Haven (War of the Princes) (29 page)

           
With my goggles on, I used the zoom feature to watch the mounted Dragoons massing in the rain soaked yard. There were so many out, it looked like they were training or performing some kind of drill. By his posture alone I spotted Senior Commander
Fallux
picking his way through the ranks. There was no sight of Stakes. I wondered what “The Cost” had been for forcing my second Ability out.

           
When the door opened behind me I spun, terrified that merely thinking about Stakes had summoned him to my door. I slipped and hit the paneled glass of the window with my shoulder. There was a snap as one pane of glass cracked.

           
For one horribly long second, I thought that I would go crashing out the window to fall to my very early death. Katelyn pancake right next to all those Dragoons. I scrambled away from the window, grateful to put some solid wall behind my back. Blurs of tan and brown streaked fuzzily in front of me. Distracted by my possible near death experience and the adrenalin zinging through my veins, I realized that I couldn’t see much of anything because I was still wearing my zoomed goggles. I yanked them off my eyes and left them around my neck.

           
“What are you doing?” Rune demanded, stalking into the room with sweeping strides. Between the appalled expression on his face and the livid tone of his voice, it was easy to guess that he figured I was trying to escape or kill myself trying.

           
“What does it look like I’m doing?” I said, in no mood for such idiotic assumptions. I was still wilted against the wall and hardly had the strength to stand up straight again.

           
“Trying to fly. I don’t recommend it,” he said seriously. My smoldering glare stopped him dead in his tracks.

           
“Why does everyone assume I’m going to throw myself out a window or off a balcony? Are you
trying
to kill me?” I demanded, still struggling to calm my fluttering heart. “You scared me to death!”

           
Dark brows lowered over his striking eyes. “You shouldn’t have been sitting against the window.”

           
“And where should I sit? In shackles in the basement? Or, oh, I know, how about in the chair with the metal cuffs?” I asked bitterly, straightening up.

           
I’d had enough of this situation, enough of being pushed around, imprisoned, tested, and everything else that had happened to me since I’d… since I’d met Rune.

           
“No,” he said quietly. A moment ago he had swooped in, all aghast and worried, but now he stood rigid and introverted. If I wasn’t mistaken, I’d say he felt guilty. It was subtle, but I saw it.

           
I couldn’t have cared less if he was half kitten, half puppy, with eyes watery enough to drown everyone living at a low elevation. I refused to let myself feel sympathy or pity for him. It was
his
fault I was here. Literally.

           
He was so tall, so severe in his charcoal and black uniform. I knew what kind of a man wore those clothes. He was dangerous. I’d seen him fight. Rune was quick, smart and very, very strong… and to add to all of that, he controlled fire. Blue fire.

           
The way he held himself, I guessed he was used to intimidating people just by being in the room. It may have worked on anyone with common sense, but I’m pretty sure I’ve explained that I lacked a lot in that department. I’d met Rune before I knew what a Dragoon was. I saw him at his most vulnerable before I discovered Abilities, or war, or soldiers.

My limits had been tested. I was beyond tired, hungry and worried. All I wanted in the world was to gather my parents, my little brother, Ruby and Kyle all into my warm house and curl up on the sofa with a plate of steaming potato wedges. It seemed simple, but just thinking about it made me almost hysterical with longing.

I had no remaining patience for politeness or sensitivity. Sorry folks, we’re all out, try back tomorrow.

           
He clenched his jaw and said nothing for a while.

Maybe I should help him along.

           
“Why are you here, Rune?” I demanded, letting my temper color my voice.

           
He turned away from me, facing one of the many windows and crossed his arms over his chest. There was something about the shape of his broad shoulders and the insinuation of the muscles just under his clothes that made me angrier. It may not seem logical, but that was how I felt. It would have been easier if I could forget the memories of holding him, helping him walk, and hovering over him protectively when the militia discovered us.

           
“I came here to tell you that I’m sorry,” he said. His voice was earnest, but what was an apology worth when he wouldn’t even say it to my face?

           
“I’ve heard that before,” I said before he could go any farther.

           
“I mean it,” he said lowly, finally turning to face me. “I never thought that…”

           
“You didn’t think I’d become a prisoner? Please. You brought me here yourself. Actions speak louder than intentions, Rune!” I snapped at him, pushing myself away from the wall to confront him.

 
          
He squared his shoulders and uncrossed his arms at my approach like he was ready to be pummeled. There he stood, resigned and unflinching.

           
“It shouldn’t have happened this way,” he said, looking me in the eyes.

           
“Tell me about it,” I growled. This time it was my turn to avoid eye contact. Seeing him so humble and apologetic was distracting and I was still angry. I crossed my arms and paced. “What is the point of this conversation? Do you just want to rub my mistakes in my face some more? I shouldn’t have helped you, I get it.”

           
“I’m
sorry
Katelyn… you were right.”

           
“Saying sorry doesn’t change a damned… I was what?” I asked, taken aback when I actually stopped to process to what he was saying.

           
“You were right. It is my fault you’re here. I never should have blamed you… it was childish of me,” he admitted.

           
Now I was the one who felt childish. He was standing here apologizing for what I was doing at that very moment: blaming. I stopped pacing, but kept my arms wrapped around my middle. A little bit of my anger had been unwillingly extinguished.

           
“I’ve thought about it a lot. I was being selfish when I told you to take responsibility for your actions. You saved my life. I owe you more than I can ever repay. Thank you,” he said genuinely, but the words seemed difficult for him to say.

           
I sighed, conflicted. My first impulse was to toss it behind me, forgive and forget, but I couldn’t be the normal me. I couldn’t let it go. I was in a life and death situation and, as a prisoner, the worst was far from over.

           
“What does that matter now?” I said shaking my head. “I appreciate the gratitude, finally, but it’s a little late. Look around! I asked you for help at Breakwater Keep when I had enough freedom to walk around on my own and you turned me away. You treated me like a stranger. I
know
, okay? I know it’s how you’re supposed to act, but I hate it! Do you have any idea how alone I’ve felt? How scared?”

           
As the criticisms came tumbling from me, so did all of my torrential emotions. I wanted to say more, but bit back my words before they could make me cry. As it was, I rubbed my face with a trembling hand and hoped he wouldn’t notice the mist in my eyes.

           
“I’m a prisoner too, Katelyn. Most of us are,” he said levelly, taking a single, tentative step towards me.

           
“You’re not a prisoner, you’re a Dragoon. You carry a sword… and a gun!” I countered in exasperation. “
Lina
, your own sister, came here and told the Commanders to let me go.”

           
“It was
Lina
?” he asked, his face stricken with shock and fear.

           
“I told you, I talked to her. She and Dylan are the only two people who seem to care about what happens to me.” Saying his name reignited my concern for him and amplified resentment for the way Rune had treated me this entire time.

           
“I care,” his words were barely audible.

           
I let out one short, cynical laugh, completely devoid of humor. “How? Detach yourself from all of this for a second, look back on each thing that’s happened and think about it. How could you possibly care, with the way you’ve treated me?”

           
“I,” he cleared his throat, at a loss for words. In the moment, my triumph was bitter. I was right, he didn’t care and I could hate him for it. But then he found the words and answered. “I hoped that you weren’t really a Lodestone. If you took their tests and showed no Abilities, you’d be in Lord Axton’s custody and have a much higher chance of escape. That hope failed and I came here as soon as I could.

           
“I lied and told everyone in the meeting that I didn’t remember a single detail about the region where we met. I don’t remember much that I could really bet on, but I’m pretty sure I can recall the general area. I told no one.

“I brought you my meal when I could get away with it. I checked on you in secret to make sure you weren’t being mistreated. I’ve slept on the stone floor since I gave you the only bedding that they issue us. I had to destroy four other blankets so they didn’t know who did it. We all pleaded innocent.

           
“I had to bring you here, whether I wanted to or not. I couldn’t let you escape because an entire force of Dragoons and both of our Commanders were watching. You wouldn’t have been able to get away and they would hurt you if it meant stopping you. I didn’t want to have to be the one to escort you here. I knew you’d hate me for it.

 
“At Breakwater Keep, while I was recovering, I was miserable. I couldn’t stop thinking about you and when I slept… you were there too. I hated being the reason you were taken captive. I wrote anonymous letters to Dylan Axton warning him that if he hurt you in any way, I’d throw him into the ocean. Seeing the two of you racing down the beach made me…jealous. Your visits to the recovery room forced me to walk a very thin line. The only way I could help you was by pushing you away. The fact that you are a Lodestone is temporarily protecting you now. At that point though, I didn’t even consider that you could be a Lodestone. If you weren’t one, they’d have no use for you. You’d be given to the
Axtons
, but if we were caught together… for any kind of friendship, we both would have been tortured by Stakes and killed by
Fallux
. He’d drain me first.”

           
I stood just a pace away from him, feeling a million miles away from myself as he spoke. How could I have known all these things? I hadn’t the slightest clue that there was a very dangerous battle going on within Rune. He had put himself on the line for me. He was even doing it at that very moment, just by being in the room with me. All of my anger was blasted out of me, like the gusts of the storm outside had simply carried it off.

           
“There were some who kept an eye on me at first, wondering about the nature of the relationship between a Dragoon near death, aided by a beautiful girl. I wanted to see you,” he said, his brows pinching together. He looked tormented. I stopped breathing.

He looked away and laughed dryly. “If they heard everything I’m telling you now, they’d execute me a thousand times. It wasn’t easy for me… to have to push you away. I figured it was idiotic, foolish, to care so much about a person I hardly knew. It’s against everything I’ve been taught, but when I’m with you, I
feel
, and it’s the most amazing thing!”

           
His slight, half smile was both unsure and brilliantly honest. I felt my heart thump its last beat. First my lungs gave up on me, and now my heart. At this rate I’d be dead before he finished talking.

           
I didn’t know what to say. I opened my mouth but a completely incoherent sound was all that made it out. He got a determined look on his face and held up a hand to signal that he wasn’t finished saying what he needed to.

           
“I wanted to protect you, and if pushing you away from me was what I needed to do, then I vowed it’d be my course of action,” he nodded resolutely and took a step closer, bridging the space between us.

           
A personal-space warning flag shot up within my mind but I was so preoccupied being dumbfounded that I didn’t react.

           
“Katelyn, the ghost in the cave. My dying wish was not to feel alone and there you were. It meant the world to me. It
means
the world to me. When I met you, I know I wasn’t exactly in a stable state of mind, but I didn’t feel like a Dragoon. I didn’t feel like a soldier trained to be emotionless, to be marched into war as a tool, killed, drained or turned into an inhuman Commander. I felt free. I felt like a normal person. I could care, and I did. I cared about you.