Haterz (23 page)

Riddler3

Cut the red one.

Riddler3

No, wait the green one.

Riddler3

No, the red one!

Riddler3

Aw, shoot, just pull them both out and do the world a favour.

SensibarHashtag [2.43AM]

Not wanting to break into the lulz, but looking at that picture of the alleged chemical device and it does appear to be run from a fairly standard chipset. I’d suggest shorting across the 1st and 9th pins as a first move. What do you think?

Dooooogull

O rly? Cos looking at it, I’d argue that the pins are in reverse order. Without knowing more about the polarity, I’d suggest a tap test across pins 2, 4 and 6.

SensibarHashtag

I can’t bring myself to agree. Short 1 and 9 and the timer will be disabled.

Dooooogull

How can you be so certain? The picture is too lo-res to be able to tell.

HotToddy84

Guys pls! I’ve got 15 minutes left. What should I do?

RimTimTim

It’s okay—
this vid
shows the circuit board you need clearly. Take a look.

HotToddy84

Fucksake.

RimTimTim

HA HA RICKROLLD AGAIN LOSER.

StJohn

Not being funny, but the picture of that circuit board shows it to be of Chinese manufacture. Wonder what that means :)

Fiskali

Actually, looks more like a screengrab to me. It’s very lo-res. Still calling this a hoax.

Dooooogull

It’d make sense if it was a screengrab. I’d say it’s sourced from VCD-res at best and scaled to 320x240. There are clear artefacts that are a giveaway.

SanitySally

IIRC didn’t
HotToddy84
say that it was an old webcam, weren’t they fairly lo-res? So may NOT be a screengrab.

PutItInPutin

Well,
HotToddy84
claimed it was a PlayPlug259. They’re default resolution was 800x600 on Windows95, not 320x240.

Fiskali

Nailed it. HOAX.

Dooooogull

Hoax.

MiskaGinTonic

Hoax.

LuvvinIT

Hoax.

SPACSLock

BUT there is also a ‘lo-res’ setting at 320x240 for basic systems. HotToddy84, can you confirm or deny that that’s the setting you’re operating at?

HotToddy84

SRSLY? For God’s sake, call the police. Please help me.

MiskaGinTonic

Hello, police? Yeah, I’d like to report A HOAXER.

HotToddy84[2.51AM]

Kate,

It’s hard to type this, knowing that I may never see you again. But I love you so much. Since I met you two years ago, you’ve meant the world to me. I always thought I’d be in love with people but that no-one would ever be in love with me back. And I was fine with that. You know, I’d made my peace with the world. And then I met you, and I realised how wonderful it was to be loved. Simple as.

You’ve made me a better person. You’ve made me take risks. If it wasn’t for you, I’d never have moved from Hull to Germany, got the amazing flat we’ve got, learned to cook, or tried skiing. You’ve made me do so much that I’d never have dreamed possible. If it wasn’t for you I’d still be living in that damp and tiny box. It’s been so wonderful, it really has, and I’m crying right now thinking that I can’t say goodbye to you properly.

Sorry that I’ve got to type this somewhere where other people can see it. I didn’t want to say goodbye to you ever, and NEVER like this. I’m so sorry. I love you.

Todd.

SensibarHashtag

Dear Kate

Thanks for all the sex and for not being too much of a whiny bitch. Can’t believe I had to move to Germany just to get laid. Sorry I’m such a fucking loser.

Todd.

RimTimTim

^ AmaZing.

DawsonsCrack

If only they’d instituted the ability to RT posts in the last upgrade, we could infinityRT that.

LuvvinIT

Good call. I’ve opened a ChangeRequestPetition to make sure that add that.
Direct link’s here
. Make sure you sign it if you’ve got a moment.

DawsonsCrack

Signed.

MiskaGinTonic

Signed.

SPACSlock

Signed.

AdmiralFapbar

Signed.

HotToddy84 [2.57AM]

You’re all bastards. You know that? You could have saved me. You could have tried.

RimTimTim

[picture of a kitten in a field. EVERYTIME YOU MASTURBATE, GOD BLOWS UP HOTTODDY84]

HotToddy84 [2.59AM]

One minute left. Jesus, help me, I’m so scared.

Diablow

Hey everybody, shall we count down the number of fucks we give?

MiskaGinTonic

10

RimTimTim

9

Sweevil

8

Trisha10

7

HotToddy84

FUCK YOU ALL.

Kristol

6

DawsonsCrack

5

KatesAWhore

4

SPACSLock

3

AdmiralFapbar

2

LuvvinIT

1

SensibarHashtag

0

MiskaGinTonic

Happy New Year Everybody!

LuvvinIT

Boom, boom, boom, shake the room! Tick tick tick...

DawsonsCrack

BOOM!

Quargle

first.

AP MOBILE

Breaking (3.17amGMT) Cologne, Germany – reports of a small explosion in the city. Emergency services have confirmed they are responding to a small fire on the top floor of an office block. No reports of any casualties in the street. No confirmation of any terrorist involvement.

CHAPTER EIGHT

SHE WROTE MURDER

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 19m

To London for BAFTA meet and muchos-contractatas with agent. Frantic call – can I meet a showrunner about pitching? Seriously! #GoodTimes

Vampantha

28 mins ∙

is wondering if any of her WRITER friends are free to do a local library visit next Wednesday? Was really looking forward to this one (love meeting fans!), but been summoned to another hush-hush meeting about SecretProject#3. It’s going to be a great day—give a talk, judge a fancy dress compo, and have lunch with prize winners from the local paper. Gutted not to be going—I hate having to let down the children, seriously. They’ll only pay expenses, I’m afraid, but, if any of you are spare...?

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Georgia Manse
uploaded a photo
Cover of new anthology

2 hrs ∙

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Vampantha
likes this

Vampantha
Looks LOVELY!!! Well done!!! Would have loved to been in this one, but having to turn down so many anthologies these days in order to concentrate on my film and TV work, when I’m not chained to my desk by Inspector Grangelove. Can you believe it’s the third book already??? Anyway, best of luck with the anthology. Hawkword are a great little press doing some really interesting things, and I’d love to have taken part, seriously You know how much Vampantha hates saying No!!!!:):)

Just now ∙ Like

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 8 Oct

wishes she was at @CrimeyCon seriously! Missing the #karaoke with @BrazWax12. Stupid #SecretProjects.

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 9 Oct

Quick 9km run in the rain (bracing!!!) and then 4,000 words before 10am #amwriting

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 10 Oct

Fans of the redoubtable #InspectorGrangelove will be pleased to hear he’s got me under house-arrest. Seriously! #amwriting

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 11 Oct

So pleased for @BrazWax12 ’s new book deal. A talent who’s finally found a place in the genre at last #KnewHimFirst

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 11 Oct

Nervous for the new #Grangelove book. Shippers will be in for a treat. Bit.ly/Grn8765

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 13 Oct

Have you read the new #Grangelove book? Dying to know what you think!!! Seriously. #FingersCrossed Bit.ly/Grn8765

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 14 Oct

Tempted by the raunchy new #Grangelove? Dive in to a FREE chapter. Seriously. Please RT Bit.ly/Grn8765

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 14 Oct

ICYMI Tempted by the raunchy new #Grangelove? Dive in to a FREE chapter. Please RT Bit.ly/Grn8765

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 15 Oct

For the morning crowd. Tempted by the raunchy new #Grangelove? Dive in to a FREE chaper. Please RT Bit.ly/Grn8765

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 2h

Male critics can STFU. I don’t write for you. Never have. Never will. #Bigots

Vampantha
@VampanthaWrites ∙ 1h

.@SarahDartford78 gone over to the boys club with that review, I see? #StabbedInTheBack

L
AST YEAR WAS
an odd one for Vampantha. Her third Inspector Grangelove ebook hadn’t quite been the breakthrough success that had confidently been predicted. Mostly by Vampantha herself:

Stevedore—that’s Grangelove’s first name, by the way. I always call him Stevedore as he feels like an old friend to me. What’s great about Stevedore is that he’s kind of like a sexy superhero everyman. He’s a crossover hero in so many ways, in that he solves crimes but he also has some fairly—shall we say—raunchy adventures. He’s essentially a James Bond with sex. He’s also got a really strong appeal among his female readers because he’s written by a women and I think a lot of women recognise the authenticity of my voice. I’m writing from a female point-of-view.

Sometimes that’s really hard. You know, it’s difficult for a female writer to establish herself in the crime fiction genre. There are so few really successful female crime authors. As a gendered-space it’s quite male-dominated. I sometimes find it really frustrating. You know, I’ll often be sat on a panel with the Same Old Men and I’ll think,
You’re lovely blokes but we’ve heard quite enough from you—where are the new women?
I’d love to see some raw female talent coming through. It can be quite lonely.