Gold Mountain (29 page)

“He’s handsome, all right.”

“But maybe you prefer blonde, burly policemen.”

“Maybe I do.” I let her tease me for the remainder of the afternoon, but my meeting with Colin two days earlier had not gone well.

He had met me outside 920 Tuesday evening as I started on my way home from a disappointing day that had included spending the morning tracking down an ultimately false lead to Mae Tao, a futile search for a house slave who had sent a request for rescue, and the rare occurrence of a young woman resident that had run away from the mission to return to her life at a high-class brothel. We had followed that older girl there only to have her tell us she did not wish to be rescued, that she found her lessons tedious, her clothes plain, and her accommodations inadequate.

The girl’s unwise choice hurt and surprised me but did not seem to have a similar effect on Miss Cameron, who looked at the girl squarely and said in passable Chinese, “The road you take determines your destination. If you change your mind, we will always have room for you.”

“It happens, Dinah,” Miss Cameron said later, “and I advise you to accept the fact and stop fuming about it. Making bad choices is universal and international and we can do nothing about it but be ready to pick up the pieces if we are asked to do so.”

I knew she was right, but the three unsuccessful rescues put me in a sour mood for the walk home. I looked forward to a solitary trip in order to work through the unpleasantness of the day and prepare myself for the first afternoon returning home without Suey Wah’s little figure waiting for me in the hallway. Because of my heavy thoughts, I viewed Colin O’Connor’s approaching figure with less than wholehearted welcome.

He fell into step beside me, looked sideways at me as we walked, and was quiet for a while. Finally he commented, “’Twas a bad day you had then.”

“Yes,” I agreed without slowing my pace, “very bad.”

“What can I do to make it better?”

“Nothing, unless you have a magic wand to wave and make young girls less foolish.”

“Trouble with the little Suey Wah?”

“No, not Suey. She’s well out of harm’s way by now, thank God.” I gave Colin a brief version of the day’s disappointing events as we waited on the corner.

“You can’t save people who don’t want to be saved, Dinah. You’re intelligent enough to recognize that. Most of those girls you worry so much about are happy to sell themselves. It’s a better life than they’d have had otherwise.”

I found his comments so extraordinarily ignorant that I rounded on him fiercely. “That’s an offensive thing to say, Colin! You’ve spent time on Morton Street. Do those women look happy to you? Believe me, they’re not seeing any benefit from their abused lives. It’s men that profit from their bodies and then dispose of them without a second thought as soon as a woman dares to grow old or ill.”

“I’m sorry. I only meant—”

“I know what you meant.” I hurried across the street with Colin sprinting behind me to keep up.

“Dinah, don’t take that tone with me.”

I paused on the other side of the street to turn and glare up at him. “What tone would that be exactly?”

“That superior tone, like I’m too common or too uneducated to understand what you’re saying. And don’t turn your back on me when we’re talking. I’d never do that to you. It’s not respectful and I deserve better.”

“Deserving doesn’t come into it. If the idea of a woman with a temper, a will, and her own opinions bothers you, maybe you should find another woman to spend time with.” When I whirled away and tried to take a step, Colin grasped my arm.

“I don’t want another woman. I want you. Only you. Temper and will and opinions and all.” He would have kissed me right there in the middle of that public walk, I think, except I backed away hastily.

“Let go of my arm, Colin. It’s not the time or the place.”

He released me immediately, apologizing a second time. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to talk to you when you’re like this, Dinah. I don’t know how to make you listen to me. I didn’t mean what you thought I meant before. Sometimes you don’t give a man a chance to defend himself.”

“Men have lots of chances to defend themselves, Colin,” I replied, but more gently. “To start with, the law defends them, and if they don’t like the laws they can vote to change them.”

“And is it my fault now that women don’t have the vote?” The hint of despair I heard in his voice made me chuckle, my good humor slowly returning.

“No, my dear. I concede that the absence of universal suffrage is not your fault.”

“Well, I’m glad I don’t have to carry the blame for that, at least.” He lifted my chin with his thumb and pretended to examine my face. “Looks to me like the storm clouds are disappearing and that might be a bit o’ sunshine I see in your face.”

I pulled away. “You may be right, Colin O’Connor, but if you plaster the Irish brogue too thick, I guarantee the sunshine won’t stay. Now I have to get home. Ruth will be waiting supper.”

“Dinah—” Something on his face or in his tone made my heart go out to him. Maybe just the way he stood there, his posture intangibly forlorn and his expression confused.

“Yes?”

“Don’t treat me like I don’t have feelings. I do, and they run deep.”

The plain sincerity in his tone made me ashamed of my recent outburst. “I know you have feelings, Colin.” We shared an awkward pause. I thought he waited for more from me, perhaps an expression of my own feelings or even an apology for my bad temper, but I had no intention of saying anything more on any subject.

At last, Colin asked, “Are you busy Friday? I’ve got the whole day off. I thought we could make another trip to Cliff House. Maybe take in the Sutro baths, if you’ve got a bathing costume.”

The idea was appealing, but I answered with regret, “I’d love that, Colin, but I already have plans for the day. I’m sorry.”

“Your sister?”

“No, not Ruth.”

“With someone else then?” he persisted.

“Yes, with someone else,” I admitted carefully. I didn’t appreciate the reaction my words caused: the hurt I saw on his face and a level of suspicion he wasn’t able to hide quickly enough.

“Do I have a rival for your affections, Dinah?”

The memory of Jake Pandora’s kisses came unbidden to mind. Was he Colin’s rival? Good looks aside, there was something about Pandora to which I was very attracted, an attraction that also held the hint of a feeling I’d once experienced caught in an undertow while bathing in a river. Inexorably drawn away from the safety and the familiarity of the shore into waters that held the potential for deadly disaster.

When I didn’t answer, Colin said, “You owe me the truth, Dinah.”

“I don’t know if I owe you anything, Colin, but if I do, now is not the time to pay the debt.”

“If you’re spending time with that man, Pandora, you’re making a serious mistake.”

His assumption surprised, even shocked me, so that I replied sharply with the arrogance Colin disliked, “I don’t see how that would be any of your business.”

With cause for provocation, his measured reply was equally surprising. “You’re a free woman. I know that, but Jake Pandora isn’t the man you think he is.”

“What do you mean?”

He shook his head gently, and his even tone was more convincing than any impassioned rhetoric. “I can’t say more, but I’d hate to see you hurt by a man whose dealings would disgust you. He plays a deep game and—”

I didn’t want to hear more and interrupted him without compunction. “I appreciate your concern, but it’s completely unwarranted. Mr. Pandora and I share some common interests based in China and that’s all there is to it. Now I need to go home. We’ll talk later.”

“Will we? Do you promise?” His tone had lost all its belligerence and held instead the quality of a little boy asking for a favor. I felt ashamed again. Colin O’Connor did indeed deserve more from me, deserved better. It was totally illogical to blame him for my failures, for the injustices of the legal system, or for the inconsistencies of human behavior. And it was especially unfair to hold Colin responsible for my ambivalent feelings about Jake Pandora. Colin never pretended to be anything other than what he was and never pretended to feel anything other than what his words admitted. I should appreciate his candor and his concern, even if his remarks about Jake Pandora made me question my own judgment and feelings. I didn’t like appearing coquettish and callous before the honest emotion I saw in Colin’s eyes and heard in his voice.

“I do promise. Maybe we could spend some time together Sunday afternoon.”

“I’m on the beat that day, but I’ll be in touch. Don’t forget about me, Dinah. I’m not a man to take lightly.”

“I know. I’d never do that.”

“All right then, but keep it in mind for the future. Should I see you home?”

I shook my head. “No, please don’t. I need some time by myself. You should get used to keeping your distance when I’m feeling cranky.”

“I could never get used to keeping my distance from you. I’d have to be dead for that to happen.” It may have been Colin’s careful warning about Jake Pandora or simply that a cloud passed over the late afternoon sun as we said good-bye, but whatever the cause, I carried a chill with me all the way home.

When Casey picked me up Friday morning, I had completely recovered from Tuesday’s bad temper. I had returned to the mission Wednesday to donate an extra day that week because Ruth planned to be gone the greater part of the day at a meeting of a local charity board on which she served, and I didn’t relish the prospect of being by myself. The exchange with Colin had troubled me more than I would admit to anyone, even—or especially—to myself. I knew my earlier conduct had given him every right to believe I was interested in him as more than a friend, and there were times I thought he was right. His open regard was flattering, and I admired much about him, including his impassioned allegiance to his police work and comrades and his determined ambition. I had no doubt he would make something of himself, could see him as the city’s police commissioner one day or in some other prestigious position. I liked him as a person, too, enjoyed his humor, his gentle mockery of his own Irish roots, and his physical strength that made me feel safe and cherished. I thought he would be a good husband, a generous provider, and an impassioned lover. And yet lately I’d thought something important was missing between us. I didn’t know what and I didn’t know why but something seemed lacking. I feared the “something” was connected with my increased interaction with Jake Pandora, but that was as far as I could contemplate. I didn’t think my interest had all that much to do with Pandora’s extraordinary good looks because in our recent exchanges I hadn’t given a thought to the perfection of his features. Truthfully, if—
when
— he annoyed me, he might as well have been Quasimodo of Notre Dame. I couldn’t identify the source of his appeal, if appeal it was, except that I found in his attitude a kind of kindred spirit, strength and determination and self-confidence yet with an intangible air of vulnerability that I recognized in myself.

I couldn’t dismiss Colin’s warning about Pandora, however. Maybe it had been said only to denigrate a man Colin considered a rival, but his steady tone had seemed detached from his professed feelings for me. There had been steel behind the words.

In a perverse way, I hoped my interest in Jake Pandora was just because of that perfect face, though if that was the reason I thought of him with increasing frequency, how superficial did that make me? Dinah Hudson, my father’s daughter and Donaldina Cameron’s friend, enthralled with a man’s handsome face and forget about character and morals and intentions—! Too much introspection is not healthy, I told myself firmly as I dressed Friday morning, and decided to give myself the benefit of the doubt. Whether Colin’s warning was legitimate or not, Jake Pandora could still prove very useful to me. Surely it was the fact that he might have discovered something about the vile man who bore the responsibility for Suey Wah’s fearsome journey and Mae Tao’s disappearance that accounted for my good, my very good, mood as I contemplated spending the afternoon with him.

From his seat, Casey said, “Everything’s quiet this morning, Miss. Jake told me I wasn’t even to think about bringing you if there was a chance of trouble, but it’ll be safe enough.” His words added to the pleasure of a day lit by a perfect sun and loaded with more blue sky than any day should be allowed to possess.

“Good,” I called to him before climbing into his cab. “Nothing should be permitted to spoil this lovely day.” When he would have turned into the alley to deposit me immediately in front of the transport office, I protested.

“I can walk, Casey. Spare your poor beast the trek up the hill.”

“But Jake told me—”

“Jake Pandora shouldn’t always get his way. Set me down at the foot of the hill and allow me the opportunity for a walk.”

Once I stood on the walk I tossed him a coin and he protested again. “But Jake already paid!”

“No doubt, but I can pay my own way. If your conscience bothers you, give Mr. Pandora his money back. Otherwise, consider it our secret.” I gave him a grin to which he responded with one of his own.

“Keeping secrets from Jake Pandora can get a man into trouble.”