Authors: Hope Navarre
The light was on in Beth and Bobby's kitchen. No one was visible through the window. Peter gestured to the house. “Want to tell them?”
She pulled him toward her cottage. “Not yet. I'd like a glass of wine. I have to think.”
Once inside, Cassie headed for the bathroom. Peter busied himself searching her cabinets for a wineglass. Opening a sauvignon blanc he found chilling in the refrigerator, he poured the wine and snagged a beer from the refrigerator door for himself.
Cassie probably wasn't hungry from the stress of her meeting, but she needed to eat something. She'd fasted all day for the CT scan. He found a block of cheddar in the cheese drawer. When she returned to the kitchen, he was slicing an apple, had arranged crackers on a plate around the cheese.
He handed her the glass of wine. “Let's sit in the living room and talk this through.”
“Thanks.” Once settled on the couch, she waved away the cheese and cracker he offered her.
“You have to eat something.”
“I can't.”
She'd been dodging his gaze ever since leaving the hospital. He didn't like it. If she thought for a minute that she could shut him out, she had another think coming.
“Cassie, look at me.”
The shame in her eyes floored him. “Whoa. This is devastating you.”
“I'm not doing well, Peter. I'm embarrassed you heard all that crap.”
He turned to face her. “Getting sick is not your fault. It's going to be okay.”
She shook her head. “No. No. It will be far from okay.”
“I don't understand. What's the worst-case scenario?”
Tears filled her eyes. “No babies. I don't want to wait for treatment. The lymphomas grew too fast already. I'm not going to harvest my eggs.”
He almost wanted to laugh in relief. Thank God she wasn't worried about dying. It was a hard road back when one surrendered to despair. “Honey, is that all?”
Anger quickly replaced the shame in her eyes. “Don't tease. What man will want to marry me knowing I can't give him children?”
“Wait. Does that mean you will marry me?”
She placed her glass on the table. “This is not a joke, Peter. I'm serious.”
He turned her face to meet his. “So am I. There are hundreds of kids out there, Cassie. Newborns, toddlers, teens. Just wishing they had a mom and dad of their own. I would never walk away from you over something as inconsequential as infertility.” He kissed her lightly on the lips, if only to get some color back into her soft, pale, kissable mouth. Luckily, she kissed back. Hesitantly, but at least she showed some feeling.
He whispered, “Easy answer, Cassie. Adoption.”
She turned away. “You say that now, but if we're together in two years? I see you with kids. You'd make a great father.”
“Cassie. Genetics doesn't make a great dad. It's the love in your heart.”
She shook her head, unable to look at him again. “I feel so numb.”
“That's okay. You've been asked to consider a lot in a few short hours.”
“I'm no good for you, Peter. I'm going to call it quits between us.”
He laughed. “You're kidding, right?”
Cassie slapped the couch. “Oh, come on! I'm sick. My hair is going to fall out and I'll be puking for the next six to eight months. I could die. You never know. I'm thinking it's better I become sterile so I won't pass this goddamn cancer gene to my daughter. You are wasting your time with me, Peter. I truly want you to go.”
Did she really think that little of him...or herself? “If you think I'm leaving you over cancer, you're so wrong it's funny. I'm not letting you fight this alone.”
“You're a fool.”
He gently tugged on her arm, inviting her into his lap. She resisted. He unceremoniously scooped her up, cradled her in his arms and held tight.
She met his gaze, self-reproach and pain pooling in her eyes. “Go away, Peter.”
He shook his head. “No, Cassie. I can't. I know our relationship is new, but the truth of this whole mess? I've never felt for anyone the way I feel about you. Believe me, I've had my share of girlfriends. I could search the world and never find a woman half as amazing as you are. You are beautiful, strong, sensuous and damn it, you make love to me like nothing I've ever known. I don't give a rat's ass that you have to battle cancer. You're going to beat this disease and I'm going to be with you every step of the way. Don't think for one single second that you can send me away. I. Won't. Go.”
“I have a say, you know.”
His ire raised, he lifted his brows. He gave her the sternest look he could muster. “Actually, on this matter, you don't. So, give it up. Right now. This conversation is over.”
“You're a bully.”
“And you're feeling too sorry for yourself to see how much you need me. Admit it or not, you really want me to stay.”
After what seemed like a forever stare down, Cassie seemed to run out of steam. A small smile creased her lips, and he felt as if the sun just rose.
She tapped his lower lip. “Thank you.”
“For what? Arguing with you?”
She released a sigh. “God, I'm too exhausted to laugh.” She climbed out of his lap. “Let's go over. I think I can tell them now.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
T
HERE
WAS
A
knock at the door as Cassie's cell phone rang. She looked at the ID. “It's Mom.”
Bobby opened the door. “Hey. We've been waiting to hear.”
Beth came in behind him holding up her phone. “I was calling to give you warning. We spoke with Doc a few minutes ago.”
Cassie hugged her mom and dad. This was not going to be easy. “Would you like something to drink?”
Her father held her at arm's length. “Do I need one?”
“Probably.”
Beth pushed passed Bobby. “Are you okay, honey?”
She pulled another beer from the fridge and poured wine for Beth. “It's bad, but manageable.”
Bobby shook hands with Peter. “Thanks for sitting with her.”
“You are very welcome. I plan to help as much as I can.”
Grateful for Peter's strength, Cassie led them the short distance back to the couch and chairs. “Come on. I'll be quick.”
Bobby's frustration at being kept out of the loop showed in his voice. “Doc said you wanted to tell us the diagnosis. I wish you hadn't kept us waiting.”
“Dad, I wanted to get my wits about me. This isn't easy.”
Cassie took a seat on the couch. Peter sat close, laying a warm, reassuring hand on her leg. She didn't miss Bobby's glance at Peter's proprietary placement of his hand.
Guys and testosterone. Well, she'd give Dad time to adjust to this new development. Right now they had other things to discuss.
“Okay, so here's the drill. I have two stage-two Hodgkin's lymphomas.” She tapped her chest. “One above my heart. The other above my diaphragm. Looks like I'm in for six months of chemo.”
Bobby looked stricken. “You'll move back into the house during treatment.”
Cassie shook her head. “No, Dad. I won't. I'll be fine here.”
“What if you need something during the night?”
“That's why we have cell phones.”
Beth frowned. “I agree with your father.”
Peter lifted a hand. “I'm here, too, folks. I plan on helping.”
Cassie leaned forward. “Mom, Dad, I truly was worried about breaking this news to you. We all know Hodgkin's is manageable. A tough go, but curable. If you coddle me, it'll frighten me. I need you guys to be strongâso I can be.”
“No one should have to go through treatment alone,” Beth said.
Bobby shook his head, staring at the floor. “Maybe I'll get it right this time.”
“Hey, you two. It's not about getting things right. It's about getting better. There's something you should know.”
Cassie hated the fear rising in their eyes. Their uncertainty, even while they tried suppressing the emotion, was enough to trigger the panic now sitting like a snake poised to strike in the middle of her chest. She was grateful that earlier, Peter had supported her decision without question to start treatment immediately. Trying to explain the sick feeling she carried, knowing a deadly cancer grew inside her body, set off a primal alarm to fight or flee like she'd never known. Truth was, no matter how far she ran, the cancer would be right inside her. So, she'd fight. Both fists in the air and ready to pound.
Peter squeezed her leg with enough pressure to let her know that she was doing fine. Releasing a sigh, she said, “I've decided I'm not harvesting eggs. I'm going with the slim-to-none chance for children after chemo.”
A kaleidoscope of emotions crossed their faces in the silence that fell. She didn't miss the guarded glances both her parents shot toward Peter.
She continued. “I don't want to wait.”
Bobby cleared his throat. “Kids are the least of your worries, honey. Let's just get you better.”
Beth reached for Cassie's hand. “We'll support you in your decision.”
Cassie waved a hand in a careless gesture she did not feel. “I just want to get this all behind me...no, behind all of us, as soon as possible.” She leaned against Peter, his chest warm and capable of holding her. He put his arm around her, and she grabbed his hand. “I'll have to cut my hair off.”
Beth gave her a commiserating look. “It's longer than ten inches. Donate to Locks of Love?”
“Absolutely. No kid dealing with cancer should go without hair.”
Bobby shook his head. “You don't deserve this, girl.”
Tears filled her eyes. “No one does, Dad. But, hey. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.”
“No one knows that fact better than I do,” Beth whispered.
* * *
P
ETER
'
S
CELL
PHONE
buzzed on the ride home. Seeing the caller ID he punched the answer button. “Gil!”
“Hey, bro. Checking up on you. It's been a few days.”
“Sorry, hectic week.”
“No worries. What's going on? You married yet?”
Peter's laugh caught in his throat. “You know what? I'd propose to Cassie in a heartbeat.”
“I just put you on speakerphone. I don't want Rudy to miss a minute of this.”
In the background, Rudy yelled, “Petie!”
Hearing they guys' usual banter lightened the pressure in his chest. “Hate that, Rudy.”
“Love you, Petie!”
Gil interrupted. “How's the job?”
“Going full steam. I'm pretty settled in already. Great crew to work with. The hospital is state-of-the-art.”
“And Cassie?”
Peter swallowed the lump rising in his throat. “An issue has developed.”
He could hear Rudy slapping his chest. “Don't tell me she wants to dump you.”
“No, guys. She's sick.”
“What? Like the flu?”
He couldn't help the drop in his voice. “Cancer. Hodgkin's lymphoma. We just found out today.”
“Holy shit.”
“Will she be okay?”
“I think so, Rudy. Hard road ahead with chemo and all.”
“Hey, buddy,” Gil said. “Do you think you should be thinking seriously about her? After all, you just met.”
Peter stopped for a red light, suddenly aware he'd been driving blindly and had missed the turn onto Montauk Highway. Upset about Cassie and talking on the phone had sucked up his concentration. A headache brewed behind his eyes. Now Gil was pissing him off. He needed his brother's support here, not encouragement to move on.
The light changed. He made a U-turn in the right direction for home. “Gil, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say. I'd appreciate if you never said it again.”
“Registered. Sorry.” Gil grew quiet. “You're really in love, eh?”
“It sure seems weird so soon, but I have never felt this way before. I'm going through therapy with her every step of the way.”
“Like a champ,” Rudy called out.
“Thanks, man.” Peter exhaled a breath. The guys were simply looking out for him. He shouldn't get angry. They'd follow his cue and support him, no matter what his decision.
“So, how is life in San Fran?”
The guys were silent.
“What's wrong?”
Gil answered. “We're not as enchanted with this city as we thought we'd be.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Not sure.”
Rudy added, “Our contacts in Napa are working out fine. There are simply too many wine bars here. The competition doesn't play nicely in the sandbox.”
“Well, then, why don't you pack up your shovels and move here?”
“Nice idea, but we'll work something out,” Gil said.
Peter wouldn't push. As much as he missed his brother, he had to respect that everyone had to live their lives in their own way.
“So, any word about Mom?”
“All status quo. Uncle Mike got her a TV for her room. She wasn't playing well in her sandbox, either.”
Peter laughed. “I hope it's not a family trait.”
He pulled into his driveway. The house was dark except for the outside light by the front door, which he left on knowing he'd be coming home late. He liked this house, the yard and woods bordering the property, the silence rising from the ground punctuated by crickets and cicadas in the trees, and the ink-black night alive with stars overhead. This was the type of house a man lived in for his entire life. Got married. Raised a family. Died in his own bed. House left to his kids. This was what he wanted for himself, and God help him, Cassie. He felt it right down to the bone. He sighed.
“What, bro?”
“My dream girl is hurting.”
“She's going to be okay, Petie,” Rudy said. “You don't find someone like that to lose her.”
Gil scoffed. “Oh, come on, Rudy. It happens all the time, but not here. Not with Peter alongside her.”
“You're right, bro. We'll get through this with flying colors. I'll keep you posted on what happens. I think Cassie will be starting therapy soon. I'll call you then.”
“If we don't call you first.”
He smiled. “I love you guys.”
“You too, buddy.”
Rudy said, “And Petie?”
“Yes, Rudolph?”
“Can you send us an extra nurse outfit? I'm dying to fit one on Gilbert.”
* * *
P
ETER
WATCHED
C
ASSIE
doze in the hospital bed while the machine pumped the first round of chemo into a plug that the doctor had embedded into her chest. Amazing how hard it was to keep a clinical point of view when your girlfriend lay with a tube invading her delicate skin. Peter wanted to rip it out, seal the opening in her chest, make the side effects disappear before they even began.
Cassie's treatment had begun at eight this morning. Already an hour into it, Peter couldn't move a muscle. He was tired, but more, he wanted to be right there if Cassie needed anything. He'd finished his first extended shift and gotten off at six this morning, gone home, showered and picked up Cassie for treatment. She'd been nervous, and he'd done everything in his power to keep conversation light.
Yesterday, Bobby had insisted on taking Cassie for her treatment, but when she wasn't within earshot, Peter convinced her father to let him bring her in. Peter expected Bobby and Beth to come by the hospital anytime now. He'd welcome their company, but he had insisted that he would take his girlfriend to the clinic and bring her home. To Bobby's credit, he gave in.
Once word got out about Cassie's condition in the E.R., everyone suggested she take a leave of absence. Cassie insisted that she'd like to continue working through her treatments. Doc wisely pointed out that she'd need some flexibility until knowing how she'd react to therapy. They loosened her schedule.
Everyone unanimously agreed to double up on the hours Cassie wouldn't make. Peter's schedule listed four twelve-hour shifts this week. He didn't care. He'd work around the clock for the next six months if needed to ensure Cassie survived this ordeal.
While Cassie slept, Peter fought the urge to cover his ears from the incessant rhythm of the heart monitor reminding him that these drugs were dangerous. Cassie would have to wear this tube in her chest for the next six months to administer her chemo. Another discomfort and a constant reminder that she was battling for her life.
Watching her sleep, a small line creasing her brow, her face pale and already exhausted, his heart just about shattered behind his rib cage. Yeah. He knew it now. He loved this woman more than life itself. He'd do everything in his power to make her better because damn it all, they had to grow old together.