Authors: Rain Stickland
“I know you feel guilty. Not just for killing Gerry, but also for feeling guilty. Am I right?”
“Yeah, but how did you know?”
“It was how I felt. Brad would have hurt you somehow. Possibly killed you. So I felt guilty for my own guilt, knowing I should have been glad as a parent that he was dead and couldn’t hurt you. I figured you would feel similar emotions when it came to Neil, and probably myself.”
“Please tell me Neil doesn’t know I feel that way,” Cam responded miserably.
“He knows, and he understands. You don’t have to worry about that. He’s not a child who doesn’t understand complicated human emotions. That’s the thing about people. Our feelings are never simply one thing or another. And the older we get, the more nuanced those emotions are.
“Neil’s probably one of the most emotionally intelligent people I’ve ever met. He knew when we first got together how easily our so-called whirlwind romance could freak out someone like me, and despite wanting to move in immediately, he was willing to back right off and let me do things at my own pace.
“It was because of that that I was able to jump into marriage with him so easily. Well, and the whole apocalypse thing, too. I mean, we both knew it wouldn’t be long before we wouldn’t be able to get married at all, so I took a big chance and jumped into it with both feet. Thankfully it’s worked out okay, because you would have had good cause to shoot me if it hadn’t. I put all of us at risk,” Mac said ruefully.
“Sort of, but not entirely. You already knew his property backed onto ours, so we weren’t likely going to be able to avoid him. There was every chance we’d have run into him anyway. And he was a prepper. At least you knew he wasn’t going to come over here out of desperation, to try and take everything we had. If he’d been a psycho of some sort, we’d have been screwed either way. Well, except for the fact that we’re armed and all that.
“Speaking of security measures, though … I really don’t feel good about the motion sensors being on such a low sensitivity setting. Maybe if we had more cameras,” Cam said worriedly. Mac knew Cameron had been getting a little paranoid about their security, and assumed it was a consequence of the situation with Gerry.
Cam did a lot of walking now, too, and Mac had a sneaking suspicion she was patrolling the perimeter of their property. She was certainly gone long enough every day, and she wasn’t spending the time with Kirk and Leigh at Neil’s old cabin. She’d hated having to ask them about it, since she felt like she was checking up on Cam, but Kirk and Leigh were both worried about her, too.
“Neil and I will be doing some scavenging once the roads are clear. Maybe we can stop in at an electronics store. We’ve already used up the cameras I bought before the world went to shit. Since Neil hadn’t bothered with that kind of stuff, I ended up using our spare cameras over there to make sure Kirk and Leigh would be okay. Now there are some gaps, so you’re right. We can find some cameras, I’m sure. I just have to make sure they’re compatible with the software we’re already using, because it’s not like I can download drivers from a website now.”
“When did you and Neil decide to go scavenging?” Cam asked with a surly bite to her voice.
“Huh?”
“Nuh-uh. You know exactly what I’m talking about, so you’re not allowed to play dumb. I wouldn’t believe it anyway. We bought this property together, remember? I’m twenty-three, not some child who has no say in the matter. You should have discussed this with me, but now I’m suddenly hearing about what you and Neil have decided to do. You obviously weren’t intending to ask me to come along. Or Billy for that matter. He’s nineteen now, so I’m sure he would want to know what you and his dad are up to, don’t you think?”
Mackenzie let out a sigh. Cameron was right. She was so used to just making any decisions she felt needed to be made, without consulting anyone. Not even Neil. Now she was being called on it.
“Okay, you’re right. I’ll explain why Neil and I decided to do things the way we did, but it doesn’t change the fact that we should have talked about all this together.” Her statement was enough to mollify Cam for the time being, but Mac didn’t think it was going to be that easy. Cam was going to want to come with them, so she would have to convince her to stay behind somehow.
“There needs to be two of us to lift and move things, because we’re going to a summer home Neil knows about where they have some PV panels. With all the extra people we have on the farm now, we’re just barely scraping by on power at the moment – especially with so few daylight hours – so we need more panels. More panels are useless without the deep cycle batteries to store the power, so we plan to stop at one of the marinas, too. At least one person has to be knowledgeable enough to deal with the panels and batteries, which means me, Neil, or Billy.
“We don’t want any more than two people, because we’re planning to fill the truck and trailer with everything we can find. Things like mattresses, because we’ve currently got kids sleeping with their parents, and couples sleeping on single beds. It’s not healthy for the kids to be in bed with their parents at this age. Katherine is a teenager, for one thing, and Chuck and Kayla need their privacy. We can build them extra rooms, no problem, but that doesn’t help without beds to put in them. And Katherine should
not
be sleeping in the same bed with her brother.
“Aside from that, I want to get a few boxes of books from the library. Some of the topics are very specific, and the person going to get them has to know what they’re looking for. There isn’t likely to be anything in-depth about sustainable energy, or even permaculture, in a small-town library, but I’d like some stuff on diesel engines for a project I have in mind. Plus I need books on boating, the Great Lakes, and local geography. Mariner-type maps if they have them.
“In other words, I
have
to go, and Neil is really the best choice to come with me when it comes to muscle and knowledgeable assistance. We should have made it a group discussion. I’m just not used to working that way. Hell, you know what I was like with my business. You tried working for me for a while, instead of having to do factory work, but that didn’t work out so well for either of us.”
“Okay, I’m really irritated with you at the moment, so I’m not going to talk about it right now. Maybe you’re right about who should go, but the way you went about it makes me want to disagree with you just on principle. We’ll talk about it later,” Cameron said shortly.
Fuck
, thought Mac.
“Alright, so how about we get back to the original point of this discussion. I told you about what happened with your father so you would know I understood what you were going through. He was the same sort of person Gerry was, too. I know there has to be a part of you that’s wondering if he might have straightened himself out if he’d had the chance, and I’m here to tell you that he would only have gotten worse.
“At least Brad had the excuse of being spoiled. He was used to getting whatever he wanted, so when he got older he continued to take things, whether people wanted to give them to him or not. That was another reason I didn’t tell you the whole story about your father’s death. I wanted to be sure you were old enough to understand that you didn’t inherit anything bad from him. He was just spoiled. He wasn’t really born evil. I completely blame his parents.
“I don’t think that was the case with Gerry, though. Apparently his family was really nice, but they didn’t spoil their kid,” Mac continued.
“Then there was me. If you knew I had been the one to kill your father, it was possible you would wonder if both your parents were psychos, and you were destined for the same. You had to be able to understand the whole self-defense thing, and that I wasn’t the type to go around killing people without a damn good reason. It’s not like I make a habit of it.”
“Well, I’m sure Neil is relieved to know that,” Cameron said with a laugh. “Assuming he knows, of course.”
“Yeah, he knows. I probably should have told you first, but I wanted his advice. If I hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t have said anything to him. After all, it can’t be very comfortable for him to know that his wife has killed one of her previous husbands. At least the second one survived marriage to me,” Mac joked, but then sobered quickly.
There was every chance that Mitch was dead, since he hadn’t made it out of Hamilton when things went south. She had tried to help him a couple of times, but he’d screwed up his chances and she’d finally given up on him. She didn’t feel good about the likelihood of his death, but there was only so much she could do.
“You don’t know he’s dead, mom,” Cameron said abruptly.
“He probably is. Still, he made his own choice. I’m not happy about it, but I’m not going to kill myself trying to help someone who won’t even help themselves.”
“What about Ian?”
“Ian’s different. He tried to help himself, but his insulin will only last for so long before it turns toxic. I figured out a way to help him with that, so I’m going to help him. He’ll be okay for now, at least until I can figure out how to pilot one of those boats down at the marina. Then I just have to get down to Cleveland.”
“Ian could have done what you did, and found someone to make the insulin. He could have set himself up the way we did, too. You have a rescue complex. That’s what it is. You run around saving people all the damn time. We have, what, over twenty people living here now?”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. We won’t be so stretched for food and power next year so it won’t matter. It also means you don’t have chores to do every damn day either, so be grateful they’re all here, Cam.”
“I am, actually. I’m just saying you’re compulsive about saving people. I just hope you don’t take it too far and get yourself killed. Not only do I not want to lose my mother because of someone who can’t take care of themselves, but I also don’t think anyone else wants you out of the picture either. Not one of us has done what you managed to do, and things could fall apart here without you,” Cam said soberly.
“Don’t worry. I’m not planning to be stupid about it. My big risk was trusting Neil, and that’s completely out of character for me. You know that. Besides, everyone is expendable to some extent. You and Billy have the knowledge between the two of you to run this farm if you have to. In fact, Neil and I will be counting on you to do just that when we head to Cleveland in the spring.”
“I’m thrilled,” Cam said sardonically.
“It doesn’t have to mean a bunch more work for you. Everyone is already sharing the load. The planting will be done before we go, and we’re only planning to be gone a couple of weeks. I have an idea about using something with an engine, but I’ve got to work it out first. Neil and I don’t know how to sail from a practical standpoint, and I’m not real comfortable with what I’ve learned from reading about it thus far. Most of those boats run on diesel engines, so it’s possible we can use one of those. It would sure as hell make things a lot easier if we can pull it off.”
“Yeah, but where are you going to get the diesel from?”
“We’re looking at a completely different alternative, actually. I’ll explain it to you later if we can make it work. Diesel’s still an option, though I’d have to calculate how much fuel we’d need in order to get there and back. Or we’d end up going into various towns to scavenge more on the way. A bit more of a risk that way, though.”
“No shit it’s more risk that way. You did say that you would have to pass between Detroit and Windsor, right? Isn’t Detroit a really rough city? Or will that matter now?”
“I honestly don’t know. I’d think Detroit would be pretty much wiped out. Maybe not entirely, but people were already desperately poor there. I mean, the city went bankrupt six or seven years ago, I think, and they never really came back from that. Some people would have had gardens, but then a lot of people had guns, too. The ones with the guns will probably have killed anyone with food in order to take it from them. The question is, would they have known how to continue growing it? I doubt it, but it’s possible people are still alive there.
“To be on the safe side, we’ll try to avoid any of the big cities. There are plenty of small towns along the way, and we’ll stay pretty close to the shoreline so navigation isn’t so risky. I’m not sure if the GPS will still be working. It depends on whether or not the US Army is still functioning and maintaining ground communication with the satellites. And then there are storms and stuff, where we’ll want to be able to get to shore if things get dicey.”
“Well, that’s just great, mom. You’ve really boosted my confidence now.”
“You and me both.”
Cam sat in her bedroom, completely pissed. She didn’t really understand why, since she’d agreed that it was for the best that her mother go with Neil for the scavenging foray. In fact, she’d agreed a couple of weeks ago. But for some reason she didn’t understand, she was really angry that she hadn’t been able to go with them. Adding to her anger was the fact that her dad was disappearing for days at a time, going on supposed camping trips. Like they weren’t already living rough enough.
She stomped around her bedroom, grabbing the things she would need for her usual hike around the property, and decided that this time she would definitely be doing the whole circuit. Just circumnavigating the property she’d bought with her mother a few years ago would take her at least an hour, and that was at a pretty fast clip. Adding Neil’s to that would mean she’d be gone all day.
Perfect
, she thought. It was just what she needed to blow off steam.
When she grabbed her pack from the walk-in closet she glanced at her bow. It was hanging on its rack, untouched since they had finally managed to get the main house put up. In fact, she hadn’t even moved it into her room. She was pretty sure her mother had done that. Cam had cringed even at the thought of touching it. Thankfully the fatal arrow was no longer in her possession. It had still been lodged in Gerry’s body when it had been removed from the scene.
Thinking about her bow made her even angrier. She’d allowed that little pissant to take away something from her that she really enjoyed. The more she thought about it, the more irritated she got.
It felt good, she suddenly realized. Like she could breathe fire. And right then she wanted to be a tornado of aggression. Not to destroy, but to cleanse the cobwebs from her veins. Her mind felt awake for the first time since August. That was months ago, and now she was furious with herself for the time she’d wasted. She knew the rage wouldn’t last, but she was going to put it to good use in the meantime.
Cam pulled on her arm guard, and with a violent gesture she grabbed the bow from the rack. The compound bow had a mounted quiver, so the only other thing she needed was her glove caliper release. She had to rifle through her pack to find it before she could put it on.
It was habit now to carry her Glock 22 with her on her treks, so she made the usual checks to be sure a round was chambered and then slid it into the holster at the back of her jeans. Her knife went in another holster beside it. She tucked in the tail of her shirt, but threw her coat on over it. At the moment she really wished she had a shoulder holster, because there was no way she would get to her gun in time if there was a need for it, but she’d have her bow this time. She’d have to remove the coat anyway, if she was going to get in any archery practice.
She was just about to head downstairs when her laptop beeped. An outer perimeter sensor had gone off. The dual-technology, microwave and passive infrared sensors rarely gave off false positives, and were currently set to a fairly high body weight, so rabbits and squirrels wouldn’t set them off. A jolt of adrenaline lit up her already overactive nervous system. Without thinking twice about it, she checked the location of the breach and left the room. This was just what she needed.
Tromping through the brush in the most direct path possible, Cam was wishing she had some training in bush tactics. She knew she sounded like a bull in a china shop. Her mother could move like a cat when she wanted, but then she’d grown up in the boonies. Cam’s only experience with moving quietly had been walking around their Hamilton apartment in her sock feet. Not exactly aboriginal tracker material.
She could have brought the sling for her bow, but knowing there was a possibility of an intruder made her glad she was keeping it in her hand, ready to draw on whoever it might be. Granted, it really wasn’t likely to be anything more than a deer, and there were no cameras to cover this area. The only way to find out was to physically check. That was fine with her. Cam was much too agitated these days to just sit at her laptop and watch things on the screen.
As Cam approached the area of the offending sensor, it dawned on her that she might have made a really big mistake. She hadn’t told anyone about the potential breach, much less where it was, and if Gilles or Chuck weren’t keeping a steady eye on their own computers, Cam knew she could find herself in a bad situation very quickly. Her adrenaline spiked again, and fear began inching its way through her body.
Stupid! You giant, fucking idiot
, she cursed herself silently. It was too late for that, though. If something was going to happen, she would need to deal with the situation as it was, and not worry about her regrets. Those could come later, assuming things didn’t go terribly wrong in the meantime.
When Cameron picked up the sound of a branch snapping, she automatically drew back on her bow.
“Drop the bow,” the voice said behind her, and in her semi-panicked state she interpreted it as a warning. Since it had been drilled into her to do exactly the opposite, Cam didn’t follow that order. Instead she spun around and slipped sideways so she had cover behind a tree. She aimed automatically at what she considered a threat, and drew back on her bow until the pulleys took over the work.
“Who are you, and what the
fuck
are you doing on our property?” Her demand for answers was met with empty, raised hands, and elevated brows. She was relieved to note that the older man standing in front of her did not appear to be armed. Telling her to drop the bow had probably just been his way of saying she had nothing to worry about, but she wasn’t stupid enough to assume he wasn’t dangerous.
“I’m not here to hurt anyone, or steal anything,” he responded softly.
“Answer the questions,” she ordered. Cam realized she was in a bit of a predicament here, since she wasn’t going to walk this guy back to the house. She had no intention of letting him see the farm. How the hell she was going to get him to leave, and have any kind of guarantee he was gone, however, was the real issue. She needed some sort of backup here, and since no one knew where she was, she wasn’t going to get it unless she did some fast thinking.
“My name is Brian Newman. Maybe you knew my son, Gerry.” Cameron’s heart started racing. Gerry’s father. The very last person she wanted to meet up with.
“What makes you say that?”
“You look like you’re about the same age, so I thought maybe you went to school with him, though I don’t recognize you. I thought I knew everyone from around these parts. There’s only a couple hundred people around here. Or there were anyway,” he finished dryly.
“Okay, you told me your name, but that doesn’t tell me what you’re doing around here. I know who belongs in this area and who doesn’t, and you sure as hell don’t belong on our property.”
“I was just cutting through to get to Neil McKinnon’s place, though you might know him as Mac. That’s what everyone out here usually calls him. He runs the knife store in Rosseau. It’s been closed down now since the summer, for obvious reasons, so I haven’t been able to go talk to him there.”
“What do you want with Neil?”
“I’m guessing you know him then. I’ve got some questions I wanted to ask him,” he said. Cam had a pretty good idea what those questions would be regarding, and she didn’t think it was a very good idea for him to get those answers right about now, so she continued to draw things out as she tried to come up with a solution to her current problem.
“About what?”
“I don’t see that it’s really any of your business, but I’ll tell you anyway. You might be able to answer some of those questions, considering the fact that you’re aiming a bow and arrow at me. My son was killed last summer, and I think Mac – Neil as you call him – might know something. The police didn’t tell me much about it, and I’d like to know the truth. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”
“You won’t get any answers from me, so you’ll have to talk to him yourself. What you can’t do is trespass on our property in order to do so. The world may have gone to hell, but we have a right to protect ourselves. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if I have to. Turn around,” Cameron added. It had taken her a while, but she’d finally figured out a solution.
“You going to shoot me in the back?”
“Not if you do what you’re told. Just do it,” she snarled. When he’d finally complied, she eased off on the bow string and reached up under her jacket to pull her Glock from its holster.
“Alright. If it’ll ease your mind you can turn back around. I just didn’t want you trying anything. I need to fire a few shots in the air to bring some people here. You need to leave the property, and I have to be sure that you do. I can’t do that without help.” With that, Cam fired three shots into the air. She knew someone would come when they heard them.
“It won’t be long, so just relax for a bit,” she said, much more calm now that it seemed as though the situation was under control. Brian tried to talk to her while they were waiting, but she cut him off.
“Like I said, you’re not going to get any answers from me, so don’t bother. I didn’t grow up in the area, or go to school with your son, and we didn’t know each other.” It was nothing less than the truth. She’d never even spoken to him. The only time she’d heard his voice was when he’d called her mother a bitch on the video her mother had recorded while she’d streamed it live. Cam didn’t think hearing a single word qualified as knowing someone.
At the time her mom had been trying to avoid having to kill Gerry, despite the fact that he was bent on raping her. Streaming the video meant he wouldn’t get away with it if he did, and since he didn’t actually move on her physically, he could walk away without consequences. The only problem was, he’d refused to give up. Every additional encounter had resulted in him being on the losing end of things, until he’d shown up at Neil’s and fired his rifle at him for interfering.
Brian attempted some small talk, but Cam wasn’t taking any chances. She didn’t want him knowing anything about her, or her mother. She would leave it up to her mother and Neil to decide what he would be told, if anything. Obviously the police had notified him of his son’s death, but beyond that she didn’t know what he knew. Not much, apparently. She was going to have to talk to Gilles about it, since he’d been the cop doing the notification.
Think of the devil, and the devil appears
, she thought, nearly laughing at the absurd notion, when Gilles popped silently out of the brush in her direct line of sight. Cameron was grateful when he asked her what was going on, without addressing her by name. He might have been a rural cop, but he wasn’t a bumbling fool apparently, and didn’t give the game away. Maybe there was a reason her mother had so much respect for him.
“This is Brian Newman, or so he calls himself. He was looking for Neil McKinnon to ask him some questions about his son’s death, and decided to take a shortcut through our property. I told him he would have to find another way to his friend’s place, and wanted to be sure he went that way.”
“Sure, I know Brian,” Gilles responded. “I’m the one who told him about his son, in fact.”
“You didn’t tell me much,” Brian said with a snort of derision.
“There was a reason for that, Brian. But since you seem like you need to hear more, I’ll tell you what I was trying to avoid saying the first time. Your son shot Neil, and he was killed while trying to fire another round at him. I thought I was doing you a kindness by letting you think it was an accident. You’ve had more than enough people tell you bad things about your kid, and I didn’t want to add to that when there was no need,” Gilles responded calmly. Brian abruptly sat down on the deadfall behind him, his legs apparently unable to support him.
“I see,” he said softly.
“I’m sorry, Brian. In hindsight it might have been better to be completely honest with you, but I’m still not so sure about that. Maybe you needed time to adjust first before you heard this. I don’t know. I’m not a shrink. And that was the only notification I’d ever done. I’m sorry if I made things worse for you.”
Cameron watched Brian take a few deep breaths, obviously trying to steady himself. Part of her desperately wanted to confess to him. She wanted to atone and ask for forgiveness, but she didn’t dare. Maybe under different circumstances she might have done so, but with the precarious state of the world at the moment, rocking the boat seemed like a really bad idea. He looked up at her suddenly, and she just as quickly looked away.
“Can you tell me who it was that killed him, Gilles?”
“That’s not something I’m willing to do,” Gilles responded, his tone polite but firm.
“I’m pretty sure I already know the answer anyway,” Brian said harshly. “Under the circumstances, I’m guessing the person felt they had no other choice, and I’m not going to do anything about it anyway. I just wanted to know.”
Cam had a very hard time breathing. This was bad. She should never have come out here with her bow. Brian suspected she was the one who had killed his son, even if no one was confirming his theory. She needed to talk to her mom about this. Of course, her mother wasn’t going to be too happy with her when she found out about her traipsing off by herself to check out a potential trespasser, and without telling anyone where she was going.