Authors: Beatone Hajong
“Will she ever be mine” such trembling curiosity strolled in to my mind.
At that moment, I stood awkwardly with no accurate and decisive control over myself. It lighted the fire inside and began to burn down my inner strength until I felt weak kneeling on my knees. Such strong outburst emotions put me into trouble whenever she happened to appear before my eyes. How fair was it to me I knew not. For those dreams I’ve seen shall be washed away by air of emotionless. Thereby, I would turn into a Man of no passion, no sorrow, no happiness and no love for others. But this was not all who I could be. If my love began to lose then I would disappear the glory of what I was instead of living like a dead stone. If my love wins, I would promise to fulfil the pastures of life that would bind us together forever. My heart did demanded out of every breath to be with her. At times, I even felt she knew what I have inside my heart for her but that was confidential between us. Every day I did used to bring back a memory of her from school that nurtured on my mind. I began to get used to it such ways. I knew for sure if my confession would revealed out she would definitely create a limitation between us. But no matter how the things was I didn’t wanted anything bad to happen. I started to bear the great sufferings like a lover endures for his love. Each day my love grew brighter for her and I could feel the charismatic flow of blood within my heart. A wish I used to wait, if she could spent just one day with me freeing her boyfriend for that particular day I could have showed her the true potential within me which wish never came true. Yet then the love seemed to be so true that it never deformed away. Maybe, I should wait for her release from their bond of relationship. What should I decide, it conquered me with rows of terrific questions until I realized that love needs patience. This long term of endurance and patience I didn’t knew how long it could go. If their love never ends I would surely pray for their lifetime. But what if my love goes wasteful, fracturing my heart I would be no where in this world. That hollowness would swallow me until I’m grinded into tiny particles. How painful it would be suffering with no reasons only to save the love that one could go at any extent. So was I in such trap longing for the love to be mine. Falling in love was never a mistake I considered but in love with Anannya, was it right or wrong I never intended to know. I just followed where my heart resided. I gave her my first priority in my heart. Indeed it was like, Anannya the name engraved on my chest which never faded away. All my happiness began to shed tears, tried hard to make myself understand but that wasn’t enough to console me until I could feel the palm of her rubbed on my cheek. The seasons of sorrows and pains did not change. And I remained the same as I was before. The only duty I would perform truthfully was going to school cause that would make my day watching Anannya very close and the very moment used to shut me up as the school hours would get over. The rest of the day would appear dark before my eyes with heap of sorrows and loneliness that added to me. To compensate the inner effects within my heart the only source of healing was a bottle of beer, which had become one of my daily routine since the time I fell In Love with Anannya. Moreover the concrete reason was, she was not
mine but she had a man beside her, now that dropped me on my knees. Never knew how to resolve back myself but I desperately needed her. Was it my pride or the anger that rolled me to turn violent against myself. I knew I was suffering inside but I had no choice who could understand me and let me free out of this traumatic ache. Each day I began to feel weak inside my heart and that gleam on my face began to fade away
.
I had no practical thought what would I do at such mental ache. Was I deeply in love in with her, somehow I managed to speak out the real truth. Yes, indeed I was.
A sudden knock ticked at my door. And I was still busy with my writing. The knock got louder and harder. Someone from outside called out my name but I failed to pay my attention at its first attempt. Gradually it became more louder perhaps I was so much lost into my writings that it failed me to divert my conscious towards the knock that was asking for my attention. I jerked out in sudden “Just wait I’m coming”.
I slid my steps towards the door and unlocked the hook. I saw Isha stood before me.
“Hey! It’s 5:00pm” said Isha.
I twisted my hand to glance at my wrist watch. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were here” with my apologetic tone.
“It’s fine”.
“Where you thinking to move out”.
“No..Just by the street cafes”.
“Yeah!..alright”.
“I shall be waiting for you down...and yes I would love to see your story too”.
Isha followed out my room. With that small conversation I started to prepare myself. I collected my diary in one of my hand and the pen strolled in my pocket. I stepped out of my room and locked the door. Walked towards the elevator that slid me to the ground floor. There I could see Isha being seated on one side corner of soft cuisine that was placed at the centre of reception hall. She turned her face and happened to see me. “So, you are out. You look fantastic”.
“You kidding right” I uttered. She laughed and patted on my head.
“Where do you want to go” I inquired her.
“That’s the cafe situated few distance away from this hotel, let’s take the chance of visiting it” Isha pointing her finger towards its direction.
I nodded my head with an explicit smile that flourished on my face. We headed to move on. Our steps added together as we marched to move.
“So, what you have been doing the day” she asked.
“Well, I was quiet busy with my diary”.
“Yeah ! I could see that. I would love to take the opportunity to glance your diary for once”. “Yeah! Surely. It’s no more a diary but a life story”.
She smiled and peeked her eyes sharply at me.
“Why can’t you fall in love with someone who would love you more” Isha directed her voice politely.
I shuddered to smile with exaggerate expression on my face.
“Why you asking me to fall in love again”.
“Don’t you love anyone” she squinted.
My eye brow raised high, wide apart from each other, fiddling out the question asked by Isha.
“I guess not”.
“You’ll find someday” she said.
We walked to cross the road onto the other side. She came closer to me and grasped my hand as our steps headed together. I could feel her palm cold. My breath shrilled out heavily.
“What’s wrong with your palm. It’s precisely too cold” I asked.
We were moving parallel through the subway. Finally we could see we were on the other side of the road. The cafe just few more steps away. We began to slow down and let ourselves feel the air that blew smoothly touching the uncovered skin.
“I don’t..it’s cold since the morning” said Isha softly.
The cafe had access towards the passersby. Every now and then we could see people and vehicle passing through the street. We took and settled to one empty table. It had the mesmerizing effect that made us feel with it’s beautiful decoration and the effect of breeze blowing silently. Nothing to take heavy but a cup of coffee we probably preferred. The waiter in no time served us with the coffee cup. I was holding the diary in my hand. I managed to put it down on the table.
“Can I have a look..what you wrote today” her voice sounded kind.
“Sure..It’s everyone’s part now” taking a sip of my coffee.
“Not..yet but soon it will be” she said.
“Hope I get it done”.
“Just believe in yourself” she took a sip.
“So, what about your thesis” I asked her.
“Well, I’m working on it. I’ll have to refine it when I’ll go back to Houston. Only then I can show you the final product”.
She took the diary in her hand and flipped some pages from it. She started to read out. After few lines she made a paused and glanced at me.
“I don’t know how far your love would reach but if I would be Anannya.. I would have never let such things happen” she took a deep breath.
I nodded my head and sighed deeply. She turned another page and proceeded to read further. While I was stable on my chair sipping in my coffee. In the middle she managed to take a sip of her coffee but ignored to look at any other things except for the page she had been deeply engrossed with.
“Imagine If I was Anannya before you right now..what would be your reaction” she suddenly jerked with a question before me.
I was stumbled by that, stammering to reply what would be my ultimate reaction if she turns into her. I was struck with puzzle on my head. Isha looked at me and smiled out.
“You got confuse” she said.
“Maybe” my voice slowly faded away.
“So, you collected all your dimmed memories”.
“I should.. that would complete my life story” I added.
“That’s excellent” she said turning a page.
I completed my coffee. I could watch out Isha was captivated with the words written on my diary. Nothing she paid on attention but rushed to read every words and emotions that were penned on the papers. She gradually began to grew soft. Her eyes shifting into clouds of emotions and feelings that revealed with the redness that calmly appeared through the linings which was inevitable. She stopped to take a sudden glance at me as she reached further, turning out each page safely. I was left seated enjoying the other perspective view of the environment whereas Isha still drown into my diary. She somehow wanted to complete it out with no break. I decided not to interrupt her. In fact, I was in state of boredom by now. Yet, I have to give the company by her side. Every after few minutes I glanced at my wrist watched. I never knew I had written more today. Finally she crumbled out from the dairy of unfold words. She closed it before me and gently handed on my side.
“I can’t believe you have lots of attachment to her” she said softly.
“Maybe this is what love has taught me”.
Isha nodded her head and took a small sip of coffee. “I pray that God listens to your words” she said.
“Do you think it’s possible she be back again”.
“ Do you believe that, have that trust, the faith..then I don’t think any force can stop you to be together all over again” she said intently. I sighed deeply at her thought.
“Love tends to be fragile until we make it strong with our vows” my voice said with intense attention.
“I agree to that. You seemed to be very abducted by her loss”.
“Is that so....I don’t think it’s the truth” said I casually.
“Well..what could be the other reason than” Isha chuckled.
“The other reason stands before me”.
“You mean to say me” she demanded.
“Oh! C’mon kidding....chill out”.
“So, you’re going to be an Author as you complete your life history..Am I right”.
“Well, writing is a sort of passion for me. Why not try for bigger action” said I.
“And you got better thing to write...your own story. That’s sounds interesting” she said.
“What do you think, will Anannya feel the same when she hears about your book” Isha gently squirmed.
“I can’t say anything about her feelings..she may feel different”.
“You’re dump headed guy!!!!!!” her voice sounded kind a funny.
“Was that serious”.
“Just kidding” she laughed out loud.
“I found it annoying..!!!!” said I.
“Don’t be so sentimental” she chuckled.
“I was kidding too” said I.
“Why not take something to eat that would enrich our conversation more interesting”.
“That’s a better thought..what should we take”.
“A pair of sandwich will do for me” said Isha.
I signalled the waiter to take our requirement. He proceeded with our orders and exit to place the order.
“So are you thinking of making it on national bestseller list” Isha asked.
“No..that’s not my intention. I just want to leave my footprints, a memory. The depth of love I felt for her” I added. Jasmine breaths softly and nodded her head.
“So, people will be thinking you’re a mad lover” she grinned.
I broke out to laugh “well, that’s their thinking. I have no objection what they may think about me”.
The waiter finally served us with plates of sandwich.
“So, you are liking the place” I shrugged.
“Yeah! I think I’m liking Goa very much”.
“What’s your plan for tomorrow” taking a bite of my sandwich.
“Well, I thought of visiting a church”.
“Yeah! You got to deliver a Christ statue to a Father”.
“ Yeah!! You just reminded me about that” said Isha.
“So, how was your time, the day”.
“I made a call to my Mom. She said she was moving for Austin. So, presently it’s empty at my home” said Isha.
“Is your Dad in Austin”.
“I know nothing about him. I just don’t want to talk about my Dad” she groaned.
“Alright I’m sorry about that”.
“It’s Ok” she sighed.
“Don’t you never asked to your Mom about your Dad”.