Gossamer (27 page)

Conor’s compassion surprised me. Not that he wasn’t a nice guy, but Grant was usually the one concerned with emotions. Of course, when I needed Grant more than ever, Conor stepped up instead. I hugged him, my eyes stinging.

“Thank you, Conor. It means a lot to me, and I know it will mean a lot to Lexie, too.” A tear slipped out, and I quickly wiped it away. “Please tell her I miss her and I haven’t forgotten about her. Take good care of little Katelyn, too. I wish I could have seen her again before she left.”

Conor looked at me with sympathy, nodded then walked away leaving Grant and me alone in the hallway. I forced back tears and swallowed overflowing emotions. I couldn’t look at him, with his cold expression and hard attitude that had become typical of him lately, so I just headed back to Liam. Sadly, I knew he would probably be better company right now.

“Kylie–” Grant called after me. Now I was Kylie again? My jaw tightened, but I refused to stop or face him. It wouldn’t take much to put me over the edge right now, and I knew a conversation with him would do just that.

I rounded the corner, aware that Grant followed. I attempted a smile as I reached the table. Liam and Cara were laughing and talking as I approached. One look at me, and Liam’s eyes grew concerned.

“Kylie, is everything okay?” His sincere worry and concern over me, finally did it. I had worried that Grant would cause the emotional outburst, yet it was Liam, saying the words I wish Grant would have said, that did.

My eyes welled up with tears that streamed down my face. Liam stood and wrapped me in a comforting hug.

“Would you like to go for a walk? We can get out of here. We can talk about whatever is bothering you if you like, or we can just walk. Either way it looks like you might want to step away from this for a bit,” he spoke the words quietly into my ear as he hugged me.

“Yeah.” I sniffled into his shirt.

“Let’s go.”

His fingers slid down my arm and found my hand. He guided me away from the people and away from Grant. As we walked, I caught a glimpse of Grant in a mirror and, to my surprise, that hardness had vanished, replaced by sadness.

Chapter 20

“You don’t have to talk about it you don’t want to.”

Liam led me into the gardens and to a bench. I sat while he stood off to the side. I think he wanted to be supportive but was unsure of what to say or do.

“You looked like you needed to get away. Trust me, growing up with people watching your every move, I know about wanting to get away.”

“Thank you. It’s just so much to take in. So many new things to get used to and so many old things to leave behind. I feel as if my whole world is upside down and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to find my footing.”

Tears streamed down my face. “At home, I often felt like maybe something was missing from my life and something was pulling me, well, here. But now that I am here I miss my old life. I miss my parents. I miss my best friend. Heck, I even miss school which, trust me, says a whole lot.”

Liam chuckled and walked over to me. He sat and put his arm around my shoulders. “I can’t say I know how you feel because that would be a lie, but I do understand this is hard for you. You are half-Fae, but you are also half-human. It’s probably going to pull you in two directions your entire life. I wish I had something better to say or advice to offer that would help, but I don’t.”

I met his eyes. They were full of the comfort I longed for.

“I can say,” he continued. “I know what it’s like to live a life you don’t feel is your own.” He pulled me against his chest. The warmth provided the sense of security I’d been missing.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I leaned into Liam. I sniffed and used my hands to wipe my cheeks.

“Kylie, is there anything I can do to help or make you happier? Just say it and I’ll do it.”

My heart tore, part of me wanted to say–stop them from forcing me into marriage, make Grant love me and let me go home to my best friend–another part of me felt secure in Liam’s arms. Between our conversation earlier and being here for me, I knew he was a wonderful person. Maybe I should try to make this work? He was compassionate, attentive, honest and, most of all, consistent.

He didn’t like me one minute and refuse to talk to me the next. He didn’t kiss me and then later claim it a mistake.

Kiss me. With Liam’s shyness, I wondered if he would ever try to kiss me. Did he even want to? He was good-looking and sweet. Maybe kissing him was what I needed to get over Grant. If I could have feelings for another guy, I could move on. And if I had to move on, I knew I should move in his direction .

I wiped away the tears that had dried on my cheeks and looked at Liam. “The only thing you can do to help me is keeping being you.” I smiled up at him.

He returned my smile, put his hand on my cheek, and answered my question. Bending, he met my lips with his own. The kiss, soft and sweet, was as I expected. I let myself go and kissed him back. Everything about it was right. Gentle, undemanding and more than just pleasant. It should have been perfect, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking it wasn’t Grant.

Somewhere inside of me flashed the tiniest bit of the electricity like I had experienced with Grant, but somehow it seemed disconnected. I pushed thoughts of him out of my mind, and decided then and there I would give Liam the chance he deserved.

Liam leaned back and smiled. “C’mon I want to show you something.”

He laced his fingers with mine and pulled me upright. He led me away from the bench and down a smaller path which would have been easy to miss if someone wasn’t looking for it. We walked down the narrow path created by tall rose bushes–their intoxicating fragrance surrounded us. We ended up in a small courtyard.

My gaze washed over the immaculately kept area. A fountain with a statue of a woman sitting, her legs out to the side and her hand reaching into the water, took center stage. In the woman’s hand, she held a water lily as if she was either putting it back or taking it out.

“It’s lovely here, Liam. I don’t remember noticing this on our walk earlier today.”

“It’s a private garden. Family only. My father and I are the only ones who come here, although my father doesn’t come here much anymore. We used to have a gardener come back here, but not now. I prefer to maintain it myself.”

I walked around peering at the flowers. The varieties were endless. I made my way over to the fountain and my breath caught as I admired the woman’s beauty. “This is gorgeous.” I ran my fingers over an engraving along the edge of the fountain as I read the words.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

“It’s my mother.”

I turned to Liam, surprised by his revelation.

“My father had it made after she died–in memory of her,” he continued. “When I was little we would come here. I liked to pretend it really was my mother, watching me play.”

I crossed over to Liam, saddened by the image of him as a little boy without a mom. I held his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago. I just thought I would share it with you and share you with her. I feel a strong connection to her here. I think it’s the water. It was her element. Mine is earth. When I bring those two things together, I feel very close to her.”

“I don’t know what to say, Liam. I’m honored. Thank you for sharing this with me.”

“I wanted you to know I understand what it’s like to miss something so much it hurts. My father is a poor substitute. After my mother died he changed. It’s like the light in him vanished. At first, we came here all the time but it became less frequent until eventually it stopped. So I started to come by myself. I think it was too painful for my father. Sometimes, I think that’s why he avoids me. Everyone says they see a lot of her in me. I guess I’m too painful to look at, too.”

I squeezed his hand, feeling his fingers curl between mine. “Oh Liam, I doubt that. Maybe you do resemble her, but I can only imagine that’s a good thing. It keeps her memory alive. You keep her memory alive. And maybe your father has a hard time coping with her loss but having a part of her left here in you is a wonderful thing, and I’m sure he feels that way too.”

We stood there a bit longer, hand in hand, enjoying our picturesque surroundings. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. I was a long way from loving him, but if I had to be thrown into this crazy situation, and if it couldn’t be Grant, I was glad Liam was the one by my side.

Eventually we made our way back to the castle and said our goodbyes. That night I drifted to sleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

* * * *

The next few days were spent hanging out with either Cara or Liam. Occasionally, my mother would stop to chat or eat lunch with me, but we were a long way away from bonding. Although she seemed nice and eager to learn about me, I found her distant as she consistently avoided the topic of Liam and me. Cara, on the other hand, didn’t and she became the only person I could confide in.

One day, Cara and I were in my room and as she created an intricate braid with my long dark hair she brought up Liam and Grant. “How are things going with you and Liam?”

Through her reflection in the mirror, I met her gaze. Her question sounded casual but I knew where she was headed.

“You were right about him being amazing.” A genuine smile formed on my lips. She nodded, waiting for me to say more. “He’s perfect in many ways. He’s easy to talk to and a good listener. Attractive, funny–a dream guy really.”

“But not
your
dream guy?” She focused her attention on her work.

I bit my bottom lip. “I don’t know what to do. The thought of marriage still freaks me out but I’m trying. Really, I am, and a part of me does like Liam. I like him a lot, actually. I keep telling myself that’s good enough. I’m lucky to have him in my life right now, and I don’t want to hurt him,” I frowned at my own reflection. “But I don’t love him. Maybe that will take longer, though. I haven’t known him that long and people don’t fall in love over night, right?”

“But you have.” It was a statement not a question.

My eyes grew glassy.

She looked at me through the mirror and gave me a sympathetic look. “It’s okay, Kylie, I understand. You can’t help if you fell in love with Grant before you even knew Liam. We can’t help where our hearts want to lead us. You just can’t force love. It’s not malleable. You can’t bend it one way or another in an attempt to do what you may think is right, and I know sometimes following your heart is painful but maybe that’s a part of it, you know? Maybe we wouldn’t fully appreciate love if we never experienced heartache.”

“Seriously Cara, how did you get so wise? You seem as if you speak from experience.”

With a sad smile, she shrugged. Did she love someone or had her heart broken? She didn’t offer any more details so I didn’t force it.

“Well, with the way Grant has treated me lately I’m an idiot for not just letting go. Liam is emotionally available and sweet. Life would be much easier if I could just forget about Grant.” I sighed.

“Life isn’t about making the easy choices.” She met my eyes again. “It’s about making the right choices and usually those are the hardest ones to make.”

“Honestly, I do like Liam, but I’m not sure if I like him in that way. I can’t stop thinking about Grant. Then again, Grant pushes me away. I’m so confused it makes me want to scream.” I fiddled with my fingers in my lap. “He wasn’t like this, you know, when I first met him.”

She nodded with understanding. “So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. What should I do? I don’t want to hurt Liam, but I can’t figure out what that means. Am I hurting him more if I stay with him but love someone else? Or do I tell him the truth and possibly end up with Liam
and
Grant hating me?” I looked at Cara, hopeful she’d have an answer. Remorse weighed heavily on my soul. “I’m a horrible person.”

“No, you’re not.” She put her hand on my mine and gave it a soft squeeze. “I think you need to make the decision that makes
you
happy. I know you don’t want to hurt Liam, but if you are unhappy with your choice then you will be the one to live with it for a long time. I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t stay with Liam, I’m just saying make this choice for yourself, no one else.”

“I know. You are probably right. I guess I have a lot to think about. Cara, how did you know I liked Grant?”

“I saw you two looking at each other and just knew.”

“Do you think he feels the same way?”

“I can’t be sure, but I was right about you, so I think so.”

That wasn’t the first time someone seemed to think Grant had feelings for me too, but if he did, why the cold shoulder?

“Would you go for a walk with me? I’m sorry to make you my babysitter, but I could use some fresh air and they won’t let me out alone. I know Liam would join me, but I need to think, and he just complicates everything.”

“Sure, no problem.”

I slipped into silver ballet flats, which were extremely comfortable and cute. I handed my fashion choices to Cara. One of the things I liked here were the clothes. Today she dressed me in a sky blue dress that stopped mid thigh. Over the entire dress hung a mint green, transparent overlay. It went around my left shoulder then dropped down like a dress. It stopped just above my knees in an uneven hemline.