Guys on Top 02 - Guys on the Side (30 page)

Angelo handed Mercy Fowler a packet of tissues from his desk. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.” She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “I’m sorry Dr. Nardovino. I didn’t think I was going to fall apart again today.”

“There’s no time limit on grief, Mercy. It’s all right.”

Mercy Fowler was twenty-one, and had lost her mother three months prior to a sudden heart attack. A pretty young woman with long brown hair, she’d been struggling to be brave for her father’s sake. But that was becoming an added pressure to her already delicate state, as her father had been neglecting to feed himself properly unless Mercy or her brother went over to the house and cooked for him.

“I just keep thinking, how is everyone else so normal right now? Just going about their days. On the drive here, I kept looking at the billboards. For insurance lawyers and vodka and plays coming to the city or whatever. And I was like...how can any of that matter now that Mom is gone?” Her lip quivered. “Am I going to feel like this forever?”

Leaning forward in his chair, he clasped his hands. “Not forever,” he said. “But it will likely go on for a while.”

Mercy’s red-rimmed eyes looked up at him. “That’s not what I expected you to say.” She laughed softly. “My friends keep telling me it will pass quickly, that I’ll feel better soon. It’s like they just...don’t get it.”

Angelo smiled. “I know the last thing you want to hear right now is that this will pass, you’ll get better soon, soon you’ll forget. Because that’s like trying to erase your mother. To wipe her from your heart, when right now all you want to do is hold onto her memory.”

Mercy nodded. “Yes. That’s right. I hate when people say that to me. But I hate the way I feel right now, too. I feel like I must be crazy and I should be getting back to normal by now.”

“What you’re feeling right now,” Angelo said, “looking at the stupid billboards and the things that don’t seem to matter, you’re actually seeing things clearly.”

Mercy wiped her nose. “How do you mean?”

“Well, right now you’re seeing the world as it truly is. Those things
don’t
matter. All of that exterior noise has been stripped away from you, and you’re left only with love. And pain. And the pain is because of the love. But eventually, maybe not next month, or even another three months, but eventually, the pain will fade into the background. It will still be there, but the love will be the crux of what remains. And you’ll stop noticing billboards, stop noticing other people going about their day, and wondering, how can this be? How can the world go on? You’ll stop seeing things that way. But right now, it’s all right to see the world that way. It’s real.”

Mercy nodded. “That actually makes me feel a little better.” She laughed, wiping her eyes. “But is it okay if I made another appointment with you? Just in case?”

“Make as many appointments as you need. And I hope your father feels better soon.”

Mercy stood, rolling her eyes. “Yeah. If only I could get him in to see you. He won’t even hear of it. Says he’s
fine
. But he’s living on buttered toast.”

“Just keep doing your best, but don’t forget to focus on yourself, too. You’re doing great, Mercy.”

After Mercy left, Angelo checked his watch. He had two hours until his next client, and a half hour before he was set to meet Jake and Randy at the pub for lunch. He decided he could use that time to go down to the park and zone out watching the ducks for a while. He found it beneficial to have some alone time when he could after a client appointment.

Leaving his office, he strolled down the hall, then stopped at the reception desk. “Barbara, I’m heading to lunch. I’ll be back in a couple hours.”

Barbara waved him in close, leaning over the counter. “Dr. Nardovino,” she whispered. “Your
mother
is in the waiting room.”

Angelo’s mouth fell open. “My mother’s here now?”

She nodded. “I told her you were busy but she insisted on waiting.” Barbara widened her eyes. “She looks
pissed
. Pardon my language.”

Angelo rested his elbows on the counter, groaning as he rubbed his forehead. “Shit.” He straightened. “Pardon
my
language. Better go see what she wants.”

“Good luck!”

“Thanks.”

Angelo stepped into the waiting room, immediately spotting his mother, sitting with her legs crossed as she stared up at the television, twirling a lock of her red hair, body language stiff.

“Mom.”

She looked up. Her eyes were pale like Angelo’s, but her skin was much lighter, as evidenced but the flush of pink as her chin jutted out. She stood, pointing at Angelo as she strode toward him. “I want to
talk
to you!”

“Okay. I’m meeting Jake and Randy at Flannigan’s Pub in a half hour. But I’ve got a little time.”

“Jake and Randy can wait.”

Angelo nodded. “All right. We’ll talk. But not here.”

****

Angelo managed to convince his mother to join him in the park before she commenced berating him. They sat on a park bench, and she glared at the ducks as though they’d done her some evil.

“I’ll guess this has to do with Tommy,” Angelo said.

She made a derisive sound. “Screw your cousin Tommy. He’s an asshole.”

Angelo’s brows shot up. “Since when do you use that language?”

She turned her glare on Angelo. “Since I had to hear from your
asshole
cousin that my son is
gay
.”

Sighing, Angelo nodded. “I’m sorry about that.”

“How long?” she demanded.

“It’s only a...recent development.”

She turned away, lips tight as she wrung her hands. “I shouldn’t have had to hear it from Tommy. You should have told me.”

“As I said, this is a recent thing, Mom. I was going to talk to you about it eventually.”

“
Eventually?
” She turned on the bench, eyebrows pinched. “Why wouldn’t you tell me right away?”

“You know why.”

“No.” She shook her head. “No, Angelo, I don’t. Why don’t you enlighten me?”

Angelo groaned. “Come on, Mom. Did you really think I’d come running over to share this with you? I’ve seen you bless yourself when Ellen DeGeneres comes on the television.”

“Ellen DeGeneres is not my son!”

A couple strolling by turned to look at them.

“Keep walking!” his mother said.

Once the couple has passed, Angelo tried to take his mother’s hand, but she tugged it away. “Mom, come on. Can we bring the emotion level down here? I’m willing to talk to you about this, but you need to calm down.”

“How does this happen, Angelo? Huh? First Lenny, now you? How does this happen?”

“I can’t speak for Uncle Len. His life has nothing to do with mine.”

“That’s not what Tommy tells me. He said you both...with the same
man!
Corey something.”

Angelo pointed a finger. “That is not true. Len was seeing Corey for massage therapy, nothing more. Corey is
not
the guy Len got caught with at the fitness center. Corey and Uncle Len’s relationship was purely professional.”

“I don’t care what Lenny does with his life, that’s his business. I don’t get to ask him about it. But I’m your mother. I deserve answers, Angelo. Why? Why are you seeing this...person?”

“Because!”

“Because? That’s a child’s answer. Be a man, if that’s still possible.”

Angelo stared at his mother. “I expected you to be upset. But I never thought you’d speak to me like that.”

She clenched her teeth. “Tell me
why
. What on earth would make you want to...date...a
man?
Why, Angelo?”

“Because I’m falling in love with him.”

Her lip trembled. She shook her head, then shook it again. Standing, she picked up her purse and turned away.

“Mom...”

“Don’t.” Her back to Angelo, she held a hand up. “I can’t look at you right now. Just...just let me be.”

Angelo watched his mother walk away. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he sighed. “Super,” he muttered. “That went
just
super.”

****

Angelo canceled the rest of his appointments before he went to the pub to meet his friends. While he wasn’t altogether surprised at his mother’s reaction, it had put him in a mood, and he didn’t want that to bleed into any of his client sessions. They deserved a levelheaded doctor, so he had Barbara reschedule them as soon as possible, citing ‘personal reasons’.

He spotted Randy and Jake at their regular table in the corner, and smiled. Jake had been Angelo’s friend since college, a thick, gruff-looking man with a high hairline and bushy beard. He worked for a local water company doing something or other Angelo didn’t understand, management stuff.

Randy they’d met later when he joined their softball team. Tall and lanky with a duck fluff of short blond hair and thick glasses, Randy was a computer programmer at a tech company in town. Angelo loved them both, and a ripple of unease went through him at the thought that they too would reject him if he told them about Corey.

He thought about Corey’s words.

“You’ll have to develop a pretty thick skin if you really want to make a go of this.”

And he did want to make a go of things with Corey. He wanted it so much, he was willing to make whatever sacrifices he had to. But he hoped his friends were more open minded than his mother.

On his way to the table, he did a double take as he passed by a handsome, familiar face on a man with brown hair, sitting at a table with an older guy in a shirt and tie.

Wiping his mouth with a napkin, Doug’s eyes widened when he spotted Angelo at the same time. “Angelo!”

“Hey. It’s Doug, right?”

Stupid thing to say, Angelo knew very well who he was, remembered those glowering brown eyes from the day he’d gone over with Tommy to harass Corey, as well as Doug’s looming presence at Corey’s side during the debacle at Bernie’s Pub.

Doug extended his hand and Angelo shook it, trying not to think about Corey’s bedroom and the rainforest calls coming through the radiator.

“This is Rick, my boss,” Doug said.

“Pleasure,” the man said, shaking Angelo’s hand.

“Here for lunch?” Doug asked.

“Yeah, meeting some friends. It’s good to see you under...” Angelo chuckled. “Different circumstances.”

It wasn’t the right time for an apology, but he hoped at this point Corey had filled Doug in on the situation with Tommy.

Doug’s smile was wide and genuine, crinkling the corners of his large brown eyes. “It’s good to see you, too,” Doug said. “Hope we’ll be seeing more of each other soon.”

Angelo grinned.
Yep. He knows.
“Me too. Enjoy your lunch, guys.”

“You too.”

He left Doug to his lunch and made his way to the table in the back corner.

Jake looked up and grinned. “Angelo! You’re late. We ordered baskets of wings and fries, got plenty here, sit down.”

Angelo pulled out a chair and sat. “Thanks, this looks good.”

“How you been, doc?” Randy asked.

“Not bad, you?”

Randy shrugged as he chewed on a fry. “Working a lot. Going cross-eyed writing code. Then at night I go home to my empty, hollow, shell of a life.”

“He wants us to feel bad for him,” Jake said. “But his house is a lot bigger than mine, so I have no sympathy.”

“Yeah, my
big
house,” Randy said. “That I’m all alone in.”

“Well, if you’d ever accept my invitations to go
out
,” Jake said, “maybe you’d meet a nice girl.”

Randy grinned, his blue eyes bulbous behind his thick glasses. “I don’t want to meet a nice girl. I want to meet a nasty, nasty slut.”

Jake bellowed with laughter. “You wouldn’t know what to do with a
nasty, nasty slut
.”

“I know.” Randy picked up a wing. “But maybe she’d know what to do with me. And she’d have to be hot. Like supermodel hot.”

“Well, good that you don’t have unrealistic expectations, Randy,” Angelo said.

“What? Because I’m not hot, I’m not allowed to want someone hot?” Randy said. “That’s discrimination.”

“You look tired,” Jake said, turning to Angelo. “How are things in Shrinkville?”

“Busy,” Angelo said, stabbing his fork into a cluster of fries. “A lot of sad people out there.”

“But that’s good for business,” Jake said.

Angelo chewed the fries and swallowed. “Yeah.” He grinned. “Not always good for my state of mind, though.”

“I couldn’t do what you to,” Randy said. “I have enough going on in my own fucked-up head. Can’t imagine listening to other people’s problems all day.”

“He’s good at it, though,” Jake said, brushing a clump of blue cheese out of his beard. “That’s why Angelo’s got a bigger house than me, too.”

“It’s a
loft
, not a house,” Randy said. “A swanky bachelor pad.”

Jake nodded. “Angelo’s babe lair. Speaking of, you seeing anyone?” He looked at Angelo.

Okay. Here it comes. Thick skin. Thick skin.

“Uh, yeah, actually.” Angelo nodded, taking a sip of water, then wiping his mouth. “I have been seeing someone.”

“Is she a nasty slut?” Randy asked.

“Randy.” Jake shook his head. “That just sounds wrong coming out of your geeky face. Stop saying nasty slut.”

Angelo chuckled, hoping the conversation had been derailed.

“So who is she, what does she do?” Jake asked.

No such luck.

Angelo’s pause went on for too long, and Randy’s attention turned to him. “Hello? Not talking, doc?”

“He’s a massage therapist,” Angelo said, then put a wing on his plate.

Randy looked at Jake. “Did he say he?”

Jake frowned at Angelo. “I think he did. Angelo, did you say he?”

“I did.” Angelo nodded. “I said he.”

“Wait.” Randy pushed his glasses up on his nose. “Are you gay? Because I’m not sure how I missed that. I know I’m self-absorbed, but I think I would have remembered that.”

Angelo’s eyes darted back and forth between his friends. Jake hadn’t stopped gnawing on a wing. “It’s okay, Randy,” Angelo said. “This is...” He repeated the words he’d said to his mother. “This is a recent development.”