Goodness and Light (11 page)

Elena breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed two cups. Kara took the third and they rejoined Lucas at the sofa, settling in to watch the movie while the chicken roasted.

But Elena couldn’t stop thinking about Bree. After all these years, to have to face the father of her child, the man who’d left her and never looked back. Kara was right, though. Aunt Enza would twist the balls right off Jake Killen before she’d let him hurt Sabrina a second time.

The pang of pain that twisted in her gut made her wince. What would Mom think of Lucas? Would she warn her to be careful, or welcome him to the family? She sipped her cocoa, tried to imagine having a conversation with her mother that didn’t end with raised voices and stomping feet.

“So what’s P.D. mean?”

Elena choked on her cocoa and Kara laughed like a hyena.

“It’s—” Kara started, but Elena slapped a hand over her sister’s mouth.

“It’s an inside joke. If we tell you, we’d have to kill you and Kara’s in no shape to be disposing of bodies.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Be serious.”

Kara bit her hand and Elena yelped. “Hey!”

“Oh, come on, Laney, tell him! He’s P.D, too, so he should know what it means.”

“Don’t. You. Dare.”

“Laney, it’s—”

“I mean it, Kara. Tell him and I’ll reveal your middle name.”

Kara’s face dropped. “You wouldn’t.”

“I totally would.”

Pouting, Kara let her head fall against the sofa cushion. “You ruin everything, Laney.”

The words were said in jest, in fun, but they burned like acid. Elena’s entire body tensed and she leaped up, hid her flaming face in the oven, pretending to check the chicken. The opening credits to the movie began and Kara laughed at the part when Santa Claus gets electrocuted by the exterior lights, but Elena stalled.

Get it together, she warned herself. She’d vowed not to mess up anymore. She shut the oven door, sat between her sister and her—her—

Just what was Lucas Adair, anyway?

Elena did her best to enjoy the movie but it wasn’t possible. With Lucas sitting next to her, she had to keep reminding herself to watch the movie rather than him. When Kara and Lucas laughed, she tried—oh, she tried to join in, but her heart screamed that she had no right to fun and laughter. She’d lost that right the day she’d cursed at her mother. Sometime during the movie’s botched sledding attempt, the oven timer dinged. They paused the movie, plated up roasted chicken and potatoes and gravy and watched the rest of the movie while they ate. She watched Chevy Chase explain Santa Claus to a little girl and made a wish. She wished for a life without guilt in it, a life where she’d never said hateful things to her mother on the day before her death. She wished for something she could look forward to, find comfort in—or someone.

Someone she could hold on to.

She made the wish the same moment Lucas shifted his hand across the sofa to squeeze hers, all but stopping her heart. He couldn’t have known. It...it simply wasn’t possible for someone to know exactly what she’d been thinking. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t understand, she couldn’t accept all this talk about signs. There was only one sign—the hole in her heart where her mother should have been. It was the only thing that was real. And damn it, it hurt.

Lucas shot her a quick smile and that hole in her heart filled—just a little bit, but it filled. It wasn’t the same as having Mom back, or having her forgiveness. But it was something. She took a deep breath, held it and squeezed back. He shifted, raised his arm, invited her in.

She moved into the circle, cuddled closer, careful not to disturb Kara, who’d fallen asleep. “Look at that,” she whispered to Lucas, pointing to the ripple that moved under Kara’s belly.

“Whoa,” he whispered back. “She was kidding about the kidneys and the liver, right?”

Elena snorted. “I hope so.”

On another deep breath, she smelled his soap or deodorant or cologne—she wasn’t sure which—and it curled her toes. “Elena?” His fingers drew circles on her shoulder and she felt the heat even through her sweater.

“Hmmm?”

He pressed warm lips to that spot just under her jaw. “Tell me what P.D. means.”

“Not a chance in hell,” she murmured.

The Griswolds were choking down dry turkey when Luke laughed, making his chest rumble. She thought about moving, about reaching forward for her cup of cocoa but his arm tightened around her.

Instead, she watched the movie.

And laughed, too.

W
hen the movie ended, they left Kara to put in a few hours at SFG, working on the program for the Remembrance event. It was quite late when Lucas walked Elena back to Kara’s apartment, leaving her with a slow hypnotic kiss and a warm grin.

She wasn’t sure which one was more potent.

She floated through work on Monday, taking conference calls and answering emails in the same spot where she’d snuggled with Lucas the night before. He called her on his lunch hour. She texted him on hers. After work, she met him at SFG and with the entire team’s help, they produced the table and seat cards, programs and menus. On Tuesday, he sent her a text that said, “Al would pass out.” Attached, there was a picture of a store window with oversized playing cards arranged in poker hands in the window. She laughed and showed Kara the picture, determined not to suck the joy out of it for either of them. Wednesday night, he took her on a carriage ride around Central Park. Thursday, they cooked dinner together for Kara, who was unhappy that her latest appointment with her obstetrician revealed she would probably go past her due date. On Friday, he took her to Radio City for the Christmas Spectacular.

They spent their days sneaking in quick phone calls and text messages and their evenings either cooking dinner or grabbing take-out before heading to SFG to put all the finishing touches on the Remembrance event. They wrapped presents, tucked them under the tree in Kara’s living room, mailed Christmas cards, and watched movie after movie.

And on Friday before the Christmas show, she looked at her face in the mirror and finally admitted there was a Look. It happened whenever Kara mentioned Luke’s name.

“Ah ha! There it is again.” Kara clapped her hands in delight. Elena’s face burned.

“Okay, okay, you win. There’s a look. Happy now?”

Kara considered that for a moment. “You guys haven’t, um, you know—”

“Kara!”

“Well, have you?”

“Not that it’s any of your business but no. We haven’t.”

“What are you waiting for?”

Elena shrugged. “I haven’t invited him here because that’s just wrong. And he hasn’t invited me to his place.”

“Huh. Okay, look. You’re gonna need to speed things up a bit.”

“Kara, no. Just...no. It’ll happen when the time is right.”

“With that attitude, this baby will graduate high school before you two—”

“Kara!”

Kara nibbled on a nail and gave Elena a slow look of assessment. “You could put more effort into it—maybe a low-cut top or a short skirt.”

“Or just tell him I’m ready.”

Kara looked horrified. “Where’s the fun in that? You should leverage the season, you know? Tie a red ribbon around your goodies or—”

“Answer the door wearing nothing but the wreath he bought you.”

Kara blinked. “Um, that’s good. That’s really good.”

“Kara, for Pete’s sake! I know what to do.”

Kara laughed and shrugged. “Okay, so you could just invite yourself over to his place and ...stay.”

Elena shook her head. “I can’t leave you for the whole night. What if you go into labor?”

“I’ll call Cass.”

That could work. And, Elena had to admit, she was desperate to be with Luke. The way he kissed her, the way he looked at her, the way he made her feel—being with Lucas would be amazing, she was sure of it.

“Call him,” Kara demanded.

Elena thought it over for exactly two seconds and then grinned. “Okay.” She grabbed her phone, dialed Luke’s number.

“Hey, pretty lady. What’s up?”

Oh. She coughed. “Um. Well, Kara’s making plans with some of our friends to come over, spend the night with her. And I was thinking...”
Cough
. “Um. Well, maybewecouldhaveourownsleepover,” she finished on a
whoosh
of courage.

There was only silence.

“Luke?” She glanced at the phone, saw that the call had not dropped. “Are you there?”

“Yeah,” he responded, his voice suddenly deeper. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure.”

“Yes.”

“You’re—”

“Lucas.” She cut him off. “I just gave you the mother of all signs.”

“You sure did.” He laughed and she felt all her tension disappear. “Okay, so you’re saying you’ve got an empty expansion slot and want me to fill—”

“Lucas!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll see you in a little while. You know, we could skip Radio City and just—”

“Say goodbye, Lucas.”

“See you soon, pretty lady.”

She ended the call, glared at her sister who was choking on laughter.

“Smooth, Elena. You should write a blog.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go call Cass.”

When her sister disappeared into her bedroom, Elena collapsed onto the couch. Crap, that was a freakin’ train wreck. Seduction wasn’t supposed to be so... so gut-wrenching. It should be effortless. Easy. Right.

Her cell phone pinged. She tapped the screen, read a text message from Lucas.

Attached was a picture of a guy wearing a Trojan soldier costume, crossing a street. It took her a full minute and then she burst into laughter, texted back.

Her phone buzzed immediately.

Still laughing, Elena went to find her sister. “Did you call Cass? What did she say?”

Kara dropped her phone and patted the bed, her eyes dancing. “Laney, listen to this! Cass saw
him
.”

It took her a moment. “Him?” And then, Elena’s eyes popped and she sat beside her sister on the bed. “Sean? She told you she saw Sean?”

Kara nodded. “Yep. They met at a bar.”

“Here? In New York?” Elena covered her mouth with both hands. “Oh, wow. This is huge.”

“I know. She’ll be here tomorrow. She’s gonna tell me all about him. I get the feeling she wants me to talk her out of it.” Kara nudged Elena with an elbow. “So? How did it go with Lucas?”

Elena felt her face go hot. “I shocked him. I totally shocked him. His voice got all low and raspy, Kara.”

“No way.”

“Then he texted me a picture of a Trojan and—”

“Oh, my!”

“Not that kind of Trojan.” Elena pulled out her phone. “Here. Look.”

“Oh. Oh, that’s okay, then.” Kara winced, put her hand to her belly. “Milk Dud’s working out again.”

Elena touched the side of her sister’s stomach, felt a very definite jab. “Holy crap, are you having a Rockette?”

“I don’t know but I swear, the baby was literally jumping on the bed last night. I can’t lie on this side anymore.”

Elena couldn’t help but giggle.

“Stop laughing and pull me up. I’m stuck.”

Elena laughed harder.

Soon, Lucas was at Kara’s door and when he saw Elena, his eyes running up and down her body, he used that same deep raspy voice. “Again, I have to put this out there. We can forget about Radio City tonight—”

But Elena was already shaking her head. “Cass can’t come until tomorrow. I really have to be back here tonight, Lucas.”

He grimaced. “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” He pressed a hand to his heart, patted it. “Okay. I’ll have you back in plenty of time to say goodnight.”

To her amazement, Elena loved the Christmas Spectacular, from the toy soldiers to the living nativity—it was all a feast for her eyes, but it was the giant snow set that reminded her so much of the snowflake a special boy had given her. She left Radio City feeling light and full of joy. They passed a sidewalk Santa and Elena pressed some cash into the man’s kettle, her face heating at the look of joy on Luke’s face.

Joy. She’d done that. She’d put that look there.

They said goodnight at Kara’s door and Elena could taste the barely restrained patience in Luke’s kisses. “Tomorrow,” she said.

“Tomorrow,” he grinned and she had to have just one more kiss.