Gray Back Bad Bear (Gray Back Bears Book 1) (5 page)

Willa snorted a laugh and smacked his arm. “Stop it, and be serious. My resolve is wavering.”

The smile dipped from his face, and he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “And then I was going to take you to meet my sister because I really like you, and I want Cassie to meet the woman who settles my bear.”

Choked up, Willa cleared the thickness from her throat and tried to look severe. “No more girls.”

“Only you.”

“No more chasing tail and throwing attention at controlling skanks like Brittney.”

He kissed her forehead again and whispered, “You have my word.”

Hmm, the word of a playboy. “Matt, this is your warning. The second you mess up with another woman, you know I’m gone, right? That’s not me, sticking around for a man who doesn’t deserve my affection.”

He smiled against her hairline and pulled her against him, more gently this time. “I wouldn’t expect you to stick around for that bullshit. I won’t mess this up.”

She softened against him and wrapped her arms around his waist. With her head against his chest, she murmured, “Good. Now show me your trailer park.”

“Whoa,” Willa murmured, staring at the four trailers in a semi-circle just beyond the Grayland Mobile Park sign that stretched over the white gravel road. “This is not what I expected.”

“What did you expect?” Matt asked from the passenger’s seat. He had his elbow resting on the open window, and his eyes were lightened to that unsettling silver color as he watched her reaction. In his other hand was clutched the hideous salmon mug she’d gifted him.

“Trash in the yard and old ratty trailers and old cars with parts strewn everywhere.” Instead, each trailer was uniform, covered in dark wood shingles like little mobile cabins. The roof on each looked new, and the white trim around the windows was crisp. The trailers each had a stone walkway that led to a huge communal fire pit in the middle. The grass around the community was neatly clipped, and each trailer had flowering landscaping on either side of the front door. The mountain scenery in the background was breathtaking. “Are these new homes?”

“Nah, they’re thirty-five years old, but me and Creed cleaned them up when the Gray Backs first started recruiting new members.”

She parked her truck behind Matt’s Chevy that sat in front of the trailer at the end. A single pink, plastic flamingo had been stabbed into the immaculate side lawn. Nice.

“So you and Creed started this crew?”

“We did. We had to start our own because our bears…well, they’re different and don’t mesh that well with other shifters. We have to be picky about who we allow into the crew. Jason was next, then Clinton, then Easton. We stopped with him, though. Too many problem bears in one crew, and Creed couldn’t handle any more dominant animals under him until we worked the kinks out. Which we never did. Five bears is all we can handle.”

Five bears, and no room for mates. How was this supposed to work if they continued to date or mate or whatever it was bear shifters called what they were doing?

“The kids I grew up with were all different. Their animals weren’t treated well, so it was always a struggle to make living together work.”

“How old were you when you started taking care of them?”

“Sixteen. But really, it was before that. Sixteen was when I found us a safe place to live, though. Because of that, when it came time to make my own crew, I didn’t mind accepting the problem shifters. Some of the Gray Backs would’ve been put down by other alphas by now, but they’re safer with us, out here. Creed is dominant enough to manage us as long as we keep the numbers low.”

Here was a man with a big heart who took risks for others. Who started a crew that no one else would fit into. When she was sixteen, she was worried about headgear, band competitions, and falling on her face in front of crushes she’d had in high school. Matt had been raising kids in the woods and working multiple jobs to feed and clothe them, sacrificing things she couldn’t even imagine to make sure others were okay. He wasn’t just the asshole woman-chaser that his social media pages showed. He was so much more.

She slid out of the truck and shut the door softly behind her.

Matt’s fingers brushed her lower back as he guided her toward his trailer. Instead of the side entrance, he gently pushed her to a set of stairs that led to a screened-in porch facing the communal fire pit. From what she could see, all of the trailers boasted the porches. Cedar planks were sturdy under her feet, giving nary a creak as she stepped onto them. A rocking chair sat ready near a small table with an antique car magazine that was folded backward to show a picture of a refurbished Model T.

“Sorry,” Matt muttered, hurrying around her to pick up the magazine.

She stared at him with a waiting grin. “You’re a clean freak, aren’t you?”

Matt frowned. “Maybe. My animal requires a decluttered den.”

“That surprises me. In a good way. I expected empty pizza boxes and beer bottles everywhere.”

“I recycle.”

A snort blasted up her throat. “Have you ever brought a girl in here before?”

“To my den?” He looked baffled by her question. “No. Hell no. This place is…mine.”

“Matt,” she whispered, growing giddy. “Am I the first girl you brought into your den?”

“Of course.” He said it like it should be obvious, but the only thing that was clear now was Matt was much more complicated than he let on.

He reached around her and opened the door that led inside. He came so close, his lips were only inches from hers. With a soft gasp, she froze, trapped in his gaze. His eyes dipped to her lips, and slowly, he leaned into her.

This wasn’t a barely controlled passionate kiss like last night. This one was all soft lips and gentle sucks and sweet smacks as he pulled her closer. It was angled heads, soft brushes of his tongue, and fingertips in her hair.

This kiss wasn’t desperate. It was a lovely peek into the part of Matt’s heart that he hid from others.

As he eased away with a confused look in his sparking blue eyes, she murmured, “Remember that time you said you wouldn’t ever sleep with a virgin?”

He nodded slowly.

“I think you’ll have to get over that with me, Griz.”

A faint smile curved his lips up. “Swear not to laugh?”

“No.”

“Gosh dangit, woman, why can’t you just make something easy on me?” He inhaled deeply and played with a strand of her hair. “I’m nervous.”

“About sleeping with me? We’ve both established this ain’t your first rodeo, cowboy.”

“Well, you saved yourself for a long time and—”

“I saved myself for the right person.” She cupped his hands and pulled them to her cheeks just to feel his touch. “I saved myself for you. I want you to be my first, Matt.”

“But what if I hurt you and you hate me and I lose you and I hate myself for the rest of my life—”

“And what if it’s really special because you’re gentle with me? At least for our first time.”

He quirked one eyebrow and pulled her hand to his swim trunks. The long, thick roll of his erection was warm and hard against her hand.

“Holy cheeseballs,” she murmured, looking down at his sizeable bulge in awe. “You’re huge.”

Matt chuckled. “Thanks, Nerd.”

“No, I’m serious.” She stood back and pressed the thin fabric on either side of his dick. The anatomy books in school did not look like Matt the Titan Dong. “Is it even physically possible for us to be together? I mean, I’ve touched myself plenty, and I’m a one finger kind of girl. Two just feels wild and crazy.”

“Keep talking about touching yourself, and it’ll only get bigger.” His voice had gone deep and husky.

Reaching forward, she ran her palm up his length. His six-pack contracted, and he groaned softly, which drew a great big old grin from her face. His sensitivity to her touch was empowering. It was also warming her from the middle out.

“You smell like arousal,” he murmured. The blue in his eyes transitioned to that beautiful silver color she was growing to adore. The color that said Matt was more than he seemed and his bear was close to the surface.

She brushed her fingertip just under his eye, then traced the long scars across his chest that ran parallel to his collarbone. The future was uncertain and full of questions, but here, in Matt’s den, Willa was comfortable and safe. Her every instinct said that Matt would protect her. He’d been searching for her, after all.
Her
. Not some perfect shell of a woman. Perfection hadn’t settled his bear. She did. And as he looked at her with those mercury eyes, she felt like the luckiest person to have captured his attention.

Matt pushed the door open and picked her up.

“Are you carrying me over the threshold?” she asked.

“It feels right.”

She slid her arms around his neck and cuddled against his strong torso as he kicked the door closed behind him. The screened-in porch led straight into his bedroom. It smelled like Matt and fabric softener, and one look at his dresser told her why. A hamper of neatly folded clothes sat atop it.

“I was going to put those away this morning, but I ran out of time.”

It struck her as he set her gently on his bed how strong Matt was. He’d had barely any sleep last night because he’d taken it upon himself to drive her back to the camper and sleep beside her, and then he’d worked a physically grueling job, as well as sustained horrific injuries from something he hadn’t been comfortable talking about. Even if his shifter healing was borderline magical, it still had to take its toll on him. Yet here he was, worrying over her opinion about his den and taking care of her comfort.

He knelt in front of her and slid her flip flops from her feet, then kissed her arches. “It’ll be hard to keep my head when we’re together,” he admitted low. “Will you tell me if I hurt you?”

The insecurity in his eyes pulled at her heart. “I will.”

His eyes pooled with some emotion she didn’t understand. He looked away, so she pulled his gaze back to hers by cupping his cheek. “What is it?”

He leaned forward, brushed his lips against her knee before he answered. “This feels big.”

“Are you scared?” she whispered.

He dipped his chin once and dragged his vulnerable eyes back to her.

Tears burned the backs of her eyes as he rested his cheek on her lap. Something in her, some instinct she couldn’t ignore, told her Matt never admitted to fear, but he had with her. Protectiveness flooded her. “I’ll take care of you,” she promised.

“It’s not that,” he said on a breath.

“It feels like this is going to change something big in you?”

Another slight nod.

“Matt.” She lifted his face from her lap with gentle fingers. “Maybe it’s time for change.”

“I know.” He exhaled a shaky breath and stood, then padded toward the wall and flipped off the light switch.

Now, only the deep blue light of evening that filtered through the single window pane illuminated him on one side.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“I always turn the lights off. It’s more…comfortable.”

“Because of your scars?”

“I guess.”

“Turn them back on.”

The click of the light was loud in the silence of his small room.

“I’ve seen your scars, and they only make me care about you more. You’re more beautiful because of them.”

A soft smile flickered across his face and disappeared again. “No one’s ever called me beautiful before.”

“No one knows you like me.” Her heart sang that it was true. He’d grown too good at hiding, but now he was exposing his soft side for her alone. “I want to see you when you make love to me.”

“Make love…” He blinked slowly as he approached. Kneeling in front of her again, he kissed her hand, then pulled her palm to a scar over his chest.

In this moment, Matt was easy to read. He had needs that ran as deep as canyons, but he hadn’t dared to ask anyone before. And right now, he needed her touch to heal him, to show him he was accepted completely by her. Sniffling, she brushed her hand across the length of the slightly raised pink mark, then moved to the one below it. “Someday, you’ll tell me what happened,” she whispered as soft as a breath. “And I won’t run. I’ll care for you more because you let me in. Because I’ll know you better.”

His eyes didn’t leave hers as she traced the map of his body. By the time she’d made her way to his abs, her breath trembled. She could almost feel the pain of his damaged nerve endings seeping through her touch. A tear fell down her cheek. She wished she could’ve shared this pain so it wouldn’t have been so much on him.

“Shh.” He wiped her damp cheek. “I’m okay now.”

Her fingers tingled with every scar she traced, as if she was drawing the heat into her, but she didn’t want to stop. Brushing her lips against a mark that encircled the base of his neck, she pulled at the waist of his swim trunks until they slid down to his knees, then his ankles. Matt stepped out of them, and then pulled her cover-up over her head.

Now the nerves crept in. She was going to be bare before a man who had seen some of the most beautiful women on earth. What if she didn’t measure up? She hesitated, her hands on the bottom of her tankini top.

“Come here,” he said in a gentle tone. “I want to do that.”

“Okay.” She stood, unsteady on wobbly legs that didn’t want to hold her anymore.

Matt pulled her tight against him, allowing his warmth to seep into her. And suddenly, she wanted to feel his skin against hers more than she’d ever wanted anything. Desire unfurled inside of her, spreading tendrils of aching want.

She closed her eyes as he pulled her swimsuit top over her head, unsure if she wanted to see his reaction. What if he was disappointed?

As if he could sense her reservation, he pulled her close again until their skin met. Her breasts pressed against the taut planes of his torso as he rubbed her back in gentle, rhythmic strokes.

“Your skin is so soft,” he murmured in an awed voice.

Hugging his waist, she reveled in the feel of his chest against hers. She rubbed the uneven scars on his back, her fingers moving over them like waves. It was in this moment she realized something life altering. She’d never given much thought to love before, because she’d never felt anything so strongly in all her life, but Matt had pulled something from her she hadn’t known she’d been harboring. She loved him. Loved how gentle he was with her. Loved how he let his guard down. Loved that he was sharing his skin—his secret self—with her.