Hawk and Dove (Rock Star Romance Novel) (16 page)

“Get out of here,” I say, “I never want to see you again.”

“You’re forgetting, dear,” he says with gritted teeth, “That
we have a show left to play.”

“I don’t care,” I tell him, “It’s not worth it.”

“Yeah, right.”

“I mean it. This is over. I should have let you go that
first night. So, consider this your invitation to stay the fuck out of my life,
for good.”

He stares at me for a long, brutal moment. Then, without
another word, he snatches up his bag and turns away.

Mitch climbs out of the tent and disappears from my view. I
know in my gut that this is it, but I can’t bring myself to humor him with a
goodbye. I stare up into the canopy of the tent and watch as the first fat
drops of rain dash themselves against the canvas.

Chapter Eleven

I make myself comfortable in the main cabin of the bus,
sinking into an oversized armchair. The rest of the guys won’t be up for hours,
and I plan to cherish every minute of this quiet morning.

I have no idea how to go along with this thing with Ellie.
If I had any idea in the world what she was thinking, maybe I could at least
make an educated guess. I’m not used to not having all the power in a
relationship, or at least all the agency. Usually, whatever I say goes.

But not so this time around.

Through the windshield, I can see a massive storm rolling in
across the plains.
Perfect
, I think. It’s the perfect sort of weather
for lovey-dovey brooding. How am I supposed to get back out there and play our
next show when, on the inside, I feel like a fourteen-year-old kid again, miffed
that he doesn’t know whether his crush likes him back?

I need to talk this out with Ellie. This guessing game
bullshit isn’t going to work. But what am I going to tell her? That I’ve
somehow managed to catch feelings for her in the span of, what, seventy two
hours? That’s not creepy at all.

Even if I was honest with her about this bizarre feeling,
what would happen then? I don’t get the feeling that Ellie is the kind of girl
who will drop her entire life to follow me around like a puppy. I wouldn't be falling
for her if she was. I mean, she’s not even out of school yet. She’s got her own
friends, and family, her own life. I don’t want to force my entire world onto
her. How the hell would that be fair? She’d be miserable, being with me.

I try to imagine Ellie giving up her own ambitions to tag
along and hang out backstage during my shows. The very thought makes my skin
crawl. She’d be hounded relentlessly, just like I am. Her face would be
splattered across tabloids with horrific rumors printed below. They’d tear
apart her look, her personality, her voice, just because they can.

They’d accuse her of being a star-fucker and never let her
have a career of her own. And if that became the case...I don’t see how she
would ever be able to forgive me for it.

There’s one thing I know for sure in all of this.

I’m not worth the trouble.

Being with me is not worth Ellie throwing away everything
else she’s got going on for her. It would be selfish of me to ask her to stay.
It would be nothing but pure ego to expect her to want to. But...how am I
supposed to let her go, feeling the way I do?

How can I keep her close without destroying everything else
about her world? A future between us seems as cloudy as the storm on the
horizon, threatening to shatter the sky at any moment. 

I hear someone moving around in the back of the bus.
Somewhere in the web of rooms and bunks, one of my band mates is rising back
from the dead.

Or, so I think at first.

I turn to face the back of the bus and watch as Kelly makes
her way slowly into the light of the cabin. She’s looking at me with a cold,
steely anger that I’ve seen only a few times since we’ve known each other. I
wonder, wildly, whether she was witness to what transpired in my bedroom only a
few hours ago. Dear god, don’t let her have been awake for that.

“Good morning,” I say hopefully. The last thing I need is a
tongue lashing from my testy manager. But the steady, unflinching fury in her
eyes doesn’t give me much confidence that I’m going to get away from this
confrontation unscathed.

She takes a few slow steps toward me, and I see that she’s
holding her smart phone to her chest. With shaking hands she throws the device
sharply into my lap. Confused, I look down at the gadget. It’s got some stupid
fake news blog pulled up on the screen. I take a closer look and recognize the
subjects of the pulpy article.

“Shit,” I murmur, as the photos come into focus.

Some asshole photographer must have trailed Ellie and I all
night long. Shot after shot cascades down the page, leaving nothing to the
imagination. There’s us on the dance floor, all but getting it on right in the
middle of the crowd. There’s us watching that first concert on the tree, almost
about to kiss for the first time. Us leaving my concert, and...Oh, god. Us
heading back up to the bus at the end of the night.

“This is bad,” I say softly.

“Bad?” Kelly repeats, “This is beyond bad, Trent. This is a
fucking nightmare.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” I tell her, “I’m sure Ellie
will understand. The paparazzi are unstoppable, you know? She’ll be OK.”

“Why the hell would you imagine that I care what your little
girlfriend thinks about this?” Kelly shrieks. “I don’t give a rats ass whether
her feelings are hurt, Trent. I’m talking about you. You, and your career, and
the band’s future, and ours!”

“Ours?” I ask, baffled, “What the hell do you mean ours?”

Kelly looks genuinely flustered by her slip of the tongue.
“As talent and manager. Obviously.”

“Right,” I say suspiciously, “Well...Other than this being a
pain in the ass, would you like to clue me in on what’s so goddamn tragic about
a spread of photos in a magazine?”

“Are you kidding me?” she says, looking at me as though I’ve
sprouted two extra heads. “What do  you think your fans are going to say when
they see you wrapped up in some folk rock pixie’s arms on the cover of a
tabloid? Do you think that any of them will be able to respect you, if this is
the kind of musician you intend to be?

Your fans value sincerity, and a fuck-off attitude, and the
fact that you’re not a media puppet. That’s your entire brand, Trent. That’s
what the fans pay to see. If you go down this road, you’ll be judging reality
shows and playing at bar mitzvahs before you can say ‘washed up’.”

“That’s such a load of crap!” I yell, getting to my feet.
“Sincerity? Can you even hear yourself spouting off this shit? Nothing about
this entire act is real, or honest, or unfiltered. I’m just as commercial as
those famous-to-be-famous assholes you seem so keen to knock. I’m just another
commodity. That’s what you’ve turned me into.

All these years, you’ve been trying to convince me that we’d
only have to play the game for a little while. That once we made it big, we
could play by our own rules. But that was all just a bunch of lies, wasn’t it?
We’re playing by the same rules as everyone else is. We’re not doing anything
new, or real...”

“And I suppose that little girl is, though?” Kelly demands,
her face twisting with contempt.

“Yeah,” I say, throwing up my hands, “That
is
right.
Ellie is the most genuine musician I’ve ever met in my life. She’s the kind of
influence I want in my life.”

“She’s not genuine,” Kelly laughs, “She’s just new in town.
That fresh scrubbed exterior will be muddied up soon enough. Especially if she
keeps hanging out with you.”

“Why are you trying to ruin this for me?” I ask, “What do
you have to gain from me being miserable and alone?”

“Good music,” she spits, “And a flagpole act who’s not
distracted by cotton candy dreams of happily ever after.”

“God...How did you get so cynical?” I ask quietly, shaking
my head, “What made you this way, Kelly?”

“I’m sure that hanging around with you all these years
hasn’t exactly done wonders for my outlook on love,” she says. I can hear the
hurt tugging on her vocal chords. “If anyone’s convinced me that love and
affection are fictional, it’s you.”

“What the hell do I know?” I say, “I’m twenty five years
old. I’ve never met anyone I could care about before Ellie.”

“Really?” Kelly says, looking at me hard, “Not anyone?”

Sudden understanding hits me smack between the eyes. I hear,
for the first time, what Kelly is trying to tell me through her half-baked
accusations.

“Oh...” I breathe, taking in the sight of her. Her
model-caliber body is draped in a few thin layers of cotton pajamas, but not
much else. I’ve always recognized the fact that Kelly is a sexy woman, but I’ve
never felt anything for her in the past, she's too aggressive.

How am I supposed to tell her, after all this time, that my
indifference to her stands? She’s a great manager, but I could never want
anything else from her.

Especially not now.

“You really never noticed?” Kelly asks. I’m alarmed by the
sultry tone of her voice.

This cannot be happening right now. It just can’t be.

“We’ve always been great friends,” I say, trying to lure her
away from the subject.

But she’s advancing toward me across the cabin, her eyes
fixed on mine. I run my fingers through my hair and sit back into the arm
chair. How can I get out of this terribly awkward situation without offending
her?  

“But you can’t honestly say that you’ve never wanted
anything more than that. Can you?” she asks, standing before me in her scanty
clothing.

“Kelly, stop this,” I tell her, crossing my arms in front of
my body, “You’re making a fool out of yourself.”

“I’ve been doing that for years,” she says with a smile.

“Aren’t you supposed to be mad at me right now?” I suggest,
“I’ve just tanked my fan approval rating, right? Why don’t you go back to
berating me about that?”

“How have you never noticed that I want you, Trent?” she
asks, stepping in even closer to me. I can see the lust in her eyes beginning
to rise.

I need to get out of here. Now.

“Kelly, this is really embarrassing,” I say, lurching up
from the chair and putting distance between us, “This is not what I want.
You’re the best manager I ever could have asked for. Can’t we just leave it at
that?”

“I don’t think so,” she tells me, “Not anymore. You need to
be with someone who understands you. Someone who gets how you think.”

“I think so too,” I say, thinking of Ellie, “But that person
is not you.”

“You’ve just never given me a chance,” she whines.

“I don’t—Hey!” I say, as she closes the space between us and
lays her hands on my chest.

“Forget about the little girl,” she croons in my ear, “Think
of what an amazing partner I would make. I’d devote every second of my life to
you. God knows, I do that already...”

“Why would you want that?” I cry, knocking her hands away.

“Because I’m crazy about you Trent. I always have been.”

“This isn’t OK. This isn’t OK for you to be doing right
now.”

“Since when do you have qualms about being seduced?” she
laughs, “Last time I checked, it was one of your favorite things. Now, come on.
I know full well that you want this. Just give into it, Trent. We’ve waited
long enough. This whole stunt with that girl was just you acting out. But I can
soothe you. Really I—Trent!”

I shove her roughly away, a surging anger rising inside of
me. This is the last thing in the world I need right now. All I want to do is
sort things out with Ellie before she gets the wrong idea. How am I supposed to
do that while my insane manager is in heat?

A knock on the bus door disrupts our standoff. I turn away
from Kelly and march to the door, yanking it open none-too-gently. My mouth
falls open as I see Ellie standing there in the threshold, a look of utter
bewilderment on her face. The rain that’s started to fall across the plains is
soaking her through and through. Her blonde hair is plastered across her
forehead, and for a moment the downpour obscures her own tears.

“Ellie,” I breathe, stepping down to meet her, “What is it?”

“The entire world knows. About us,” she says blankly, “It’s
all over the internet. Pictures...Everyone is going to see.”

“I know,” I say, pulling her into an embrace, “It’s going to
pass though. Don’t worry about it.”

“Mitch is gone,” she says into my shoulder, “He just left me
here.”

“I’m so sorry,” I tell her, “That’s not...Ellie?” I see her
eyes gazing beyond me, into the depths of the bus. With a sickening sense of
dread, I follow her line of sight. Kelly has come forward into the little patch
of light, her skimpy clothing and tousled hair looking far too sexy for
anyone’s good.

I turn back to Ellie, panicked. “Come on...” I say, “You
don’t think that anything—”

“Come back up here, babe,” Kelly drawls, “I’m still sleepy.”

“Trent...” Ellie says, pulling out of my arms, “What the
hell...? How could you...?”

“You know that it’s not—Nothing’s—Ellie, you know me better
than that!”

“I don’t know you at all,” she says, her chin beginning to
quiver. She backs away from me into the rain, looking back and forth between
Kelly and me. “I really don’t have anyone, do I? Not even you.”

“Of course you have me,” I insist, “Kelly’s just—”

“Kelly’s just one woman,” Ellie says, “But if it’s not her
today, it’ll be someone else next month, won’t it? You could never be content
with one person. You’re too used to getting exactly what you want.”

“What are you saying?” I demand, “That’s some other person
you’re talking about, it's not me.”