Gold Mountain (25 page)

I stumbled when I tried to explain how talking to the Thomases had made me feel and stumbled even more sharing the story of Alfred Betterman, but somehow it seemed that relating the incident to Jake Pandora had freed me from the terrible, secret burden of shame I’d carried with me for so many months. A week ago, the idea of telling Ruth about that night outside the legation hadn’t been something I could even consider. Now, although the telling still had an element of awkwardness about it, I was able to clutch my teacup and softly reveal all the fear and grief and responsibility of that dreadful time.

Ruth kept her gaze fixed on my face as I spoke and when I finished reached across the table to take my hand. “You should have told me before,” she said. “Why did you think you had to keep it all to yourself?”

“I didn’t want to trouble you with the details, and I couldn’t say the words out loud, anyway. They wouldn’t come.”

“Until Jake Pandora—”

“No,” I interrupted firmly. “He just happened to be there when the words spilled out, but it wasn’t his doing. It was the look on Stanley Thomas’s face and Irene Gallagher’s constant harping and—more than that. Just everything, Ruth.”

“I know you didn’t like Mrs. Gallagher, and I admit she takes some getting used to, but I find her such a sad woman that I can’t hold her actions against her.”

“Sad? Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know, exactly, except that I don’t think she and her husband are very close, even though he’s given her every material thing a woman could want. You missed her talking about their brand new house on Nob Hill. The Gallaghers imported New England red brick and had it designed in a style Irene remembered from her childhood on the east coast. She was telling us how they added twin towers to the design along with matching observation decks, and how they brought a man all the way from Boston to create the design of the wrought-iron railings.”

I had a sudden memory of sitting next to Colin and seeing Jake Pandora exit exactly that house on Nob Hill. I supposed it was possible that he had business dealings with Ralph Gallagher, but I tucked the knowledge away for later thought.

“That’s interesting,” I commented, returning to the conversation,” but what does that have to do with your feeling sorry for Irene Gallagher? A custom-built new home in the city’s most affluent neighborhood doesn’t sound like a reason for sympathy.”

“I know, but when she was talking about it, she kept asking her husband to elaborate on the details, and he was completely disinterested in everything she said, almost dismissive, and certainly bored with the topic. I was embarrassed for her, really, and felt so thankful for the life I had, a loving husband and a fine home and the baby—” Ruth’s voice drifted off for a moment before concluding, “Of course, the Gallaghers have two sons, so Irene must know the joy of children, too, so I can’t explain why I feel sorry for her, and I have to admit there were a few times last night that she was truly disagreeable.”

“Thank you for that concession. You’re a much better woman than I am, Ruth, because I found Mrs. Gallagher and several of her society friends to be disagreeable more often than just a few times.”

“So you ran away.”

“In the contrary way of life, I run when I shouldn’t and can’t run when I should. Yes, you’re right. Last night I ran away. ”

“And Jake Pandora found you.”

“Somehow.”

“I saw him leave the room abruptly. He’s hard to miss, you know.”

“Indeed.” I didn’t miss Ruth’s slight flush and sighed. What would it be like to spend one’s life with a man whom other women were always sighing over and ogling? Women were allowed that kind of attention but not men. Men should not be that beautiful.

“He must have seen you depart and followed you. How attentive of him! I didn’t realize the two of you were that friendly.” My sister imbued the word friendly with all sorts of connotations that I hastened to correct.

“We’re not friendly, not the way you mean, and I don’t know why he decided to follow me, if that’s really what he did. I do know that once he found me, he wished he hadn’t. Men are so helpless when it comes to tears, and I was certainly crying! He was trying to comfort me, I think, but didn’t know what to do or how to do it.”

“Ah.” Ruth’s single syllable conveyed an amused skepticism, but she decided to move on to other topics. “Now, tell me the truth about intruders in our home last night and don’t bother talking about burglars or ghosts because they’re both on the list of topics I don’t believe.”

“I think someone knew we were gone and expected to find if not Suey Wah herself, then at least something to prove she resided here.”

Ruth was quiet a moment, digesting the information. “And did they find it, do you think?”

“Yes, I fear so,” I replied, considering the small
sahn
I’d found wrinkled and disturbed in its bureau drawer and the child-sized slippers that had sat so prominently by the bedroom door.

“Oh, dear. Don’t let Martin know or he’ll make us take some kind of drastic action.”

“I don’t think it will be Martin’s decision, Ruth. I have to tell Donaldina tomorrow, and I know what she’ll say. Her girls’ safety is paramount to her, and she’s already worried about Suey Wah and questioning her stay in San Francisco.” I added gently, “I’m afraid you shouldn’t expect the child to remain with us much longer.”

My sister’s disappointment showed in her expression, but she still responded firmly, “If Suey Wah will be safer elsewhere, then, of course, she must go. I understand completely. But the house will seem empty and lonely without her.”

“Only for a few more weeks. Then you’ll be busy with the baby and unable to recall that the house ever seemed empty.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Ruth stood abruptly to gather our empty cups and saucers. “Now it’s time for bed. I’m tired.” As an after thought she added, “I realize last night wasn’t as enjoyable for you as I’d hoped, but did any of San Francisco’s eligible bachelors catch your eye?” I banished the memory of Jake Pandora’s cool skin under my fingertips.

“No. I’m sorry. You did your best, though, so don’t blame yourself. I’m afraid you might be stuck with an old maid for a sister.” Then I thought of Donaldina Cameron, single, too, but impassioned for a cause that altered and saved lives. Miss Cameron made more of a difference in the world than Irene Gallagher would ever make should she live to be a hundred. “Not that I’m ashamed of that, mind you, or think being single is a disease or a flaw to be fixed.”

But Ruth wasn’t listening. She had already reached the kitchen doorway and turned into the hall toward the stairs, but I could still hear her from where I sat.

“Old maid indeed,” she said aloud, laughing a little as she spoke. “I’m pregnant, not blind and deaf. An old maid. That’s rich.” Laughing at me, I knew, but I didn’t have the energy to defend myself. My sister wasn’t the only one who was tired.

That night as I sat on the edge of the bed plaiting my hair, Suey Wah knocked timidly on my door. I looked up, saw her, and smiled an invitation.

“Come in, my little bird. I thought you were asleep.”

“I was, but I was frightened by a dream.” She looked frightened still, eyes too dark and wide and her complexion pale.

“Then come here.” I held out my arms and when she came into my embrace, I could feel that she continued to tremble. “It was only a dream, little bird. You’re safe here.” Suey Wah climbed up on the bed next to me and snuggled against my side.

“I don’t think I am safe here any more, Qing.”

“Why not?” I turned to look down into her small face.

“I don’t know. I feel it, though. And there was the dream.”

“Can you tell me about it?”

Suey Wah frowned with concentration. “A big, shiny man was in my dream, and he was surrounded by stars.”

“An angel, Suey Wah?”

She shook her head vigorously. “No, no, Qing. Not an angel. A bad man, I think, but now I cannot remember why I thought he was bad.”

I stood and pulled back the covers as invitation. “Crawl in, little bird. You should sleep with me tonight. We’ll be safe if we are together.” Suey Wah obediently crawled under the covers, which I pulled up to her chin. I planted a quick kiss on her forehead, saying, “You know you may trust me to keep you safe, little bird.”

“Oh, yes, Qing. We are friends, you said, and friends protect each other.”

I turned off the bedroom lamp so the room was in darkness and before my own head reached the pillow, I could hear that the child’s breathing had slowed and softened, indicating that she had already returned to sleep. I lay for a while staring into the dark room, said a prayer for Suey Wah and another for my lost Mae Tao, and then I, too, slept as soundly as the little girl beside me.

The next day when I shared my fears for Suey Wah with Miss Cameron, she said exactly what I had anticipated. “I arranged a safe place to send the child weeks ago, Dinah, but because you asked so convincingly to allow her to stay with you and your sister on Grove Street, I didn’t pursue the matter. Now, however, I hope you understand that I can’t risk Suey Wah’s safety any longer. I know all of you will be disappointed, but the child needs to leave San Francisco. It’s not safe for her here. I’ve had more than one source tell me about a white man willing to pay a generous reward for Suey Wah.”

“Who?”

“No one is able to attach a name to the man, despite efforts to uncover his identity, and we need to accept the fact that we may never know. Frankly, I think that’s because there is more than one man involved. I’ve long held the opinion that San Francisco is home to a clandestine network of smugglers far larger than we realize, a network made up of many men, some prominent and some not. I don’t think it’s as easy as identifying one chief criminal who’s pulling the strings like a puppet master. As long as the Chinese Exclusion Act remains in place and Chinese women are not legally allowed into the country, men will continue to profit from importing them illegally and under the same deplorable conditions as Suey Wah described. Chinese men—and white men, too—will buy them for whatever purpose they choose and because no one acknowledges that the girls are in this country, no one will lift a finger to help them. It is outrageous but it’s also life. Politicians with limited vision or narrow and self-serving interests often make laws that have unexpected and unfortunate consequences.”

“Someday when women have the vote, we’ll change that.”

Donaldina raised one skeptical brow. “If I had the time, I’d debate whether we’ll see the vote in my lifetime—see it ever, for that matter—but I have a meeting with the Mission Board this morning, so I’ll spare you my opinion about the probability of women’s suffrage. I’ll reach my contacts this week and let you know about Suey Wah’s departure as soon as I have specifics.” She rested a hand briefly on my shoulder. “It’s the right thing to do, Dinah. You know that.”

Of course, I knew that, but the idea of sending Suey Wah away to strangers was difficult for me to consider, and over the next few days, as Ruth, Martin, I, and Suey Wah herself adjusted to the idea of the child’s departure, a pall of sorts descended over the house on Grove Street. Without speaking about it, Suey Wah appeared in my doorway each night and silently crawled into bed next to me.

The night before she was scheduled to leave, she did the same, but as we lay in the dark room, Suey Wah said quietly, “I am very sad to leave, Qing. Must I?”

“I’m afraid so, little bird. Lo Mo has found a safe nest for you, somewhere where the shiny man cannot find you and hurt you.”

“I will return as soon as I can.”

“I know, and we will always have a place ready for you.”

“I will not get to see Mrs. Ruth’s baby.”

“We don’t know that for sure. If we find the shiny man and put him in jail where he cannot hurt you, then you can come back to Grove Street and be the baby’s sister.”

Suey Wah gave a contented sigh, and reached for my hand under the covers. “A sister and a friend, Qing. Could it really be so? I left my sisters behind when my father sold me.”

I gave her little hand a squeeze. “Yes, it could be so. We don’t have to look alike or be born into the same family to be sisters and friends, you know.”

“I know.” Suey Wah’s voice was faint and close to sleep. “I know it is the heart that matters.” Her voice trailed off into sleep.

The heart indeed, I thought, blinking back tears, where Suey Wah would always have her own corner, even if I never saw her again.

Colin O’Connor stopped by 920 that same week to invite me to join him on an afternoon outing to Golden Gate Park.

“I’d love to go!” I exclaimed. “The park is one of my favorite places in the world!”

“I know. You told me. That’s the reason I picked it.”

I looked at his grinning face in puzzlement. “I don’t remember that.”

“Ah, mavourneen, there’s not a thing about you I could ever forget. You mentioned your fondness for the park over lunch at the Poodle Dog the first day we ever stepped out together. You were just making conversation, I know, but I stored it away for future reference. It’s my duty to make you happy, you know.”

His smile and the open admiration in his eyes had the ability to do just that. Colin O’Connor was an uncomplicated pleasure in a world that had become complex and treacherous. I didn’t know if what I felt for him was love in any conventional sense of the word, but I enjoyed his company, admired his appearance, and appreciated his devotion to his job. I felt he was a man of heartfelt vocation and because I saw villains without conscience or integrity around every corner, I clung to Colin’s easy manner and clear green eyes with an enthusiasm that with hindsight I realize made him more certain of my regard for him than was truly warranted. He was very comfortable to be around, with none of those churning emotions in the pit of my stomach that Jake Pandora caused, and I was always very conscious of—and comforted by—the sense of Colin’s masculine strength and determination to take care of me at all costs. He was ambitious but that couldn’t be considered a fault. Men were supposed to be ambitious and especially men in 1901 San Francisco. Ambition was inhaled as an integral part of the air of the city. And because he was good looking in a traditional way, people were not always turning around to stare after Colin whenever we were out together in public. I found the effect Jake Pandora’s appearance had on other women to be understandable but disconcerting and often annoying.