Goose Chase (7 page)

"G'me the knife, Lucinda," commanded Tessa as soon as Lucinda had scrambled to her feet.

"Whoof!" said Lucinda, one hand to her chest. "Wait a bit, can't ye? I be fair scrunched."

"Lucinda," said Nellie, "What d'you think we should do? Eat it now or fatten it up like Alexandria says?"

"Now! Now! I do be as empty as a gourd." And she whipped out the knife and flourished it in the air.

I stared at the polished boot and thought furiously. Within moments the gentleman belonging to that boot would be no more than various cuts of meat.

"What, pray," I said suddenly, "has become of his horse?" Surely that boot wouldn't look so elegant had he come here on foot.

The three Ogresses stopped and looked at each other. The sack emitted a low groan. He was not dead, then.

"What did we do with the horse, Tessa?"

"Don't remember."

"Well, I do," said Nellie. "I brought it along of us and laid it down behind the cottage since it were dead, or next thing to it. I figgered we could have it later. Fer dessert, like."

The sack groaned again.

"Most shrewd of you, Nellie," I said. I grieved for the man in the sack, but what else was there to be done? We still lived and the horse did not.

"We shall have a delicious horsemeat stew for our dinner.
Much
better than waiting for this tough meat here to cook. Why, 'twould be hours before he was fit to eat." I hastily excused myself in order to go and inspect our next meal.

All I could see behind the cottage was what appeared to be a mountain of cloth, metal, and leather. This puzzled me mightily until I realized that what I was looking at was the saddle and fitments of a royal charger. I nearly groaned aloud. For never, surely, could there have been
two
horses so festooned and bedecked in all this world. 'Twas the Prince's horse, without a doubt.

I had been thinking of the man in the sack as a potential ally. But nay, quite the contrary; I should now be saddled with this silly simpkin in a situation of most dreadful peril
and uncertainty. Was there ever anything so misfortunate?

I drew near the dead horse and began to strip off the trappings.

"Alas, noble beast!" I sighed. "Tis indeed a pity to see thee lying here, about to be carved up into cutlets."

Something moved under the pile of gear. I hastily backed away as the mound heaved mightily and struggled to stand. The horse had not been killed but merely stunned. Most likely it had been nearly crushed under all that equipment. Now that the weight had been removed, 'twas recovering from its swoon. It could do no more than struggle, however, for the poor animal's legs were bound together and it could not rise. At length it lay still and looked up at me, eyes rolling in terror.

I scowled back. Dead, the horse had solved a problem. Alive, he became one.

"O, very well, I suppose I must set you free," I said. "But what I shall feed to the Ogresses I simply do not know." I bent to untie its bonds. "Lie still, Sir Horse," I commanded. "I've no desire to be kicked for my pains. Now off you go, and right speedily, for 'tis death to linger in this place."

Obediently, the horse kicked up its heels and vanished into the gloom of the forest without so much as a grateful glance in my direction.

When once it had departed I sat myself down and began to lament my lot in earnest, for what would happen to us when the Ogresses had discovered the loss of the horse? The
stew I had prepared was made of naught save a few old roots and leaves. What,
what,
was there to hand that would give it a flavor of meat? I looked despairingly about me. In certes, we were doomed.

My eye fell upon the leather saddle at my feet. Might the Ogresses not, after so long on a vegetable diet, have forgotten the taste and texture of horseflesh...?

Ah, well. Naught venture, naught have. I would do what I could.

'Twas not the best stew I have eaten.

Verily, I believe 'twas the
worst
stew that ever did pass my lips. Before I carried the saddle inside to cook it, I pounded it betwixt two boulders until my arms ached, both in order to make it more tender and to disguise its shape somewhat.

Once inside I cut it up into pieces, none larger than a pea. Then I added it to the meal I had already prepared and boiled it over the fire until the vegetables lost their shape and the water cooked away and the Ogresses bellowed for their meal.

They ate it. They were not best pleased, but they ate it.

"Toughest of" horse I ever did eat," muttered Tessa, choking on a lump of leather. "Must have spent its whole life eatin' thistles and tree bark."

Anxious to encourage this train of thought, I quickly agreed. "Indeed," I said, resolutely chewing away at a chunk until my jaws did ache most cruelly, "'twas almost a kind
ness to put the poor beast out of its misery. Shame on you, sirrah," I said to the man in the sack, "to treat a helpless animal in so scandalous a fashion!"

The man in the sack appeared to attempt a lengthy, indignant rebuttal, but was hampered by having a mouthful of sack and eventually subsided.

After much grumbling, the meal was consumed and the Ogresses lay down for their day's rest. Seeing this, I made so bold as to ask for my sewing scissors of Lucinda.

Instantly suspicious, she demanded, "What be that to the likes of ye?"

I might have replied that I merely wished to catch sight of my own property, but I had no desire to antagonize.

"I want to cut the top of the sack off," I replied.

"What fer?"

"I must feed him, madam. And I can't do that if his mouth is covered with a sack."

"Ugh," Lucinda grunted. "See to it that ye give 'em right back, then," and she withdrew from her bosom my silver scissors.

As I leant down to cut the sack it occurred to me that the poor man might react poorly to having scissors brandished in his face, particularly when he could not see who was doing it.

"I'm going to cut the sack off your face," I said in a low, clear voice. "Do not move or I shall cut you by mistake." The sack became very still.

With a few adroit snips of my scissors, I freed the man's
face and head and swiftly thrust the scissors under a small stack of firewood which lay nearby.

"Alas!" I sighed when I saw the man's face. My hopes were dashed; 'twas the Prince, his very own self.

Alas, indeed, my lady," he began jabbering as soon as he saw who addressed him. "I am come, at great risk and jeopardy to my life, that very life which is so precious to my people, to set you free, and now—" Suddenly his eyes rounded with horror and his jaw dropped agape.

'"Twas you, then, who spake with such a—such a ghastly
relish
of fattening me, ME! up for the table? Indeed, it was! Why, 'twas your very voice!" His eye fell upon the human skulls converted to bowls and drinking vessels. He gasped.

"My horse!" he cried out in anguish. "Thou unnatural, depraved female! What hast thou done with my poor horse?"

Tessa, I noted from the corner of my eye, had raised up one of her heads and was observing our discourse. I was therefore unable to speak kindly or give him aught of comfort.

I gestured at the steaming cauldron on the fire.

"As you see, my lord, we have eaten him."

He shut his eyes and groaned. "To think! To think that 'twas once the dearest wish of my heart to make this maid my wife! This, then, is the She who should have been mother of my heir, the first lady of the land! O that I had—"

Here he paused perforce, as I thrust a dipper of cattail
mush into his open mouth. I did not wish the Ogresses to know that the Prince and I were acquainted if I could prevent it.

"Monstrous, I say!" he roared, spattering mush all over me. "Do you wish to choke me with your vile potions, Night Hag? Night Hag thou art! I wonder I did never guess that you flew away in order to join these, your hideous sisters."

"Whooo do ye be callin' hideous?" demanded Nellie, beginning to swell like a toad.

This also roused up Tessa's other head. "Shut yer trap or I'll kill ye, here and now, and no more wastin' of good food on ye."

"O, very well, if you say so," he said, silenced by the direct threat. Not, however, for long. "But," he muttered peevishly in a tone which, while lower, was perfectly audible, "I consider that I have been treated very ill, and now to be
eaten
for my pains while attempting to rescue this wicked, ill-bred—Ow! Why do you pinch me, Goose Girl? Do I not suffer enough?"

Really, I began to be sorry I had cut the top of the sack off.

I thrust the dipper of cattail mush back into his mouth, as much to quiet him as to nourish him. He sipped in silence, only murmuring in a puzzled voice, "Your hair has grown somewhat since I saw you last, has it not?" as his eyes followed the curving line of my tresses out to the door. I did not trouble myself to answer.

Gradually the Ogresses slumped back down onto the
featherbeds once again, and soon the sound of snoring filled the room. Yet still I dared not speak frankly to the Prince; they slept lightly and I feared would wake at the slightest sound. At length I finished feeding the Prince—I wished him well-fed when we made our escape—and stealthily reached my hand under the stack of firewood for the scissors.

"What are you doing, Goose Girl?" demanded the Prince aloud. "What is that which you have in your hand? Scissors?"

By my vertu, if I could have smote him dead on the spot I would have.

Lucinda woke up immediately. "The scissors!" she cried aloud. "Alexandria, g'me those scissors right this very minute."

"In certes, madam," I said, grinding my teeth. "I did but forget."

Casting such an evil eye on the Prince that he visibly recoiled, I got up and restored the scissors to Lucinda.

"Now be off with ye and leave us to sleep. I want some o' that nettle tea when I wake, y'hear?"

"You'll not go off and leave me alone with them, will you, Goose Girl?" asked the Prince in a much lower voice.

"I'faith, I will," I said coldly.

"I beg pardon for calling you a Night Hag," he said humbly, but I was gone, trailing my golden tresses behind me.

F
AST BIND, FAST FIND.

—J
OHN
H
EYWOOD,
P
ROVERBS

"O my Geese," I called out over the valley as loudly as I dared. "Come to me now in my need."

Naught stirred below or above me. I had toiled up to the top of this hill overlooking the cottage, hoping to see something of my birds. I could easily trace my own steps for these past many hours; the long yellow band of my hair zigzagged back and forth betwixt hill and fen, cottage and creek, like a golden road between the trees. But I saw no living thing else that moved.

"Tis I, Alexandria Aurora Fortunato, who summons thee," I added.

Not so much as a glimmer of white feathers.

"For the sake of the love we bear one another and for the sake of my dear dead mother who harbored and succored thee and spared thy lives each and every Christmastide, e'en when we were faint with hunger and a hot Goose dinner
would have been very Heaven itself, I command thee to come to me at once," I shouted.

Naught but a still, hot blue sky hanging over silent woods.

"O Hades," said I, and kicked a tree full hard with my glass slipper. 'Twas remarkably painful. Under my breath I mumbled, "Useless, featherbrained, asinine, half-witted..."

'Twas energy thrown away, and I had no more time. I must get back to the cottage and prepare the evening meal before the Ogresses awoke and ate the Prince for want of aught else.

"I am leaving," I shouted. "I am going away, most likely to my death. So I shall not see thee again." I gulped a trifle and my voice cracked as I cried, "Fare thee well, my Geese, and may thy wings carry thee to a place of safety and bountiful grasses and, and—" I broke off, unable to go on. I turned and stumbled down the hill, tears flowing freely down my face. Diamonds tinkled and clinked on the rocks and stones in my path all the way down the slope to the cottage.

I could not enter the cottage at once, but must first retread my path through the valley, unweaving my hair from the countryside. This wearisome task completed, I paused ere I reached the cottage and packed half of my day's gleanings in the Prince's saddlebags, which I had found with the rest of the horse's fittings.

The saddlebags already contained a number of useful things, such as a lovely little bow and quiverful of arrows, a
silver cup, a cooking pot, a tinderbox, and two fine blankets. Yet one more item was there, an object which I in my quiet life had never before laid eyes upon, yet which I recognized at first glance. 'Twas a book.

Verily, I shuddered with almost superstitious dread when I drew it forth, for there is a strange force in the written word. They who command it command great power.

My mother almost never spoke about her past life before she came to our cottage in the wood, howe'er I might tease or plead. Yet once she let slip the fact that in former times she had owned not one, but many, many of these precious objects, mayhap even so many as five. Thus did I discover, more truly than had she boasted of jewels and silver and gold, that I came from greatness. When the village children threw stones and called me a dirty Goose Girl, I remembered my mother's great store of knowledge and laughed them to scorn.

Indeed, my mother had most kindly begun to teach me my letters, even though I was but a Goose Girl with no need for book learning, when she saw that I wished it. I grieve to say that she died ere I could advance any further in my education than this. I am therefore in a position to tell you that the writing on the outside of the book contained one
A,
two B's, two E's, and a number of other letters with which I am not familiar, as my scholarship does not extend beyond the letter
G
. Still, 'tis not every Goose Girl who knows her
E
's from her
B
's, I can tell you that!

I restored the book to the Prince's saddlebags after conquering a brief and ignoble impulse to hide it amongst my own things. Tis a matter of wonder to me that the Prince should own this erudite object, for surely such a one as he could not comprehend it, could he?