Guilty Bastard (Grim Bastards MC #3) (4 page)

I
walk
in the front door and am shocked that Lisa isn’t there to greet me. For the last three nights, ever since she got back from getting stiches, she has been at my side. The only time we haven’t been together, the only time I haven’t been trying to make up for being such an ass, has been while I was at the clubhouse. That has been limited to church and when I’m ordered to come in by Boz, like today.

Lisa used to spend all her time at the clubhouse, but she cut back awhile back, saying that Trix could handle things now. She went down to only going in a day or two a week. When Brew brought Addy to the club, she cut back even more. Now, she may come in once a week, sometimes not even then. Instead, she picks up some extra shifts at the diner she has worked at for the last three years if they need her to.

I tried to tell her she didn’t have to do that shit. She’s my woman; it’s my job to take care of her. But she didn’t agree. Lisa claims that she doesn’t belong to anyone, and even if she did, she would still be taking care of herself. I used to just laugh off her words, but they are getting harder to hear every fucking time she says them.

“Lisa? Babe, where are you?” I shout out, as I shut the door behind me.

A cold chill works its way up my spine as my eyes take in the living room. Everything is fucking immaculate, reminding me of when Lauren was alive. It’s like every bit of Lisa has been sucked out of the house, leaving it feeling cold and lonely.

Don’t get me wrong; Lisa’s not a slob, but she doesn’t mind the house looking lived in.

Her purse usually sits on the coffee table, and she tosses her shoes by the front door. Her clothes stay wherever she takes them off until she is ready to do laundry. But now, there’s not a damn thing out of place.

This house hasn’t been this clean in years, not since Lauren died. Even when she started spending most of her time at her man’s house, she still came in every other day and cleaned the house like some kind of fucking maid. I used to hate that she cleaned our house while she was laying her head in another man’s bed. When Lisa finally moved in and started leaving her shit all over the place, I finally felt like this house became a home.

“Lisa!” I shout again, as I walk into the kitchen.

I let out a relieved breath when I see a pot of egg noodles boiling on the stove.

I’m about to call out again, when she rushes past me to pull the pan from the heat. “Sorry, I was making the bed.”

My eyes blink as I take in her words. “What the fuck were you doing that for?”

She never makes the bed unless she’s changing the sheets. She says there’s no point, when we’re just gonna mess it up again. Knowing we changed the sheets the day she cut her hand and got blood on them, I know that isn’t what happened today.

Lisa shrugs as she drains the noodles. “I wanted to get stuff cleaned up around here.”

“Why?” I ask, walking up to her back and wrapping my arms around her. “I agree with you. We’re just gonna get it messy again.”

Again, she shrugs her shoulders. “I just figured it was time to start getting some things in order here.”

Something about her choice of words sends another chill down my spine. “Why do you think that?”

Her body goes taut beneath my hands. “No reason, just got tired of the mess. I know you’re not used to living like that.”

Shit, what the fuck is going on in her head? I close my eyes and hope I’m able to find the right words. “It wouldn’t matter to me if I lived in a fucking dump, as long as you were there with me.”

Instead of replying, she pulls away from me, grabs a pair of oven mitts, and pulls a pan out of the oven. She sets it on top of the stove, then tosses the oven mitts down, not once looking in my direction.

“I made homemade stroganoff,” she says, as she pulls two plates out of the cabinet. “I made enough for Smoke to have some, too, so you can take him the leftovers when you go back to the clubhouse.”

She avoids my eyes as she sets the table. With each second that passes, I can feel a wall growing taller and taller between us. I don’t like it one fucking bit.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” I ask, as she walks back to the stove to grab the noodles so she can pour them into a serving dish.

Her body freezes, her knuckles turning white, as she squeezes the serving dish. If she doesn’t loosen her grip, she’s gonna either break the bowl or bust open her stitches. “Nothing’s wrong, Round.”

“Then why the hell are you acting so fucking weird?” I growl out, taking a step toward her. “Cleaning the house, making the bed, not looking into my eyes. It’s like you’ve switched personalities since I left this morning.”

Anger flashes in her eyes as she says, “Well, today has been the first time we’ve been apart for more than a few hours in days, so I had a little time to think.”

That doesn’t sound good, not fucking good at all. “What were you thinking about?”

Gone is the woman that wouldn’t meet my eyes, and in her place is the spitfire I’ve grown to love. She drops the noodles on the counter and turns to me, placing her hands on her hips. She opens her mouth a few times, but nothing comes out.

Finally, she takes a step forward and jabs a finger into my chest. “This house is a museum dedicated to Saint Lauren. I figured my shit was messing with the flow of things. Now that all my shit is safely hidden away in my bags, no one will even know I’m here.”

Her words crush into me like a wave, making me feel both angry and ashamed. I’ve made her feel this way; it’s all my fucking fault. Still, I can’t let her get away with talking to me like that. No damn way.

“That’s enough, Lisa,” I say, placing my hand over hers against my chest. “You don’t talk to me like that.”

“No, Lauren didn’t talk to you like that, but I do,” she argues, jerking her hand from mine. “I’m Lisa. Remember, the woman you’ve been fucking for years?”

Before I can say anything, she takes a step back and waves a hand in the air. “Hell, when you close your eyes, you probably pretend it’s her when you’re fucking me.”

That’s it, no fucking more. Without a word, I grab her arm and drag her to the table. She’s fighting me each step of the way. Using my forearm, I knock the dishes to the floor and pick Lisa up to sit her on the table. Stepping between her legs, I grab her chin and force her to look into my eyes.

“Do you really believe that shit you were just spewing at me?” I ask, anger pumping through my veins.

“Why shouldn’t I?” she asks, shrugging a-fucking-gain. “First, you called me a whore, then had a damn coronary when I accidently knocked a picture frame off the wall.”

I want to scream at her, tell her to get the fuck over it, but her anger is deserved. I fucked up, again and again. I deserve every bit of the shit she throws at me. Now, though, I need to figure out how to get us past this shit before I lose my woman. Knowing there’s only one way to stop her anger, I place my lips on hers.

I kiss her softly, trying to show her how I feel without words. At first, she tries to pull away, but I push through her resistance. With each second that passes, the kiss becomes more aggressive as we both fight for domination. I’m winning, until she grabs my hair, forcing my lips from hers, before crushing her mouth against mine. She sinks her teeth into my bottom lip, not letting go until the coppery taste of blood reaches my tongue.

I jerk back just an inch or two and run my tongue over my bottom lip. “Are you wanting to play rough, baby?” I ask as I take a condom from my pocket and toss it on the table.

“Uh huh.” A seductive smile crosses her face as she nods.

I step away as her hands tug at her shirt, and I toss off my cut and lay it over a chair. As quickly as I can, I pull my shirt over my head and kick off my boots. By the time my jeans and boxers are on the floor, Lisa is off the table, shimmying out of her shorts. Her bra quickly joins the pile of clothes scattered over the floor, but I don’t give her time to take off her panties before I grab her and sit her back on the table.

Her hands graze over my chest as I step between her beautiful long legs. I grab the condom from the table, rip the package open, and have it rolled on in a split second. Our lips meet again; the kiss is brutal, as I take everything she is willing to give me. Our tongues duel, while my hand comes up to cup one of her luscious breasts. My fingers pluck her pebbled nipple, and she lets out a pleasure-filled moan.

“I love the way you touch me, always knowing what I need,” she says against my lips. “Nothing’s better than this, Round.”

“Nothing,” I agree, grabbing her long black locks and holding her in place.

I kiss a trail from her lips down to her neck. As my beard-covered chin rubs along her collarbone, she lets out another moan. Her moans have always driven me crazy. I like knowing that I can give her so much pleasure. I reach down and, with one swift tug, rip her panties from her body and throw them to the floor. As soon as my hand covers her drenched pussy, Lisa gives a slight lift of her hips to get more of my touch.

I sink first one then two fingers deep into her heat, loving the feeling of her soft walls surrounding them. Crooking them just a bit, I run them over the sensitive flesh until she starts to squirm. When I feel her pussy start to tighten, I press my thumb against her clit and give it a few quick taps.

Just as her body starts to shake, I pull my hand away and slide into her with one brutal thrust. She lets out a mewling sound and wraps her legs around me. We move together as her nails bite into my back. With each thrust, we grow closer and closer to release. My eyes close as I savor the pleasure I always find in my woman.

Her hand comes up to cup my face, and she whispers, “Please open your eyes. Please look at me, honey.”

Her words hit me in the gut, reminding me of her earlier accusation. My eyes pop open to find her staring at me with tears running down her cheeks. Each tear cuts me to the bone, knowing my careless words and actions have caused them to fall.

“Even when my eyes are closed, you’re all I see,” I whisper back, slowing my strokes. “You’re all I ever see, Lisa.”

I continue my slow pace until I can’t stand it one second longer. Then my hips slam forward, causing the table to shake. She moans, wrapping her legs tighter around my ass. My thrusts speed up, going deep with each stroke. A tingle hits my spine, and I know I’m close, so fucking close, but I need her there with me.

My hand returns to her luscious pussy, and I find her clit pulsing and swollen with need. My fingers circle it a time or two, before I pinch it between my fingers. In that instant, she clenches down on my cock and screams out her pleasure. A second later, I bury myself to the hilt and groan out my own release. I stay deep inside her, enjoying the connection long after our orgasms have faded away.

Holding her close, I say the words I hope like hell she will understand. “You’re mine, baby. You always have been, and you always will be. Only you.”

W
alking into the clubhouse
, I avoid everyone and head to the empty rooms in the back. I think of them as the slam rooms, a place brothers can take bitches they don’t think are worthy to take to their own room. I’m proud to say, I’ve never done more than clean them. No fucking way was I ever going to let some motherfucker take me back here like a ten-dollar hooker.

One of the girls called me earlier, saying the new girl had a bad night and refused to get out of bed. According to the call, the girl had been roughed up by a few brothers and needed someone to take care of her. Even though Trix has taken over most of my duties with the girls, I figured I better deal with this shit. Some things, an old lady should never see.

I knock on the third door and step inside. The new girl is lying on the bed, crying her fucking eyes out. Her hair is matted with cum, and a few light bruises are visible on the pale skin at her neck and wrists. What the fuck?

“What the hell happened to you?” I ask, as I look around the trashed room. “Who did this shit to you?”

“Smoke and Hack,” she mutters, burying her head in the pillow.

My entire body locks as denial fills my mind. “You’re wrong.”

She sits straight up and glares at me. “No, they did this. They used me like I was nothing but trash, threw some money on the dresser, and walked out.”

My eyes move over to the dresser, where I see a wad of cash. Judging by the size, I would guess there’s a few hundred laying there, at least. My eyes go back to the bed and notice things that I didn’t see before. There are ropes tied on the corners of the headboard, but not the hard type. No, these ropes are used for play. A damn near empty bottle of lube is lying near the end of the bed, along with more used condoms than I care to count. It only takes a second for everything to click into place. The boys wanted to play, and they chose her as their third.

A slight smile spreads across my face as I think back on a young Hack and the things he liked to do to a woman. Not everything was pain free, but it sure the hell was fun. I can’t count how many orgasms that man gave me, but I do know more than a few came along with a rope tied around my wrists and ankles.

Even though I’ve never taken Smoke to bed and never ever will, I know he is into kink. You hear a lot of stuff when you’re in charge of the women here. Some of it comes with the bite of pain. From time to time, he enjoys having a partner along for the ride. I also know there is no way neither he nor Hack would have done anything to this bitch she didn’t want them to. One fucking no and they would have pulled another girl in to see to their needs.

“Are you telling me they hurt you?” I ask, keeping my voice deceptively calm.

“Yes,” she squeals, holding up her hands to show me the bruises. “They even tied me up so I couldn’t get away. They tortured me all night long.”

“Did you tell them you didn’t like the shit they were doing to you?” I cross my arms over my chest and glare at her. “Did you tell them to stop?”

Her cheeks redden, but the bitch stands her ground. “Of course, I told them to stop, but they wouldn’t listen.”

“Get the fuck up,” I order, losing my patience with her.

She blinks at the harshness in my voice but does as I said. As soon as she stands up, I see small bruises lining the insides of her thighs. For a quick second, I start to doubt myself, but then I look closer and notice the bruises are nothing more than hickeys. Someone spent a lot of time with their mouth between this bitch’s legs.

Knowing it’s time to do what I’m paid to do, I walk over and send my fist right into the skank’s mouth. Before she hits the ground, I grab her hair and pull her toward the door. As soon as it’s open, I start pulling her down the hall. She staggers along behind me, but even if she didn’t, I’d just drag her ass across the floor. She tries to fight me, but I’m stronger and a hell of a lot smarter. I dodge her fists, and only allow her to sink her teeth into my arm once before I turn and send a hard punch to her ribs.

By the time we get to the common room, I’ve had all I can handle. I drop her naked ass in the middle of the room and look around, until I see Boz standing by the pool table. He looks at her for a second, before lifting his eyes to me and cocking a brow.

“She needs to be educated,” I say, blowing out an exasperated breath. “She doesn’t seem to understand the difference between torture and foreplay.”

Smoke and Hack are in front of me in an instant, both throwing questions my way. I simply shake my head and walk away. They can figure this shit out on their own; my ass is done dealing with these bitches for the day. Hell, maybe forever.

I head straight to the kitchen and run warm water over the bite mark on my arm, then scrub the hell out of it. Fuck, I hope this skank doesn’t have any diseases. Knowing my luck, I’ll probably get rabies from the bitch. I’m just drying my hands when my phone rings. I pull it out of my pocket, to see my sister’s name flash across the screen.

“Hey, sweets,” I say, as I place it at my ear and smile. “I’ve been trying to call you for nearly a week.”

“I told you, Wes and I were taking a cruise,” she says with a huff. “You knew we wouldn’t have any signal until we got back stateside.”

“Shit, I forgot,” I say, remembering her calling to tell me about their anniversary cruise. She was so excited that I could only make out a word or two of what she said. “Did you have a good time?”

“We’ll talk about that later. Right now, I want to know what the hell had my baby sister leaving me voice mails, with tears in her voice,” she demands, using the same voice she used when I was five and she wanted to get her way.

I roll my eyes before answering, as I hear the momma bear coming out in her. “Sis, everything is fine.”

“Bullshit,” she shouts, causing my ears to ring. “Now, tell me what is wrong, before I come down there and make you tell me.”

Mom and Dad weren’t great parents, not terrible either. They both just lived in their own worlds. Dad stayed high half the time, but somehow still managed to hold down a job and keep a roof over our heads. Still, he wasn’t around much. When he was, he definitely didn’t want to deal with his daughters’ problems.

Mom, on the other hand, was always stone cold sober. However, she was usually too wrapped up in whatever guy she was fucking on the side to even remember she had kids. She made sure we had food on the table and clean clothes to wear, but the rest was up to us.

That left Tracy to take care of me. Being six years older than me, she became the mom I needed. She was always there for me, making sure my homework was done and that I got to school on time. But that shit was a long time ago. It’s way past time she quit trying to take care of me and started focusing on her own life.

“You may be the big sister, but that doesn’t mean you have to worry about me all the time. Haven’t you ever thought I could be calling just to say hi?”

She laughs before responding, “Hell no. You never call to just say hi. You only call when you need someone to listen to your shit.”

“Well, that’s not very nice,” I say, wondering if she’s right.

“It may not be nice, but that’s the way it is,” she says with a bit of sass in her voice. “You call when you need a shoulder to cry on, but you never call just to see how I’m doing.”

Fuck, she’s right. “I’m sorry, Sis. No excuses, but I promise to start checking in more.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she tells me, but I can hear the hope in her voice. “So, tell me what’s wrong this time. Did you finally decide to grow up and leave that damn club?”

This is gonna be harder than I thought. Tracy has been trying to get me to leave the club ever since I moved in here, saying that I was wasting my life away. Every time she tried to talk to me about it, I would laugh her off. Now, I’m gonna have to eat crow and admit she was right.

Letting out the deep breath I was unaware that I’ve been holding, I say, “I’m just not sure this is where I belong. It just doesn’t feel like home anymore. Figure maybe a new job and a change of scenery may be what I need.”

“You know there’s always room for you here. I’ve been telling you that for years,” she says with a hint of excitement in her voice. “I would love to have you back where you belong.”

Chewing on my bottom lip, I ask, “Are you sure Wes won’t mind? I won’t need to stay with you too long, just long enough to find an apartment.”

“You know he won’t mind a bit. He loves you,” she quickly assures me. “Plus, we have the space now that Tyler moved out.”

My nephew’s face flashes in my mind, and my lips spread into another smile. “I can’t believe he’s all grown up now.”

We make small talk for a few more minutes, before I say, “I’ll give you a call when I head out of town. It’ll probably be next weekend, at the earliest.”

“Can’t wait,” she squeals, her excitement jumping up a notch. “Love you, Lisa.”

“Love you, too, Sis,” I reply and click end.

Just as I’m about to shove the phone back in my pocket, a hand wraps around my arm and twists me around. Smoke’s eyes are locked on my face as he says, “I know I shouldn’t have listened, but I did, and I have to ask, why don’t you feel like you belong? I thought you loved working at the club.”

I turn to walk away, but his grip is firm on my arm. “Just forget you heard me. Even if I told you, you wouldn’t understand.”

Smoke leads me over to the table, and as he pushes me toward a chair, he says, “I might. You don’t know unless you try to explain.”

I know he isn’t gonna just let it go. “I had a shitty childhood. Neither of my parents cared if I was around. The only one who gave a shit about me was my sister.”

I take a deep breath and let it out before continuing. “When I was just seventeen, I snuck into a party that I had heard about from the man my mom was fucking at the time. Turns out, that party was here at the Grim Bastards clubhouse. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I walked in the door. As soon as I walked in and saw how many people were here, I was scared to death. It didn’t take long, though, before I welcomed all the attention I was getting. I craved it. I’d never had anyone pay attention to me like that. It didn’t bother me that the men just wanted me for sex. I was cared about, and it made me feel good. So when Boz’s dad talked to me about moving in and keeping the brothers happy, I didn’t think twice.”

Smoke nods his head, clearly understanding me so far. “So, what happened? Why after all these years do you not feel like you belong, or that this is your home?”

I give a little shrug. “That’s the part that’s hard to explain. I guess, to put it simply, I fell in love with a man. A man that makes me feel complete. I gave up the whore life a long time ago, Smoke, as soon as I realized he was the man I wanted. But to him, I’ll always be the club whore. I’m not old lady material, so it’s time for me to move on.”

As I get up out of the chair, Smoke nods again and asks, “Are you gonna tell my dad you’re leaving.”

I blink away my shock and answer him honestly. “I don’t know.”