Authors: Hope Navarre
She nodded. “We were going to run away from home and head out to the Wild, Wild West just like your great-uncle Lawrence had done when he was a kid, remember?”
“He was a great storyteller, all right. He made hopping a boxcar and riding it West sound like a piece of cake.”
“It almost was.”
“Yeah, until you said you weren't going without your horse.”
She giggled again. “I was pulling on his lead rope and pleading with him, trying to get him up your makeshift ramp. You were trying to push him from behind, and that's how Mr. Cradock, the stationmaster, found us.”
“I've never seen anyone laugh as hard as that man did when you told him what we were doing. It still rankles a bit when I think about it.”
“How were we supposed to know the boxcars were only being stored on the side track until the next wheat harvest?” she asked defensively. “I was only eight. Besides, he did think my Babe was pretty smart.”
Neal gave a snort of disgust. “He didn't say your horse was smart. He said out of the three of us, the horse was the only one with any sense.”
“He was right.” She chuckled.
“Yeah, he was.” He tipped his head back and stared at the light fading from the piece of sky above them. The vanes of the windmill turned slowly in the wind as the setting sun colored them a bloodred. It would be dark soon. Her mother would come looking for them. And when they were found, he would have to let this wonderful, maddening, enchanting woman out of his arms, and he would never hold her like this again.
The ground under him was cold and damp, and a rock poked his left hip. The moss on the stones behind his head was flaking off. It drifted inside his collar and itched like the devil. By rights, he should feel miserable, but he knew he would endure far worse tortures to keep her in his arms a little longer. She sighed and grew silent, and he wondered what she was thinking.
“We had a lot of wonderful adventures when we were kids, didn't we?” she asked softly.
“Yeah, we did. The two of us must have turned our parents gray before their time.”
“I worry sometimes that Chance won't have a childhood like the one we had.”
“You mean into trouble six days a week?” he asked with a laugh.
“No, I mean he doesn't have anyone to share his adventures with.”
“He's young yet. He'll make friends in school.”
“Maybe.”
“He will. I could always have Jake send the twins over,” he offered. “If you need someone to turn your hair gray, those two can do it.”
She laughed. “They are a handful, aren't they?”
“They've settled down a little since Gabriel was born. For a while there, I thought my reputation as the hell-raiser of the family was in jeopardy.”
“How is Connie getting along with the new baby? I'm ashamed to say I haven't been over since his christening.”
“She's getting along fine. Jake is the one with the stupid grin on his face all the time.”
“Jake's a great father.”
“Yeah, I envy him that,” he admitted wistfully.
“You always said you didn't want kids.”
“I know, but I guess time has a way of changing what's important to a man. I look at Jake with Gabe and you with Chance, and I see I've missed something important.” He'd missed a lot.
“When I learned I was pregnant, I thought you wouldn't be happy about it. A kid would just tie us down. Wasn't that what you used to say?”
“Sure, that was the way I felt back then. I didn't want to turn out like my old man. He ended up hating the responsibility of a family. After I was born, he gave up the rodeo and came back to the ranch. Mom couldn't manage it alone with two kids. I knew how much he hated never winning a national championship. He resented me for forcing him to give up that dream.”
“I think you're wrong about that. He loved your mother and both his sons. He might have regretted giving up bull riding before he captured his dream, but he knew what he had at home was more valuable.”
“You never saw the look in his eyes when I talked about winning this event or that one. He resented the fact that I could do what he couldn't.”
“I never knew how estranged you felt from your dad. It explains a lot.”
He wasn't sure he wanted to know what she meant by that remark. Silence stretched out between them. The light faded as they sat together in the darkness.
“Do you mind if I ask you a question?” he asked quietly.
“No.”
“Why haven't you remarried? Did you love him that much?”
She paused a long moment before answering. “I did love Colin, but I haven't sworn off men because I'm still grieving for him, if that's what you're asking.”
“I would have thought some guy would have snapped you up by now. You're still a good-looking woman.”
“Yeah, and I still have all my own teeth,” she added drily.
“You know what I mean.”
“I know. I've dated a few men, but as soon as they learn that my son is deaf, they disappear as fast as a plate of chocolate-chip cookies at a Boy Scout meeting.”
“I can't believe that. Chance is a great kid.”
“Thanks, I think so.”
“Your doctor friend has met Chance, and he hasn't lost interest.”
“Adam?” she asked in surprise.
“Yeah, him. Your mom said you two had a date for tonight. I guess you're going to stand him up. I'm sorry about that.”
“Yes, it looks like I am.”
“He seems like a good man,” Neal offered, although he wanted to bite his tongue rather than admit it.
“Yes, he is. He's a fine doctor, and I admire him very much.”
Hearing her say it hurt like hell, but if Adam was who she wanted, then he would be happy for her. “Are you going to take him up on his offer to help with your schooling?”
“How'd you know about that?”
“Your mother blabbed.”
“She would.”
“Are you?”
“I don't know. Would I like to go to a nurse-practitioner program? You bet I would. I didn't expect to have the money, or the time, to further my career until Chance was grown, but...”
“But what?”
“It doesn't seem right, somehow.”
“Is he pressuring you?” he asked sharply.
“No, nothing like that. It feels like charity, although I know Adam means well.”
“Are you any good?”
“As a nurse?” She considered the question for a moment. “Yes, I am. In fact, I'm a damn fine nurse,” she added with conviction. It made him smile.
“Would you make a good practitioner, whatever that is?”
“Yes, I think I would.”
“Then it wouldn't be charity if you did a good job. I think you should do what makes you happy.”
She gave a small shake of her head. “I'll have to think about it. I have a lot on my plate right now. You never did that before.”
“Did what?”
“Ask me about my plans, what I wanted for my future. I used to think what I wanted wasn't important to you.”
“Ouch. Sadly, you were right. I was a cocksure pain in the butt in those days, wasn't I? I don't know how you put up with me for as long as you did. I guess I have old Dust Devil to thank for making me see things more clearly.”
After a moment, he gave her a gentle shake. “That's a one-eyed-man joke. Get it? See things more clearly?”
“I get it. I just didn't think it was something to laugh about.”
“A good joke beats crying any day.”
“I'm sorry it happened.” Her voice was laced with sympathy. He wished he could see her face.
“Yeah, me, too.” He lapsed into silence.
“Will you really go back to riding?”
“I have to.” His tone had a ring of desperation that he hoped she missed. “Go to sleep if you can,” he told her gruffly. “We'll have an hour or two to wait yet, I reckon.”
“I don't think I can sleep.”
“Close your eyes and try.”
She sighed as she snuggled a little lower. If only they could forget the hurts of the past and hold on to the gentleness of this moment. If only he had the right to hold her for a lifetime.
Neal felt her body slowly relax. After a while, her breathing grew deep and even and he knew she was asleep. Careful not to disturb her, he shifted his weight and moved the offending rock from beneath his hip.
He stared up for a long time at the sliver of sky and the few stars that twinkled above them. Finally, he closed his eye and waited in the darkness for the people who would come and take her away from him.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
A
LOW
MOAN
penetrated the edge of Robyn's consciousness, and she lifted her head. It was pitch-black. The moan came again, punctuated with a short sob. She realized it came from Neal. His arms twitched and jerked as he muttered something she couldn't make out. Was he ill?
“Neal, what's wrong?”
“Get me loose, Kent! Get me loose!” he pleaded.
She heard the panic in his mumbled words and realized he was in the grips of a nightmare. Compassion flooded the very fibers of her heart. “Wake up, Neal,” she coaxed gently. “It's all right now.”
“My eyes! God, not my eyes!” His whole body jerked once, and then his arms pulled away from her. Another sob racked his body. She moved off his lap and knelt beside him.
“Neal, wake up. You're having a nightmare.”
“I can't see.” His breathing was short and fast, like a winded runner. “Robyn, I can't see! Where are you?”
“I'm right here.” She touched his shoulder.
His hand closed over hers in a painful grip. “I'm blind!”
“No, no,” she reassured him. “It's just dark, that's all.”
“It's just dark?” His voice was uncertain, but his grip loosened slightly. Tremors racked his body.
Calmly, she said, “We're in the well, remember? It's so dark I can't see my hand in front of my face, but I can see a few stars when I look up.”
His breathing began to slow. “Yeah, I can see them, too.”
“That's right. You're fine.”
He took another deep breath and slowly exhaled. “I'm sorry if I scared you. It was just a dream.”
“You didn't scare me. Do you have them often?”
“They always come with these god-awful headaches,” he answered in a voice that was little more than a whisper.
Aching with the need to help him, she threaded her fingers into his hair and slowly began to massage his temples. “Does this help?”
“Yes, that feels wonderful. Don't stop.” His body slowly began to relax under her firm hands.
“I find it helps me if I can talk about my bad dreams. Somehow it makes them less real. You can tell me about it if you want.”
* * *
N
EAL
STRUGGLED
TO
subdue his panic as the blood pounded in his ears. No, he didn't want to talk about it. This was his problem, and he had to deal with it, but her fingers were working magic on the pain in his head. Once upon a time, he had been able to tell her anything. If only he hadn't foolishly given up that right.
“You don't have to talk if you don't want to,” she whispered.
Slipping his arm around her, he pulled her down until her head rested on his shoulder. The pain was bearable now, and he wanted to hold her again.
She continued to amaze him. In spite of everything he'd done, she was still willing to offer him comfort. And God help him, he was willing to accept it.
“It's always the same,” he found himself saying. Pausing, he took a deep breath. “My hand is tangled in my rigging, and I can't get loose. Kent is trying to help me, but the bull keeps turning toward him, and he can't reach me. Then suddenly I'm free and on my knees. I look for the bull, but I can't see anything. Something's in my eyesâblood, I thinkâbut I know he's coming for me. I hear him getting closer, I can feel his breath on my face and Iâ Then I wake up.”
He couldn't add that sometimes he woke up screaming, with his heart pounding so hard he thought it might burst.
Taking another deep breath, he felt the fear and panic began to recede. Maybe she was right and talking did help.
“Nightmares aren't unusual after a traumatic accident. They should get better in time.”
Neal pulled her closer. “I know they'll get better. I just have to face the thing I'm afraid of.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have to ride again.”
“Is that why you're so determined to go back?”
“That's part of it.”
“What's the rest?”
Because riding is all I've got if I don't have you.
He didn't say the words aloud, but that was the honest truth. And it was something he wouldn't burden her with.
Instead, he said, “I want a world-championship title. I've been so close twice, but I've never been the best. That's why I have to ride again, to prove I'm the best.”
“And what if you get hurt or killed? You'd risk your life for that? You've already proved you're a great rider, Neal. No one will think less of you if you give it up now.”
“I'll think less of me.”
“It's only pride, Neal. Don't let your pride ruin your life. Believe me, it can.”
There was deep regret in her voice, but then he caught the sound of something else. The faint rumble of a truck engine. His time was up. He gathered her tightly against him because he knew he would never hold her like this again. “Thanks, Robyn.”
“For what? I haven't done anything.” Her voice trembled in the darkness, and he wished he could see her face.
“Oh, yes, you have. You care.” His lips found her cheek, and he was surprised by the taste of salty tears there. “You've been a good friend when I needed one.”
“Yes,” she whispered faintly. “I know we can't change the past or the mistakes we've made, but we can still be friends. Can't we?”
He stroked her hair softly. “Always and forever, Tweety. For always and forever.”
He wouldn't ask for more; he didn't deserve even her friendship, but he would gladly accept it.
After a small pause she asked, “How soon will you be leaving?”
“There's a PRCA rodeo in Topeka in three weeks. If the doctor gives me the okay, I plan on entering it.”
“So soon? Are you sure you're fit?”
“I'll be ready by then.”
He heard the slam of a truck door and the sound of voices. He wanted to kiss her soft lips one last time, but he didn't. “I think we are about to be rescued.”
A light stabbed into the darkness followed by a man's shout. “Robyn! Robyn, where are you?”
They moved apart and shielded their eyes as the light shone down on them.
“Robyn, are you okay?”
Recognition dawned on her. “Adam? Is that you?”
“Yes. Are you hurt?”
“No, I'm fine.”
“Thank God.”
“Neal, are you okay?” The voice belonged to his brother, Jake.
“I will be as soon as you get us out of here,” Neal answered.
“We'll have you out of there in two shakes.”
* * *
W
ITHIN
MINUTES
, R
OBYN
was being hoisted up in a makeshift rope sling. Adam reached for her hand as she cleared the top of the well and pulled her to solid ground. She could see her mother holding on to Chance beside the bright lights of the pickup.
She stepped out of the rope, and the two men quickly pulled Neal to the surface.
“How did you manage this one, little brother?” Jake's voice was laced with humor.
“It wasn't easy. I had some help.” Neal slipped the rope off as he stood beside the well.
Jake dusted off the back of Neal's shirt. “Are you sure you're okay? You didn't injure those ribs again, did you?”
“I'm fine. Robyn, where is that nag of yours?” He shot a quick glance at her.
She smothered a laugh. “Staying out of sight, if he knows what's good for him.”
“I'm glad you two find this so funny,” her mother said. She let go of Chance's hand, and he raced past Robyn to wrap his arms around Neal's leg.
Neal ruffled his hair and smiled at him as he signed. “Hey, buddy, I'm fine.”
A lump pushed itself into Robyn's throat. She could barely breathe. It was the first time Chance had showed such affection for someone besides his mother or his grandparents. His world had expanded to include someone new. It was a painful, yet wonderful, thing to see. Her eyes met Neal's. He gave a small shrug as if to say he was sorry, but she realized she wasn't.
Adam grasped her shoulders and turned her toward him. “Are you sure you're okay?”
She nodded. “Yes. What are you doing here?”
“When you didn't show, I knew something must be wrong. I called, and your mother said you were missing.”
“I'm sorry she worried you.”
“I'm not. She told me Neal was out looking for you, but of course I came right over. Then we got the call that Neal had found you.”
He frowned at Martha as she moved to stand beside them. “I must admit, no one seemed very worried when the two of you didn't show in a reasonable period of time. I had the devil of a time convincing anyone to come out here.”
“Did you?” Robyn gave her mother a hard look.
Martha shrugged. “You and Neal used to spend a lot of time out riding at night. I wasn't worried.” She winked at Neal, and he grinned.
Robyn smiled at Adam. “Then it seems I have you to thank for keeping me from spending a very uncomfortable night in that hole.”
Adam scrutinized her face, then Neal's. “You didn't look all that uncomfortable.”
Robyn felt herself blushing.
“Now, Doc, you should know looks can be deceiving.” Neal lifted Chance's chin and nodded toward Robyn, then gave him a small push in her direction. She knelt and wrapped her arms around her son.
Adam stared at Neal for a long moment, then turned to Robyn. “We'd better get you home.”
She stood with Chance in her arms and nodded. “I need a long soak in a hot bath.”
Adam took her elbow and led her to her mother's pickup. He opened the door, lifted Chance from her and set him down on the seat. Her mother climbed in behind the wheel. Looking back, Robyn saw Neal watching her. He touched the brim of his hat in a brief salute, then turned away and began to help Jake tie a rope around the legs of the windmill to form a temporary fence that would keep any cattle away from the open pit.
He had promised to get out of her life, and, strangely enough, she believed he would do just that. She might never see him again after tonight. Until this moment, she'd thought that was what she wanted.
Chance tugged on her arm and signed, “Isn't Neal coming?”
She shook her head. Frowning, Chance drew up his knees, propped his elbows on them and cupped his face with his hands. Plainly, he was disappointed. He'd grown more than fond of Neal. It was surprising since Neal had mastered only a few words of sign language.
Was Edward right? Did Chance need a man in his life? Was that the reason he'd become attached to Neal so quickly? As much as she loved Chance, maybe he needed more than she could give him. Glancing back at Neal, she bit her lip as she struggled with her decision.
Again she faced a difficult choice. She could only pray she was making the right one.
Friends, for always and forever.
Well, then she wouldn't try to stop Chance from being friends with the man who should have been much more to him. Neal would be leaving soon, but maybe he'd come home more often now and visit Chance. The idea didn't upset her as it once had.
Perhaps now that all the anger and guilt was behind them, she and Neal really could be friends again. She didn't kid herself. He still sparked a deep passion in her. Maybe he always would, but that didn't mean they were right for each other.
She smiled at Adam standing beside her. “I'm glad you're here.”
“Anytime you need rescuing, give me a shout. I'll be here in a flash.”
Turning back to Chance, she signed, “You can see Neal tomorrow.” His pout disappeared like magic.
She called out, “Hey, Neal.”
His hands stilled on the rope he held. “What?”
“I expect you to be at our place by seven tomorrow.”
“What for?”
“There's forty head of cattle in this pasture that will have to be moved now that this well is dry. You don't expect me to do it by myself, do you?”
A slow grin spread over his face. “No, I guess I don't. Seven it is.”
“Good.”
She climbed into the truck and lifted Chance onto her lap as Adam got in beside her. She ignored her mother's wide grin as Martha started the truck and turned toward home.
Robyn's shoulder was wedged against Adam's as the truck bounced over the rough pasture track, and they bumped against each other. After a few minutes, he slipped his arm around her and held her steady. It was comforting, but it didn't set her insides to churning the way Neal's touch did.
Sometimes comfort was what she needed, even if it wasn't what she craved.
“I'm sorry we missed dinner, but I'm glad you're okay,” he said.
“I'm sorry we missed dinner, too.”
“I have to be back in Kansas City tomorrow. Looks like I'll have to wait until the next time I'm in town to take you out.”
Her glance slid to her mother, who was obviously trying to listen to their conversation. Martha had made every attempt to throw Neal and her together. It would serve her right to hear her matchmaking efforts had failed.
Robyn smiled at Adam. “I don't mind waiting. Any idea when you'll be back?”
“I go on call at six o'clock in the evening next Saturday, but I could be in town as early as two. I could pick you up then for a late lunch.”
“Great. Two o'clock it is.”
“Robyn, you're forgetting something,” her mother said sharply.
“I am?”
“Saturday is Chance's birthday.”
“Oh, that's right. Well, we can have his cake and ice cream in the evening.”
“No, we can't.”
She looked at her mother in annoyance. “Why not?”
“Becauseâbecause I've got to be at the church by five. I'm working a booth at the bazaar, you know.”
Robyn flashed a skeptical look at her. “I didn't know. When did you decide to do that?”