Guardian Angel (15 page)

Kane shifted again.  As was his way, he took a long time considering before he answered.  “Sex can be beautiful, I think,” he finally said, his words slow and spoken with carefully measured tones, “with the right person.  Otherwise, it is something fleeting and purely physical.  Like scratching an itch.  Instant relief, but nothing lingering.”

She considered this, tucking her legs up a little farther beneath her.  Her eyes were thoughtful as she gazed into the flames for several minutes.  Finally she looked back to him.  “Is it difficult to abstain?”

He raised his eyebrows, obviously surprised by her question.  “I would think you could answer that one yourself.”

She gave a slight wave of dismissal.  “I don’t count,” she countered.  “You can’t miss what you’ve never had.” 
But you could crave it.  You could dream of it.  You could lie awake for hours at night, longing for it.

Kane leaned forward slightly.  “And what makes you think I abstain?” 

Rebecca dropped her gaze immediately.  What the hell had she been thinking, asking him that?  Her cheeks flamed hot, and she knew that if she looked into a mirror at that moment they would be crimson. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed...”  Embarrassment rushed in, overwhelming her earlier boldness.  She had assumed he was uninvolved, but maybe that was only because she wanted him to be.  He didn’t have a steady girlfriend – she was sure of that – but maybe there was someone he went to, someone to satisfy his physical needs. 
To scratch his itch.
  He was a strong, potent man. 

She’d been a fool to hope he’d spend his nights romanticizing about her.  And the fact that he had made absolutely no move to do anything non-platonic with her should have told her everything she needed to know.

And once again, she’d pushed him too far, overstepped the heavily bolded, clearly defined line between them.

Kane ran his hand through his hair again.  “Jesus, I knew talking about this was a bad idea.”

“I’m sorry.”  She bit her lip and turned her eyes back to the fire.

* * *

K
ane saw the brief flash in her eyes before her lids shuttered downward, abashed.  For just a moment, her lips parted in surprise, and he knew she hadn’t guessed his ever increasing desire for her.  Worse than that, he seemed to have offended her somehow.

He had known better, and had gone ahead and opened his mouth anyway.  He was not one to share his personal thoughts, not with anyone, even though he had broken that little golden rule at least a dozen times with her already.  And she wasn’t asking him his opinion on safe topics like politics or religion.  No, she wanted to know his thoughts on
sex
.  It was certifiably insane, and absolutely, positively, most definitely against Kane’s Rules to discuss such matters.

But when she looked at him with those big, soft, brown eyes, none of the usual rules applied.

It was true.  He hadn’t been with a woman in months, and certainly not since he came back from Namibia.  At first it was because of his injury, but lately, it was because of a different reason entirely.  He couldn’t bring himself to desire any woman except the one currently sitting across from him, managing to look adorable and sexy at the same time.  He tried desperately to keep his thoughts to himself, but perhaps somewhere he had messed up and she had sensed his single-minded hunger for her and her alone.

He wished like hell he knew what was going through her mind as the reflection of the flames danced within them.  Flames easily visible in the extra sheen of moisture there.  Great.  Now he’d gone and made her cry. 

“Shit – no, it’s just -.  Ah, Christ.  What was the question again?”

“Never mind,” she replied in that quiet way of hers.  “You’ve already answered it.”

And how was he supposed to respond to
that
?  Things were going downhill fast, and he didn’t like it, not one bit.  He much preferred his detached perch up on his own personal, virtual summit, looking down and being able to take in and assess a situation all with a single glance. 

All he seemed capable of seeing at that moment was the woman right in front of him.  And her face was back to being that mask again – the one she offered to everyone else.  The one that was calm and pleasant and soothing, but showed nothing of the inner turmoil she was feeling – none of the unease that she clearly felt, despite her outward tranquility.   

Goddamn it, she could show that face to anyone else, but not to
him
, because he knew better.  “Rebecca –“

Before he could say anything else, she rose, offering him a little smile that nearly broke his heart, and he didn’t even understand why. 

“It’s late.  I’m going to get ready for bed,” she announced.  Without giving him a chance to respond, she grabbed her overnight bag and disappeared into the other room.

Kane raked his hand over his face and sighed.  Usually everything was crystal clear to him.  He understood situations, knew all of his options, and formed rational, informed decisions.  But suddenly he felt strangely lost. 

His mind ran through scenarios like a supercomputer as he paced the living area, searching for something that he could say to bring her back to him.  He’d become so accustomed to the real Rebecca – the one who felt comfortable being herself around him – that anything less was simply unacceptable. 

R
ebecca closed the door behind her and leaned against it.  What had she been thinking?  They had such a good thing going between them.  Why couldn’t she just be content with that?  Why did she want more?

She shook her head, opening her bag and sifting through the contents.  She was not going to mess this up.  Things were still salvageable; she hadn’t said anything too revealing.  If she went back out there and acted like nothing happened, maybe he would just chalk it up to whatever he’d added to the cocoa and being overtired.  God, she hoped so.

When she re-emerged a few minutes later, she knew her plan had worked.  A genuine smile tugged as his lips as his blue eyes raked her up and down, taking in her flannel bunny pajamas and fuzzy slippers.  She smiled at him shyly, then did a little spin for him, ending in what she hoped was a mock-seductive pose.

“I know.  Sexy, right?”

“Sweetheart, you have no idea,” he chuckled; gone was the unease that had etched his features only a few minutes earlier.  Rebecca breathed a sigh of relief.  No woman in her right mind intent on seduction would wear those pajamas.

She laughed and padded over to the sofa, where she proceeded to unfold and lay out a blanket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.

“Going to bed,” she answered.

“We talked about this, Rebecca.  I’ll take the couch.  You take the bed in there.”

“No,
you
talked about it, Kane.  I never agreed.”

He growled then.  Rebecca smiled patiently, but she felt the power of the sound deep in her center.  She’d never considered herself submissive, but around Kane, she found she could be.  Wanted to be. 

She forced those thoughts down, locking them deep inside.  Thank God she’d had the foresight to pack the fuzzy bunny PJ’s at the last moment.  What would have happened if all she had was the sexy silk nightie now tucked into a thick pair of woolen socks and hidden beneath a pair of jeans in her suitcase, the one she had bought during one of her moments of weakness when she allowed herself to consider the possibility that he might be interested in more than friendship?

Instead, she drew upon her courage and attempted to appeal to his reasonable side.  She had expected him to give her a hassle about taking the couch, so she’d remained silent, knowing he would see that as passive acceptance.  Until now, anyway. 

“Don’t growl at me, Kane.  This arrangement makes the most sense.  It’s
your
cabin.  I can fit on the sofa much more comfortably than you.  Plus I’m sure sleeping in your own bed has got to be better for your hip.”

“You are not sleeping on the sofa.”

“And you are?”

Kane crossed his substantial arms over his chest, looking as immovable as a mountain.  “Yes.” 

She gave an exasperated sigh.  “Very well.”

Eyes gleaming in triumph, he thought he’d won.  At least until she started arranging the blankets on the floor.

“
Now
what are you doing?”

“Giving you the couch.”

He growled again, louder this time.  “Damn it, woman.  Why can’t you just take the bed?”

She slipped between the blankets on the floor and snuggled in.  “And why can’t you just accept that I refuse to do anything that results in you suffering on my behalf?  I’m used to sleeping on the ground, Kane, and believe me, this is a lot more comfortable than the majority of my accommodations over the last few years.”

He ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up in places, muttering something under his breath.  She caught the words “impossible” and “woman” among several others she didn’t recognize. 

“Of course...,” she paused in fluffing her pillow, ensuring she had his full attention, “... I might be convinced to sleep in the other room under one condition.”

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously.  “And what would that be?”

“Join me.”

* * *

H
e stepped back as if she’d hit him.  “No.” Or, more accurately,
oh hell no
.  He was barely hanging on to his sanity as it was.  To be in the same room with her was bad enough.  To share a bed with her?  Not happening.

“It is more than big enough for both of us,” she said reasonably.  “I bet you could easily fit four or five normal size humans in there.”  

“No.”

“You wouldn’t even know I’m there.”

“We’re not discussing this anymore, Rebecca.”

“I promise I won’t try to seduce you.”

“Jesus, Rebecca!”  He turned around to see her looking at him, the very picture of innocence, marred only slightly by the devilish grin she was trying so hard to suppress.

Shit
. There was a dare in that look if he ever saw one, a challenge she probably knew he couldn’t resist.

“Come on,” she coaxed, trying for a sexy pose and failing miserably, those damn cute and fuzzy bunnies mocking him.  “You know you want to.”

Kane, the dominant alpha male, actually rolled his eyes.  The truth was she looked beyond adorable.  After the awkward end to their little exchange earlier he feared she may have been expecting more from him, or that he might have hurt her feelings.  But looking at her now, covered from head to toe in little blue fluffy bunnies, he had to believe he’d simply been overreacting.

And there was no way she was going to just take the damn bed, given that mulish, defiant look she was giving him.  He could just sling her over his shoulder, but he wasn’t entirely sure he’d be able to let her go if he did.

He’d faced off against some evil, sick, merciless sons of bitches and hadn’t even blinked.  So why was he balking?  He could do this.  Especially since it meant it was probably the only way she was going to get a good night’s rest.  He, on the other hand, didn’t have a chance in hell either way. 

Rebecca knew then she had won, and Kane was treated to one of her hundred-watt smiles.  Hell, he’d sleep naked on a bed of nails if it got her smiling like that again.

He changed into loose fitting sweats and a T-shirt.  Typically he slept nude, but he felt this was a necessary concession.  It was hard enough to keep a lid on his self-control around her; he wasn’t sure he could restrain himself if his bare cock got anywhere near her.  He was even tempted to remain above the covers, but when she lifted them in invitation as he came closer, he found himself unable to resist – against his better judgment, of course – and slid in as well.

He was very careful about how he slipped into the bed, over-exaggerating his movements to avoid touching her at all costs until she broke down into a fit of giggles and he had to turn away to hide his own grin until he could turn off the light.

“I don’t have cooties, you know,” she said, laughing softly.

“You might,” he said with such boyish seriousness that she laughed even harder and playfully smacked his shoulder.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never slept with anyone before,” she teased.

“I haven’t.”  Well, not technically anyway.  There was that time he fell asleep on the couch when Taryn was here, but he didn’t count that.  It hadn’t been intentional.

She paused.  “You’re not kidding, are you?”

“No.”

A few moments passed in silence while she processed that.  He lay perfectly still.  Her body heat spread to him beneath the thick comforter.  When she turned, her arm brushed his.

“Hey,” she chastised softly.  “Stay on your own side.”

Despite himself, Kane grinned in the darkness as he felt her shift toward him a little more, daring him.  “I am.”

“No you’re not.  You are most definitely trespassing on my side.”

“I take up more room than you.”

She snorted softly, a delightfully feminine sound that had him grinning even wider.  “Yeah.  Well just stop it, mister.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The long trip, the fresh air, and the generous amounts of liquor Kane had added to her hot chocolate ensured that Rebecca fell asleep well before he did.  He remained still, lying on his side, his back to her, letting her heat soak into him like a soothing balm, while listening to the gentle, even sounds of her breathing.  He had fully intended to retreat to the living room as soon as he was sure she was completely out, but it proved to be a lot harder than he thought it would be. 

After only about thirty minutes, Rebecca rolled over toward him, spooning against his back with a deep, contented sigh, her arm wrapping around his midsection like she was cuddling up to the world’s largest teddy bear.  It was... nice.  He couldn’t remember when the last time was he’d let someone hold him.  It had probably been his mother, and she had died just before his fourteenth birthday.  He recognized on some level that probably indicated some serious issues on his part, but he really didn’t care to think about that.  For now, for just a little while, he would let himself have this.