at least had faith in Jesus. Evidently this is not adequate as Jesus responds:
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I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” (Matthew 21:24 NIV)
Advising the woman that his mission from God was to heal Jews only, she falls to her knees crying, and kissing Jesus’ feet, pleading that whilst she is not a Jew, she believes that he is the Son of God. Jesus growing exasperated replies callously:
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It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs.” (Matthew 21:26 NIV)
This implies the Caanites are merely Hebrew slaves and not worthy of God’s love or care. The woman grows increasingly desperate, and in victim language consistent with anyone who has been oppressed says:
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Yes Lord, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.” (Matthew 21:27 NIV)
Jesus rises from his chair, looks down upon this grief-stricken woman, and says to her that she is of great faith and therefore he will make an exception in her case.
What a guy!
We have already witnessed the surly and ill-tempered Jesus disrespect his mother Mary at the wedding where Jesus turned water into great tasting vino, and according to Matthew and Luke he is guilty once more of treating his dear mum with contempt during a moment when Jesus is preaching to a small crowd milling around him. One of the audience members, calls out, “Hey Jesus your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.” Jesus, in an act of impetuous teenage-like rebellion, replies:
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Who is my mother and who are my brothers?’ Pointing at his disciples he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers’.” (Matthew 12:48-49 NIV)
Luke writes that Jesus replies:
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My mother and brothers are those who hear God’s words and put it into practice.” (Luke 8:21 NIV)
Regardless, whether it is Matthew’s words, or that of Luke’s that is correct, if this event were to have taken place it does provide an insightful perspective into Jesus’ character. An insight that reveals that he’d rather play guru with his handful of fans than show his mother a little piece of son-mother acknowledgement and another example showing Jesus’ lack of parental respect, as per Mosaic laws. Matthew even has Jesus endorsing this command when he tells of a verbal exchange between Jesus and some Jewish priests. Jesus chastises the priests for failing to execute their own children for disrespect, claiming that they have turned a blind eye to this law so they may continue to use their children as workers:
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And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother and anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death’.” (Matthew 15:3-4 NIV)
I am sure your Christian friends have no idea that Jesus sanctions the murder of children, but there it is.
Jesus quickly grew his disciple base from the initial two to twelve as the small legion of fans had increased from a few dozen to more than a couple hundred and, like any growing fan club, the greater number of administrative tasks required additional volunteers. Jesus then called on the following twelve, giving them the authority to:
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Drive out evil spirits and to heal every disease and sickness.” (Matthew 10:1 NIV)
The following men became the twelve: Simon and his brother Andrew; James and his brother John; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James; Thaddaeus; Simon the Zealot and Judas Iscariot.
Jesus set forth strict instructions that they were to pass on his teachings to Jews only and forbidden to speak to those uncircumcised men of the Gentiles (non-Jews). Echoing his racist overture within the earlier story of him refusing to heal a Caanite woman’s daughter.
Jesus asked them to preach the following message:
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The kingdom of heaven is near. Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give. Do not take along any gold or silver or copper in your belts; take no bag for this journey, or extra tunic, or sandals or a staff; for the worker is worth his keep.” (Matthew 10:6-10 NIV)
Sending them off, he bid them farewell with the words, “I am sending you out like sheep among the wolves”.
John only provides names for the first four disciples and Luke writes that the tenth of the twelve disciples is Judas son of James, whereas Matthew had included Thaddaeus.
In regards to Simon the Zealot, he is arguably the only one of the twelve to be of some moral courage, as the term zealot in those times was a label given to those that conspired to overthrow the Roman occupation. The zealots were the Jewish freedom fighters of the day.
The parable of the narrow and wide gate is his next piece of worldly wisdom:
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Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:13-14 NIV)
I have always had difficulty in fathoming this message, as it implies that a large proportion of mankind (us) are doomed for failure and doomed for eternal hell. This is not really a message inspiring hope and pitiful in comparison to the soaring rhetoric of Martin Luther King, the kind that leads ordinary people to do extraordinary things. Jesus is demonstrating his low expectations of his fellow man, his pessimism and doubt. Which poses somewhat of a logistical nightmare of sorts, for example, there are almost six billion of us currently inhabiting the earth, excluding anyone born after yesterday, all six billion of us will die within the next 110 years. Applying Pareto’s 80/20 law, which seems to work for everything else in nature, business and sport, only 1.2 billion of us are going to heaven, whilst 4.8 billion of us heathens are going to hell. Add in the eighty percent of every single person that has ever inhabited the earth in the past 2,000 years and we are talking about a severe shortage of real estate in Satan’s Inn. Certainly an opportunity to build some long-term condominium developments by the shores of Sulphur Lake!