“This is
my
fantasy.
I
call the shots in here.”
I pause, assessing the situation. “Are you going to tell me what you want or should I guess?”
“I want you to guess.” He smiles slowly. His eyes glint with desire. His mouth parts.
My Sultana avatar meanders up to him, wearing a silky robe, black panties, and a black bra. She reaches out to touch his chest.
He grabs Sultana’s wrists and holds them in the air. “I want a different avatar.”
My Sultana-self shrugs. “Which one? I have several to choose from.”
“I want one you’ve never used before on anyone.”
“That’s extra.” The lights in the corner flash green, indicating a deposit.
“One you’ll only use with me.”
No one’s ever asked me to do that before. My avatar shrugs again. “That’s still more.” Again the lights flash green. My eyes narrow. “You’re going to have to tell me what you want if you won’t let me access your desires.”
“That’s easy. I want all of you.” His cock twitches.
My body starts pulsing with desire. I swallow. Somehow this doesn’t feel like a game tonight. “Okay.” I’m cautious. Hungry for this avatar. Horny as hell. Usually these games consist of me playing out some secret fantasy of the guy. I guess this guy has a secret fantasy of being a woman’s dream partner. I can roll with that. “What do you want me to look like?”
“Your choice.”
I cock my head.
A stripper? Pole dancer
?
I dismiss idea after idea and finally settle on a brunette version of myself with subtle differences. Same blue-green eyes. Same build. Short chocolate hair. Dimples. A mole on the right cheek. I don’t have dimples. I don’t have a mole. I definitely don’t rock short chocolate hair. That would never do.
“That will suffice.”
“That will suffice? Should I make her more…?”
“I said that will do. It’s close to my fantasy.”
“What would you like to do first?”
“You tell me.”
“You paid for the fantasy, Himeros.”
“And I’m asking for what I want. I want you to tell me…guide me…let me know what you want.”
I want to have an orgasm, that’s what.
I’ll never tell
him
that. My avatar studies him. If he’s the god of uncontrollable desire, I am desire itself. I’m flooded with want, sure that the real panties tucked around my real hips are drenched. I remember the smell of my core I caught a big whiff of this morning. I add that to the scene, pleased with my detailing.
“Mmm, what did you just do?” he growls. “That’s making me want you like never before.”
Like never before
? I blink. “Just added a sensory touch to the avatar. Do you like?”
He grabs my avatar’s hand and places it on his smooth, hard cock. “What do you think?”
His cock feels warm underneath my avatar’s hand.
Is this still the effect of the D
?
I’ve never had an encounter like this. Not in this Headspace. I mean, I’m good with the sensory world of my imagination but not like this.
“I’d say the answer is yes.” I match his vocals, intensity for intensity, growling my answer. “Do your other wives know about this?”
“Leave them out of it.”
“What’s next, big dog?”
“Don’t call me that. My name is Himeros.”
I swallow, cowed. “Okay. What’s next?”
“You tell me.”
My avatar studies him again. I think the answer is kissing. I move close to his avatar face, smelling the heat and musk arising from him. This is freaking awesome. It’s like he’s in
my
Headspace. “How’d you do that?”
“How’d I do what?”
“The scent. The smell. Your avatar.”
“I’ll never tell.” A feral smile grows along his face. “Do you like?”
“Mm hmm.”
“So, what’s next?” He extends his tongue and runs it in a slow sweep along his lips.
“I think you want to be kissed.”
“Do I?”
“Yes. You do.”
“Is that want
you
want?”
“Oh, yeah.” I seize his face in my hands and press my lips to his, hungrily, insistently, devouring him. His tongue plunges into me and I suck on the slippery flesh inside my mouth. I break apart, panting. He thrusts his erection against my hips…my avatar’s hips…I want him inside of me…I mean my avatar….
oh, hell, I’m getting so confused
. “Oh, God, Himeros. What are you doing to me?”
“Just acting out a fantasy, that’s all.”
“It’s a really good fantasy.”
“Is it?”
“Oh, yes.”
He smiles, pleased and self-satisfied. “Good. What’s next?” He picks up a brunette strand between his fingertips and twirls it. He presses the warm flesh of his abdomen and chest against my avatar or me, I can’t tell. I seem to have lost my way between what’s fantasy and what’s reality in here tonight. His body embraces me and my knees get all weak.
Stop this. Stay in control.
I urge my body to assume control but it seems to have a mind of its own tonight. I melt into my sheepskin rug. The room starts to flicker.
“Stay with me. Stay with me,” Himeros urges. “Don’t go away.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” I’m panting. I’m actually panting.
His avatar melts alongside me and he rams his rigid erection into my back……I mean my avatar’s back. This is getting way too confusing.
“Enter me. Please.” I beg. I’m not used to begging. “Take me from behind.” I’m swollen with want and need.
“Not yet.” He presses tender kisses on the top of my scalp, on my neck, on my shoulder.
I can feel the head of his erection pressed against my ass and I wriggle, trying to get it inside me. This is
so
not a game tonight. I feel like the edges between reality and fantasy are blurred tonight.
“What’s your avatar name?” he breathes into my ear.
“It’s Desire. Nothing but Desire, baby. Desire for you and you alone.” I can’t tell if I’m kidding. My Headspace is all wrong tonight. Or maybe it’s all right. I smile.
“Good. I like that name for you.”
I scoot my ass back, trying to cajole him to enter me, not my avatar, but he resists. “Don’t you want me?’ I whisper.
“You have no idea.”
His voice is like creamy silk, sliding into my ear. I close my eyes and savor the sensation. “I’m going to have to give you your money back.”
“Why would you do that?” His hands reach around and cup my breasts. “I’ve got plenty.”
“Yeah, but this feels so one sided. It feels like it’s all for my pleasure.”
“Your pleasure is my pleasure, I can assure you. This is what I dreamed of doing.”
You dreamed of doing this
?
His hands roam over my sensitive flesh.
The virtual flesh of my avatar,
I correct.
This is all make-believe
.
“Shit.”
The word emerges from him, sharp and alarming. “What?” I say, tensing. “What did I do?”
“Nothing, baby. It’s not you. It’s just one of my…one of my…one of my wives wants me. I gotta go. I’m in…”
That same sense of something wrong about this scene fills me.
Something about what he’s telling me doesn’t make sense.
“Will you come back?” I can’t believe how desperate I sound.
“Maybe. Not sure. We’ll see. Gotta go, babe.”
The space fills with darkness and need,
my
need. I lie in the darkness, my pussy throbbing, thinking about what just happened.
Who is this guy, Himeros, in real life? What’s his story
? Honestly, I don’t know and I don’t care. The only thing I care about is that he enters my Headspace on a regular basis. I want this avatar as my own.
Jonas doesn’t call the next day. Or the next. Or the one after that. Or even the next. Am I surprised? No. It would have been more of a surprise if he
did
call. And I refuse to call him. Still, I hold out hope that he might have been as turned on by that kiss as I was.
Tonight I service the Twins, Devon, Captain Jack—ew, ew and double ew—and I’m wiped. After that I decide to take the rest of the night off.
I’m just about to step out of the house when the pulse-com goes off, indicating a client call. I’m going to have to have a talk with that damn HoloMess 500. They keep making mistakes in the schedule. I sigh, drop my purse, and wander to the doorway to don my high-tech suit. When I enter, the Himeros avatar is already naked inside my Headspace.
“Damn. How’d you get in here?”
“Isn’t this where you do your thing?”
“Yeah, but you’re not allowed to enter until I invite you in.”
“Are you saying you don’t want me in here?”
“Yes. No. I mean, you have to play by the rules.” I’m confused. Aroused. This guy does not play by the rules and I don’t know whether to be excited or alarmed.
“Show me Desire. Where is she?”
“Patience, Himeros. I need time to prepare.”
“Hurry. I’m hungry for you.”
“I can see that.” I glance over at his stiff rod. This guy disturbs me. This guy excites me. This guy needs to play by
my
rules. He’s in
my
house. “You’ll have to wait in the antechamber until I’m prepared. And you weren’t on tonight’s schedule. I may decide to reschedule.”
“As you wish.” His avatar disappears.
As I wish
?
I stand in the middle of the room, pondering.
Who the hell is this guy? He gets in without invitation, he bosses, he controls, he does what I ask, just like that
? I decide to make him wait. Leisurely, I call forth the avatar of Desire. I watch her emerge into the room, one shimmer of flesh and form at a time. Once she’s fully fleshed out, I watch her run her hands across her face, her lips, her neck. She’s fully aroused…I’m fully aroused. “You can enter now, big dog.”
“I told you not to call me that,” Himeros snarls, his avatar appearing with a sudden snap.
“And I told you—we play by my rules or we don’t play at all. You can take your money and your avatar elsewhere. Go play with one of your dollies.”
“My dollies?” he sputters, grinning.
“Your wives.”
“I’d much rather play with you.” His eyelids lower and he licks his lips.
The way he says this, the way he looks at me…my avatar, I mean…makes me melt. It’s like he’s snaked into my heart somehow. Slithered into my soul. Completely intoxicated me, this strange, strange guy with loads of secrets. I’ve given up trying to tell if this is all fantasy or if it’s really happening. Maybe it’s the lingering effects of the Devil’s Juice. I don’t care. The mind is a powerful entity. And imagination is the core of all manifestation. And, frankly, I
want
this guy with all my heart and soul. “Come inside me,” I moan. I’m on all fours now with my ass arched high in the sky, inviting entrance.
“Slow down, sweetheart, this is going to take some time.”
I don’t want it slow. I want it hard, fast, and deep. And right now. I let out a long groan. “Himeros. I’m about to lose my mind here.”
“I can see that. Good. You’re ready, then.” He stalks towards Desire and kneels behind her. He parts her behind and presses his face between her legs, letting his long tongue lick the length of her parted flesh.
“Ohhhhhh, God, Himeros,” I moan. I start to shake. I start to tremble. I start to feel pleasure like I’ve never experienced. Am I about to orgasm? My mind automatically seeks a connection with the man behind the avatar. All I get is static. He’s blocking me. This causes me to kind of short out. It messes with my head. I will myself back into the game.
Himeros keeps stimulating Desire. He’s relentless. He’s gentle. He’s hot. My body is shuddering violently with arousal, with desire to connect. Thoughts of Liam start slamming through me like a tsunami.
Is that who this guy is
?
I cry out. “Oh, I’m sorry. A thousand times sorry. I never should have cast you out of my life.” Curled in a ball, I’m sobbing, while Himeros is snaking his tongue up and down the inside of Desire’s folds. The room goes dark. Completely dark. “Himeros!” I call out.
“I can hear you. You don’t need to shout.”
“How can you hear me? My Headspace is broken.”
“I just can. I’m different than your other clients.”
“Who are you?” I manage through gusts of sorrow. My heart feels as if it’s going to shatter.
“I can’t tell you.”
“I’ll have to give you your money back.”
“Keep it. I have plenty.”
“I’ll make it up to you next time around.” I wipe the tears and slimy snot from my face. I almost came. I
almost
orgasmed. Almost. And it’s not even Christmas yet. Maybe there’s hope for me.
“There won’t be a next time—not like this. I can’t keep doing this.”
“Why?” I howl. “I think you’re the one.”
“That’s exactly why I can’t come back like this.”
“What are you saying? Himeros? Himeros?” Nothing but silence enfolds me. Through tremors of physical sensation, my heart continues to break to bits. I lie in the darkness and cry. I honestly have no idea how long I remain on the floor, cuddled on my sheepskin rug. At some point I manage to make it into my bedroom where I fall asleep for a long, long time.
Something happened to me on that night—when was it? Three weeks ago? Four? I can’t do this fucking job anymore. I send out a global message to all my clients via HoloMess 500, saying that I’m taking a medical leave. All I can manage is hiding in my home, feeding my cat, pulse-comming for take-out. I’m weak. Exhausted. I keep wondering if the avatar Himeros is actually Liam. If so, I don’t know what he’s trying to prove but if he wanted to hurt me back, mission accomplished. I’ve been shattered. Broken apart. Blown to bits.
I’ve been pulse-commed plenty. Kaama has tried to reach me approximately seven times. Magicka has tried sixteen times. HoloMess 500 has contacted me with messages—pleas, more like it—to please, please, please get well soon. My clients miss me. The only client who hasn’t called is Himeros. It doesn’t matter. I’m fairly numb at this point. I wonder if this is what a zombie feels like—oh, wait, they can’t really feel, can they? Frankly, neither can I.
I get a pulse-com that indicates Grammy is calling. I sigh and run my hands across my lips. “Hey, Grammy,” I say wearily.