Hawk and Dove (Rock Star Romance Novel) (14 page)

“Trent,” I breathe, “I’m...I’m gonna...”

His lips part in a wordless howl as we meet each other and
crash as one into a state of all-encompassing bliss. Even through the condom, I
can feel him emptying himself into me, as waves of dizzying sensation crash
over me...leaving me speechless.

We hold each other as the shockwaves of pleasure rush
through us, overcoming every other thought. Our limbs entangled, we collapse
into each other, curled up on top of the sheets.

Sleep rushes in as soon as the tide of bliss subsides, and
we sink into sweet slumber in each other’s arms.

Chapter Nine

The sky is still a flinty gray when my eyes crack open.

For half a second, I can’t figure out for the life of me
where I am. But when I feel Ellie’s warm, smooth skin pressed against me, the
night comes rushing back into my mind, blowing me away all over again.

In the lightening little cabin, I take in the sight of the
beautiful woman resting in the crook of my arm. She’s sleeping soundly, her
hair splayed out across the white sheets like a halo. I pull her closer against
me, relishing in this time that’s ours alone.

I gave it my best shot, resisting her. But after that
scorching kiss backstage, that intense connection on the dance floor, and a
little alcohol inhibition...I didn’t stand a chance. Hell, I was a goner from
the first time we said three words to each other.

It’s hard to believe that only a few days ago, this amazing
person was missing from my life. How did I get on, before Ellie wandered into
my world? Not very well, all things considered. Not very well at all.

The way she took charge of things last night—that’s what had
sent me over the edge. She told me exactly what she wanted, in no uncertain
terms. There aren’t any games with Ellie, no playing hard-to-get, no coyness.
She’s genuine, and unpretentious, and so utterly real.

I’ve never been with anyone like this before. And if I
didn’t know just by being in her company that this was something big, last
night certainly proved it. I don’t even know how many women I’ve slept with in
my years of being a rock star, but I know that I’ve never felt before what I
did last night.

With the rest of the women I’ve slept with, sex has always
felt like a transaction. Each party gets what they came for and calls it a day.
There’s never been a connection, or any sense of caring, to any of it.

Not until Ellie, that is. She didn’t come to me looking for
a good story to tell her friends or bragging rights in the mosh pit. She didn’t
come to me asking for anything but for me to be there with her, present to what
was happening between us.

I feel like a goddamned virgin again with this girl.

Though I have no way of knowing what sex is usually like for
her, I’d have a hard time believing that she’s been around as much as I have,
that’s for sure. I just hope that she doesn’t wake up kicking herself for
diving into bed with me. That would absolutely kill me. But for a few more
minutes, or maybe even an hour, I get to hold her like this—with nothing at all
between us. I get to hold her here in this little, wonderful world of our own
creation.

Just as the room starts to grow bright, almost
imperceptibly, Ellie stretches out against me and lets her eyes flutter open. I
watch her take in the unfamiliar room, confused for a moment about where she’s
ended up. But I tighten my arms around her, letting her know I’m here.

Her gaze swings my way, and she almost looks surprised to
see me. But her awe soon gives way to contentment, and she snuggles in closer
to me. Her simple, spontaneous act of intimacy is more meaningful than it has
any right to be. 

“Good morning,” she murmurs. Her voice is thick with sleep
and impossibly sexy.

“Morning, you,” I whisper, my lips hovering just beside her
ear. “You really don’t sleep past five in the morning, do you?”

“And I guess you really don’t sleep at all,” she laughs
softly, turning to face me.

We’re lying together on top of the covers, totally bare. I
let my eyes travel down the curvy landscape of her body, dipping and bobbing
all along the way. Her eyes crinkle with pleasure as she watches me become
transfixed by the very sight of her. I can’t help it—she’s impossible to look
away from.

“How do you feel?” she asks, reaching out to lay a hand on
my chest.

“Fucking unbelievable,” I answer honestly.

She smiles, rolling her eyes. “I was kind of talking about
the copious amount of substances we ingested last night. Are you hung over or
anything?”

“I don’t really get hung over,” I tell her, “What about
you?”

“I think I’m still all kinds of drunk,” she laughs, “I’m a
bit of a lightweight myself.”

“You could have fooled me,” I tease, “It seemed like you
were keeping up just fine last night.”

“I didn’t...I wasn’t making an ass of myself, was I?” she
asks.

My smile drops a hair. “You...You do remember last night,
don’t you?”

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“I mean...Everything between us...”

“No...” she says, sounding almost upset, "What happened
between us?” She arches her eyebrows and looks genuinely afraid of my answer.

“Oh,” I say averting my gaze. Fuck I knew this would happen.

"I'm just kidding you loser!" She says with a
hearty laugh. “I’m not the sort of girl who doesn’t remember sleeping with
someone the next day,” she says, “Especially when the evidence is as clear as
all this...”

She motions to her naked body, smiling at me with those
beautiful lips.

Thank God what a relief.

“I didn’t mean to imply—”

“I know,” she says quickly, “I just don’t want you to think
that what happened was an accident. Or  a whim. I didn’t just decide in the
spur of the moment that I wanted to sleep with you, Trent. I made up my mind
about that pretty early on.”

“How early on, would you say?” I ask mischievously.

“Since you tried to steal our campsite, I would say,” she
shoots back, “You dick.”

“Guilty as charged,” I grin, “And for what it’s worth...the
feeling is mutual.”

“So I gathered,” she says, rolling onto her back. I lean
toward her, resting my hand on her soft stomach. She arches her back just a
little, stretching in a markedly feline sort of way.

I love watching the little movements of her body, the little
features that make her unique. I’d never say it out loud for fear of sounding
like an asshole, but Ellie is not the sort of woman I’m used to sleeping with.
My general type is tall, thin, surgically enhanced, and all but silent. Ellie,
on the other hand, is untampered with, soft, and very much the type to speak
her mind. I never thought it would be so thrilling to stray away from the mold,
but then again I don’t think I could ever have imagined someone quite like her.

As if reading my mind, she turns to me and asks, “So, how do
these things usually go with you?”

“These things?” I parrot.

“Your conquests,” she says, pulling herself up onto an
elbow, “I imagine that the rest of the bus is filled with your band mates and
whatever young ladies they’ve carted home themselves. What happens in the
morning? Does everyone come together for a pancake breakfast?”

“I hope you don’t think this is just a conquest,” I say,
bristling.

“I just don’t want you to feel pressured,” she tells me,
“I’m not completely naive when it comes to this kind of thing.”

“Is that what this feels like to you?” I ask, “Just another
‘thing’? Or are you just playing tough for me right now?”

“I don’t
play
,” Ellie says, sitting up in bed, “And
no, honestly, this doesn’t feel like anything that’s ever happened to me
before.”

“Me either,” I say.

“It’s a little...scary,” she says hesitantly.

“Are you kidding me?” I say, “It’s fucking terrifying.”

She stifles a relieved laugh with the palm of her hand.
“Well, I’m glad that’s out in the open,” she says.

“If you think I’m used to actually caring about the people I
sleep with, you’re sorely mistaken,” I say honestly.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” I say, “Does it?”

“Actually...It does, a little,” she admits, “As long as you
promise you’re not just spinning this shit so that I’ll agree to sleep with you
again.”

“Ellie,” I say, taking her hand in mine, “I dare you to look
me in the eye and tell me that you didn’t feel something...
amazing
between us. Unlike anything else in the world.”

She keeps her eyes averted, which is all the answer I need.

“I’m a pretty good actor," I admit, "But even I
couldn’t fake what was there last night.”

“I know,” she says, “I hope you know I didn’t either.”

“So...does that make it any less scary?” I ask.

“Honestly, not really,” she laughs, “I don’t know if
anything could. I just...I don’t have any idea what comes next. Usually, it’s a
goodbye kiss and onto the rest of my life, but...I don’t want that with you.”

We sit together in silence. I know she’s waiting for me to
say the same, to assure her that I know how we’re supposed to proceed. But I
have no idea what comes next, here.

She’s a baby, as far as the music scene goes. A college
student. With a whole, normal life to lead back home. What am I supposed to do,
interrupt all that? Drag her into my crazy, chaotic life? That may be what we
both want right now, but what if she eventually grows to resent me for it?

I wouldn’t be able to blame her if she did. I wouldn’t wish
the bullshit of this business on anybody, especially not her.

“Trent?” she says softly, “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I think...we should probably get dressed,” I say, “These
things are best talked about with clothes on, don’t you think?”

A brief, pained expression crosses her face. She thinks I’m
going to try and brush off figuring out what’s going on between us. And the
crappiest part is, she’s partially right. The last thing I want to do is decide
what happens next. I have absolutely zero experience with relationships that
last longer than a week. The fact that I’m even thinking the word relationship
is freaking me the hell out.

She unfolds her long legs and hunts down her clothes where
they’ve been scattered about the room. We dress in silence, stealing glances at
each other’s bodies.

In a moment, it seems like the air has grown thick with
unsaid words. Ellie’s smile is just a little too tight, a little too forced.
What is the matter with me that I can’t just speak what’s on my mind? I suppose
that’s a muscle I’ve never been called to exercise before. I hope she’ll
understand that I might need to work up to the whole “emotional creature”
thing.

Fully dressed, we face off across the tiny room. The mussed
up bed sheets attest to the amazing night we shared together. But now, the sky
is growing brighter. Through the tiny window, I can see streaks of yellow and
pink soaring through the morning as sunrise approaches.

I wish that I could dig my heels into the ground and stop
the world from spinning for a while. I don’t want this night to be over. I
don’t want to face the day, deal with the ridiculous politics and pressures of
fame. I just want to stay here with Ellie, forever.

But that’s not the way it works, is it?

“I guess I should go?” Ellie says quietly, “Before everyone
wakes up, you know.”

“I guess that would be a good idea,” I say, “I don’t want
you to have to deal with the guys’ nonsense in the morning.”

“Me either,” she smiles, “How are we going to get through
the bus?”

“There’s a back door,” I tell her, taking her hand.

We’ve only known each other for a little while, but already
I’m hooked on the way her fingers feel entwined with mine.

I lead her back through the bus, ducking through the
darkness. We come to the door, and I push it open, letting a remarkably cool
breeze waft into the bus. We step out onto the dewy grass together, taking in
deep breaths of the morning air.

Ellie takes a step away from me, spreads her arms wide, and
closes her eyes. She’s backlit against the sunrise, her head thrown back. She
might be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, rumpled by sleep and not
giving a damn.

I want to ask her to run away with me right then and there,
leave behind this ridiculous place and go somewhere where no one knows who we
are.

The only problem is, that place doesn’t exist. No matter
where we might roam, I’d never be anonymous. I’d never be able to start over
with her from scratch. But Ellie...she’s standing on the precipice of fame. If
she wants to, she can turn it all down.

She could drive away from here right now and get to keep the
rest of her life to herself. And whatever she ends up choosing in the long run,
it has to be her decision, not mine. I’d never force fame on her if she didn’t
want it.

She looks back over her shoulder and sees my troubled
expression.

“Why so serious, dear?” she asks.

“I was just admiring the view,” I say, looking at her
pointedly.

“Yeah?” she says, doing a little twirl right there on the
grass, “You like?”

Fuck yeah
, says a little voice in the back of my
mind.

And then a sudden revelation knocks the wind right out of
me. It hadn’t occurred to me, not until this moment, but now that I’ve thought
it, I know that it’s the truth. I’m falling, or I've already fallen, for Ellie.