HealingPassion (3 page)

She didn’t answer. Her thoughts seemed focused inward, and
her fingers knotted together. She’d been carrying much responsibility and
clearly doing it well, but he suspected this was a blow that could make the
burden much greater. She braced herself on a long, hard inhalation. “I’ve
managed heretofore. I shall continue to do so.”

Sunlight coming in the window gleamed on a few dark brown
curls that escaped from beneath her cap. It seemed to play around her slender,
graceful form—such a slight figure to carry all the burdens she now bore. He
couldn’t help but admire her. She was just such a lady as he would want for
himself.

A most unworthy thought crossed his mind. If Groswick were
truly dead, the lady was free to marry again. All he’d learned inclined him to
believe it was so. But should he harbor a hope that it was?

He dared lay a hand on her shoulder. The warmth of her body
seeped through her gown and sent a jolt of heat into him that sped through his
veins. “You’ve managed well, my lady. Extremely well from what I’ve seen of
your keep and demesne. All is in good order.”

She looked up at him. Her troubled expression lightened but
didn’t disappear. “I thank you, Sir Thomas. I find one does what one has to,
whether one wishes to or not. I did not ask for this burden, but having had it
laid on me, I could not fail to take it up and meet its demands to the best of
my ability.”

“It appears your ability is considerable.”

“In truth, I must admit that my mother has been a great help
in it. She has a prodigious ability for organizing and managing affairs.”

“‘Tis well you have help. But my lady, once the king hears
that Groswick is presumed dead, he will provide you with further assistance.
Had Groswick any heirs?”

A flash of pain made her eyes narrow for a moment before she
controlled it. “We had no children.” That no doubt accounted for some of the
sadness that sometimes showed in her expression. “As for other heirs, I think
not. I’ve been told he had only one other brother, who died young. I suppose the
Earl, his uncle, would have some claim. I know of no one else.”

“‘Twill be for the king to decide then.”

She nodded and drew a deep breath. “Aye.”

“What have you of dower lands?”

“None, my lord.”

“None?”

“My Lord Groswick felt there was no need of it.”

He stared at her, stunned. “That was not well done. And not
customary, either. Know you why he felt so?”

She said nothing for a moment, and he had the impression she
was deciding how to reply. “Nay.” The word carried little conviction, however.

Here was a mystery. The lady knew or had some idea why her
husband had chosen not to dower her, but she didn’t want to say what it was. He
could think of few reasons a husband would act so, and none that seemed to
apply. The lady was nobly born herself, apparently unlanded otherwise, and gave
no indication of being unstable or unreliable. It did go some way to explain
why the death of her husband should cause her so much fear.

He leaned a little closer to her, meaning only to give
reassurance. “You worry that a new lord will come in and you’ll have no place.
Fear not, my lady. When I report to the king, I’ll mention your predicament and
ensure that provision is made for you.”

The smile that spread across her face was surprised, sad,
hopeful, and grateful, all at once. He was stunned himself, when she suddenly
rushed forward and wrapped her arms around him, chest against his, resting her
face on his shoulder. She squeezed tightly. His body reacted. Heat poured
through him, gathering in his groin, hardening his cock. She felt like an angel
in his arms, and he wanted to hold her against him until he couldn’t stand it
anymore, then bury himself in her.

That way lay danger, his conscience reminded him. Her
husband was likely dead, but until they knew, he had no right to think of her
in those terms.

It took an effort that left him sweating and shaking, but he
finally forced himself to disengage from the lady. At his gentle pressure on
her arms, she backed up, her expression suddenly horrified. She looked up at
him with tears in her eyes.

“Sir Thomas, I do apologize. I had no right…I know not what
I was thinking. Truly, I am not normally so…forward.”

“I do not think so, my lady. You were overcome with the
emotion of the moment. Think no more of it.”

The heat and pressure refused to go away so long as he
looked at her. He needed to get out before he disgraced himself.

“My lady, if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do and I
know you do as well. Do you object if I question members of your household
concerning Lord Groswick?”

“Nay, Sir Thomas. Do as…you will.” Her voice wobbled and
broke.

“Thank you. Lady Juliana.” He bowed to her, turned, and
left.

* * * * *

Thomas had wanted to question the bailiff, but when he
inquired about it, he was told the man was out on business with some of the
crofters. He asked about the steward and learned he, too, had departed on an
errand. He recalled that Juliana had asked him to do something for her that
morning.

He shrugged and went to the kitchens, where the head cook
ungraciously consented to answer his questions, so long as he could continue to
stir the pot he leaned over while he did so. The man identified himself as John
Cookson.

“You’ve been here how many years, John Cookson?” Thomas
asked.

“All my life, my lord,” the man answered. “My father was
head cook here before me.”

“You knew Lord Groswick well enough then?”

The man shrugged. “How well does a cook know the lord of the
keep?”

“Usually very well indeed, though not necessarily from
personal contact,” Thomas suggested.

The man looked up from his pot. The words had surprised a
small grin from him, though it faded quickly. “Ah well, you have the right of
that. I knew my lord well enough in that way.”

“And what sort of man would you say he was?”

John looked back down into his pot and stirred thoughtfully
for a moment before he answered. “A hard lord. He was raised with no softness,
though being the only son of his father, he grew to expect he could have aught
that he wished. A man with no gentleness in him, though as to that, I suppose
‘tis not so different from most other lords.” The cook slanted him a suspicious
look from narrowed eyes.

“Would you say he was a fair lord?”

Again the thoughtful pause ensued. “As to that, I cannot
truly judge.”

An interesting reply, Thomas thought. “Lady Juliana tells me
Lord Groswick has been gone over a year now, with no word from him. Does that
seem strange to you?”

The answer took long enough in coming. Thomas began to
wonder if the man was habitually so slow to speak. If not, then was it his
presence or the subject matter making him so uncomfortable?

“Nay, not so strange. My lord’s will was his own, and he
looked to no one else’s needs, wants, or pleasure in his actions. He would not
likely have felt he must send messages or word of his plans here. He’d not have
thought of it, save that he needed something from us.”

“Did you know anything of his plans when he left?”

The man stopped stirring for a moment and drew a deep
breath. “I believe he was to meet the Prince on the Continent, my lord.”

“You heard no whisper that their true destination might be
some other place. Or that they planned a stop somewhere?”

The man shook his head. “Nay.”

“How many rode out with him?”

The hand holding the spoon showed a slight tremor. “I know
not that I can recall with any accuracy. Perhaps two dozen.”

“Did you know those who rode out with him?”

John turned a look on him that showed distress and worry.
“Nay, my lord. That is…” He paused and took a breath. “They were my lord’s
foster brothers or mercenaries who attached themselves. I knew them not at all
well.”

“So you wouldn’t know if the men’s families had heard any
word from them?”

“Nay, my lord.” The man let out a breath in a sigh that
sounded relieved. Thomas wondered what question he had feared would be asked.

“Know you the names of those men?”

John stiffened and drew a sharp breath. “Sir Robert of… I
know not where, my lord. There was a Sir Wilfred and Lord Adam of…Exeter, was
it? Forgive me, my lord, but I am poor with names.”

So poor he couldn’t give a single name specific enough to
let him trace the person. But then the man was a cook. He had no reason to be
concerned with the names of noble visitors, save that they were normally the
subject of much gossip.

Thomas sighed himself. “Thank you for your help, John.” He
started to leave, then stopped and turned around as thought of another
question. “Lady Juliana and Lord Groswick were wed near three years past. How
did Lord Groswick feel about the lady?”

“My lord!” John said sharply. “‘Tis not my place to talk
about my lord and his lady that way.” He drew a couple of breaths. “But you
know Lady Juliana. She is a lady both sweet and wise beyond her years. How
could anyone fail to love her?”

“How indeed?” he asked. Thomas thanked the man and took his
leave.

He stopped to ask a young man passing by if he knew where
the housekeeper might be found and followed the directions given. On the way he
mused that this might be the oddest keep he’d ever been in.

Chapter Three

Juliana made it through her remaining morning chores. She
only dropped one cup, shattering it, a piece of marking charcoal in the main
storeroom, and a loaf of bread in the kitchen. Not bad, she decided,
considering how badly she was shaking. Just after midday, she talked to John,
the head cook, concerning food plans for the next few days, and managed it with
only a slight tremor or two.

Unfortunately, the cook, a grizzled older man with thick
body and huge hands, noticed her shaken condition.

“My lady, forgive my impertinence, but is all well with
you?” he asked.

“Aye, of course.”

The man nodded. “I feared that Sir Thomas’ arrival might
have discomposed you. He is asking questions.”

She drew a deep breath. “Aye, I know.”

“He asked a number of questions about my lord and his men.
He also asked about yourself and Lord Groswick and how he regarded you. None
here will betray you, my lady.”

“I know that. And I do appreciate your loyalty, considering
that I am not native here.”

The cook’s homely face broke into a grin. “Ye may not have
been born here, my lady, but it has been clear since shortly after you arrived
that ye belonged here.”

Remembering her husband’s treatment of her, Juliana sighed.
“Clear, perhaps, to some, but certainly not all.”

“Now, my lady, fret ye not. All will be well.”

She summoned a smile for his benefit. “I thank you, John.”

When she stopped briefly in the great hall for a midday
meal, she learned that Sir Thomas had questioned several of the household staff
about Lord Groswick. The two who spoke to her directly stressed that they’d
said nothing to him beyond the fact that their lord had left some time ago and
they’d heard nothing from him since.

By the time she returned to her solar for a quick afternoon
rest, her nerves were strung tight. Finding someone already waiting for her
there didn’t improve her state of mind.

“Mother?”

Lady Ardsley rose from the bench where she’d been resting.
“You spoke with Sir Thomas earlier. What does he know?”

“He knows little, but he suspects much. He knows Groswick
didn’t meet the Prince in France, and he’s been able to find no evidence that
he ever made the journey. He seems to have checked quite thoroughly.”

“Tell me all.”

Juliana related as much as she could remember of her
conversation and also told her what John had said about the questions Sir
Thomas asked him. The longer she spoke, the more agitated her mother became.
She stood and paced up and down the room. “He’s no fool, this Sir Thomas. And
he seems quite determined as well.” She stopped and turned to Juliana. “He
could be dangerous.”

“He is dangerous. In more ways than just the one.”

Her mother gave her a hard stare. Juliana loved her mother,
but she had also grown in understanding of her over the past few years. The
mind within the wizened figure, hidden by her charming, sometimes silly, chatty
manner, was both sharp and calculating. Juliana wondered what scheme she was
hatching now. Even at that, she wasn’t prepared for what her mother said next.

“You’ll have to seduce him.”

“What? Mother! What in heaven do you mean?”

“What I said. Come, Juliana, you’re no child anymore. You
know what it means to seduce a man.”

“I know what it means, though I know not why you think I’m
capable of such a thing.”

“Every woman is capable of it, but your beauty makes you
more capable than most.”

She shook that off. Whatever beauty she might possess had
had little influence on Lord Groswick. And now her face bore ugly scars as a
result.

“I know not how I would go about it.”

“I can tell you. Men have their weaknesses. And it seems Sir
Thomas has been celibate for some time, which will make him more susceptible
yet. I cannot think a man such as he finds that easy.” The older woman sighed.
“I’ve seen him watch you, as well. He’s drawn to you whether he wants it so or
not.”

“But, mother! Why would I do such a thing? What can it gain
me?”

Her mother paused and started pacing again. “He’s going to
learn… He’s too intelligent and too persistent. He already suspects something
is amiss. I think he’s already wondering if Groswick actually left the keep at
all. He’s mentioned being unable to find anyone who saw his party pass on the
road. If he doesn’t already wonder, he will shortly when he finds no one in the
vicinity admits to seeing him. Or if they do, their stories may not match.” Her
mother drew a deep breath, paused in her pacing, and lifted her head to look at
Juliana again. “I fear for you. He’s a hard man. I fear there’s little mercy in
him.”

The familiar fear washed over her, but she tried to deny it.
“He’s an honorable man. He’d understand if we explained the circumstances.”

“We cannot depend on that. You must tie him to you in a
stronger way. He’ll be much less likely to denounce a woman he’s lain with.”

“Denounce…”

“We’ve known all along how the world would view what
happened, though none who know you and Groswick would question it.”

Juliana sighed. She hated the lies with all her soul. The
fact that so many others were imperiling their souls in the same way on her
behalf tore her conscience to shreds at times. And Sir Thomas had seemed so
kind and understanding. “Perhaps I should just tell him…”

“Nay!” Her mother turned sharply to face her. “You’ll do no
such thing.” Her always pale face grew even whiter, and she appeared to waver.

Juliana helped her to a chair. “I don’t like the lies and
the deception, Mother. I fear it may cause more serious harm.”

“I’ve told all that no harm is to be done to Sir Thomas or
his men. There should be…no repeat of the…crossbow episode.” Lady Ardsley
struggled with her breath again.

“Have you learned who did it?”

“Nay, though I’d guess ‘twas Peter Randolph. You know how he
idolizes you.”

The bailiff’s son had adored her from the moment she’d
arrived. “Aye. He is my guess as well. I’ll have a word with him.”

Her mother nodded. “You must do something to bind Sir Thomas
as well. He’s too great a danger to you.”

“I cannot believe you truly want me to seduce him. He’ll
resist it. He still sees me as a married woman, and to lay with me would be
adultery. I think he’ll not want that on his conscience.” She sighed. “I don’t
want it on my conscience that I led him into that sin. Though why I should now
get so nice with my conscience I know not. There are enough stains on it
already.”

Her mother stood and came over to pat her shoulder. “Nay,
Juliana. What happened was an accident. You bear no responsibility for it. Only
Groswick can be blamed.”

“How does one blame a man who is dead?”

“One doesn’t. Nor does one blame oneself for the accident
that killed him.”

“If we hadn’t argued, though, and I hadn’t tried to push him
away from me…”

“He might have killed you instead. Of the two of you, the
world is better with you still in it and him not, rather than the other way
round.”

“It matters little. Sir Thomas will not be able to prove
anything in any case.”

“Nonetheless, the more we can do to minimize the risk, the
better.”

“What would you have me do, Mother? I was unable to rouse my
husband. I see no reason why I should be able to seduce Sir Thomas.”

“I’ve seen him look at you with the heat of desire in his
eyes,” her mother answered. “A heat I never saw in Groswick’s. Not for you, nor
for any other woman. He was not a man for women.”

Her mother began pacing again. After a moment of that, she
said, “Offer him a bath tonight. He’ll surely take the offer. And, of course,
as the lady of the household, ‘twill be your duty to assist him. You’ll rouse
him. He has noticed you, Juliana. I saw the way he looked at you. And, truly,
how great a burden can it be? He’s a comely man and appears to be an honorable
one. He treats courteously all who cross his path.”

“I do believe him an honorable man. And therein lies the
problem. I dislike to have it on my conscience that I lured him into an act
he’ll consider dishonorable.”

“You must protect yourself as much as possible, Juliana. For
my sake, if for no other. What would I do without you? I’m an old woman with
little more life left, but I’ll leave it more happily knowing your future is
secure.”

“Mother…” Juliana sighed, knowing her mother had found the
one sure way to win her compliance. “So be it. Tell me what I must do.”