Groom in Training (17 page)

He nodded, but she could tell he couldn’t comprehend what she’d said.

“In the book I’m reading, I learned that sometimes years later people who’ve lost loved ones to suicide—the book calls us survivors—have upsurges of grief even though they’d thought they had healed.”

Nick moved beside her. “Why?” He slipped his hand in hers.

“Something triggers it. An old song, a photograph, a souvenir from the past. It can be anything.” She couldn’t look at him, afraid he’d ask her more.

“What was it with you? Do you know?”

She felt her heart slip to her stomach. How could she tell him without setting herself up for hurt. “This is hard for me, Nick.”

He cradled her hand in his. “I need to understand so I can help you.”

She looked past him, searching for a simple way to say it. How could she say “because I fell in love with you”? “You opened my eyes to what a relationship should be. That was the first thing. We talked openly. We laughed. We enjoyed the dogs. Simple things.”

“And then?”

“Then I realized that if I ever wanted a serious relationship with anyone, I wasn’t capable. I wasn’t worthy.”

Nick drew her in his arms and held her tight. “You are so worthy. Worthier than anyone I know.” He drew back
and captured her gaze. “Do you know how much you mean to me?”

“You enjoy my company.” Her pulse raced looking in his eyes.

“Enjoy? I love your company. I miss you when we’re not together. I think about you all the time.”

She closed her eyes, drinking in his sentiment.

“I think of you all the time.” She raised her hands and cupped his face in her palms. “You helped me find the Lord. Molly had worked on me for years, but meeting you and your mom finished Molly’s job. Now it makes sense and my faith is growing.” She swallowed. “But I still don’t understand why God cares about me. I denied him for so long.”

“Steph. Steph. Have you read any verses about the Good Shepherd?”

She’d read so much, the Bible and the book on suicide, but she was blank. “I’ve heard Jesus called the Good Shepherd.”

Nick’s eyes shone. “One of Jesus’ parables was about a shepherd who owned a hundred sheep, and one strayed away. He left the ninety-nine alone to search for one sheep. When he found it, he carried it over his shoulders and returned it to the herd, rejoicing that he’d found his lost sheep.” Expectation grew on his face as he looked at her and waited.

“I’m a lost sheep?”

“You were, but He found you and brought you back to the fold. You’re a child of God, Steph, no matter what you thought of Him. He was your father all along and He loved you. That’s why He cares, and that’s why He forgives.”

Tears bubbled in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. The parable explained what she hadn’t been able to grasp, and Nick’s love of God shown through.

He brushed away her tears but didn’t speak.

“Thank you. You’ve given me so much. You make me feel whole.”

He drew her into his arms, his lips touching hers before he spoke. “And you’ve opened windows for me. Between you and Martin, I realize that God hadn’t planned for Cara and I to be married. We weren’t soul mates, and I should be grateful to her for returning the ring. She needed more than I could give, but that doesn’t make me wrong. Just wrong for her.”

“It’s funny how we don’t realize things when they happen.” The thought had been niggling at her since she’d realized how much Nick meant to her. Her throat tightened. “It’s hard to talk about this but when I found Doug, I—”

“Steph.” He grasped her shoulders and looked into her eyes. “You found him?”

The vision flooded her mind—the rope, the gaseous smell. She nodded. “At home.”

“Oh, my love.” His voice quaked. “By yourself?” His question was a whisper.

“When I opened the garage door and saw him hanging there with the car motor running.”

“No.” He drew her into his arms, his body shaking with her admission. “Horrible. Appalling.”

“Like the last lash against me. The final chance to wound me.” Her voice shook as she spoke. Other than the police, she hadn’t told the full story. She’d kept it, feeling degraded by Doug’s hostility.

“And you’ve lived there? You see that garage every day?” His voice whispered in her ears. “You need to move away from there, Steph. You’ll never be free of it if you don’t.”

She drew back. “I try not to think about it, but I always did…that is until a month ago.” She gazed into his eyes wondering if he would remember.

“A month ago.” His eyes narrowed, and he looked away, his frown deepening. Then as if the sun rose on a cloudy day, he returned her gaze. “We kissed for the first time in the garage.”

She nodded. “That’s my memory now.”

He drew her forward again. “Steph, I’ll kiss you in every room in the house if I can make everything better.”

Her heart sang. “Enough sad talk. Let’s put things away and be happy.”

Nick leaned forward and pressed his mouth to hers as the doorbell rang. He drew back. “Stay right where you are. I’ll be back.” He rose and dug his hand into his pocket. “It’s the pizza.” Shrugging, he grinned and hurried to the door.

N
ick packed his belongings in the duffel bag and carried the rest to his SUV on a hanger. Though he’d dreaded the time with Martin, the two weeks hadn’t been so bad. He loaded the car and walked back inside.

Martin leaned against the archway with a look on his face that confused Nick. “I’m sure you’re happy to see me go.”

Nick adjusted his shoulder. “Not really. I enjoyed having someone to talk with.”

The sound of Martin’s voice put Nick on edge. Martin didn’t give compliments and sound sappy, but he did today.

Martin took a step forward. “Do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure.” He settled on a chair, wondering if Martin would make another job offer.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately, Nick.”

His serious voice added to Nick’s edginess. “What is it?”

“Perceptions.”

Perceptions.
Nick waited.

“I’ve been unpleasant for a long time. It took a while for me to realize it, and I want to thank you for helping me face the truth.”

Nick struggled to keep his eyebrows from shooting up. “I haven’t done anything.”

“You have. Maybe without knowing it.” He wandered across the room and slipped into a chair. “I’ve had to face some things.” Martin squirmed in his chair. “I’ve been jealous of you for years. I didn’t realize that was the problem, but that’s it.”

Nick bolted upright, his palm smacking his chest. “Jealous? Of me?”

“You handle things with honesty, Nick. You’ve forced me to do the same. I wanted your business to fail to prove to myself that I was worth as much—maybe more—than you. I was happy when Cara walked out on you, because my marriage was such a mess.”

Nick’s head spun, startled at Martin’s admission but more so at the pain he saw in his brother’s face.

“You’ve been my scapegoat for all the inferior feelings I’ve had, but the other day when we talked, I began to realize you were right. I didn’t see things clearly. I was the one pushing me. Mom and Dad were proud of whatever I did. Yes, they expected me to do well, because I always did. I couldn’t handle my failures. My marriage was one of them.” He closed his eyes, then opened them. “I cause myself most of my grief.”

Nick found his voice. “I can’t believe you were jealous. I always admired your abilities. You were a better student than I was. Your business has grown and prospered. I don’t see how you would see anything in me to cause you to be jealous.”

“Because you’re a good person. You care about people.”

Nick held up his hand.

“I know you had a problem with Mom, but I understood that. You’ve always been too sensitive, and you and Mom
had special connection. You were her baby. Probably always will be.”

Nick chuckled. “She’s a great mom, and it’s such a relief to know she’ll be going back to her place soon.”

Martin nodded. “Anyway, I want to apologize for belittling you to try to make myself feel better, and I hope you can forgive me.”

“Forgive you? There’s nothing to forgive.” He stepped forward and embraced his brother. Though the affection felt strange, it felt good. “Thanks for being open.”

Martin stepped back. “Here’s one more thing.”

Now for the truth. Nick held his breath.

“I’d like you to take Suzette.”

The air shot from his lungs. “Me? Take Suzette? What are you talking about?”

“You spend more time with her than I do, and you said you’d get her obedience training. You know I won’t.”

Nick’s mind spun. Suzette. He loved the dog. “I can’t have a dog at the apartment, Martin, so I can’t accept your offer.” He pictured Suzette being his own. “As much as I’d like to take her.”

“She can stay here. Your business is growing, and you’ll have a house soon.” He tilted his head toward Steph’s. “Anyway, I’m hearing wedding bells, and the bride has a house.”

Heat rose up Nick’s neck. “Am I that transparent?”

“It’s that face of yours. It talks louder than you do.”

Nick wondered how much Steph had read. “Are you sure about Suzette?”

His face darkened, and Nick suspected he was thinking of Fred as Nick did so often. “Positive. Suzette might fill the empty space just a little.”

Nick doubted that but maybe in time. Steph’s sad face
lingered on his mind, and it broke his heart. He would do anything to make her feel better, but he knew it was in God’s hands. “It’s a deal.” He extended his hand, and Martin shook it.

Martin drew up his shoulders. “One day, maybe I’ll try again, and I know Suzette is in good hands.”

“She will be, Martin.”

As he headed outside, Nick hoped Suzette would be in four good hands instead of two. He darted across the front lawn, tapped on Steph’s door and opened it.

She gave him a wide-eyed look, motioning him to come in. The phone was clasped to her ear, and as he neared, he saw tears rolling down her cheeks but excitement in her voice.

“You’re kidding? Really? I can’t believe this.”

Nick moved closer, anxiety building as he listened.

“Thank you. Thank you.”

She dropped the phone, but instead of saying anything, she broke into a sob.

Nick clasped her shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

“Fred.”

He stomach rolled. “Is he—”

“Alive.” She lifted her face to his. “He’s alive and okay.”

Tears blurred Nick’s eyes as he lifted Steph into his arms and swung her around. “Where is he?”

He lowered her to the ground. “You’re not going to believe it?”

She shook her head over and over until he put his hands on each side to stop her. “Tell me what happened.”

“Fred’s veterinarian called.” Her mottled skin was damp with tears, yet happiness glowed in her eyes. “No one will believe this. Somehow Fred found his way there and was hanging outside the building. When the receptionist went out to lunch and came back, he was still there, and she rec
ognized him. Dr. Meade went out, looked at him and said his name. Fred ran up to him and sat.”

Nick burst into laughter. “Still obedient even under those conditions. I can’t wait for Suzette to have her training.” He longed to tell her about Martin and Suzette, but the time didn’t seem right. “Ready to go.”

“So ready.” Tears of joy rolled down her face.

He linked his arm in hers, loving her more and more.

Steph sat on the grass, her arms around Fred’s neck and her mind soaring. He smelled so much better since his bath. He’d broken her heart when she saw him—dirty, hungry and sad. When he saw her, he leaped into the air and nearly knocked her over. She didn’t care. She loved the crazy dog.

But during the night, she understood even more deeply what Nick had told her about the lost sheep. When Fred disappeared, she did everything to find him—putting up posters, making phone calls, talking with strangers and praying. When she found him, her heart sang and she brought him home. Her love had been so strong that she hadn’t given up. She’d told herself so many times to throw away his leash and dishes, but she couldn’t. She had hope.

God felt the same about her and rejoiced when she returned to Him. He’d washed her clean with His forgiveness. He didn’t punish her for her running away from Him but rejoiced when she returned. Steph wrapped her arms around Fred even tighter.

But Fred’s ears perked, and he broke free and ran to the gate.

Steph’s heart kicked. Then the gate swung open and Suzette darted into the yard with Nick behind her. Suzette? “Nick, what are you doing?”

He grinned and settled beside her on the grass. “Bringing my dog to play with Fred. It’s a welcome home party.”

“Your dog?”

She sat, listening as he told her what had happened. “These are the good days you talked about. What’s next?”

“Let’s celebrate. Today’s the Fourth of July.” He rose and grasped her hands, pulling her to her feet.

“The fireworks aren’t until tonight.” The look on his face confused her. “Are we going somewhere?”

“No, but we’re celebrating.”

She chuckled. “Fred’s coming-home party.”

“That, too.” He pulled out a box of sparklers, handed her one and lit it. She watched the tip sizzle and sparks begin to fly. “Where’s yours?”

He held up his finger and put his hand in his pocket. “Steph, my business is suddenly going great. I’m thinking I can afford a house. Then I can take Suzette home, but I feel badly for Fred. What will he do without her?”

She pictured it and didn’t like what she saw. “He’ll be lonely.”

“So will I.”

Her nose wrinkled with his puzzling comment.

“I have this idea.” He pulled his hand from his pocket and dropped to the ground. “Fred and I would be much happier if we all lived together.”

Together? Her mind whirled. “Together, but I don’t—”

“And that’s why I’m asking you to be my wife.” He raised his hand and in his palm was a box.

Steph reeled. She looked at Fred and Suzette sitting beside Nick, their tongues hanging out as if they’d run a mile, and Nick with a grin on his face and eyes twinkling. She looked at his hand, her heart seeming to burst. The sparkler dropped to the ground.

She clasped the box and opened it. Inside sat a magnificent solitaire diamond, between an intricate filigree of gold. She caught her breath as fiery sparks glinted from the ring, greater than any sparkler.

“Do I have to stay down here forever?” Nick sent her a playful, plaintive look.

Her heart swelled with God’s gift to her. So many, many gifts. “Fred? Suzette? What do you think?”

Hearing their names, the dogs danced around her feet.

“They like the idea.” She grinned. “And so do I.”

Nick rose and took her in his arms. His lips touched hers as all her fears fled and happiness filled every empty space.

Nick drew back. “Steph, I love you more than words can say.”

“I love you, too. You rescued me once from Martin. You rescued me from my lack of faith, and today you’ve rescued me again. I’m—”

The last words were silenced by his kiss.