My head is starting to pound, I really need to lay down. I’m not sure if Wayne is still talking or not because I believe I started to doze off when my head hits the table. “Come on, let me take you home.”
He grabs me from under my arm, to help me up. I flick him off and almost tumble to the ground. “Get your damn paws off me!” I grumble.
“Dude...do I need to sweep you up into my arms like some gay romance novel, because I will. The paps would have a field day over it,” Wayne gloats.
Damn him.
I can make out a slight proud smirk on his face. “I want to shove that smirk down your throat,” I growl at him.
“I can take the heat, man, come on,” he replies with a little chuckle.
I keep my head down while I wobble along on the side of the bar. I try to keep my balance so I won’t look like a total wuss.
“Bye boys! Call me!”
I groan when I hear that girl call us out.
“Will do babe!”
I groan even more when Wayne takes her bait. “You’re such a male slut.”
“And proud of it,” he says.
I continue to sluggishly move along when I bump my elbow into some pole. “Fuck!” I yell. It hurts like a mother. “Hit my funny bone.” I can’t see what’s in front of me, so Wayne takes hold of my arm again. “Why are you holding me up?” I complain. “I hate your ass right now.”
“Cuz you’re wasted. And I know you do, but I still love ya, bro.”
Why in the hell did he have to have a comeback like that? I just want to hate him.
I fall asleep on the drive home. I don’t even remember if the paps got any pictures of us. I should care that they might have gotten some ugly shots of me, but right now I just don’t. I really just want to crash in bed and to never wake up...ever.
I get woken up by a nudge in my shoulder. Must have been Wayne. I groan and wipe my face down with a yawn. When I stumble out of the car and get closer to the front entrance of my apartment building, I see the band standing near the doors.
“Great. Is this some kind of intervention?” I annoyingly mumble as we all enter the building.
“What are you talking about?” Lucky asks, clearly confused.
I exhale. “Nevermind.” I push the elevator button and lean against the wall, closing my eyes. Going up to my place, I know all eyes are on me, yet I keep mine closed and let the guys continue to make their assumptions about me. We’ve all had our ups and downs so I know they understand where I am coming from. It’s nice that I don’t have to hear any shit about what I’ve been doing all morning.
“This place is the shits!” Wayne exclaims.
While I was away in Arizona, June helped me out by getting me moved into my new place and it was all done by the time I got back. None of the guys have seen the joint yet.
“Hey, we’re hungry, so I’m gonna order some pizza,” Slim says.
These guys are always hungry, I can definitely do without food right now. I need to sleep.
“Sounds good,” Lucky chimes in.
I groan as I take a seat on my new black leather couch; another thing June helped me out with. It was nice to come home to a place that was actually mine and new furniture to break into. I finally got the king sized bed I wanted - but no one to share it with - not anymore. Both Jason and Lucky sit on either side of me and make themselves at home. I cross my arms and lay my head against the cushion, shutting my eyes again, while Wayne and Slim find the Xbox system and begin playing Grand Theft Auto. I’m starting to feel more lucid, but sleep is calling my name, although it seems the guys won’t let me.
“I need to start looking for a new place as well,” Jason points out. “Love this apartment. Wonder if they have any availabilities in the complex?”
I shrug. “Yeah, possibly.” I keep my eyes closed while everyone is paying attention to the video game. All I can think about are those dark chocolate eyes, those lips, the memory of me being her first, how stunning she looked when she came for the first time. I’ll never forget it.
“You doing okay, Danny-boy?” Lucky snaps me out of the flashback. All I can hear is the annoying sound from the TV.
I drag a hand down my face. I’m tired of talking about my shitty situation. I don’t mean to ignore Lucky, but I need to get away from the video game noise; it’s not helping my head any.
I really need to stop drinking so much
. I walk down the hall, into my room and out onto the balcony. I have a set of chairs out there now, so I take a seat on one of them and try to wake myself up by allowing the cool breeze to hit my face. Lucky and Jason follow me out there. “My personal life blows, you guys. Everyone is a fucking liar.”
“Don’t know what to say, man. I’m sorry,” Jason respectively says.
Lucky mentions how Harmony went to the studio, angry as can be and slapped Wayne straight across the face. She had to be pulled away by Faith, she was really upset. I don’t know what Lucky wants me to say about that. Wayne definitely deserved the slap, but what they pulled off together, shouldn’t have happened in the first place. “What the fuck was Wayne thinking? Such a butthead.” I lean my arms onto my knees.
“None of us are agreeing with his plan, but…..we’ve heard you and Harmony really connected.” Lucky, always being the one that keeps us together; he sees the good in all of us.
My head snaps up. “I could have done that on my own, without thinking they were together,” I argue.
“Really, dude, you could have?” Wayne makes his entrance. “You fought against all odds and pushed to be with her. You opened up to her and still fought for her.”
I whip my eyes over to Wayne. “And why did I need to fight for her when I didn’t have to?”
“Because you knew she was worth it. Still is if you ask me.” Yes, she was definitely worth fighting for, but not the way they both went about it. I don’t understand why he is so smug and proud of himself. He should have known I was going to react this way.
Slim joins us. “If you don’t want her, maybe I’ll ask her out this time,” he jokingly suggests. I give him an evil eye.
“Really Slim, come on,” Jason jumps in.
“What?” He shrugs and looks at all of us. “Just sayin’.”
I point in his direction and practically snarl at him. “You get anywhere near her, I’ll rip your balls off.” If he thinks his joke is funny, he’s got another thing coming.
“Guys, cool it,” Lucky intervenes. “Okay, we have other things to discuss. While Wayne was off dragging your ass back home, Lyric came by and asked us if we’d like to go on tour again. This time with
The Convicts
.” Another favorite band of ours. They have only been around a couple years, but have swept the country off their feet with their music.
“Sweet!” Wayne slams his hands together, giving off a very loud, head banging clap. “This is epic!”
Ugh, my head.
However I can’t ignore what Lucky just said. Another tour? I think this may be the best Goddamn news I’ve heard in the last twenty-four hours; it couldn’t have happened at a better time.
“I know it feels as if we just got home from our last tour, but this would be really good for us, man.”
There is no question, I’m ready to get away. “Let’s do it. I’m in,” I immediately agree.
“You sure?”
All of sudden I feel more alert and awake. I couldn’t be more sure about this. “More than anything.”
“Alright, cuz we leave in two weeks.”
I am not surprised by how soon we will be leaving. We need this gig, and I need to get the hell out of San Diego.
Once I was able to sober up, take a few pain killers, the guys and I ate our pizza and went into the studio for a late rehearsal. I did everything I could to keep Harmony out of my head, but it’s kind of hard when you’re singing a song that was written about her, before everything happened. Plus having to be in the same room as Wayne, doesn’t help the situation, yet we’re partners and I need to find a way to keep my cool with him. It’s not going to be easy, especially since we’ll be traveling for a few months on the same bus together.
Maybe I’ll try that yoga after all?
The last few days have been nonstop with rehearsals and radio interviews. I am dead tired, I just want to sleep. However, being so busy has helped with not thinking about Harmony, but once I am alone in that big bed of mine, all thoughts turn to her. It makes it fucking difficult to get any sleep. I seriously miss her, I am aching to have her in my arms; I want to be inside her body and forget about what went down with her and Wayne - but I can’t. She lied to me. I can’t forgive her and that tears me up inside. I’m not one to easily forgive, I wish I could, I just don’t know how.
Friday night Lucky and I stayed up past two in the morning, writing a few songs. I think we made some progress and I believe they’ll be great on our next album some day. Once he left, I crashed on my bed and slept terribly. Being alone does not sit well with me right now. A piece of me is missing and she’s lying in her own bed sleeping. I keep waiting for her to text me or something, but I know she won’t because I made it very clear that I want nothing to do with her - though I want everything to do with her. I just can’t be with her. I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.
I must have finally fallen asleep because my security buzzer was going off, someone was here.
I stagger out of bed and answer the intercom. My mom.
Shit.
She’s been trying to get a hold of me, but I’ve been off the radar lately and not in the mood to hear anymore of her stories. However, I cannot avoid my own mother forever. I don’t want to be a complete asshole so I allow security to let her up. I go back to my room and grab a t-shirt. When I get back to the living room the elevator doors open and my mom steps out.
I drag a hand through my hair and gruffly ask, “What are you doing here, Mom?”
“Excuse me?” She raises an eyebrow and folds her arms. “It’s been a few days, Daniel. You haven’t returned any of my calls and I wanted to see you before I go back home tonight,” she scolds me. I sigh, wipe my face down with my hand and turn my back on her. I sluggishly walk over to one of my new recliner chairs, sit down and prop my legs up.
I really love this chair
. “Wow. This place...I am very impressed. It’s beautiful, Daniel,” she exclaims. I know I’m being a jerk when I don’t offer her a tour of my new place, but I wasn’t expecting her to come over for a visit. I shouldn’t be surprised though, she’s my mom after all.
“Mom - ”
“Do you have any coffee?”
“No,” I clip at her. “I just woke up.”
“Well,” she huffs, “How about I start a pot so we can talk to each other like a couple of grown-ups. What do you say?” I will not complain about coffee, so I tell her where everything is while I stay put in my comfy chair. She tries to make small talk while preparing the coffee, but I have no desire to go along with it. I don’t understand why she assumes I am okay, when I am far from it. She has always been my number one supporter and has never let me down, but lying to me my whole life has been the biggest let down. How is one person supposed to get over it? I love my mother more than anything, yet she made me feel like a fool. Once the coffee is made, she hands me a cup, plus the will and letter from my dad. “Here, you forgot these.”
I push down my recliner and set the letters on the table in front of the couch. “I don’t care what’s inside,” I mutter. I rest my arms on my knees and drink my coffee.
My mom sits on the couch and frowns. I turn my eyes down, staring into my coffee. “Daniel,” she says softly, but when I don’t look at her she snaps at me. “Daniel, look at me!” I lick my lips and cut my eyes over to her. She exhales, “I know this is hard on you -” I’m about to respond, but she stops me by putting her hand up. “Let me talk, please.” As stubborn as I know that I am, I honestly want to hear what she has to say. “I was very young when I got together with your dad…..Helene and I grew up with him. I had the biggest crush on him, but being younger than him, he never saw me as anything other than a younger sister. He had his eyes set on Helene. Always,” she scoffs. “They were inseparable and got married right after high school. My parents pushed it actually, because...well, he came from a background of wealth. As time went on, my sister….her mental health wasn’t good. She became depressed. Unfortunately Gordon came to me for comfort and….we became involved. I got pregnant, my parents found out about the affair and they never forgave me. They literally disowned me.” I always wondered why I never met my grandparents. This news is rather shocking. I’ll never get to meet them anyways, they both died when I was a kid, from cancer. “Helene, of course, found out about everything. It was a horrible mess. After five years of your dad living off and on with us, it was becoming too hard to deal with - plus finding out Helene was going to have a baby made matters even more difficult. I hadn’t known they were still...you know…together that way. Gordon was changing into someone I didn’t love anymore; sleeping with both of us, making more money every year changed him. I didn’t want you around him.”
I’ve heard everything and it’s a lot to take in. My mom allows me to digest the information; I take a few sips of my coffee, trying to grasp the history behind the lies. It all makes perfect sense, yet I need more answers. I blow out a breath and scratch my head. I look into my moms eyes. “And he went along with your plan - you keeping him from me?”
“No,” she quietly responds. “He threatened custody and all, but in the end he loved you enough to give you up.”
I crinkle my brows together, completely confused; I am surprised. “He….he loved me?” My voice cracks. I can’t break down over this. I place my coffee on the table and swipe my hands through my hair. I don’t know what to say.
“Yes, and I am deeply sorry that you thought he never did.”
I glance at her. She’s got a tear running down her cheek. I want to be that little boy that used to jump in my moms arms every time I cried or when she felt bad. I can’t get myself to do that now. “Why would you keep him away?”
“Helene asked me to.”
What?
“Wait, I thought you said
you
kept him away?”
Her hands are tightly holding her coffee cup, like she’s afraid she’s going to drop it. She shakes her head when she answers me. “She wasn’t in the best state of mind back then, but I agreed because Gordon was becoming a wealthy bastard. Money changed him, Daniel.”