“I thought we had a good thing. I thought it worked.”
“I wanted more. And, yes, we
have
a good thing. Not had.”
At least six more tears poke through the ice lining my eyes. I count each one as it slithers down my cheek. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand to stop any more from escaping. “You say you love me?” I know I should feel happy. I want to feel happy. I can’t seem to feel anything but sorrow and anger.
“I do. Only now I think I don’t deserve you. Before I thought maybe I had a chance.” He gives me a wan smile. His face grows serious again. “I really blew it, V. Really, really, really. Each day I wanted to pulse-com you and explain but each day I didn’t do it, it became more difficult to do the next. And Jenner didn’t make it easy.” A bleak, tormented scowl washes across his handsome face.
“What did she do?” I cross my arms and glare at him.
“She became a royal bitch. She said I needed to prove to her that I was committed. Me. The guy who’s never strayed. Ever. She’s always hated you. This was just her way of trying to control me. I knew I wanted out. Only I wanted to do the right thing. She’d betrayed me and I needed some shred of integrity. I didn’t want to leave her by doing what she did to me. Not that the woman of my dreams was interested.”
He gives me a piercing, pointed look that turns my insides to slush.
“So I decided to take the high road and give her what she wanted. All the while I was making plans for escape, getting all my assets in order. We were never married but I figured she’d try something. I wanted to be protected when I gave her the boot.”
I nod. “That makes sense, I suppose.” It did lessen the sting.
“I’m a wealthy man, as you well know.”
I nod again. “You just never play the wealth card. I’ve always been impressed by that.”
“Thanks. Hard-won wealth needn’t be flaunted. Anyway, she said the only comfort she got was with Brian, he was her support, and that was all, blah, blah, blah. She supposedly confided in him to sort things out with me. But come on. That kiss we saw? That was her way of getting comforted by the creep? It was complete bullshit. And she was utter hell to live with. It was my purgatory. I knew she was lying but I…”
He turns to me and the anguish in his eyes almost makes me reach out to comfort him. Almost…
“After breaking your heart I thought I deserved to be punished by staying with her a while longer. I also wanted to let her hang herself. I knew she was fucking Brian. I’m not an idiot. And I told you I was making plans for the end. It was just a matter of time and scrutiny.”
“So you got your evidence, sir?” I smile, thinking of being in the restaurant with him that night.
He lets out a sigh of exasperation. “Boy, did I. I found her virtual trail. Apparently, she had also done some ‘favors’…” He makes air quotes around the word. “She did some favors for my bookkeeper to cover up the trail. He got fired immediately and she got the boot to the backside she deserved.” His lips tighten in what could only be anger. “Good riddance.”
A bloom of hope stirs in my aching chest. “So she’s gone?”
“Yes, Vienna, she’s gone. All her stuff is out of my apartment. I’ve tossed, purged, enzymed, composted every scrap of her.”
“You…you didn’t off her, did you?”
“Ha!” Jonas smiles. “I may have had a gruesome fantasy or two—more like how would I handle it if I got a call that something happened to her, but no. She just got her walking papers. She’s with nobody right at the moment, as far as I know, but I have no doubt that will change. That girl can wheedle herself into even the smartest guy’s pants.”
“Or, the stupidest,” I say, jabbing him in the chest.
Jonas captures my hand. “Or that.” He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my fingertips.
Warmth seeps into my hand from his touch. My eyes close, savoring the sensation.
Jonas releases my fingers and my eyes flutter open abruptly. He’s staring at the door to my Headspace. His face is a solid stone mask. “How’s your job going?”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, how’s your job going?”
“It’s…I’m…I’m taking a break, that’s how. I got in over my head.” I glare at him in challenge, thinking of his judgment of the fantasy world. “What’s it to you?”
His expression is completely unreadable. “How are all your big dogs?” He frowns when he says this.
My jaw drops and my eyes widen. I’m sure I look like a pop-eyed goldfish. “What did you say?”
He meets my eyes with a challenging stare of his own. “You heard me. How are all your big dogs?”
My mind reels with possibilities and scenarios.
Jonas has been in my Headspace. Jonas! How could I not have known
? “Which one are you? And how could you get past my scrutiny? I have a lot of security measures in place to keep the nut jobs out.”
A mirthless laugh leaves his mouth. “It wasn’t difficult, I can tell you that. I have years of experience. I learned to keep my own counsel and shield my thoughts. Jenner never trusted me even though I’m probably the most trustworthy guy on the planet, when it comes to keeping a commitment. She must have been up to something for years and feeling guilty about it because she was frequently suspicious, poking around in my office, asking me what I was thinking, feeling, etc. She was always prying. I learned how to keep her out. Once I make my mind up to do something, I’m pretty determined. And you—you’ve tried scanning me a time or two over the years. I got used to blocking you when you did that. I figured if we weren’t intimate, you didn’t deserve to access my fantasies. I’d have to grant you those rights. Which I’m more than willing to do if you’ll let me…”
My heart lurches. I glance at Nigel, who’s sitting next to me, purring.
This is going better than I expected. It’s fun to watch.
I don’t like you staring at me.
Get over it. Humans are weird. I’m studying you.
Go take a nap. Go
!
I stab the air with my finger.
My cat saunters away, flicking his tail with a fuck-you nonchalance.
“Who were you, Jonas? Which avatar? Tell me.”
He chuckles. “You have to know. Guess.”
I smack my forehead with my hand.
I knew it!
“You! You’re Himeros!”
“And you’re Desire. But I already knew that.”
I fall back against the cushions and put my hands over my face.
That’s why there was so much mystery! That’s why there were so many blurred edges. That’s why the distinction between fantasy and reality was so not there
.
I can’t look at him. He’s seen me at my neediest. He’s seen me at the brink of want and despair. He’s seen me at my sex-soaked, fantasy-filled job.
“I wish you’d confided in me. I wish you’d told me what you do for a living.”
“I didn’t want to,” I say in a muffled voice. “I didn’t want to be judged.”
His fingers curl around my wrist and attempt to pry my hands from my face. I resist him with as much force as I can manage. “Let go of me.” We’re struggling in complete resistance to one another. “I said, let go!”
Exasperated, he complies. “Goddamn it, Vienna. Look at me.”
I remove my hands to stare at him.
“What the hell were you trying to do, Jonas?”
His face turns beet red. “I was trying to ascertain if I even stood a chance with you.”
“By becoming a fantasy character? Any dipshit can do that.”
“Yeah, but not every dipshit can have the connection I felt with you…feel with you. That’s when I knew I could rid myself of Jenner. That’s when I knew I would do anything to win you back into my life. I mean, after that kiss at the club…” He drifts off, caught up in the memory, no doubt.
“Pretty elaborate scheme you concocted. I’ve never known you to be devious.”
“More like desperate.”
“Wait a minute,” I say, thinking back. “Your avatar left me all kinds of messages on HoloMess on the night you got wasted. How could that have been you? I was with you all night.”
“Don’t forget, I took all kinds of bathroom breaks.”
“So you were in there, fortified with liquid courage, pulse-comming my service to try to get into my Headspace?” I was incredulous.
He appears sheepish. “Yeah. That was me.” His eyes flick away from me. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Where was your courage when you dumped me, asshole?”
He flinches.
“All you had to do was call me!” I’m yelling now, my voice ricocheting off the wall. “Fucking call me! Fucking reach out and connect, pulse-com to pulse-com. Stop by! Send me a holo-card! Anything! Weeks of endless silence were all you gave!”
He sits, grimacing, waiting for me to calm down. “I told you how sorry I was.”
I pitch my hands in the air. “I’ve been in hell, Jonas. Utter hell. And now you’re all ‘I love you’? What am I supposed to do?”
“Forgive me? Love me back?” he says, his most winsome smile getting the best of me.
My eyes slowly scan the room, considering.
Do I tell him? Do I allow vulnerability
? I work my jaw from side to side. Take a deep breath. “I do love you, Jonas. I always have.”
A huge grin spreads across his face. “I knew it! I knew it!”
“Calm down. I’m trying to adjust to change over here.”
“Calm as a summer pond. Cool, calm, and collected.” He spreads his hands through the air as if he’s smoothing the atmosphere. His expression, though, makes me think he’s going to combust with excitement.
I laugh, he laughs, and any remaining tensions flutter away. “How’d you manage to fool HoloMess 500?”
“That part was child’s play. You might want to consider a more secure, reliable service.”
“Maybe.” I scowl at him. “Keep going.”
“I’ve got connections everywhere from the work that I do. I had one of my connections in India build a fake profile.” A grin spreads across his face. “I told him it was to play a prank on a friend. This guy owed me big-time so he agreed.”
“Some prank.”
He laughs. “Didn’t you think it was clever?”
“I like the Shiver Strip part, but the wives? And what’s this with you and cattle?”
“You know I like a thick, juicy steak now and then.”
“Is that all? You haven’t gone toward any bestial back-door kinds of kink, have you?”
“Hell, no, V! That’s disgusting!” He shudders. “I was just trying to think of what someone would do if they lived on a remote island that supports livestock and not much else.”
“Okay. I’ve just seen all kinds of kink inside my Headspace. I draw the line when it comes to rape fantasies, children, or bestiality. Those topics are redlined, deep-sixed, and the clients are reported. Other than that, the sky’s the limit.” I give him a wicked smile, grab a handful of his tech-T and pull. “You’d better watch out.” I lean closer to him, slowly, sensuously rubbing my nose across his nose. Our mouths are a millimeter apart. He starts to connect for a kiss when I pull away. I move my lips next to his ear and whisper. “Not so fast. You still have to convince me that this is the right thing. You still need to convince me that you’re not going to cut and run again.” I lean back and look into his eyes. “Got it?” I whisper.
He licks his lips and nods.
“Good.” I release his shirt and smile. “What do you mean ‘keeping up the pretense was hard’?”
“You’re skilled at what you do. I had to believe in my story. So much so that you would think it’s real. It was so outlandish I could barely keep it together. But then, in that room, with you there…all I could think about was how beautiful you are and how much I wanted you.”
“You were kind of a controlling dick sometimes.”
“Part of the character. You don’t know me to be like that. I’ve never been a dick to you before.”
“I wouldn’t say ‘never.’” I roll my eyes.
“Okay, okay, point taken. But we’re moving past that, right?”
“I suppose. Maybe. I don’t know. We’ve been friends for such a long time. What if becoming lovers fucks that up?” I pick at the orange pillow next to me.
Jonas groans. “Oh, come on, Vienna! I know you’ve thought of it a time or two. I think about it all the time. The last few years, I feel like a drug addict. Drug Vienna. It’s been all I could do to keep my hands off of you.”
I glance at him. “I do recall you being rather tense on a few occasions.”
“More like rock hard and trying not to show it.”
I laugh.
“It’s not funny.”
“So is this all about you just being horny? I have a virtual room where you can play out your fantasies,” I tease.
“We could start there,” he counters with a predatory, piercing look.
I shiver with excitement. This Jonas has been hiding all these years. This Jonas is sizzling hot. “I thought you didn’t like virtual fantasy scenes.”
“I don’t. I didn’t. I don’t get it. I mean, I can see two lovers acting out a fantasy and all but to do it virtually? Why would you want virtual sex when the real deal is so much more fulfilling? When I stopped midway, my desire for you got the best of me and I had to clear out of there before I criticized you for what you were doing or gave myself away.”
“What’s the harm? People fantasize about each other all the time. This is just a fleshing out of their fantasies. I’m good at what I do, Jonas. I make people believe that they really had a skin to skin encounter with me.”
His face pulls into a grimace. “And how are you with all that? Doesn’t it make you feel like a hooker?”
I shrug. “It’s just a Headspace. I can be bored out of my mind, curled up on the floor while they get their rocks off.”
“Seriously?”
“I can prove it. Most of the time I get a hit of energy, though. It’s hot. It’s like my drug of choice. Erotic energy, baby. Want to see? My clients are dying for me to get back to work.”
“No,” he quickly retorts and stares away. “Hell, no. I don’t want to watch. I’m more of an action man. I want to do, not see.” He glances up at me, his eyes nearly black with desire, and swallows.
I squirm with shivers and quivers of need.
“What do you mean ‘get back to work’?”
I sigh. “That last time—it devastated me. I went into a mixed up energy overload tailspin like I used to do when I was a child. I’ve basically been in bed for three weeks or more. I lost track. Your character got under my skin. The edges between fantasy and reality blurred. I started to get all shaky. I thought you were…” A sob escapes my throat. “I thought you were Liam trying to make me pay.”