Guys on Top 02 - Guys on the Side (17 page)

Corey nodded. “Go on.”

“So this one afternoon, everyone headed to the beach. But I said I wanted to stay back at the hotel pool by myself. My father opted to stay with me, even though I wanted to be alone. I’m the oldest son, and I was going off to college in the fall. He wanted to talk with me about my plans. Bond, I guess. But as much as he tried, I either ignored him or made some flippant comment. So finally he got mad, and got up from his lounge chair to go for a swim in the pool. I put on my sunglasses and stuck in my headphones, and just tuned out the world, blasting my music.”

Corey’s pulse quickened. “Did something happen to your father?”

Turning away from Corey, Angelo leaned over and rubbed his face. “Yeah.”

“You don’t have to go on if you don’t want to, Angelo.”

Angelo remained silent for a moment, then straightened up again. “I sensed more than heard the shouting. I’d been dozing. But all of a sudden I looked up, and this young blonde girl had a hold of my father, and was trying to drag him up out of the water. My father’s eyes were closed. He looked...asleep. So I ripped out my headphones and ran over to help her. We tried to get him breathing again. And he did. Once. He took in this deep breath, and coughed up all this water. I’d never been so relieved in my life.”

Corey stayed quiet.

“Someone called an ambulance, but by the time they got there, Dad had stopped breathing again. He died on the way to the hospital. He’d had a stroke while he was swimming, and went under. I don’t know how long he was in that pool, helpless, because I wasn’t paying attention. I don’t know if things would have been different, had I seen what was happening, and pulled him out sooner. Because I was purposely ignoring him. Listening to my stupid music.”

Corey finally spoke. “That’s a horrible thing to have to go through. I’m really sorry.”

Angelo nodded. “It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I was already planning to go into psychiatry, but my father dying like that, it’s one of the reasons I do grief counseling now. I know something about it.”

“Of course. And you’re obviously a strong person. You got through school. More than I can say.”

Angelo chuckled. “Yeah, I guess. So something else weird. When I was in grad school years later, I met this young woman in one of my classes. A cute little blonde. Crystal. And it took me a few minutes, but then I recognized her. She was the girl from the pool. The one who’d helped me drag my father out of the water. Helped me do CPR on him.”

“Whoa.” Corey shook his head. “Wow, that must have been weird, seeing her again.”

Grinning, Angelo nodded. “Yeah. Especially since she became my girlfriend after that.”

“Oh,” Corey said. “Double wow. Are you still together?”

Shaking his head, Angelo said, “No. No, we’re not. She was in the same line of work, and was always trying to get me to open up more. After a while, it started to feel like mothering. And of course being with her, however great it was at times, always made me think of the day my father died. I think it was doomed from the start, but we tried to make it work. But ultimately it ended. She said it felt like I was always keeping part of myself from her.” He looked at Corey. “It was the guilt. I never told her about the argument with my father, that I’d been purposely ignoring him when it all happened. I’ve never told anyone that.”

Corey didn’t know quite what to say. He was used to strangers confiding in him during massage sessions. But this felt different. Somehow, Angelo felt like more than a stranger, and therefore, his opting to confess his most private pain felt more intimate. “I’m glad you told me. All that guilt must have made the grieving process even harder for you. I felt it when I was working on you, and you still...” He stopped himself.

“I still haven’t let it go,” Angelo said. “I mean, I have a handle on it now. It doesn’t define me anymore the way it used to. But I think some part of me keeps it close still. And like you...”

Corey’s eyebrows rose. “Like me, what?”

“Like you, I question if I’ll ever be really happy. Because on some level I probably don’t think I deserve it.”

“It was an accident, Angelo. You didn’t cause your father’s stroke or his death. But you know this, right?”

Angelo ignored his question. Instead he gave Corey a forced-looking smile. “So a Wally Cleaver jellyroll, huh?”

Corey laughed, falling back in his chair.
Okay, I guess the pain-sharing hour is over
. “Yeah.”

“And you’re going to sing? In your letterman jacket?”

“I am indeed. You must think my friends and I are the height of maturity. But we enjoy it.”

Angelo chuckled. “My friends do karaoke sometimes, but nothing like that. Sounds like you’re really bury yourself in the part.”

“There is very little that I do half-assed,” Corey said.

“I don’t doubt that. Shit. That’s something I’d like to see.”

Corey kept his eyes on Angelo, an intense pull urging him to go over there and give him a hug. Or a kiss. And that was not good.
Don’t ask him what you’re thinking of asking him, Corey. Don’t be stupid
.

“What?”

“Hmm?” Corey said.

Angelo shrugged. “You’re looking at me funny.”

“I was just wondering. Do you want to come by The Horse and Carriage tomorrow night?”

Chapter Ten

“You did
what?
” Stewart said. “Corey, are you out of your mind?”

“Jairo’s just walked in,” Doug said. “Now we can order. I’m starving.”

Corey was seated across from Doug and Stewart at The Smokehouse restaurant. They’d invited him out for lunch, which was more socialization than the norm, since the lot of them were all going out together that night, too. He supposed they felt bad he’d gotten screwed over by Zach and thought he could use the extra interaction. But now Stewart seemed intent on scolding him.

“Hey, guys.” Jairo approached the table and took the seat next to Corey. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Seriously, Corey,” Stewart said. “What were you thinking?”

“What’s up?” Jairo asked.

“I was thinking,
Stewart
, that it was a nice thing to do,” Corey said. “Why are you acting like I’ve committed some federal offense?”

Jairo looked at Corey. “What offense?”

“Yeah, lay off of him,” Doug said to Stewart. “It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal! This is one of the guys who ambushed him last Saturday.”

Jairo looked back and forth between them. “Has anyone noticed I’m here? Oh my God, am I a ghost and don’t know I’m dead? I don’t want to spend eternity following you guys around.”

“Jairo,” Stewart said. “Get this. That guy Angelo, the shrink who went by Corey’s with that other homophobe? Corey gave him a fucking massage.
And
he invited him to The Horse and Carriage tonight.”

“Oh, my,” Jairo said. “I thought that guy was straight?”

“He
is
,” Corey said. “I didn’t invite him as a date. I’m not even sure if he’ll show, he said maybe.”

“So you’re friends now?” Jairo asked. “That was a fast transition. From hey, get off my lawn, to hey, wanna come out and play?”

“Look.” Corey took a sip of his soda then set it down. “He’d just gotten done sharing all this deep, personal stuff with me, stuff I’d kind of dragged out of him, and I felt bad. Dewey had come by with the costume so we got talking about it. Angelo made some comment about how he’d like to see me perform, so I said hey, why don’t you stop by? It’s not. A big. Deal. So stop chastising me.”

“So he didn’t hit on you or anything?” Doug asked.

“No! We just had a really long talk. He ended up staying all afternoon, then we ordered pizza and—”

“Pizza!” Stewart said. “You had
dinner
together?”

“It’s just food, Stewart. People eat.”

“Why did he go to you for a massage, though?” Jairo asked. “That’s a little…intimate.

“He said he was curious about it after talking to Leonard.”

Stewart snorted. “Yeah, I’ll bet he’s
curious
.”

Doug looked at Stewart. “Why you giving Corey so much shit? What is your problem?”

“My problem,” Stewart said, “is that Corey just broke up with Zach...what a week ago? He’s still vulnerable, he doesn’t need some het guy who suddenly finds himself
curious
fucking with his head.”

“Corey can handle it,” Doug said. “It’s not like he’s some fresh off the farm virgin.”

“I know Corey better than you do,” Stewart said, “and I can see that he’s stressed out, even if he won’t admit it.”

“Could you stop talking about me like I’m not even here?” Corey said. “Anyway this conversation is futile, Angelo isn’t into me that way.”

“But you got a vibe from him,” Doug said. “Like he was expressing interest.”

“Ha!” Stewart pointed at Corey. “I knew it.”

Corey blinked at Doug. “For future reference, our conversations are not to be repeated to the whole world.”

Doug shrugged. “Sorry. I think it’s kind of cute. Maybe it’s his first boy crush.”

“It’s not
cute
,” Stewart said. “It’s a recipe for disaster.”

“Why does it have to be?” Doug said. “Look at the conditions when we got together. My brother was all ‘Stay away from that Stewart guy, Doug, that could never work, it’s impossible, you’re asking for trouble.’ But here we are. Who’s to say good things can’t come out of weird circumstances?”

“Oh, my head.” Corey rubbed his temples. “Where is that waitress? I need a drink. A real drink.”

“I’ve never kissed a straight guy,” Jairo said. “I wonder if it feels different.”

“Well, if he’s
kissing
you, he’s not exactly straight, is he?” Doug said. “Why is no one seeing this but me?”

Corey got up from the table.

“Where are you going?” Jairo asked.

“I’m going home. To meditate. You guys are making me nuts.”

“Told you,” Stewart said. “He’s stressed out.”

“You’re still coming out tonight, right?” Doug said.

Corey moved toward the door. “Yes,” he called over his shoulder. “I’ll be there.”

Stepping out into the crisp autumn air, he took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He hated admitting Stewart was right, but he
was
feeling unusually stressed. He’d been off the past month in fact, dealing with all of Zach’s insecure prodding and constant questioning.

Then when the whole thing blew up on Monday night, he’d been pushed further out of his usual serenity zone. He had to reclaim his calm. Especially if he was going out tonight. Meditation. That’s what he needed. To be alone in the house with his candles and incense and relax his mind.

He started up the street toward his car parked on the side of the road, but just as he reached it, someone called his name.

“Hey, Corey!”

Corey flinched—he’d recognize that voice anywhere. Turning slowly around, he watched Brooks Carmichael strolling toward him, smug smile in place. Hands in the pockets of his jeans, Brooks wore a colorful tie-dye sweatshirt, a bandana wrapped around his sandy dreads.

Corey sighed. He’d never been able to figure out what made Brooks Carmichael the way he was. He was cute, clever, and had a bottomless pit of a trust fund. But he was twisted inside. When Brooks couldn’t have what he wanted, he transformed into a kind of spoiled demonic child, Damien Thorn in a hippie tunic.

“What the hell are you doing here, Carmichael?”

“I was in the neighborhood,” Brooks said when he reached him, slowing his steps. “Spotted your car parked there, thought I’d say hello.”

Corey immediately began circling his car, checking for damage. During Brooks’ crazed stalking stint last year, he’d slashed the Fiat’s tires one night because Corey had rejected his advances for the umpteenth time.

“Relax,” Brooks said. “I didn’t do anything to your car. Come on, that’s all in the past.”

Satisfied his vehicle was unscathed, Corey shot a glare at Brooks, then pulled his keys out of his pocket, ignoring him.

“Heard you’re newly single,” Brooks said.

Do not engage
, Corey told himself, though his pulse tapped in his ears, gut twisting with a sick rage. He unlocked the car door.

“Come on, Corey,” Brooks said. “I’m trying to apologize. I had no idea Zach was your boyfriend. He told me he was single. He came onto me! What was I supposed to do?”

Gripping the door handle, Corey turned his head and sneered. “You don’t actually think I believe that. You targeted Zach because of me. You knew exactly who he was.”

Brooks chuckled and held his hands up. “Okay, you got me! But in my defense, he was an easy target. Had him on his back moaning the very first night.”

Teeth clenching, Corey forced himself to look away from Brooks. He opened the car door.

“Hang on, man. Look, I’m sorry, Corey. If it’s any consolation, Zach wants nothing to do with me. So hey, I’m single too. Maybe you should ask yourself what’s so enticing about me that I could steal a guy out from under
you
. Maybe it’s time you gave this thing between us a real shot.”

Stepping back from his car, Corey scowled at Brooks. “You really think you’re gonna do this? Start this shit up again? You think enough time has passed that I won’t call the cops?”

“Call that cops? Corey, come on! Don’t be so dramatic. One day we’ll laugh about all of this. We’ll lie in bed doing the crossword puzzle and compare notes about what Zach’s cum tastes like.”

Corey lunged at Brooks, then stopped himself when he spotted Stewart running toward them down the sidewalk.

“Hey!” Stewart shouted.

Brooks turned around. “Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. You’re back with
him?
”

Stewart strode up, blue eyes set on Brooks. “I thought that was you I saw walk by The Smokehouse. Get the fuck out of here, Carmichael. Now.”

Brooks snickered, but he slowly edged backwards. “Figures,” he said. “Should have known you’d end up with a plumber, Corey. Because you’re nothing but a piece of toilet trash. And everyone knows it.” He turned away and moved on down the sidewalk.