Read Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality Online
Authors: Eliezer Yudkowsky
“Your son performed exceptionally well today,” said Professor Quirrell. “I must confess that I underestimated him. And he has earned his army’s loyalty, as you have witnessed.” Still very mild, the Defense Professor’s voice. “Speaking as your son’s teacher, it is my opinion that he will not benefit if you interfere in his -”
Lord Malfoy and his compatriots vanished down the stairs.
“A fine try, Quirinus,” Dumbledore said quietly. The old wizard’s face showed small lines of worry; he hadn’t risen from his own seat either, staring at the parchment screens as though they were still active. “Do you think he will listen?”
The Defense Professor’s shoulders twitched in a slight shrug, the only movement they’d shown since the battle ended.
“
Well
,” said the Lady Greengrass, as she rose up and cracked her knuckles, stretching, her husband silent beside her. “I must say, that was quite… interesting…”
Amelia Bones had risen from her own cushioned seat without any fuss. “Interesting indeed,” said Director Bones. “I do confess, I find myself disturbed by the skill with which those children were fighting one another.”
“The skill?” Lord Greengrass said. “Their spells didn’t seem all that impressive to me. Except for Daphne’s, of course.”
The old witch did not move her eyes from where she was gazing at the Defense Professor’s balding head. “The Stunning Hex is not a first-year spell, Lord Greengrass, but that is not the skill I had in mind. They supported each other with those simple spells, they reacted at speed to surprises…” The Director of the DMLE paused, as though searching for words that a mere civilian could understand. “In the midst of battle,” she said finally, “with spells flying in every direction… those children seemed quite at home.”
“Indeed, Director Bones,” said the Defense Professor. “Some arts are best begun in youth.”
The old witch’s eyes narrowed. “You are readying them to become a military force, Professor. To what end?”
“Now hold on!” interjected Lord Greengrass. “There’s plenty of schools where they teach dueling in first year!”
“Dueling?” said the Defense Professor. From behind it wasn’t visible if the pale face was smiling. “That is nothing, Lord Greengrass, to what my students have learned. They have learned not to hesitate in the face of ambushes and greater foes. They have learned to adapt when combat conditions change and change again. They have learned to protect their allies, to protect more those who are more valuable, to abandon pieces which cannot be rescued. They have learned that to survive they must follow orders. Some have even learned a little creativity. Oh, no, Lord Greengrass,
these
wizards will not hide in their manors and wait to be protected, when the next threat comes. They will know that they know how to fight.”
Augusta Longbottom loudly clapped her hands together three times.
We won.
It was the first thing Draco heard when he woke up on the battlefield, Padma telling him how his soldiers had rallied after he fell. How, thanks to the Dragon General’s foresight, Mr. Thomas had led his detachment to victory over Chaos. How General Potter had defeated the portion of the Sunshine Regiment that clashed with him. How Mr. Thomas’s Dragon Warriors had rejoined the main body of soldiers bearing both their own goggles and the sunglasses of the defeated Chaotics. How, only moments later, General Potter’s remaining contingent had attacked both other armies with a potion that emitted searing purple light. But Dragon had held the numerical advantage over Sunshine and Chaos both, and enough sunglasses for their warriors; and so Padma had managed to lead her inherited army to victory.
From the light in Padma’s eyes and her arrogant smile that would have done proud to a Malfoy, she was expecting congratulations. Draco managed to grit out some form of praise from between his clenched teeth, and couldn’t have said afterward what it was. The foreign-born witch, it appeared, hadn’t any idea what’d happened, or what it meant.
I lost.
The Dragons trudged back to Hogwarts beneath gray skies, cold droplets landing heavy on Draco’s skin, one by one. While he’d been stunned, it had begun, the long-promised rain finally beginning to fall. There was only one option left to Draco now. A forced move, as Mr. MacNair, who’d taught Draco chess, would have termed it. Harry Potter probably wouldn’t like it, if he really was in love with Granger the way everyone said. But the forced move, as Mr. MacNair had defined it, was one you needed to make if you wanted the game to continue at all.
It kept on playing in Draco’s mind, over and over again, even as he walked like an automaton through the massive portals of Hogwarts, sent away Vincent and Gregory with two sharp words, and became alone within his private bedroom, sitting on his bed, staring at the wall above his desk. Filling his mind like a Dementor had locked him into the memory.
The padlock on his glove clicking and falling away -
Draco knew, he
knew
what he’d done wrong. He’d been so tired after casting twenty-seven Locking Charms for all the other Dragon Warriors. Less than a minute wasn’t enough time to recover after each spell. And so he’d
just
cast
Colloportus
on his own padlocked glove,
just
cast the spell, not put in all his strength to bind it stronger than Harry Potter or Hermione Granger could undo.
But nobody was going to believe that, even if it was true. Even in Slytherin, nobody would believe that. It sounded like an excuse, and an excuse was all that anyone would hear.
Granger whirled and spun and screamed ‘ALOHOMORA!’
-
Draco’s mind kept playing it over and over as the resentment built. He’d helped Granger - cooperated with her on banning traitors - held her hand as she’d dangled off the roof - stopped a riot from breaking out around her in the Great Hall - did she have any idea what he’d risked, what he’d probably already
lost
, what it meant for the heir of House Malfoy to do that for a
mudblood
-
And now there was only one move left, and the thing about a forced move was that you
had
to make it, even if it meant getting detention and losing House points. Professor Snape would know and understand, but there were limits (Father had warned him) to what the Potions Master would overlook.
Challenge Granger to a wizard’s duel, in open defiance of Hogwarts regulations. Attack her outright, if she tried to refuse. Defeat her one-on-one, in public, not with clever dueling technique, but by
overpowering
her magic. Beat her solidly, completely, crush her as utterly as the Dark Lord himself had crushed his enemies. Make it absolutely clear to everyone, so that nobody could possibly doubt, that Draco had just been exhausted from casting the spell so many times. Prove that the Malfoy blood was stronger than any mudblood’s -
Only it’s not,
Harry Potter’s voice whispered inside Draco’s mind.
It’s easy to forget what’s really true, Draco, once you start trying to win at politics. But in reality there’s only one thing that makes you a wizard, remember?
Draco knew, then, he knew the reason for the disquiet in the back of his mind, as he stared at the blank wall above his desk contemplating his forced move. It should’ve been simple - when you only had one move, the thing to do was make it - but -
Granger whirling, spinning, sweat-dampened hair flying around her, bolts flying from her wand as fast as his own, jinx and counter-jinx, glowing bats flying at his face, and through all of it the look of fury in Granger’s eyes -
There’d been a part of him admiring that, before it had all gone wrong, admiring Granger’s fury and power; a part of him that had exulted in the first real fight he’d ever been in, against…
…an equal opponent.
If he challenged Granger, and
lost…
It ought not to be possible, Draco had gotten his wand two full years before anyone else in his Hogwarts class.
Only there was a reason why they usually didn’t bother giving wands to nine-year-olds. Age counted too, it wasn’t just how long you’d held a wand. Granger’s birthday had been only a few days into the year, when Harry had bought her that pouch. That meant she was twelve now, that she’d been twelve almost since the start of Hogwarts. And the truth was, Draco hadn’t been practicing much outside of class, probably not nearly as much as Hermione Granger of Ravenclaw. Draco hadn’t thought he needed any more practice to stay ahead…
And Granger was exhausted too,
whispered the Voice of Contrary Evidence inside him. Granger must have been exhausted from all those Stunning Hexes, and even in that state she’d been able to undo his Locking Charm.
And Draco
could not
afford to challenge Granger publicly, one-on-one with no excuses, and lose.
Draco knew what you were supposed to do in this sort of situation. You were supposed to cheat. But if anyone discovered Draco cheating, it would be disastrous, perfect blackmail material even if it never got out publicly, and any Slytherins watching would
know
that, they’d be
looking
…
And then, if you were watching, you would have seen Draco Malfoy get up from his bed, and go to his desk, and take out a sheet of the finest sheepskin parchment, and a pearl-carven inkwell, filled with greenish-silver ink that had been made with true silver and crushed emeralds. From the great trunk at his bed’s foot, the Slytherin drew forth a book bound also in silver and emeralds, entitled
The Etiquette of the Houses of Britain.
And with a new, clean quill, Draco Malfoy began to write, frequently looking to the book where it lay open as a reference. There was a grim smile on the boy’s face, making the young Malfoy look very much like his father, as he carefully drew each letter as though it were a separate artwork.
From Draco, son of Lucius son of Abraxis Lords of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy, son also of Narcissa daughter of Druella Lady of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, scion and heir of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy:
To Hermione, the first Granger:
(That form might have been meant to sound polite, long ago when it had been invented; nowadays, after centuries of being used to address mudbloods, it carried a lovely tinge of refined venom.)
I, Draco, of Most Ancient House, demand redress, for
Draco paused, carefully moving the quill aside so that it wouldn’t drip. He needed a pretext for this, at least if he wanted to impose the duel’s conditions. The challenged had the choice of terms
unless
they had insulted a Noble House. He needed to make it look like Granger had insulted him…
What was he thinking? Granger
had
insulted him.
Draco flipped the book to the page of standard formulae, and found one that seemed appropriate.
I, Draco, of Most Ancient House, demand redress, for that I have thrice over helped you and offered you only my goodwill, and in return you
falsely
accused me of plotting against you,
Draco had to stop and take a breath, forcing down the seething anger; he was starting to genuinely feel the insult now, and he’d just written out the last phrase and underlined it without thinking, like it was an ordinary letter. After a moment’s reflection, he decided to let it stand; it might not be the exact formal phrasing but it had a raw, angry tone that seemed appropriate.
which insult you committed before the eyes of Britain.
Thus I, Draco, compel you, Hermione, by custom, by law, by
“The seventeenth ruling of the thirty-first Wizengamot,” Draco said aloud without looking, a line delivered in many plays; he sat straighter as he said it, feeling every pulse of the noble blood in his veins.
Thus I, Draco, compel you, Hermione, by custom, by law, by the 17th ruling of the 31st Wizengamot, to meet me in wizard’s duel with terms: That we each come alone and in silence, speaking to none before or after,
If the duel went poorly, Draco could just say nothing and leave it at that. And if he did defeat Granger, he would have learned experimentally that he could beat her
again
in a public challenge. It wasn’t cheating, but it was Science, which was almost as good.
contesting by magic solely, without death or lasting injury,
…where? Draco had been told about a room in Hogwarts that was good for duels, where everything valuable was already protected by wards, and there were no portraits to tattle on you… which one had it been again…
in the trophy room of the Castle of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry,
And their second and public duel had better be soon, like tomorrow, it would take very little time for his reputation in Slytherin to go irretrievably to sludge. He needed to fight Granger for the first time
tonight
.
upon midnight’s stroke that shall end this very day.
Draco, of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy.
Draco signed the formal parchment, and then drew forth his ordinary and lesser parchment, and his regular ink, for his post scriptum:
If you don’t know how the rules work, Granger, here’s how it is. You insulted a Most Ancient House, and I’ve got the lawful right to challenge. And if you affront the conditions of the duel, like by having Flitwick show up at the trophy room, or even just telling anyone else, my father will take you and your false honor straight to the Wizengamot.
Draco Malfo
On the last letter his quill pressed down on the parchment so viciously that the nib snapped off, creating a streak of ink and a small rip in the parchment, which Draco decided also looked appropriate.
That night at dinnertime, Susan Bones came to Harry Potter and told him that she thought Draco Malfoy was going to carry out his plot against Hermione very soon. She was warning all the members of S.P.H.E.W., and she’d warned Professor Sprout, and she’d warned Professor Flitwick, and she was going to send a letter to her Aunt tonight, and now she was warning Harry Potter, too. Only they couldn’t quite talk about it with Padma - Susan said, looking very serious - because Padma was feeling torn between her loyalty to Hermione and her loyalty to her General.