Hard as Stone (Passion in Paradise: The Men of the McKinnnon Sisters) (55 page)

“Yeah, well, if you
were gettin’ nine inches worth of lovin’ at night, you’d be wearin’ a smile,
too.  There ain’t no way that man is spending every night on the couch with the
grin I’ve seen our eldest sister sportin’ lately.  Let me tell you, sister…”

Jake felt his ears
get hot at that remark and purposefully recited the Pledge of Allegiance in his
mind as Patience continued to extol on the magical, restorative powers of the
penis.  Specifically, his penis.  This ‘having a bunch of women in his new
family’ thing was going to take some adjustment on his part.  It seemed they
shared everything with each other.  Every-damn-thing.

“Alright, enough,
Patience,” he finally heard Honor interrupt and he relaxed slightly.  If there
was one McKinnon that he knew had no interest in his sex life, it was Honor.  Grateful
when she turned the conversation in a more mundane direction, he closed his
eyes and settled back against his pillow.

He’d almost drifted
off to sleep when he felt a thirty-pound weight landing directly on top of his
sternum.  Wheezing for breath, he opened his eyes and groaned as the smallest
McKinnon went nose to nose with him.

“You in my spot.  I
need my spot, Jake.  Dis where I watch da ‘toons,” Heaven McKinnon announced imperiously,
her light blue eyes flashing warningly.  Bouncing on his chest, she wriggled
until she was comfortable, then said, “You can watch wif me or you go back to
bed wif Momma, but you gotta sit up.  Dis my spot.”

Scooting up the
couch, Jacob shifted Heaven to his lap as he yawned.  “What’re you doing up so
early, Princess?”

“Why you on da
couch when you s’eep with Momma?” the child asked, volleying the ball back in
his court as she twirled her ponytail in one hand.

Jake’s eyes widened
on the little girl in front of me.  “W-What do you mean, munchkin?  I was
sleeping right here. You just woke me up,” he reasoned carefully, patting the
couch cushion for emphasis.

“Not
now
,
silly willy.   Dis morning.  I sawed you.  I had to go potty and I sawed you
comin’ out Momma’s room and you didn’t have no shirt,” she argued, pursing her
lips in a way that was so reminiscent of Harmony that Jake did a double-take.

“I…uhmmm…well, baby
girl, it’s like this,” Jake stuttered, helplessly looking toward the stairs and
mentally willing Harmony to appear to handle these questions before he gave the
wrong answer.  “I couldn’t find my shirt and I was cold.  I must have lost it. 
I went to ask Momma if she knew where I’d left it.”

“Huh.” Heaven
grunted, tilting her head as she met his nervous gaze.  Her dark eyes never
left his as she demanded, “Well, were you and Momma pwaying Farmer in the Dell,
too?”

Blinking in
confusion, Jake shook his head.  “Noooo, sweet pea….”

“You sure?  ‘Cause when
I waked up, I hearded my Momma squealing like the piggy does in the song, and
it sounded like you was.”

“Oh, good Lord.”
Jake heard whispers from the doorway.  Turning his head, he saw Honor first,
her small hands clutching the doorframe as Patience and Faith stood behind her,
snickering.

Clapping his hands
over Heaven’s ears, Jake looked desperately toward the women.  “I will give you
everything in my bank accounts if you’ll forget you heard any of that.”

“Oh, would that I
could,” Honor whispered, shaking her head and grimacing as she gaped at him,
her mouth moving furiously even though no further words came out.

“Oh, I can’t wait
to tell Cain this one.” Faith giggled, already tapping away on the phone in her
hand.  Evidently, the other sister had shown up while he’d drifted off. 
Great.  Just perfect.

“Seriously?  A
pig?” Patience smirked, wriggling her eyebrows.  “Now, a cat in heat, I could
have understood, but a
pig
?  That’s just kinky, Jake.”

Uncovering Heaven’s
ears, Jake sighed and ran a hand down his face.  Clearing his throat as he
lifted one finger toward the group, he murmured, “I can explain.”

“Please, I beg
you.  Don’t,” Honor said with a wild shake of her head, holding out her hand to
Heaven.  “C’mon, sweetie.  Aunt Honor will get you some breakfast.  How do
pancakes sound?” she asked brightly.

“Mmmm….pancakes!”
Heaven yelled enthusiastically, all thoughts of the farmer or his dell fleeing
as she hopped out of Jake’s lap and ran toward her aunt, tagging her hand and
pulling her toward the stove.

Watching as Heaven
and Honor disappeared back into the kitchen, Jake stared into Patience’s
dancing eyes.  “Not a word, Spitfire.  You could have helped me out back there,”
he complained, his eyes glaring at her.

“Why?  You’d
already dug the hole.  All I did was add a little dirt to it,” she said with a shrug. 
“Besides, while you’re gettin’ lucky at night, I’m stuck with a man that I
wouldn’t spit on if he was on fire.  You really think I’m not gonna enjoy a
little fun at your expense?”

“You are an evil
women, Patience,” he stated quietly even though his lips twitched.  “A truly
evil woman.”

“Aw, nice of you to
notice.  A lot of men don’t realize that until it’s entirely too late.  You
should be proud to be one of the few,” she returned with a wink, spinning on
her heel and walking back into the kitchen with a light step.

Groaning as he
collapsed back against the couch, he heard footfalls on the stairs and watched
as Harmony’s shapely legs appeared one step at a time.  Frowning when he
finally got a full view of her, from the toes of her fuck me black heels to the
top of her elegantly coiffed hair, he shook his head.  Rising quickly, he moved
to stand in front of her, bracing one hand on either side of the doorway as he
took in her pencil thin navy blue skirt and fitted silk shirt.  “Where the hell
is it that you think you’re going, Harmony, because you sure as hell aren’t
dressed for a day at home?”

“I think that’s
obvious, Jake,” Harmony replied, ducking under his arm as she hurried toward
the safety of the kitchen and her sisters.  “I’m going to work,” she threw over
her shoulder as her heels clicked against the hardwood floor.

Momentarily
hypnotized by the sway of her ass beneath the skirt, Jake shook it off quickly
before roaring, “The hell you are!  Have you taken some kind of blow to the
head that I don’t know about?”  He stormed after her, trailing her into the
kitchen.  Nailing her with an intense glare, he shook her head.  “There’s no
way you’re doing this, Harmony.  It’s not safe.”

Harmony continued
pouring a cup of coffee with a steady hand.

“I mean it,” Jake
growled.  “It’s not happening.”  He took a step toward her.  “It’s too
dangerous, darlin’.  Tanner is…”

“Jake, close your
mouth,” Harmony returned with a pointed look at where Heaven sat at the table,
her fork making pathways into the stack of pancakes and syrup.

“I take it we’re
doing this now?” Honor murmured from the kitchen table, looking between a
furious Jake and a calm Harmony.  “Ezekiel isn’t here yet, Harm.”

All eyes turned
toward the back door as Cain and Abel ambled into the kitchen.  “What’s going
on?” Cain asked, looking between a fuming Jake and an immaculately dressed
Harmony.

“Forget that,”
Patience snapped, straightening at the counter where she stood.  “Why’s he
here?” She gestured toward Abel with her coffee mug.  “I thought we agreed that
I needed a timeout from your brother, Cain.  In fact, you promised me that I
could have six Abel-free hours if I’d promise not to cut his throat in the
night with his own razor.”

“Look, Crazy, I
already said I was sorry about your underwear,” Abel retorted with a grin.  “It
was an unfortunate mistake, but for the record, I have dental floss that’s
thicker than that scrap of material you called underwear. 
And,
I should
get points for doing laundry.”

“It was
your
laundry, Asshat!  I sure as hell wasn’t going to do it for you.  And, no, an
unfortunate mistake would be finding BenGay in your toothpaste,” Patience
returned sweetly.  “I’d advise you to stay alert, Abel.  Very alert.”

“Oooohhh…. You said
a bad word,” Heaven chimed in, then held out her hand.  “Gimmee my dollar,
Auntie Patience.”

Digging into her
jeans’ pocket, Patience slapped a five dollar bill into Heaven’s palm.  “Start
me a tab, kiddo.”

“I texted them both,”
Honor offered softly to Jake, cutting off the byplay between the two enemy
combatants.  “Harmony and I decided yesterday that it was time for another
family meeting.”

Turning his keen
gaze on Honor, Jacob narrowed his eyes.  “You’re in on this with her?” he
asked, pointing at Harmony.  “What the hell have you two been plotting?  Honor,
I depend on you to be the reasonable sister.  If Harmony’s convinced you to
help her concoct some kind of nutty plan…”

“Hey!  The most
important question is, why weren’t Patience and I included in the conception of
this so-called nutty plan?” Faith asked sharply, her hands landing on her hips
as she glared at the sisters.

“We can discuss all
this when Ezekiel arrives,” Honor replied evenly as the back door opened
again. 

“Ezekiel is here,”
Zeke growled, stepping into the kitchen and closing the door behind him. 
“What’s going on here?” he asked slowly, looking around at the unusually full
kitchen before pinning Honor with his eyes.  “What are you up to, Honor?”

Lifting her chin,
Honor rose from the table and moved to stand beside Harmony.  “Family meeting.”

Running a hand over
his face, Zeke’s shoulders sagged.  “Honor, there’s nothing to meet about yet. 
We’re still looking for….”

“That’s not what
this meeting is about, Zeke,” Harmony interrupted.  Turning her gaze toward her
daughter, she noticed the almost clean plate.  “Baby, since you’re done eating,
why don’t you go watch cartoons in the living room, okay?”

Heaven grinned up
at her with wide eyes.  “Anything?”

“Absolutely, as
long as that anything is on either NickJr or PBS,” Harmony replied evenly with
a pointed look at her child.  She’d learned her lesson regarding Heaven’s
television viewing.  The last time she’d given the child carte blanche, she’d
found her watching re-runs of the Family Guy.  Not exactly an example of what a
four-year-old girl’s viewing pleasure should be. 
That
wasn’t happening
again.

“O-kay,” Heaven
grumbled, climbing off her chair and running back into the living room.

“Now, we can speak
freely,” Harmony announced, turning to look at Jake.  “And I can
freely
tell you that you’re acting like a caveman!  You think you can thump your chest
like some Neanderthal and tell me what to do?  Like hell!”

“Where your safety
is concerned, I’ll act like Adolf fuckin’ Hitler if I think it’ll keep you from
being hurt.  Bring on the insults, babe.  You’re still not strutting that fine
ass out of this house and into an unknown situation.  It’s not fucking
happening.  Stop acting like an idiot and
think
, woman.  I know you’re
not this damn stupid!” Jacob bit off through clenched teeth, his eyes shining
with the determination and passion of a guy in love. 

“Oh, shit,”
Patience murmured, taking a hasty step back from Jake.

“He did
not
just say that,” Faith whispered, shaking her head as Cain wrapped an arm around
her waist and pulled her back against his chest.

“It was nice
knowing you,” Honor mumbled to Jake before looking at Harmony and shuffling
toward Zeke.  “Please don’t get too much of his blood on my floor, sis.  I hate
mopping.”

Even the men edged
away from the scene as Harmony flew toward Jacob, slamming a hand against his
chest with enough force to cause him to take a stumbling step backward.  “
Idiot
?”
she hissed, her cornflower blue eyes darkening as they narrowed to slits.  “You
called me an
idiot
?  A
stupid
idiot.”

Abel stood nearest
Jake, and he offered the man a sympathetic sidelong look.  “Seriously, man, I
admire the size of your balls, but that was about the dumbest thing you can say
to a McKinnon woman.  And I’ve said
a lot
of stupid shit to Patience.”

Patience nodded.  “That’s
true.”

Looking at Zeke
with irritated eyes, Jake barked, “You wanna help me out here?”

Lifting his hands,
Zeke shook his head.  “Not my filly, not my stable, man.  You’re gonna need to
handle this one on your own.”

So much for having
another cool head on his side, Jake thought bitterly.  Drawing in a deep breath
as he met Harmony’s irate gaze, he shook his head.  “Okay, I didn’t call you an
idiot, I said you were acting like one; there’s a difference,” he said,
backpedalling quickly.

“What I am is a free
woman, well above the age of consent,” Harmony snapped.  “I don’t
need
your permission to make a single damn decision in my life.  In fact, I’ve been
making decisions for not only myself but my daughter, too, for a long damn
time.  We’ve been doing
just
fine without your special brand of
attention.   I neither want, nor require your support to make choices about
events that affect my life.  You are not my father, my brother,
or
my
husband.  YOU are a
guest
in this home.  One that can be asked to leave
at any time. And isn’t it handy that the Sheriff is standing right over there?”
she remarked scathingly as she jerked her head toward Ezekiel.  “Makes it real
handy to have you ejected from
my
home!  How
stupid
am I now,
Jake?  Do I sound like an idiot to you?”