Good Stepbrother (Love #2) (12 page)

“Where is home?” he cocked his head and looked at me.

“Marysville, Nebraska.”

“Let’s get you through the program and we’ll make it happen, okay?” Dr. Liam stepped forward and gently squeezed my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

For some crazy reason, I believed in him. I trusted him. He didn’t let me down. Days blurred into each other while I worked through what he affectionately called my “junk.” I had a lot of junk. Boxes and buckets of junk. Houses full of junk.

“Tell me about your father,” he asked one sunny afternoon while we sat together in the gardens of the rehab.

“My father…” I didn’t want to talk about him. I looked out at the greenery surrounding us and bought myself time.

“Brielle, talk to me. Safe space,” Dr. Liam reminded me.

“He hates me. He never wanted me.” I choked out, my face crinkling in sorrow.

“How does that make you feel?”

“Like shit.”

“How does shit feel?”

“Worthless,” I managed.

“I see. Is there anyone in your life who has ever made you feel special?”

“Two people,” I started, pausing to twist my fingers together in my lap. “My friend Logan, and my...friend Carter.”

“Why do they make you feel special?”

My eyes slid closed and I tipped my face up to the sun to revel in the warmth. “They love me, unconditionally.”

“Would you like either of them to visit?”

Looking back at him I shrugged. “Maybe.”

“It might benefit you. You’ve done amazing so far. I’m really proud of you. I just don’t want you to go back to using when you leave. I’m hoping that your friends could give you the support you need.”

I took in a deep breath and nodded. “My friend Logan...I can give you his number. He’s the only one I want you to call.”

“Okay Brielle, we’ll call him.”

***

A few days later, Logan came to see me. He carried a bouquet of red roses and was dressed up like he was going on a date. I looked like hell, painfully thin and in sweatpants that barely fit me anymore. He still pulled me into his arms and whispered, “Hello, beautiful.”

Melting into his arms, I gripped the back of his black dress shirt and breathed in his cologne. “Hey, Logan.”

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” he murmured fiercely in my ear, and I squeezed my eyes shut to keep tears from streaming down my cheeks.

“I didn’t know how to get out of the mess.”

“Come sit down with me,” he urged, taking my hand and pulling me to an empty table in the cafeteria. “Talk,” he pleaded, his eyes full of worry.

“I’m tired.” I mumbled, and truthfully, I was. Without all the uppers, all I wanted to do was sleep. A lot.

“I’m worried about you.”

A rough chuckle escaped my lips. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what, beautiful?” he caught my hand and gently rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. “I’m happy to be here with you.”

His words sliced through me like a hot knife through butter. I couldn’t stop the tears that time. Swiping at my cheeks with the back of my hand, I sighed, “I wish I could love you more than I do.”

“It’s enough. I’ll hold on forever if I have to, Brielle. I’m crazy about you.”

“I love someone else.”

His mouth twisted slightly and he looked down at the floor. “I know you do. He’s a lucky man. Maybe I should vet him out for you. Make sure he’s okay?”

Leaning into his shoulder, I chuckled softly. “He’s the best. Too good for me.”

“I disagree. You’re too good for him. Too good for me.”

I wished I could let Carter go and love Logan. He’d be so easy to love. My heart was still wrapped up with the boy I’d left in Marysville. “I have to go home,” I whispered and Logan nodded.

“I figured you’d want to. You really should.”

“I’m sorry.” Squeezing his hand, I waited until he glanced up at me and I smiled.

“Don’t apologize. You have to take care of your past before you can worry about the future. I get that. I’ll still be waiting, though. And if he fucks up and passes on you, I’m going to step up to the plate and love you more than any human has ever loved you. Just know that, Brielle the beautiful.” Staring into my eyes, his gaze never wavered, and I could feel his sincerity down to my very bones.

“I know you would. How have you been feeling?”

“I’m fine, babe. You get better, then go home and figure out what’s going on with this…guy.”

“Carter,” I interrupted. “Carter Travis.”

“Can he even take care of you like you deserve?”

“He can...he runs Charlie’s auto shop.”

“I’m gonna check him out for you, make sure he’s okay…”

A smile stretched across my face at the protective side Logan showed. It was adorable. I’d never had someone want to make sure I was safe. It was different. “Thank you for loving me even when I’m not very lovable,” I rasped, and he smiled at me.

“You’re always lovable. I have to go, sweetheart.”

“Why?” I didn’t want him to leave me.

“I’ve got to go back to Seattle. We’ve got a few shows, I can’t miss them.” He kissed my forehead. “Take these flowers. I hope you like roses.”

“I do, they’re beautiful. I’ll miss you,” I admitted and he grinned.

“Good to know you care a little.”

“I care a lot. But not how you want me to.”

His smile slipped and he nodded. “Maybe one day. I’ll hold out hope.”

I didn’t want to have him waiting on someone so broken. It wasn’t fair. He wouldn’t listen even if I told him to never look back. I knew that. “See you later,” I said simply, and he leaned over and touched his lips to mine.

It was nice. It was comforting. It was sweet. It was simple. But it wasn’t Carter. “I love you, Brielle,” he whispered against my mouth before pulling away and standing from the chair. “I’ll see you soon. Call me.”

Nodding, I blinked back tears. “I will.” I hated to see him go. Like Carter, Logan brought me some stability. It wasn’t quite the same but it was nice. Meandering back to my room, I found Dr. Liam waiting for me.

“Did you have a nice visit?” he asked as I walked into my room and yawned.

“I did. I’m so tired now.”

“The exhaustion you’re experiencing is worrying me, Brielle,” he admitted. “I’m hoping you’ll pull out of it in a few more weeks, but if not, we need to seriously look at Chronic Fatigue being an issue.”

“Chronic Fatigue?” I murmured, sliding into my bed and curling up on my side. “What’s that?” Another yawn took my breath and I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“You need more time off to rest,” he stated, and I nodded, my eyes already sliding closed.

“Okay…” I knew it’d never happen, not with Patrick in charge.

Chapter Fourteen

I shouldn’t have worried about Patrick too much. Dr. Liam made it possible for me to get time off. I’d been hiding out in a hotel in Hollywood for weeks, dodging Patrick’s lecherous advances and resting. Pulling my phone from my pocket, I called Charlie from the Omaha airport.

“Hello,” he murmured gruffly.

“Charlie, it’s Bri.”

His voice softened immediately. “Hey kiddo. How are you? Are you in Omaha yet? ”

“I’m...tired,” I admitted honestly. “I’m here and I’ll be home in an hour or two. Did you tell Carter?”

“I did,” Charlie said softly.

“And?”

“He wasn’t real pleased, but he can get glad in the same pants he got mad in,” Charlie insisted.

“Thanks, Charlie. I’ll be home soon.”

“Great! It’ll be good to see you. Be careful, kiddo.”

The taxi driver finished loading up my bags into the car and he smiled tightly. “Ready to go, miss?”

“I am.” I hadn’t been recognized so far on my trip, but my signature long blonde hair was caught under a cap, and I wore large dark sunglasses and no makeup. Bri Harper was always dressed to the nines too but I wore a simple sweater and leggings. I was too tired for anything else.

Chronic Fatigue was a diagnosis that had been tossed around, and I didn’t want to consider it, but the reality was that I’d burned the candle at both ends for a little too long and my flame sputtered out. Climbing into the back of the car, I rested my head on the edge of the seat and closed the door. My eyes slid closed and I slept most of the ride to Marysville. I awoke only when we stopped at a light. Stretching, I blinked a few times and attempted to orient myself. “We’re nearly there,” I told the cab driver excitedly.

“Not too much further,” he agreed.

Everything looked just about the same. The only thing that had really changed in Marysville was me. I was no longer the slutty, bitchy party girl with a chip on her shoulder. I didn’t want to be known as Bri Harper, pop superstar. I wanted to be seen as Brielle Harper, a girl who liked to sing, who wasn’t a horrible person, who had dealt with her demons and was ready to change.

The problem? Marysville had made no real changes in the last five years. To expect them to see that I had was almost futile. Still, I had to try.

Pulling up in front of the familiar old house, my heart twisted painfully. The last time I’d been there my mother had just barely been alive and I walked away from it all like a scared little girl. I had been so afraid of hurting everyone that I hurt myself and still hurt them in the aftermath of me leaving. Especially Carter.

Opening my wallet, I slid my debit card up to the driver. “Here.” I didn’t even hear how much my ride had cost. It didn’t matter. I was home. Finally.

Charlie stepped out of the back door and my mouth fell open. He’d aged severely in five years. His hair was mostly grey and instead of a lean body, he’d softened and now sported a large paunch. When he smiled though, I still saw Charlie. “Can you help me with my bags?” I asked and the driver exited the car to unload my passel of bags from the trunk. Stepping out of the car, I found myself enveloped in a hug.

“Bri,” he started, his voice cracking with emotion. “I’m so glad you’re home.”

I squeezed him back and sniffled into his shoulder. “I’m so glad to be home too, Charlie.”

“Let me help you with these bags. Good god, girl, did you bring everything you owned?” he gasped, staring at my bags.

“No,” I told him, and it was true. I had donated a lot of it. This was what was left. I had something big to tell him and I wanted him to be sitting down when I did.

“Let’s get it inside. I should call Carter…” he started, hefting two bags in his hands.

“No!” I yelled, and he looked at me curiously. “Not yet, please. I’m not ready.”

“Okay, kiddo. Come on inside.” Following him up the driveway, I tugged my rolling bags. The old house looked the same, paint slightly peeling, the grass dead and brown. I loved it. Climbing the stairs exhausted me and I wavered on my feet in the doorway. “Bri, are you okay? Why were you in the hospital?” Charlie caught my arm and helped me into the kitchen. Pulling out a chair, he eased me into it.

I said nothing while he closed the door and puttered back in the kitchen to sit down across from me. Finally, I spoke. “I was in rehab. I’ve been abusing ecstasy for years, and my manager mixed it with ketamine and I had a bad reaction. I’ve got Chronic Fatigue. I’m burned out, Charlie. I-I’m walking away from my career.”

He paled and gripped the edge of the table. “Christ.”

“I can’t do it anymore, Charlie. I’m just too tired.” Sniffling, I lowered my head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. This is your home. I just don’t understand how you got hung up on drugs. I mean I knew you were hanging out with a boy who was dealing but I hoped you weren’t using…shit, kiddo.”

“I wanted to forget. I didn’t want to feel anything, and the pills made it so I forgot. Then I was using them to perform and I was scared to fight my manager on it. I just want to sleep and forget. Can I do that, please, Charlie?”

“Sure. I got your bed made after you called. Come on. You need to rest.” He stood from the chair and his hands trembled as he reached for me.

“I’m sorry I killed Mom,” I blurted, jumping out of the chair and launching myself into his arms. Tears flowed down my cheeks and I sobbed into the shoulder of his shirt. His arms came around me and he was quiet for a moment.

“You didn’t kill her, Bri. It was an accident. I was hurt that you left afterward, but I guess I ran too, just in a different way. Carter was the only one who had to stand here and deal with the wreckage. We didn’t.”

Easing back, I wiped my eyes again and nodded. “He hates me.”

“A little,” Charlie admitted. “But you have time to make it right.”

“That may be easier said than done.”

“Sleep on it tonight and you can attempt it tomorrow.” He patted my arm and pointed at the stairs. “Up to bed. Your eyes look like two piss holes in a snow bank.”

“Are you saying I look like shit, Charlie Travis?” I teased, and he chuckled.

“I’m saying you look tired. Go rest. I’ll bring your bags up.”

Nodding, I took the stairs slowly and meandered to my old room. It was no longer cotton candy pink, any trace of my childhood had been wiped clean. It was sad, but I understood it. Kicking off my shoes, I looked around one last time as I shrugged off my coat and draped it on the chair. Charlie brought up two of my bags.

“Here you go, kiddo, gonna get the rest.”

Glancing at them, I considered unpacking, but I didn’t have the energy. Not yet. “Thanks.”

“Lay down before you fall down,” he ordered, and I plopped down on the edge of the bed.

I don’t even remember falling asleep or being covered in my blankets, but I was when I woke the next morning. Easing from between the covers, I stumbled to the bathroom and took care of my morning needs. Meandering back into the bedroom, I found my toiletries and decided on a shower. If I was going to see Carter, I wanted to look my best.

Half an hour later, I was showered and exhausted. I barely had the energy to dry off and find some yoga pants and a worn T-shirt to pull on before collapsing in bed and taking a nap. I awoke again a few hours later when the sun was high in the sky.

The scent of coffee tickled my nose and I slipped out of bed and padded downstairs. Charlie sat at the table nursing a cup of rich, black brew. “Can I have a cup?” I asked softly and he smiled.

“Don’t you look like you got some rest?” he stood and found a cup in the cupboard, pouring coffee into it. “How do you take it, kid?”

“Cream, and two spoons of sugar, please,” I asked, settling into a chair.

He did as I asked and passed the mug to me. “There you go.”

“Thanks, Charlie.”

Nodding, he sat down again and sipped his coffee. “Do you think you could help me?” he said suddenly, and I choked on my coffee.

“With what?” I coughed.

“Getting sober.”

“Absolutely!” I sat up straighter in my chair and smiled brightly. “I had to learn to talk about my feelings. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. I know why you’re hurting. It’s because of Mom.”

Charlie squeezed his eyes shut. “Losing her...it was like losing myself. I loved your mom a whole lot.”

“Charlie, I know this is will be hard for you to hear; it was hard for me when my doctor told me too…Mom died, but we lived. I don’t know why she had to go, but we’re still here. We both have been punishing ourselves for far too long. Mom wouldn’t want that. Would she?”

Charlie shook his head. “I know she wouldn’t.”

“We have to feel, no matter how much it hurts. That’s something I haven’t wanted to do since I was a little girl and my father hurt me deeply. I covered the wound in bandages and just left it to fester. When I had to rip the bandage off and feel? It hurt like hell, Charlie, I’m not gonna lie to you. It hurt worse than anything I’ve ever experienced, but then eventually, I realized it hurt a little less and my gaping wound was healing. It’s still tender, but it’s no longer bleeding.”

“It makes sense. Rip the bandage off.” Charlie nodded and stared at me. “I miss Lisa.” His shoulders shook and tears filled his eyes. “I haven’t said her name in five years.”

“Oh, Charlie. I miss Lisa too.” Reaching across the table, I found his hand. “I miss her more than anything in this world.”

“Me too. You look so much like Lisa,” he paused, taking in a breath. “I swear that hurt a tiny bit less that time. Lisa would be so proud of you…”

“No, she wouldn’t,” I argued. “I let people take advantage of me, I did things I’m not proud of. I sang songs I hated. I was miserable.”

“You walked away,” Charlie said simply and I froze.

“I guess…I guess I did.”

“Lisa would be proud.” We talked the rest of the morning about Mom, and each memory, each time he said her name, I could see the pain becoming less sharp. After a quick lunch of grilled cheese and tomato soup, I went back upstairs. It was time to see Carter. I brushed my hair out and applied just a little makeup so I didn't look dead.

Digging through my bag, I found a pretty sweater and leggings to wear, with some ankle boots. I looked nice, or so I thought as I looked in the mirror. Carefully walking downstairs, I called, “Charlie, can I take the car?”

“Sure thing. Be safe. See you later,” he hollered back from the living room. The keys were hung where they’d always been and I found my purse by the door.

“See you later.” It was time for me to face my biggest demon. Opening the door, I stepped out onto the porch and closed it behind myself. Hurrying out to the old car, I climbed inside and started the engine before backing out of the drive. I knew the way to the garage by heart.

Pulling into the parking lot, I shut off the engine and took a few breaths before exiting the car and tottering on my heels to the door. A small bell rang overhead as I stepped inside and the garage went silent as the men took me in. Smiling nervously, I asked softly, “Where’s Carter?”

A lanky Hispanic guy thumbed at the office. “In there.”

Hurrying through the greasy garage, I stood in the doorway of the office. Carter faced the window, his back to me. “Carter?”

“Hello, Brielle. Or should I call you Bri now? Everyone’s doing it.”

He didn’t turn to look at me and it hurt. “You’ve always called me Brielle. Let’s keep it that way. Aren’t you going to turn around and look at me?”

“Nope.”

I sighed, “I don’t want to fight. I just wanted to come home...”

“I thought home was far from here.”

“Home’s always been right here. I told you so in my letter.”

He spat, “Sorry, the rooms you occupied in my heart have been rented out to someone else. No vacancy.”

“That’s not what Charlie says,” I snapped back.

Whirling around in his chair, he faced me. “Is that so?” he growled.

“He says you haven’t dated anyone since I left. Was it because of that night?” Mother of God, time had been amazing to Carter. He was muscular, with slightly shaggy hair and a beard. My thighs clenched involuntarily. He looked delicious.

“It wasn’t because of that night. It was because I had to clean up the mess we made, alone.”

Glancing down at my boots, I flushed. “I know.”

Storming around the desk, he raged, “You left me here to bury your mother. You left me here to hold everything together while you traipsed off to the West Coast to start a new life. It looks good on you, though. Must’ve been nice not to have to struggle or wonder how you’re going to pay bills. So excuse me if I’ve been a little too busy to get fucked, Brielle. I’ve had a little bit on my plate.” Suddenly, he grabbed my arm, jerking me inside the office and slamming the door. “Why are you here?” he demanded, shaking my arm slightly. “To fuck with my head again? Because I’m not into that, not anymore.”

Glancing up into his beautiful eyes, I murmured, “I’m tired, Carter, and you don’t know a damn thing about what I’ve gone through in the last five years.”

“You’re tired? Yeah, me too, sweetheart.” Releasing me, he wiped his hand on his pants and backed away.