“How can you tell?” I ask shyly.
“I’ve come to know that look,” she grins. “Tell me.”
I look down, shaking my head. “It’s silly.”
“Nothing is silly coming from you.” She’s so sweet and caring. I miss having a mother in my life, someone I can go to and talk about my feelings with.
Her kind eyes make me feel at ease. “Well...will I be demoted, do you think, when Faith gets back?”
“Demoted?” Helene throws her head back and laughs. She grabs my chin, leans into me and smiles. “Oh, honey no! Faith and I think you are a wonderful addition to the family, of course you won’t be demoted.”
I whisper, “Family?”
“Yes...family,” she says happily.
Wow...family.
I never thought I would ever hear that word again. I feel myself tear up, she just made me so happy! “Now, cheer up that beautiful face, we have a small party we need to host later on.”
The party went without a hitch, but afterwards I was super tired and ready to go home.
All day I thought about what Helene told me - Faith was coming home, so that meant the entire band will be too.
Danny will be home
. I’ve kept quiet about him this entire time, not wanting to tell anyone about what went on two days before he left for tour. I’ll never forget the first time I met him. I found him passed out in the middle of the hotel lobby. He was a mess and smelled horrible. I immediately ran over to Faith and Lucky telling them about Danny. I don’t know why, but I stayed along with them as they dragged him up into Faith’s suite. Somehow I felt compelled to stay in the room with him. He looked as if he needed someone to take care of him. He drank so much I didn’t want him throwing up all over himself and on the furniture, or God forbid, die from alcohol poisoning. Slim and Wayne were in the suite with me, both had their eyes on me for a long while, making me uncomfortable. I should be used to the gawking, but these guys were not just any guys, they were
JINKS
. I didn’t really know them and shouldn’t see them as anything special, but the room was quiet and the air became stuffy as they stared at me. I had to ask them to leave and promised them I would report back to them if anything happened. Wayne gave me his cell number and kissed the back of my hand. I thought the jester was very sweet, but I had a feeling he was just a player and did this with all the women he encountered.
Faith texted me, giving me permission to use her bed and pj’s. I did just that. I took a shower, got dressed for bed and checked on Danny one more time. He was still passed out cold, yet I couldn’t stop looking at him. I made my way in front of him, sat on the coffee table and just…..gazed at him. There was something about him that was haunting me. What drove him to drink so much? I remember seeing him take one shot after another with a deep scowl on his face throughout the entire dinner. He seemed angry, hurt and very lonely. Why would he do this to himself and what caused it? I have always been a caregiver by nature and wanted to heal him, help him with his demons. I don’t understand why I wanted to help him, I don’t even know the guy. We’ve never met each other before; this was the first night I laid eyes on him. He was so good looking, I don’t think I’ve ever been drawn to anyone before - not like this. Sleeping, he looked so at peace, I wanted to curl up beside him and hold him close. I wanted to glide my fingers through that awesome fohawk of his and make whatever pain he had buried inside disappear. Is it so insane that I felt something for him without even knowing who he was? It
is
insane.
I’m
insane. Maybe I’ll think differently once he’s awake? Maybe it
was
a family trait to be so attracted to rockstars.
I felt even more drawn to him the next morning. I borrowed a pair of yoga pants and t-shirt from Faith’s dresser. I noticed Danny stirring while I came into the living room to check on him. I quickly gathered a glass of water and some Motrin. He was definitely going to need it. Although he looked horrible, I still found him extremely hot for someone who almost drank himself to death. He was scratching his dark bearded scruff when I brought over the water and pills. He rubbed his eyes, not aware that I was near him. I placed the items on the table in front of him and told him who I was. He didn’t respond, but took the pills and drank the entire glass without a breath in between. I wasn’t sure if I should say anything, afraid I would set him off or something. I sat down across from him, leaned on my knees and explained to him what happened the previous night. He looked me up and down, slowly, as if I were some kind of an illusion. His eyes were blue, glassy and the lids were heavy. Heaven’s me, but his eyes were so beautiful, I felt myself almost blushing. I couldn’t stop gazing at them. He must have felt like shit and here I was getting my caffeine-fix through his eyes. Man, I really needed to get out of there pronto! I quickly left and hadn’t seen him since...until the night of the hotel opening party that is....a whole other story that makes me melt every time I think about it.
I’d enjoyed watching
JINKS
perform. I’ve never heard their music before, so watching them perform for the first time was amazing. I loved every single song they sang. Lucky was outstanding and definitely belonged up on stage. My eyes kept gliding over to Danny. I was stuck in the back of the crowd eyeing his every move, feeling the intense vibrations of the guitar; his fingers skimmed along those strings, they were made for him. I could tell he was meant to be a rockstar, and it intensified my connection with him. I don’t know why I felt this overpowering connection between us, maybe it was from the night I took care of him, or the way he made the women feel while he played his instrument? The power was there and it scared me.
After
JINKS
took a break I went to the bar and got myself a drink. I struck up a conversation with the bartender, trying to get Danny off my mind, but it was useless. He was now embedded inside my head. Just as I was about to turn away, Wayne stepped into my space. He had a look in his eyes, almost as if he was afraid to speak to me. I found that awfully weird and really cute. He definitely was cute…...okay, not cute….HOT. Another set of bright, blue eyes and dark, black hair that covered part of his left eye; he was a rocker inside and out. He knew he was a Greek God and could have any woman his heart desired, yet there he was, right in front of me, asking me out on a date. His lip biting was such a turn on I couldn’t turn him down. He pumped his fist in the air and told me I wasn’t going to regret it. I certainly hope not. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest move I’ve ever made, the band was going to leave on tour and I just agreed to go out with one of the members. I’ve never been good at dating. In fact, I’ve always hated going out and being perfect for someone who I didn’t know. I drank the rest of my martini and felt a little lighter; drunk. I heard the DJ strike up the music and I instantly started dancing back to the dance floor.
It was as if there was an electric current between us; I could feel Danny in the room watching me and I hated to admit it….I absolutely loved it. I pretended I hadn’t noticed him in that dark corner and that thrilled me for some reason. I threw my hands in the air and danced to my heart’s content, spinning around without a care in the world, not worrying what I looked like to others. I was having fun and giving Danny a show without even feeling like I was stripping. I was being myself and living life to the fullest. As if I was struck by lightning I sensed his presence. I felt his hands on the tips of my hips, causing me to jolt. This was not happening. No way would Danny Jay be grinding me from behind, making my legs quiver and my panties wet. He had the best moves and took me for a ride I’ll never forget. In an instant my hands moved onto his, enduring the smooth lining of his knuckles and the warmth they carried. I could feel his breath on the side of my neck as our hands moved slowly up toward my breasts; just like that he squeezed them. Not in a million years would I ever allow a man I didn’t know touch me that way. It was a rude, disgusting manner that would usually make me turn around and smack the asshole. However, with Danny…..I freaking craved it and wanted more from him. I arched my back and pressed into his hands. One lick on my neck and I was a goner. Without hesitation I whipped around, slammed our chests together and went in for the kill; we kissed as if our lives depended on it, I never wanted it to end. What he brought out of me was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never been kissed the way he kissed me, it was unreal. One minute we’re on the dance floor engaging each others mouths and the next he was dragging me to an area near the restrooms. My back was against the wall, I was breathing excessively hard, while his intense stare got me weak in the knees. I wanted more of him, but he wasn’t quick to having me again. He kept gazing at my lips, moving his eyes up to mine, furrowing his brows. I felt like time was in slow motion until he connected our lips once again. He raised my arms above my head, wrapped one of his hands around my wrists and refused to let me touch him as he kissed the life out of me. I wanted to touch him, grab his ass, but instead I felt his erection line up against my stomach -
heavens me, he was nice and hard.
I dont’ know where the animal came from, but I wanted to attack him. Not in my wildest dreams did I picture myself actually doing this with anyone. I’ve never been insanely attracted to anyone until Danny. I had always thought there was something wrong with me because I never gave myself to anyone before. Here I was, twenty-six years old…….still a virgin….. through and through. But in this moment I wanted to have him. I wanted to give my body to Danny Jay. For the very first time I ached to have someone inside me.
Without warning, without even slowing down, Danny abruptly disengaged our mouths. I was taken aback and suddenly worried that I did something wrong. Then he apologized for kissing me. It pissed me off when he explained to me that he wanted nothing to do with me because he was going away. Screw him for playing with me and making me doubt what I was unexpectedly feeling for him. I made up my mind and told him I was going on that date with Wayne. He became possessive and didn’t want me getting hurt. Well...I told him to shove it and walked off. How dare he do that to me, walk all over me as if I was his puppet. No one will ever be allowed to string me along, gamble with my feelings. I wasn’t one to play that way. Just when I wanted to give myself to him, he ruined it with being a pompous ass.
The next night Wayne took me out. I won’t say it was the worst date I’d ever been on, but it wasn’t the greatest either. We had no chemistry, plain and simple. I don’t even think he had a clue I wasn’t interested in him. I was still too worked up over what happened between me and Danny, I was ignoring everything poor Wayne was saying to me. Although I believe he hadn’t even noticed my zoned out look. We went to dinner then walked along the beach. It was a beautiful evening, but I just wanted to go home. He clutched hands with mine and never let me go. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I didn’t deny his contact. However, despite it being a bad date I found him quite funny. He did make me laugh a number of times because he reminded me of my sister. Maybe they should go out together instead? Wayne politely walked me up to my door and kissed me. I mean….opened mouth, tongue, booty grabbing, you name it….he did it. I was such a wimp not saying no to him, but dammit, he was really nice! Too bad there was no spark.
The day
JINKS
was leaving on tour I snuck over to their departure area. I followed Faith over, not wanting anyone to see me. I shouldn’t have been so discreet and hush hush over my feelings for Danny, but I just didn’t want word to get around that I had the hots for Mr. Hothead. While he was passed out on Faith’s couch I smuggled inside his pant pocket, took out his cell phone and stole his number. Well, I shouldn’t say it was stealing, more like borrowing it. Okay, it was stealing. I feel pretty awful that I stole his number, I don’t normally do crazy things like that, considering it seemed obsessive and a bit stalkish. Well, after our unfortunate rendezvous I totally forgot about the number, until the moment he noticed me hiding behind June’s studio wall, watching him getting on the bus. Just from that far off distance I could feel we still had a connection. I didn’t understand it and still don’t. It’s there and for the last few months it’s been growing.
A week after they were on tour I started texting him. I wasn’t planning on using his number, but that last second we saw one another and our eyes connected, I haven’t been able to keep him from my thoughts. Every so often I would ask him about his day, what his favorite part of the tour was so far, and has he been hounded by the women yet? My questions weren’t personable, even though I wanted to make them that way. I didn’t want to step inside that hole, make myself jealous for no reason. I understood his reasons for pushing me away; he was protecting himself and me. Life on the road was an unpredictable situation and by being with me while he was on tour it would have backfired on us both. My guess is he can’t restrain himself from other women? Although I don’t know him very well I don’t see him as a player. I just feel he isn’t. Whatever his reasons were he made the right call. It was either get hurt then or wind up with my heart broken finding out he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.
I kept up my texting, kept it light and surprisingly he would text back. My face held a grin every time I got an answer from him. I didn’t care whether or not it was the same answer as the night before, I still felt butterflies in my stomach knowing he took a millisecond to answer me back.
As I closed the car door and am walking to my condo after a long day at work, I decided to give Danny another text.
“How was the last concert?”
Since it usually takes him awhile to text back, I put my phone in my bag and enter the front door.
The second I enter, Melody is all bright smiles and is extremely happy to see me. “Hey, so glad you’re home! Wanna watch a movie? I’ll make popcorn, put some M&M’s in there, whad’ya say?”
I really do love my sister and her enthusiasm, but she tires me out. She’s one of the most beautiful, outgoing people I know, even if she
does
drive me bonkers. Her short black hair used to be a light brown until she started going on her weekend concert escapades. Although I do have to admit, her dark green eyes pop with the new color. She’s full of life and takes every day like it’s her last, which means more work for me and more time for her to play.