Hallie's Destiny (The Donovans of the Delta) (12 page)

Instead of feeling fear, she felt joy. Josh was a kind man, a good man. He had a sweetness of spirit that had been totally lacking in Robert. The only thing she had to fear from Josh, Hallie realized, was that he might never allow her to be a part of his life—his real life, his everyday life. He might never let her share his burdens and his problems as well as his joys.

A great sense of peace settled over Hallie as she opened herself to love. Her doomed marriage finally was put in its proper place: It was relegated to the past. A new kind of freedom soared through her—the freedom from fear.

She reached for Josh and tenderly cupped his face. “No, you’re not Robert. You’re the kindest, most generous man I know. And . . .” She almost said,
I love you
. She’d wait; the time would come. “. . . I appreciate what you did. But I wish you had consulted me first.”

He covered her hands. “Are you turning me down?”

“No.” She led him back to the sofa. “Last week my adviser arranged a telephone interview for me with Dr. Ray Jones from Carmel.”

“You’re going to California?”

She didn’t miss the sudden twist of pain on his face. “I haven’t decided yet. I liked what he said. His program is innovative.”

“I admit my motives were purely selfish. I want you near me. But if California is where you want to go, I can fly out on weekends.”

“Shhh.” She put her fingertips over his lips. “I don’t know what I’ll do yet. I have to have time to think about all this.”

“As far as I’m concerned, you have all the time in the world. The theater will be there if you want it.”

“And you, Josh? What about you?”

“I can’t offer anything, Hallie, except what we have.”

“That’s enough.” She moved into his embrace. With her lips against his, she murmured, “For now.”

Josh took her mouth greedily, and filled with the sure power of her love for him, she welcomed him.

In his hurry, his hands fumbled on her buttons. She heard the fabric rip as he tore her blouse aside. He jerked his own shirt, and buttons scattered across the floor. She found his frenzy exciting, another facet of Josh. He could be warm and tender, funny and playful, intense and serious – so many sides to Josh. And she loved them all.

But did her love her? Were his feelings for her deep enough so that she could dream she might someday have with Josh the kind of relationship that made Anna and Matthew Donovan such wonderful, loving parents. They were a stabilizing force in the family, a shelter from all storms. Anna and Matthew reminded Hallie of eagles. They loved their children so fiercely they flew underneath them when they were trying out their wings, ready and willing to catch them if they fell. But they also knew when to let go, when to send their children into the world, flying free.

The way Josh kissed her, the way he loved, should have said it all. But she needed more. She needed a dream to believe in, a hope to hang onto.

“Hallie . . . my love.” Josh whispered, his words so garbled against her lips that she hardly dared to believe what he’d said.

But when he said them again, probably totally unaware, she caught the thread of hope and hung on. It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Our time will come.
She’d make it come.

 
I love you, Josh . . . I love you
. She said the words, but only in her mind. Then suddenly she was beyond rational thought.

Josh stripped off her shorts. His tongue sought the indentation of her navel, the soft down on her stomach. The sofa wasn’t big enough for them.

The world stopped for Hallie. She was flame. She was fire.

There was a desperate edge to their joining, as if they believed their passion could hold back time.

 o0o

Their lovemaking set the pace for the weekend. They didn’t take time to go anywhere, not even the kitchen. They piled the dogs’ dishes with enough food to keep them satisfied, and then they secluded themselves in the bedroom. When hunger intruded, they picked up the phone and ordered pizza, egg rolls, whatever suited their appetites at the time.

But mostly they were hungry only for each other. They didn’t talk much. And when they did, they skirted around the important issues—the end of Hallie’s schooling, the theater in Florence, the job in California.

They were saying goodbye again, and both of them knew it. Not goodbye to each other, but goodbye to a lovely summer idyll, goodbye to an interlude of fantasy, goodbye to the apartment that had become their Never Never Land.

 o0o

On Sunday night Josh rose from the bed.

“What time is it?” Hallie asked. She’d been catnapping; her voice was sleepy.

“Past midnight. Time to go.” He reached for his pants, then turned back for one last glance at her. Her hair was tumbled across the pillows. Her face, illuminated by rays of moonlight from the window, was glowing and beautiful. He bent down for one last kiss.

“Hallie, leaving you is the hardest thing I ever do.”

“I know.”

“I won’t be back.”

“I know.”

“You’ll be busy getting ready to defend your thesis.”

“Yes.”

“What about California?”

“I think not.” She touched the smile that lit his face. “But I have to be sure. I can’t make such an important decision while my mind is drugged with passion.”

He smiled. “I’d like to keep you drugged a little while longer.”

He stayed until dawn.

 o0o

Monday, at mid-afternoon, he called her.

“Josh?”

She could hear him chuckle on the other end of the line. “Surprise.”

“I love surprises.” She caressed the receiver as if he could feel her touch. “I’m glad you called.”

“Are you all right?”

“Yes. Exhausted but happy. And you?”

“The same.”

There was a long pause. Finally he broke the silence.

“I just wanted you to know that I won’t push you. I want you here—more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life—but I want you to take your time. Don’t rush. Be very sure.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me, Josh.”

“Hallie . . .”

“Yes?”

“I wish I could offer you more.”

“I’ll take what I can get.”

She wanted to ask about his family. She wanted to know whether George had gotten drunk while Josh was away, whether his dad showed any improvement. She wanted to know if his day at Silken Moments had gone well. She wanted to ask whether he planned to go home early so he could rest.

But she didn’t. All those things were the concerns of a woman in love, not a lover.

“I called to wish you good luck on your thesis defense.”

“Thanks. In two weeks it will be over.”

“Two weeks. Call me, Hallie—anytime, about anything.”

If her heart had been a bird it would have soared. He was making one small concession, giving her one little edge. She thought it best not to make too much of his invitation.

“Take care, Hallie.”

“May the wind be at your back, Josh.”

As she hung up, she thought about all their partings. They’d never used the word goodbye. That was significant to her. These days, being in love as she was, everything was significant. She took small things and built them into a pyramid of hope.

 o0o

Josh sent flowers every day—yellow roses, with notes attached. Some of his messages were sweet and sentimental, some friendly and cheerful, and some were pure erotica. She had so many roses, she had to give them away to make room in her small apartment. She gave them to fellow students and teachers and next-door neighbors. She carried them to St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital. But she kept the notes folded in a neat pile in her nightstand drawer. They became tattered from so much reading.

The day she defended her thesis she celebrated by taking her dogs on a picnic in Overton Park. It was a steamy Wednesday afternoon in mid August. She wanted to cast off her clothes and roll naked on the grass, but she settled for a Texas whoop.

After she returned from the park, she called Hannah. Talking with her twin was almost like having a conversation with herself. She called her to reaffirm her own thinking.

“Hi. It’s me. This is a celebration call.”

The connection to Alaska was bad with lots of crackling and sputtering, but she could still hear her sister’s take-charge tone. “It must be. Calling when rates are prime.”

Hallie chuckled. Hannah was ever practical about money matters. “I am now a full-fledged master.”

“You did it! Congratulations.”

“Hannah . . . there’s something else I want to tell you. You remember our discussion about Josh.”

“I remember a halfway discussion. You kept saying you’d think about it tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow finally came.”

“I knew it would.”

“Well, I didn’t. Not really. It just kind of hit me one day. I’m in love with him.”

“I’ve known that for quite some time. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”

“Take your advice.”

She could hear Hannah’s full-bodied chuckle. “Good.”

“I’ve decided to go to Florence, in spite of the fact that Josh still maintains he’s not the marrying kind.”

“You sound just like you did that day in the fifth grade when you set out to prove you could outrun, outjump, and outcuss Hermie Clampett.”

“I did the first two, and would have done the third if the teacher hadn’t come along.”

“Once you get to Florence, what are you going to do?”

“I have a plan.”

Hannah laughed. “I’ve never known a Donovan yet who didn’t. Heaven help Josh Butler.”

“Wish me luck, Hannah.”

“We Donovans make our own luck. May the wind be at your back, Hallie.”

Hallie was smiling when she hung up. She already had a name for her plan—Gentle Persuasion.

 o0o

Her next call was to Josh. When she heard his voice, she became so excited she forgot to say hello. Her news just came tumbling out.

“I’m coming to Florence.”

“When?”

“We’ll leave early tomorrow, as soon as we finish packing.”

“You have someone to help you pack?”

“Yes. Wolfgang and Ludwig. They knew we’d be traveling the minute they saw my open suitcase. They’ve spent all week dragging their bones and balls out from their hiding places and dumping them into my open suitcase.”

Josh chuckled. “Tell them not to dally.” There was a long silence at his end of the line. Hallie almost could hear him thinking. She wanted to shout her love to him over the phone. She held her breath, waiting for him to speak. “I’ll be waiting for you, Hallie.”

It wasn’t
I love you
, she thought, but it would do. “Where?”

“At Silken Moments.” He gave her directions. “Do you think you can find it?”

“Josh, I could find you if you were on the moon.”

CHAPTER EIGHT

Hallie remembered Florence as being lovely, but she’d forgotten the wonderful sense of warmth about the town. As she drove down North Wood Avenue, past Pat’s Book Ends, past the campus of North Alabama State, past the stately old trees and the Victorian houses, she felt as if the town were reaching out to her, putting its arms around her, welcoming her. The town exuded a charm that was uniquely southern. People on the street turned to smile and wave at her. She knew it was partly her funny lavender car with the bull horns on the front and the two enormous dogs in the backseat that elicited the response, but there was a natural graciousness that seemed to be bred in Southerners.

She felt the great tranquility that comes to those who know they’ve made the right decision. Whether she and Josh could ever be more than lovers wasn’t the most important issue, she thought. Knowing she’d chosen a job and a town that she loved was satisfying. Every day would be a gift of joy.

As she neared the river, her pulse began to beat faster. The Silken Moments building was there, perched on the banks of the Tennessee, sprawled out like a giant octopus, its tentacles reaching in all directions, pulling in people from Sheffield and Muscle Shoals and Tuscumbia as well as Florence— four cities divided by a river and imaginary boundaries, but united in purpose.

Josh had told her that his company was the single biggest employer in the Quad Cities. She’d laughed and teased him, telling him he certainly was the biggest. He’d called her his wicked skinny-dipping gypsy angel. She loved for him to call her that. She loved the twinkle in his eye when he said it, the smile that seemed to light up his face. She loved him in an uncommon way, she thought as she parked her car. She loved him enough to be patient. She’d teach him slowly that her love was big enough to share his burdens and strong enough to withstand adversity. Gentle persuasion.

Tilting her Stetson at a jaunty angle, she got out of her car. She commanded Wolfgang and Ludwig to heel, then started up the front walk. Her dogs didn’t heel, of course. They never heeled. She only told them that to remind them who was boss. As she walked through the front door, they gamboled around her like two protective Shetland ponies.

Josh’s secretary, Sadie, had seen her coming. She’d been at the water fountain by the window when Hallie drove up. After taking time to gawk and satisfy her own curiosity, she’d alerted her boss.

Josh left his office on the mezzanine and walked to the balcony railing. Hallie entered Silken Moments with her usual aplomb. She was a combination of Caesar setting out to conquer Gaul and a Barnum and Bailey Circus.

He felt such a surge of tenderness and joy that he thought his heart would burst. He didn’t call out to her, for he selfishly wanted his private time just to soak up her presence. Watching her in secret, he felt as if he were stealing something precious, something forbidden. It suddenly occurred to him what a completely selfless thing Hallie was doing—coming to him on nothing more than the hope of being his lover. The generosity of her heart stunned him.

Josh leaned over the railing to get a better view and chuckled as his employees did a double take. Heads turned in Hallie’s direction; mouths gaped open. George Glasser, on his way to the warehouse with an armload of pantyhose, glanced her way and walked straight into the water fountain. Hallie dispensed smiles and waves in all directions. Reactions ranged from George’s pain and embarrassment to complete stupefaction to broad grins to whispers behind raised hands. Nobody was oblivious to her.