Authors: Kim Fielding
But.
No cuddling. No moving together with easy familiarity, knowing exactly how to please your partner and knowing your partner would please you. No spur-of-the-moment weekend getaways. No silly jokes or surprise gifts. No somebody waiting for you when you got home after a hard day—at least, not someone who gave a shit about making you smile.
Without saying anything, Austin grabbed the pen and scrawled a new item at the bottom of the page:
Fall in Love
.
Chapter Five
I
T
TURNED
out you could register to vote online, and the process was no big deal. Austin did it as soon as he got home from the Den. Feeling accomplished, he eyed the clothing scattered around his bedroom. He had just begun to sort it into piles when his phone buzzed.
Where r u?
Randy texted.
Home
.
Randy replied with his favorite emoticon.
:-p
Boring. Meet us @Edge. Bret’s already down to his undies.
Austin snorted. Big deal. Bret stripped at the slightest provocation. He’d probably walk around in his Andrew Christians 24-7 if he wasn’t worried about getting arrested.
Not tonight
, Austin tapped out.
But there’s live music. And Pax is here!
Pax was tall, blond, and very, very flexible. He and Austin had fucked a few times, but not for a couple of years. Austin had been under the impression that he’d moved away.
Apparently Randy decided Austin needed more encouragement.
He’s asking 4 u.
What the hell. Austin could deal with the list in the morning.
Edge was farther away than JayJay’s, so Austin had to take a cab. As he paid the driver, he reminded himself that his father’s money wasn’t going to last very long if he kept going out. As it was, he’d probably be eating a lot of ramen by the end of the month. And if he didn’t get a job really soon… well, that was on the list too, and he could face that problem tomorrow.
The crowd at Edge was generally younger, raunchier, and nakeder than at JayJay’s, and tonight was no exception. The first thing he saw under the pulsing lights was a row of boys dancing in their skimpy underwear atop the long bar. He’d danced there himself a few times when he was younger and hard up for cash. For a wild moment, he considered climbing up there again. But then he remembered that he wasn’t in as great a shape as he’d been when he was barely legal, and nobody was going to stuff bills into his briefs.
He had to text Randy in order to track him down, and they met at the far end of the bar. Randy was shirtless and sweaty, but he still had his pants on. And at his side was Pax, who looked exactly the same as always. He was a skinnier, blonder, younger version of Alexander Skarsgård, but he was California born and bred. He sounded like a surfer dude.
“Austin!” Pax exclaimed over the din of the music and then crushed him in a hug. Pax was sweaty too, but not unpleasantly stinky. Austin took a good sniff before they broke the hug. Then Pax grinned wickedly at him and Austin remembered the very creative ways the guy could use his pretty mouth. He also remembered that Pax was hung like a stallion.
“Dance?” Pax asked.
“Sure.”
Randy tagged along, and the three of them sort of writhed together until a twink with glittery eye makeup and spiked black hair lured Randy away. That left Pax and Austin, and their dancing soon was as close as you could get to sex without taking any clothes off. Austin wasn’t surprised—it had happened when they’d danced together in the past. And when Pax grabbed his hand and dragged him down the hall, Austin was again unsurprised as this had been their usual thing too.
The music was muffled in the bathroom, which was a plus because the band wasn’t very good. The lighting was dim—whether to give the occupants some privacy or to camouflage the questionable cleanliness of the place, Austin wasn’t sure. He didn’t have time to think about it anyway as Pax towed him into a stall, kicked the door shut, and immediately began pawing at the button on Austin’s tight jeans.
Once the damn jeans were undone, the rest was easy, the steps as predictable as dancing. Austin and Pax had done this before. It was a familiar transaction, like filling up your car’s gas tank. Austin leaned against the wall, jacking himself while Pax quickly lubed him and then began thrusting. They both grunted, joining the chorus of similar noises that echoed around the bathroom—other guys fucking or sucking each other in stalls or near the urinals and sinks. And even as Austin’s balls tightened, it occurred to him that he and Pax had uttered a total of three words to each other tonight. Austin didn’t know where Pax had been for the past couple of years, assuming he hadn’t just been lying low in town. Austin didn’t know what Pax did to pay the bills, whether he actually knew how to surf, whether he was aware of his resemblance to a certain Swedish actor. Austin didn’t even know if Pax was the guy’s real name.
Pax came with a groan, and then Austin came too. The earth did not move.
A moment later Pax dropped the used rubber into the toilet and zipped himself up. “Back to the dance floor, dude?”
“Nah. I’m gonna call it a night.”
Seemingly unconcerned, Pax shrugged. “’Kay. Later.” He left the bathroom without looking back—and without washing his hands, which was gross.
Austin washed and then pushed past a pair of guys who appeared to be trying to swallow each other’s tongues. Making his way to Edge’s exit was even more difficult, as he pushed and squirmed past dancers and evaded grabby hands. When he finally got outside, the cool air felt blissful, and the relative quiet was even better. He walked a half block to a Thai restaurant that had long since closed up for the night, and he leaned back against the wall, trying to clear his head.
But his thoughts insisted on zooming around his brain like one of Kyle’s horrifying blender drinks. His stomach spun too, and for several moments, he thought he might puke. But although he got the nausea under control eventually, his head continued to be a mess. He didn’t think his drinking was to blame.
Taxis trolled slowly in front of Edge this time of night, so he didn’t have any problem catching a ride home. When he got to the apartment, Rob was sitting on the couch, surrounded by empty food wrappers. The light from the TV flickered off his face. “Having a good night?” he asked without turning his gaze from the screen.
“Uh, no. Not really.”
“Wanna hit?” Rob held up his little pipe. “It’ll mellow you out.”
Although Austin was tempted, he was sober enough to realize getting stoned wouldn’t help. He’d probably just end up having an attack of paranoia. “I’ll pass, thanks.”
“’S cool.” Rob set the pipe down.
Kyle’s door was closed. As he walked by, Austin wondered whether Kyle was even home. He’d been spending a lot of time lately with a girl he’d met at the gym. Sometimes Kyle spent the night at her place. She never stayed over here; Austin had the impression she didn’t much approve of Kyle’s roommates. If Kyle decided to move in with her, Austin was going to end up homeless because the lease was in Kyle’s name.
Another problem to face later, he thought wearily as he got ready for bed.
A
USTIN
ARRIVED
at Sam’s a little past eleven the next morning. Late again, but at least he’d managed to shower and shave and make himself look presentable. He’d even found a shirt that didn’t look like he’d slept in it.
When he entered the factory, Sam, Ben, and a couple of other employees were gathered in the office. They stopped in midconversation when they saw him. Ben and Sam gave him sad, reproachful looks but didn’t say anything. Austin paused awkwardly at the office entrance. “Uh, is there something specific you want me to work on?”
Sam sighed. “The employee bathrooms need cleaning.”
Maybe Sam expected an argument, but Austin simply nodded. “Okay.” He wandered off toward the supply closet.
As it turned out, the bathrooms were kind of gross. Not make-the-health-inspector-faint gross, but certainly not sparkling. Austin decided that if he was going to do this job, he was going to do it well. So he scrubbed diligently, working his way through everyone else’s lunch break and beyond. He tried not to think about too much while he worked, especially about how his feelings were hurt at being excluded from the meeting. Even though he understood. Sure, he was the owner’s son, but he wasn’t even a real employee. He was just a guy working off a loan.
After he finished the bathrooms, Austin helped box up some furniture pieces for shipment, and then he did a quick sweep of part of the factory floor. It would get a more thorough treatment after everyone else had gone home. In another part of the shop, he wiped down some of the vacant workstations. By then he was starving, but the taco trucks and other meals-on-wheels options had long since moved on.
He found his father and Ben in the office, both of them peering at Ben’s computer screen. “I’m going to run out for something to eat,” Austin informed them. “I’ll be back soon. You want anything while I’m out?”
Sam shook his head. “No. But can you be back within an hour? Michael has to make a delivery, and you can go with him to help unload.”
“I’ll be back sooner than that.”
“Fine.”
Austin drove to the nearest fast-food place and ate in his car. He wondered whether Ben had informed Sam about the List. Austin hadn’t told Ben to keep mum about his plans to grow up. Maybe he should have, because if he failed, Sam would be doubly disappointed. But then, Ben’s loyalty was primarily to Sam—his employer—so probably Austin shouldn’t expect him to keep secrets. That wouldn’t be very fair to Ben.
Shit. That thought lead to another realization. What if Ben didn’t really want to mentor Austin and had only agreed because he was the boss’s kid?
Austin shoved the burger wrapper into the bag and tossed it into the back of his car, where it joined an ever-expanding collection. Then he drove back to Sam’s, arriving twenty-five minutes after he’d left.
Ben was alone in the office, poring over a stack of papers. He glanced up at Austin and gave him a small smile. “Sam’s over at Bill’s office. He told Michael to look for you when he’s set to go.”
“Okay. Sam didn’t think I’d be back within an hour, did he?”
“I don’t—” Ben scrunched up his face. “No. He didn’t.”
“Yeah. Can’t blame him.” The doorframe leading into the office was really grimy. Maybe Austin would scrub it when he returned from the delivery. Really, the office as a whole could use a good cleaning, except for Ben’s desk. His little domain was neat and tidy.
“You know that thing we talked about yesterday?” Austin finally said. “The teaching-me thing? You don’t have to do it.”
Ben was silent for a moment, his face inscrutable. “You decided you don’t want to grow up after all?”
“No, that’s not it. I’m not Peter Pan. Thankfully. I look really bad in kelly green. It’s just… maybe you don’t want to do this. It’s kind of stupid, isn’t it? And you probably have better things to do.”
“I don’t have….” Ben ducked his head briefly. “I don’t mind.”
Austin was surprised at the depth of relief that washed through him. “Really? That’s great! Because I kind of screwed up last night, but today I am going to go home, do my laundry, and look for a job. Hey! Maybe I should earn patches.”
“Patches?”
“Yeah. Like merit badges, only instead of earning them for shooting arrows or using a compass, I can get them for opening a savings account or listening to NPR.” When Ben still looked blank, Austin added, “Like from Boy Scouts.”
Comprehension dawned. “Oh. I never did that.”
“I did, for a couple of years. And then I found out that Sam couldn’t be our troop leader because he was too homo, so I quit. I figured if my dad wasn’t good enough for them, fuck ’em. Which kind of sucked, because I had fun with the campouts and stuff.”
“I never did anything like that,” Ben said quietly.
“Which? Scouting or camping?”
“Either.” He looked really sad about it, as if roasting marshmallows and getting a rash from poison oak were valuable life achievements.
“Well, I haven’t for a long time either. Which is why I need adulthood merit badges. And… you. Maybe you should earn them for something too. We’ll start with the Putting Up with Crap from the Boss’s Son badge. It’s highly coveted.”
Ben gave a small smile. “I don’t mind, Austin. I don’t think helping you out a little is really merit-badge worthy. Besides, it’s not crap. It’s a creative idea.”
“Yeah, I’m full of brilliant ideas,” Austin said sourly.
Ben stood and walked closer. He peered out the office doorway as if making sure nobody was spying on them. Even though nobody was near, he dropped his voice to a near whisper. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this,” he began.
Naturally that got Austin’s full attention. “Telling me what?” he whispered back, leaning close.
“Well, that meeting we had this morning? Sam told us he decided to keep the retail location here. There were several factors, but your advice really helped him decide.”
A warm—and unusual—feeling of pride spread through Austin’s body. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Ben said. They were standing very close—almost touching one another—and for a brief moment, Austin was certain Ben was going to kiss him. Or maybe he was going to kiss Ben. But then Ben took a step backward and looked away. “I need to get back to work. Um, don’t tell Sam I spilled the beans, okay?”
“My lips are sealed.”
Ben definitely looked at Austin’s lips before licking his own and then biting the lower one. He nodded awkwardly and returned to his chair.
I
F
S
AM
had returned to the factory that afternoon, he was gone by the time Austin and Michael returned from the delivery. It was close to five o’clock then anyway. Austin kept himself busy with several minor tasks until everyone had clocked out. Everyone except Ben, of course. Ben was still looking over piles of paper.