Authors: Leanne Banks
As he studied Kaitlyn, some of the tension went out of his shoulders. “Yes, it does. It means my progress reports are making a difference. It means she's thinking about Erica every day. It means maybe she'll come home.”
Kaitlyn studied him then, fully aware of how much he was hurting, of how much he was worried. “So what exactly did she say?”
“She said she needs more time. She's not sure she can be a single mom. I tried to reassure her. I can tell she just feels...alone. That's my fault.”
If she told him it wasn't, he wouldn't believe her. She took a step even closer, but then she abruptly stopped. She smelled perfume on his shirt as ifâ
“Kaitlyn, what's wrong?”
She stepped away from him. “Nothing.”
“Don't tell me nothing when something obviously is.”
“I can smell a woman's perfume on you.”
He sighed. “You smell Sherry's perfume, and because you do, you're drawing conclusions. I assure you, they're the wrong ones.”
“Maybe you should enlighten me.”
“Oh, I'd like to, Kaitlyn, I really would. Even more than enlighten you, I'd like to make love to you again. But now you have some cockeyed idea that I reignited old sparks with Sherry and you're using that as another excuse to back off.”
“You don't know what I'm thinking,” she shot back.
“Am I close?” he asked with a faint undertone of anger, as if he'd had a very frustrating night and this was just the close of it.
“Yes, you're close. I'm not going to try to hug you or get close to you when you've been with another woman an hour before.”
“
Been
with another woman,” he repeated gruffly. “I was with Sherry, who has felt guilty for eleven years for pursuing her own dreams at my expense. She had decided that I hate her. When I told her I forgive her, she got all teary-eyed and gave me a long hug. That's the short story and the long one.”
With a studied look and precise determination, Kaitlyn returned, “I don't think it's long enough. Tell me what happened that night. Tell me why you were blamed, but she feels guilty. Don't act as if it isn't that important,” she warned.
“Oh, I know how important it is.” Then he fell silent, and his expression warned her not to ask more questions.
Kaitlyn was never impulsive. She was never a risk taker. Yet tonight, she was both of those things.
Maybe it was too many pent-up emotions that led her to say, “I might think what happened between us was a mistake. But that doesn't keep me from wanting to know you. Tell me what happened that night. Tell me why she bid twenty-five hundred dollars on you. Tell me why she feels guilty, rather than
you
feeling guilty.”
“Why does it matter?”
“It matters because I want to know the man behind the story, the man behind Tina, the man behind the childhood that sucked.”
“All right,” he said warily. “All right.” He sank down on the sofa and she sat beside him.
“It's a simple story,” he said, studying the carpet. “I'm sure I'm not the first one in this position, nor will be the last.”
“I want to hear it,” she said gently, wanting to touch him yet knowing this wasn't the time.
“We went to a party on holiday break. Sherry had picked me up, because she'd gotten a new car. She was from Sacramento, a stone's throw away. I loved that girl as much as a guy could love a girl at that age. Jade and Dad divorced. Tina was lost, calling me for advice and reassurance. Sherry gave me an escape. Only I wanted to escape
to
Sherry. What twenty-one-year-old with roiling hormones wouldn't? She was smart, beautiful and sexy.”
He stared off into space as if remembering that time of his life with perfect recall. “She intended to become a lawyer. Although I almost had a B.S. under my belt, I had no idea what
I
intended to become. I had no burning goal. She did. She was determined to fly through law school, become a partner and build a reputation. She'd talked about it since I'd met her. I admired her. I would have done anything for her.”
“What
did
you do for her?” Kaitlyn asked, prompting him to confide in her.
“I lied for her,” he said, simply. “We went to that party. I had a couple of beers, but she was doing shots. I told her to slow down, but she didn't. She got behind the wheel before I could stop her and I hopped in with her hoping...hoping that I could control something. My sin that night was letting her drive. I kept my seat belt off so I could grab the wheel if I needed to, I guess. I don't even know anymore. The accident happened so fast, in less than a blink of an eye. She took a curve too fast and the car overturned. It was a convertible and we were both thrown from it. I was lucky not to get hurt. She wasn't.”
Kaitlyn moved closer to him then. Did she think combining their body heat would give him some comfort all these years later? She wanted more than closeness, and that wanting urged her to clasp his arm. “What happened to Sherry?”
“She had a concussion and had to have immediate surgery. The surgeon removed her spleen. She had a broken leg, too, and it was all my fault because I didn't take her keys.”
“It was
her
fault because she drove.”
“I can see that now. I couldn't then. So when the police and paramedics showed up, I said I'd been driving.”
“Oh, Adam.”
“I liked her, Kaitlyn. I would have done anything for her. She wanted to go to law school.
Law
school. She couldn't have a DUI on her record. So I said I was driving and there you have it.”
“But that's not the end of the story, is it?”
He looked directly at her now. “I don't know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. You loved her. You hoped she'd come forward and tell the truth. But she never did, did she?”
“I don't think she even thought about it. After the accident, her parents wouldn't let her see me. I tried calling her, but she wouldn't take my calls. She didn't set the record straight. I told myself that was okay. She had goals...I didn't. But deep down, it wasn't okay, and I felt more betrayed than I'd ever felt before. If what Jade and my dad shared or what Sherry and I had shared was love, I wanted no part of
that,
either.”
“And in all these years she never got in touch with you?”
“Nope. Not until she bid on me last night. She told me she felt we needed to settle things. So we made the date for tonight.”
“So did you?”
He shook his head. “It was too late to settle anything. Sherry kept apologizing. She said after the accident and me being charged with reckless driving, she felt too ashamed and guilty to get in touch with me. Her family acted as if it were my father's duty to pay for her medical bills, and he did. But what they didn't know was that I worked my tail off to pay a good share of them. What had happened was
my
responsibility, not his.”
“And for all these years, you couldn't set the record straight because it would affect her.”
“Exactly.”
“Adam, I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry you felt so betrayed.”
He obviously could hear the sincerity in her voice and that must have prodded him to say again, “You smell her perfume on me because of a hug.”
Had her jealousy been so obvious? “I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions.”
“Maybe I've been purposely giving you the wrong impression all along,” Adam admitted.
Her throat went dry because the conversation seemed to be a vital one. She managed to ask, “Why?”
“Because getting involved isn't practical.”
“And we should be practical,” she agreed halfheartedly, seeing the desire in his eyes, feeling it in her whole body.
“Yes, we should,” he said, but his actions didn't match his words. He leaned down and kissed her.
Adam's kisses could seduce her in a second. This one was slow and coaxing until anticipation filled her world. Without half trying, his kiss convinced her there was no place else she'd rather be, and no one else she'd rather be with.
In the space of a breath, they needed their bodies as close as they could be. What he'd confided to her was deeply personal and deeply wrenching. It told her better than anything else could why he was restless, why he didn't stay in one place, why roots and love and a family seemed foreign to him. He didn't want them because love and bonds and connections brought pain. She'd felt the pain from love and bonds, too. The difference was that she still wanted them.
Adam broke away. But he didn't let go. Rather he leaned his forehead against hers.
“Any more of that and we'll soon be naked. Is that what you want?”
Shakily she managed to say, “That wouldn't be very practical, would it?”
“No, it wouldn't be practical at all. I can give you desire. I can give you pleasure. I can give us a few short weeks.”
Desire, pleasure and a few short weeks. Would she risk her heart for those? Would she risk her heart for the opportunity to make love with Adam again? That wasn't a decision she was prepared to make tonight. That wasn't a decision she was prepared to make in the afterglow of one of his kisses.
“I like you, Adam,” she said breathlessly, as if she were declaring her first crush.
He smiled. “I like you, too. Maybe liking each other has to be enough for now.”
He didn't look too happy about that, but she could see his better sense agreed.
“Will you be at Thrifty Solutions tomorrow?” he asked her. “I know a group of volunteers are gathering to unpack boxes and label things. I told Sara I'd help unload the truck. She assured me she'd watch Erica while I do.”
“Yes, I'm planning on helping. I'm glad you volunteered. Sara was afraid it would be too much for Jase to handle on his own.”
“She'd better not let Jase hear that.”
Kaitlyn laughed. “Male egos have to be protected at all cost.”
She remembered Tom and the things he'd said to her at the end, and realized maybe she hadn't protected his. Maybe that's the real reason why their marriage had broken apart.
“What's wrong?” Adam asked.
“Nothing's wrong,” she said, almost believing it. “I'm going to go.”
He didn't say she shouldn't. He didn't pull her into his arms again to keep her there.
So she picked up her laptop case and headed to the door. And this time when she left, she wondered if she wasn't making the biggest mistake of her life.
Chapter Eight
W
hile unpacking clothes on Sunday afternoon, deciding what rack they would go on, labeling and pricing them, Kaitlyn spotted Adam walk through the door from her vantage point in Thrifty Solutions' storeroom. He was carrying his niece in her sling.
As if by magnetic pull, Adam's gaze sought hers across the salesroom. Crossing to the storeroom, he smiled. She got caught up in that smile.
“Have you been here long?” he asked, patting Erica's back, but keeping his focus on Kaitlyn.
“About an hour.” She shouldn't feel breathless. She shouldn't feel as if she wanted to lean forward to kiss him. The intense desire in his eyes told her he might be thinking about kissing her, too.
“Our getting-ready-to-leave routine took longer than I expected.” He dropped Erica's diaper bag and clasped Kaitlyn's arm as if he wanted some physical contact. The touch of his fingers on her skin reminded her of everything they'd done together. He leaned close to her and, in a low voice, said, “I want to ask you something. But right now, I'm going to turn Erica over to Sara and help unload that truck.”
After a squeeze of her arm, he picked up Erica's bag and went to Sara, handing over Erica and the bag.
Kaitlyn felt as if
she
wanted to be the one watching Erica. But that was silly. Erica wasn't hers. Adam wasn't hers. Still, she felt proprietary of both of them. Just what did he want to ask her?
In the baby section of Thrifty Solutions, there was a swing much like the one Adam used at his condo. Sara settled Erica in that.
Adam spoke to Erica for a couple of minutes. Not just nonsense, either, but gentle words about being right there and that he'd be back soon and Sara was going to play with her. All things a dad would say. Did he even realize that?
Kaitlyn was sorting blouses according to their sizes and dressiness when Adam went to the garage-type door where a truck had backed in to unload. When he returned inside, he had three boxes stacked on top of each other on a dolly.
He unloaded them onto the floor and looked around the racks that Kaitlyn had been setting up. “Where does all this come from?” he asked.
“That's hard to say. The Mommy Club started with one original benefactress. No one knows who she is. She set up the foundation to draw on for anything families might need. Then that foundation endowed this thrift store and bought storage units where volunteers can stow furniture that families might be able to use. There are many benefactors now. Anyone who's helped by The Mommy Club usually gives back. It's a circle that never stops.”
“Sort of like a wedding ring,” Adam mused.
Kaitlyn jerked her head up, surprised to hear that come from him. With his kiss too much on her mind, with making love with him always on her mind, she wondered how much he thought about marriage. She knew he didn't think much of it.
“What makes you say that?” she asked.
“Wedding rings are supposed to symbolize the never-ending circle that keeps two people united for a lifetime. As long as each does their part, the circle stays intact. But if somebody doesn't, that circle breaks open.
“I've seen good marriages work,” she said, that old dream still tugging at her.
“Have you? So far I've only seen Jase and Sara's and they haven't been married very long.”
She considered Jase and Sara. “That golden circle is protection when the rough times come. That's when you have to hold on tighter and make sure it doesn't break. Mine did and I still wish there was something I would have been able to do about that.”
“Do you still wish you were married?”
“I wish my marriage had survived. I wish it could have been all we'd dreamed it should be.”
Adam left the stack of boxes and came close to where she was standing at the rack. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt today. His hair was tousled, and there was some beard stubble on his chin as if he'd rushed this morning, but he looked altogether sexy, and her heart was jumping around like a wild teenager's at a rock concert.
Get a grip, girl,
she told herself. But how could she when she remembered his body on hers, his body inside of hers.
“I'd like to ask you something personal,” he said.
“You can ask.”
“I know what
that
means. If you don't want to answer, you won't. That's fine.” He paused a beat, then he asked, “Do you still love your ex?”
That question caught her totally off guard. Was
this
what he wanted to ask her? “Love Tom?”
Adam just waited, studying her face, gazing into her eyes. He'd confided in her and now he expected the same of her.
“Tom was smart and wanted to know everything about the world. We had deep discussions, maybe more than we laughed together. I missed my mom and dad. Maybe that's why I married him. I thought our lives would fit together like puzzle pieces, but they didn't. Before I got pregnant, I think we both knew we were growing apart. He was having trouble accepting my professional life. I was having trouble accepting the social events he wanted to go to. Our lives were shifting under our feet. He was my first serious relationship, and because of that, I'll always think of him fondly. But love...the love we once felt for each other is gone.”
“You're sure about that? Maybe you still love him, and that's the reason you can't move on.”
“Who says I can't move on?” she protested.
“
You
say it every time you run.”
There was no escaping the certainty in his voice. “And what would you do if I stopped running?”
“It would be fascinating to find out, wouldn't it?”
Jase had hopped off the truck and wheeled in another dolly load of boxes. “The interview is on Tuesday at four. You got my email?”
“I got it,” she said. She'd checked her emails quickly this morning and hadn't had time to answer them. “I just don't know how much I really want to go into on TV. That seems so much different than writing.”
“Are you nervous?” Adam asked.
“I guess I am. I shouldn't be. Jase tells me the interviewer will be sympathetic.”
“Would you like me to be there for moral support?”
The longer she was with Adam, the more she wanted to
be
with him. He could have a calming effect on her. He could help her keep her perspective. “Yes,” she responded to his question, feeling as if she was committing herself to...something.
Sara had walked Erica over to where Kaitlyn, Adam and her husband were standing. She said to the baby, “See. I told you Uncle Adam was right here. He's not going to leave you.”
“I can probably bring her along to the interview,” Adam said. “But I
am
going to need a sitter for tomorrow night. I give a lecture at Wilson University.”
“I'd be glad to babysit her,” Sara offered. “Marissa and Jordan are coming over for dinner.”
“Are you sure that's okay? Three kids to watch?”
“We're fine. Babies stay where you put them.”
When Sara moved away with Erica again and Jase went outside, Adam turned back to Kaitlyn.
“Are you busy tomorrow night?”
“I don't have any plans.”
“Would you like to come with me? You might be bored, but you'd learn a little more about what an environmental geologist does, and the careers the students are planning to move into. What do you think?”
“I think I'd like to go along to see a different side of you.” Adam was a fascinating man and, in spite of herself, she was intrigued by him.
“No different sides. I like what I do, and you'll see that.”
Somehow they were standing close together again. Adam looked like he wanted to kiss her, and she certainly wanted to kiss him. But Jase or Sara could be back at any minute. He seemed to realize that, too. He cleared his throat and said, “We'll have time together tomorrow night.”
She was looking forward to that. Maybe a little too much.
* * *
On Monday evening, Adam watched Kaitlyn as Marissa's little boy, Jordan, ran toward her with a giggle and wrapped his little arms around one leg.
She laughed, scooped him up and asked, “So what are you having for supper?”
There was a streak of cheesy sauce across his lip and on his hand.
“Careful,” Marissa told her, hurrying over with a wet paper towel. “I was just going to wash him up. He got his fingers into the macaroni and cheese.”
“A little yellow with this pattern isn't going to make a difference,” Kaitlyn returned with a smile.
Adam was always amazed at Kaitlyn's aplomb with kids, and he wasn't sure why. Maybe because he hadn't witnessed many women who were good with children. Most of the women he'd dated seemed adverse to babies. But Kaitlyn didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around them. Neither did Marissa or Sara.
Standing by the sink, Sara came forward now to take Erica from his arms. He was finding it harder and harder to allow Erica to be in someone else's care. He wanted to make sure nothing ever happened to her.
He handed over Erica saying, “I'll bring in her portable crib.”
Five minutes later he'd set it up in the cavernous kitchen. Jase and Sara had moved into this house with Jase's dad, Ethan, after some renovations were completed. It was certainly big enough for everyone to wander around. From the table, Sara's daughter, Amy, grinned at him as she spooned macaroni and cheese into her mouth. Adam bet the flower arrangement on the table came from the nearby gardens. He thought about his condo, how sterile it seemed compared to this. If he ever had kidsâ
Kids? Really? What was he thinking?
Still, a family needed grounding. A family needed a house. Maybe not one as grand as this, but one that was welcoming and gave everyone a sense of belonging.
He'd never felt as if he belonged anywhere. Maybe divorce just did that to kids.
Marissa had seated Jordan in his high chair and was spooning a little more macaroni and cheese onto his dish.
“You'd think we'd be eating something more nutritious,” Sara said with a laugh. “But Amy and Jordan like mac and cheese as much as French fries and we gave in for tonight.”
Adam plopped the diaper bag on the counter. “Everything you need should be in here.”
“What I need,” Marissa said, “is a book on plumbing. How do you fix a leaky sink? I was going to ask Jase how to do it, but he's stuck in a meeting with Liam.”
“A leaky sink? I can take care of that,” Adam assured her. “I was looking for a way to pay you back for watching Erica tonight. How about I stop by tomorrow morning?”
“Oh, you don't have toâ” Marissa began.
But Kaitlyn stopped her. “Adam doesn't like to owe anyone. I'm sure he could fix it for you.”
“That would be great then. I'm sure Jase will let me take a few hours.” After a pause, Marissa looked from one of them to the other and smiled. “Are you two dating?” she asked bluntly.
They answered in unison, “No.”
Sara and Marissa exchanged a look.
Sara said under her breath, “Well, something's in the air. But if you say you're not dating, I'll believe you.” She looked at Kaitlyn. “So you're just going along to listen to his lecture?”
Kaitlyn blushed a little. “Yep.” That's all she said.
* * *
Two and a half hours later, Adam thought about Sara's comments as he guided Kaitlyn into a campus coffee shop after his lecture. Dating was such an old-fashioned term, yet he found himself wanting to spend more time with Kaitlyn. Wasn't that what tonight was all about? Wasn't that what a date was all about?
As they gave their orders and took their coffees to a table for two, Adam realized he and Kaitlyn had started their relationship backward. Of course, the night he'd kissed her at the winery, he'd never realized they might have a relationship.
Adam was black coffee all the way, and he discovered Kaitlyn was, too.
They sat elbow to elbow. She said, “Your subject matter really is fascinating.”
“You mean you didn't catch any of the students sleeping?”
She laughed. “No. They were all interested and engaged, and the question-and-answer session got really lively. They liked you.”
“You sound as if that's unusual.”
“I don't know. Some of the lectures that I sat through in med school were so impersonal. But yours wasn't. You kept them involved. That's the sign of a good teacher.”
“I enjoy it when I make the time to do it. And the head of the department tries to hire me every time he sees me. Actually, on the job site, I'm teaching more than I think I am. When I start out on a new project, sometimes I don't even know my team, so I have to feel my way with instructions and questions and let them have input. It's sort of like a college lecture.”
She studied him for a long moment until he finally asked, “What?”
“You're not at all what I expected,” she said.
“Expected?” He couldn't keep the amusement from his voice.
“At the winery the night I met you, you were dressed in an expensive suit, you knew just what to say, you were a great conversationalist. You acted like a...jet-setter.”
“Is that why I swept you away?”
She shook her head. “I wasn't swept away.”
At his arched brow, she admitted, “Maybe a little swept away. I just hadn't expected a man to make me feel so...special. Not after everything that had happened.”
“You told me a little about your marriage, about what you'd written in the article. Now tell me what wasn't there. Tell me what really split you up.”
He hadn't expected the conversation to turn this serious. After all, if it was a date, and it seemed close to it, he'd wanted Kaitlyn to have a good time. But for some reason, he had to know more about her marriage.
“You told me your story, and now I have to tell you mine?” she asked, looking more unsure than he'd ever seen her.