Gossamer (28 page)

Cara colored several locks of my hair green and blue to match the dress, incorporating several strands into the braid. I would never normally dress in that way, but I enjoyed it, and fit right in. Everyday felt like a costume party. To dinner I often wore heavy, rich fabrics made into long, billowy dresses, and during the day I wore fun, flirty outfits that were airy and colorful. The unique styles and bold fashions would suit Lexie. I knew she would love it here, and I would love to have her here.

Cara had become a good friend, but there was just something to be said about best-friends. I told Lexie everything and though she wasn’t exactly full of words of wisdom, she could make me laugh. She found the lighter side of any situation and often that’s what I really needed. Laughing sure felt a whole lot better than crying.

* * * *

Cara was good company for my current mood. She stayed quiet as we walked, but it never felt awkward. She seemed lost in her own thoughts. My mind bounced back and forth from Grant to Liam. I weighed the good and the bad and sadly Liam had so much more good than Grant right now.

Liam was genuinely a good person. I could find no fault in him. Prior to meeting Grant, I would have been thrilled to have a guy like Liam. But, I did meet Grant and that complicated everything. He still avoided me and never even checked on me to see if I was okay. It hurt and, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, he wasn’t the person I thought he was. I didn’t get how someone could go from spending time with another and make them feel as if they truly cared to just dumping them on someone else.

At that point, even I found my hang up with Grant a mystery. The more I thought about Liam, the more convinced I became that he was the best choice.

I was pulled from my thoughts and sucked in a sharp breath when we stumbled upon Grant. He sat on a bench, head down, staring at his feet kicking the dirt beneath him. I instantly wanted to retreat but before I could turn, he lifted his head and we locked gazes. I hadn’t seen him since my conversation with Conor, and I had adjusted to not having him around. Seeing him now filled some part of me, otherwise lost without him. My heart ached and every nerve in my body sparked to life.

“Kylie.” My heart melted at the sound of his voice. He seemed caught off guard, and I caught a glimpse of the guy I missed so much.

“Kylie, I just remembered I needed to talk to the seamstress about some alterations to your dress for tonight. I will catch up with you later.” Cara smiled and gave me an encouraging look.

Confusion squeezed my chest. Did I want to talk to Grant? The old Grant maybe, but how long would it be until his wall returned and he grew distant again? I couldn’t take that. It was too hard to witness, but Cara had left without giving me a chance to stop her.

“How have you been?” Grant asked.

I shrugged. Like he cared. If he did, where had he been these last few days?

“Are you not speaking to me?” He stood and took a few steps closer.

I snorted. “Are you kidding me?
You
are the one who has gone out of your way to avoid me.
You
won’t talk to me.
You
don’t look at me. What do you expect from me? You drag me to this place then just abandon me. I don’t know anyone. Conor’s gone, my own mother barely talks to me and you were the only piece of home I had with me, but you treat me like I’m invisible. If it weren’t for Cara and Liam, I don’t know what I would have done.”

Anger stormed through me and frustrated tears threatened. Quickly, I spun giving Grant my back, not willing to let him see me cry. I took a deep breath and pulled myself together.

“Kylie, you are far from invisible to me. I see you, trust me, every part of you. Even when you aren’t right in front of me, I see you.”

I turned to him, “But– You ignored me. You–won’t look at me. You’re mean to me.” The fact I stammered like a child only made me angrier.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I thought maybe it was better if I wasn’t a part of your life. It’s so confusing. Do you know how hard this has been?”

My temper flared. “How
hard
? How hard this is for
you
? I’m the one ripped away from everything and everybody I know. I’m the one being forced into this life I don’t want.”

“Well, it didn’t seem like you were being forced into kissing Liam the other night.”

My mouth dropped. The disconnected tingling now made sense. His mouth clamped shut and he winced as if embarrassed by his outburst.

By this time, I seethed with rage. “You had choices, Grant, and you made them. Now live with them.” I glared at him.

His face fell in a defeated expression, and he looked down. Before I could I regret my harsh words, I spun on my heels and left him standing in the garden.

Chapter 21

On the verge of tears and grateful I never ran into Liam, I rushed back to my room. As soon as I slammed the door, I heard a hesitant knock. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, then opened the door.

I relaxed seeing Cara. “Hey, come in.”

“I saw you rush by, you looked upset. I guess things didn’t go too well?”

“I don’t know. I left without giving him much of chance to speak. He actually had the nerve to say this is hard on him. I’m the one living this insane life.” I plopped down onto my bed.

Cara joined me. “While that is completely insensitive on his part, maybe it is hard on him.” I gave her an annoyed look. “Okay hear me out, think about it from his point of view. If Grant has feelings for you…”

I rolled my eyes, and she grinned. “I said
if.
So
if
he has feelings for you, imagine what it must be like for him. He has to do what’s right by you and Liam. He is Liam’s friend and maybe he cares enough about you to want you safe, no matter how much it hurts him. He has to watch you and Liam together. How would you feel if you had to watch Grant with another girl, a girl who was a very good friend of yours and you couldn’t say or do anything to stop it?”

I thought back to Grant and Cerise. I had hated seeing them together and I didn’t even like Cerise. What if it had been Lexie? What would I have done then? What could I have done? I would want my friends happy and wouldn’t want to come between that.

“Seriously, Cara, how are you always so right?” I took a deep breath. “Okay,
if
he likes me, this seems to add up. Of course, if he doesn’t then I think he is just a huge asshole.” She chuckled. “That’s right, I said it. Grant’s an asshole.”

“You crass humans.” Her head tilted. “Feel better?”

“I suppose.” The corner of my mouth tugged up. “Thanks, Cara.”

“Now.” She whirled and produced a gorgeous dress. She arched an eyebrow. “You like?”

I stood and admired the copper colored dress. “I love!”

“It’s for tonight’s dinner. Liam has something special planned for you two.” She paused to gauge my reaction.

“He does? What are we doing?”

“Private dining, in the garden.”

Private? What could it be about? There was a chance Liam did this to be romantic, but there was also the chance he had something to tell me...or ask me? Did this have something to do with marrying him? Cara watched me as I processed this information, obviously waiting for my response.

I inhaled then let out a long, slow breath. “The plot thickens.”

* * * *

I needed to stay busy for the next few hours until dinner. When left alone with my thoughts, I suspected I might go crazy. Maybe spending some time with Aislinn might help distract me, especially since she never brought up Liam and had no clue about my feelings for Grant.

I found her in the massive castle library, each wall composed entirely of books. It even had one of those tall rolling ladders that I secretly wanted to ride on. Aislinn lounged in a plush chair, her legs tucked under her, reading a book. When I approached her, I noticed she stared blankly at the page.

“Hey.” I walked over to her, “Do you mind if I sit down?”

She looked up her expression startled and completely off guard. “No, not at all. Please sit. I would love the company. I think I have been reading this same page for ten minutes. My mind keeps drifting off.”

“Is it a good book, at least?”

Her lips twisted in a sheepish smile. “I couldn’t even tell you. I have had so much on my mind lately.” She closed the book, laying it in her lap. “A lot of what I’m thinking about is you.” Her green eyes were dark with concern. “Kylie, are you happy?”

I didn’t know how to answer. Unsure if this was one of those be honest questions or a just smile and nod politely questions. I chewed on my bottom lip.

“I take that as a no.” She frowned slightly. “This marriage is a bad idea. I knew it would be. I was just desperate to get you home safely. I knew you were in trouble and I needed help. I didn’t expect
this
to be the bargain, but once Alastar laid it out, I couldn’t say no.” The conversation seemed to be getting things off her chest, more than talking to me. “I’m sorry, Kylie. I don’t know how to fix this. I have tried to think of some way out, but I just don’t know. Alastar, well is, Alastar, and he seems convinced more now than ever that you and Liam should marry.”

“Aislinn, err, Mom,” I quickly corrected, but her expression flashed wounded. “Don’t stress yourself out over it. I like Liam. He’s a good guy, and it’s not like I have to marry him right now. In fact, no one has even mentioned the marriage. I think he and I are good for now. I’m getting to know him, and we have time for everything else.”

Her flawless skin, creased with lines of worry. “That’s the thing. Liam is getting pressure from his father to do it soon. Preparations for a royal wedding take time and Alastar wants the proper steps taken, but, he wants everything set into motion
now.
Starting with a formal announcement of your engagement.”

My heart rate increased. “Now?” After she nodded, I asked, “What does Liam say? Is he even ready?”

“That’s a conversation you will need to have with him. I just know how his father can be. At this point, I fear it might be out of Liam’s hands.”

So much for a conversation with Aislinn to take my mind off things. “I guess I will talk to him. Liam once mentioned he thought his father might have ulterior motives. Do you think that’s true? He said we didn’t have to marry for my protection, that the court can protect who they choose.”

She appeared uncomfortable with my question. “That’s a complicated question to answer. Do I think there might be an ulterior motive? Yes. Do I think you can be protected without marrying? Yes. But do I think that is what is going on right now? I don’t know.”

Something about her answer made me think she knew more than she let on. Even if she had no proof, I bet she had some theories.

“Well, maybe Liam can find out.” I sat back in my chair, frustrated and wishing I hadn’t gone looking for my mother. I’d hoped to have just a pleasant conversation with her, but instead she left me with more unanswered questions.

“I’m sorry Kylie. I only wanted to help you, to protect you, but–I don’t know what I was thinking. Betrothed. Who would want that?” Her eyes were full of sorrow when she met mine. “I loved your father so much. Most Fae don’t believe we should become involved with humans, but with him something– It’s hard to explain. He was my life– Without him it meant nothing. I was filled with so much love for him, sometimes, I felt like I would just burst.”

She smiled, her eyes seemed far off. “He said I did the same for him. I don’t care if we came from two different worlds, we were soul mates. I know it in my heart.

“When we found out I was pregnant with you, I gave up everything Fae to have a family. My perfect family, but then those hateful Rite members found out about us, and just like that my dreams were crushed.” Her eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sorry I have failed you, Kylie. Most parents have eighteen years to screw up their kid’s life, but I managed to do it in only a few. I know, to you it’s been a long time, but for me...” She sighed. “It’s only been a few years, since I lost you...and your father.”

It occurred to me then, she still mourned his loss. A few years was not long enough to get over a true love, nor was it enough time to even grow as a person. In that moment I understood her, and the wall–I hadn’t realized I’d been holding up–came down.

“Mom, I don’t blame you for anything. In fact, I’m in awe of the tremendous sacrifices you made for me. Maybe you regret some of the decisions you made, but I’m here. I’m alive. They couldn’t have all been bad choices.”

She sniffled and smiled at me. “Who’s the child here? You are wise beyond your years, Kylie. You must have inherited that from your father.” She joked and laughed again.

“I know it’s probably hard to talk about him, since it hasn’t been very long for you, but whenever you are ready, I would love to hear about him.”

Her smile broadened. “I would absolutely love to tell you about your father. His name was James, and the most important thing you need to know about him is he loved you. He loved you more than you can ever imagine. The sun rose and set on your sweet little face. You were the light of his life, and I know he would never regret fighting for you until the end.”