I winced. “On a table.”
Roman clucked his teeth and muttered underneath his breath beside me. He moved in closer so he could hear. I tilted the phone for him.
She lowered her voice. “And didn't even stop when we walked in. Skirt up all over her headâshe hadn't even undressed completely! How could she not have seen us? Even when he walked right up to them, you'd think she have tried to get up or ... or something!”
“Just laid out there, huh?” The story was getting worse with each version.
“That ain't even the worst of it, girl. The worst thing was that she was torn between begging Greg to come back, screaming at me to help her, and asking Beau why he didn't lock the door in the first place. She never got up. Never pulled that skirt all the way down.”
Roman shook his head in disgust.
I closed my eyes. “Uh-uh, girl, you're lying.”
“I kid you not. No remorse, girl, none at all.”
“Well, how is he?”
“In shock. Keeps talking about how he should've seen this coming and so forth. He's all broke down, girl. Talking to himself and laughing, walking around in circles. Shaking like a leaf but he won't cry.”
Roman frowned and shook his head, making hand motions. I tried to interpret. “Girl, if he cries at all, it won't be in front of you.”
“Oh.”
I went back to my original point. “So why's he there, Roni? And how long is he staying?”
“He couldn't go back to Renee's!”
“He kept the lease on his old place, and all his furniture is there. Why didn't he go there? And how long is he staying?”
“He said that was the first place she'd look, and he doesn't want to see her.”
It was the first place she'd looked, but that wasn't the point. “
And how long is he staying?
”
“We talked about it, and he said just 'til he gets his head together.”
Roman rolled his eyes.
“Uh-huh. Well, I hope you know what you're getting into.” The entire damn thing was foul.
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is thisâjust today you told me you have feelings for that boy, and now there he is under your roof. Try to remember that he is a man scorned and on serious rebound. Also, you've got a good friend who is going to come looking to you for support. How do you think Renee is going to feel when she finds out Greg's staying with you?”
“I don't owe Renee shit. I'm telling you, girl, if you could have
seen
her!”
“Glad I didn't, thanks anyway. The real issue here is that you're pissed off that she did this to Greg. If she'd done this to someone else, you'd be laughing about it right nowâadmit it.”
“Fine, I admit it. And as for the rest, thanks but I know what I'm doing.”
This time I rolled my eyes. “Fine, I'm out of it.”
“Jewellen, you're not gonna take sides, are you? Are you mad at me?” Roni asked.
Roman tucked me in closer, and I laid my head on the pillow. “Girl, I'm not mad, but I
am
out of it. O-U-T of it.”
“I take it you and the Roman god are back together? You haven't sounded this chill in weeks.”
“Bite your tongue, woman. I got along just fine without him.” I laughed when he pinched me. “We're okay. You take care of yourself, and tell Greg to call if he needs anything.” Roman pinched me again ... I was feeling charitable.
“We'll be okay too. Later, girl.” She hung up.
I switched off the phone and chucked it off the bed. I turned in Roman's arms, and he wrapped me up.
“So this is what you had on Renee, hmm?” I asked him.
“I knew it was gonna happen, babe. I just didn't want either of us involved. Just a matter of time.”
“Water under the bridge now, I guess.” I snuggled in closer.
“So ... got along fine without me, hmm?” He didn't sound like he was joking.
“Truthfully?” I leaned back to see his face.
“Yeah, I need to know.”
“Truthfully, I missed you like hell.”
He grinned in the dark. “Good, we're even. Chase missed you too; he thought he'd done something wrong.”
I winced. “I thought something like that might happen. Let's try not to get to this point again.”
“I hear you. By the way, how'd you end up at that party?”
I laughed. “Now that's an interesting story involving Teddy Grahams, your mother, and the butcher's counter.”
“Sounds like a story I gotta hear.”
“Believe it or not, it all started less than twenty-four hours ago... .”
29
Lay It on the Altar
ReneeâSunday, March 5, 1:03 p.m.
Â
Â
“Y
ou don't have to confess your sins to me.”
“Amen.”
“You don't have to apologize to me.”
“Preach now.”
“You can hurt me, mock me, talk about me to my face, and walk away!”
“Um-hmm. Say it now!”
“But you can't walk away from the Lord.”
“Sho' nuff!”
“Tell the truth!”
“Talk to me!”
Reverend Moss was off and running in fine form this morning. He was on a roll, and the congregation was right there with him. Today, the first time I had been back to church since the Loss of the Ring, what do you think he preaches on? Sin, guilt, and confession. Easter's around the corner; why couldn't he do a good rousing He Is Risen speech?
Beau sat next to me, shifting uncomfortably on the pew. I glanced sideways at him and grinned. If I had to face the Lord head-on, at least I had my partner in crime with me. Beau moved in with me the day after Gregory came and moved his stuff outâValentine's Day of all days. It had been exactly a month and a day since The Loss, and I still hadn't fully accepted it. The fallout had been incredible.
My mother was hardly speaking to me. I reached out to Greg and tried to explain that it was one night, one stupid mistake, the champagne, but he wasn't trying to hear it. He sent me an e-mail making it very clear that whatever we had was history. I found out that Greg had stayed over at Roni's the night of The Loss, and I hadn't spoken to her since. Beau and Roman just started speaking again last week, but Jewel was pissed that I let Beau move in. Well, what was I supposed to do? Sit around and mope alone? Work was tough since all my time was spent with Kat, and she has made it clear that she can't stand me. My boss was thinking about switching me off the account, which was really a demotion in disguise.
I was at a place where I needed some answers. Some direction. I knew what I did was wrong, but was it so major that my whole life had to be turned upside down? Who really suffered? Okay, I feel bad about Greg, but there he was, four rows up and one over, right next to Roni Mae, Tammy, Stacie, and Trickâall
my
friends. Looked like he was over it. Meanwhile, my life was still in chaos. Where did I go from here? And who did I go with? To think, a month and a half ago, I was planning my wedding, looking for houses, scheming a way to get a tennis bracelet to match my necklace out of Greggy ... Greg.
Okay, Beau was a lot of fun and he could really, well ... I was in church, but you know what I'm trying to say. He was a nice, fun guy, and in the looks and body department, he was by far the closest thing to perfect I had ever seen, but for the long haul, what did that net me? I didn't see him buying a house, having two kids, and telling me to stay home and give up work. If anything, Beau would be inclined to stay home while I kept working. And just the thought of having to start a whole new thing over with somebody from scratch made me cringe. I'd just gotten Greg to the point where he put the toilet seat down. Truthfully, I was about desperate with despair. I couldn't believe I blew a good thing. I looked inside myself and still couldn't see exactly when I turned the wrong corner. Was it Beau or was it something within me? All I knew was, Greg was gone, my relationships with friends and family were strained, the job was tense, and Beau was here. I came to church for answers, not a guilt trip. I was seriously thinking about getting up and walking out.
I tuned back in to hear the reverend's words: “I
said
, âYou can't walk away from the Lord.' Do you hear me, Church?” He waved his handkerchief at the congregation, and the organist tapped out a little beat. I sighed. So much for the leaving idea.
“Amen!” rose the responses from the congregation.
“You don't hear me, Church! I say you can run, but you can't
hide
from Jesus. You don't have to talk to
me
. Who am I? I'm just a man trying to talk to ya 'bout a thang called salvation this morning. That's who
I
am. I can't save you. Yo' mama can't save you... .”
“Ah, watch out there, Reverend,” Old Man Jones called out from the front pew. That man had sat in the front pew calling out the same thing since I was a little girl.
“Yo' daddy, yo' boyfriend, yo' wife, yo' doctor, not even yo' lawyer can save you! Can I get a witness this morning?” He stepped from behind the pulpit and started pacing in front of the altar. “You got to come to the Lord with love and reverence. On bended knees, Church!” He knelt down. “You got to bow your head down to the Master.” He bowed his head. “And ya gotta say, âLord, I'm a sinner!' ” He flung his arms out to the side. “I'm a sinner, Father God. I've sinned before, and the devil surely knows I will sin again. But, Father! Admit me to your kingdom.”
A string of “Amen!”s and “Preach, Preacher!” ring out as Rev hopped up. “Precious Lord! Forgive me, Master. Admit me!” He turned to the congregation. “Do you want to enter the kingdom, Church?”
“Yes! Amen! Have mercy, Lord!”
“You gotta tell the Lord your sins. Tell him your sorrows. Tell him your joys! 'Cause when the end comes, Church, you don't wanna be left down here. Oh precious, precious Lord, don't leave me down here.”
“Don't leave me, Lord!” The masses were in a frenzy. And I was very uneasy. Was I going to burn for all eternity behind Beauregard Montgomery? I began to pray in earnest.
He quieted his voice. “Don't get left behind, Church. Take it all to the Lord in prayer. Plead for mercy and remember his grace, for he is gracious.. . . He is gracious. Oh precious Lord.”
“Precious Lord,” we all repeated. And the organist began to play and sing.
“Precious Lord, take my hand. Lead me on, let me stand. I am tired ... I am weak ... I am worn. Through the storm, through the night ... lead me on to the light. Precious Lord, take my hand ... and lead, lead me home.”
As she sang, tears ran down my face. I looked over at Beau and was surprised to see that he looked moved too. He reached over and took my hand. It was a sweet thing to do.
The reverend spoke up during a piano interlude between verses. “There may be those of you who have troubles weighing on your mind. Those of you who need guidance. Those of you who have strayed off the path to salvation and are walking down a lonely, dark road. But there is hope, my brothers and sisters. There is light! For the Lord says, âAsk and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be opened.' If there are those of you among us who want to join our church family or rededicate yourself to the Lord, come forward. Ask, seek, and knock this morning.”
The organist began to sing again, and he continued speaking. “I know you've done things that weigh heavy on your heart, your mind, your soul. Let the Lord help you carry that load. Come to Jesus this morning. âWhosoever will, let them come.' ”
I'll never understand what happened, but I felt someone pushing me. From the inside, I felt a great pressure. The next thing I knew, I had gotten up and dragged Beau to his feet too. It wasn't until we were standing and I felt the weight of hundreds of eyes on me that I realized what I was doing. I looked at Beau, who looked both dazed and baffled. Next thing I knew, we were walking up the aisle toward the altar.
“God bless these young people,” Reverend Moss said as we stood in front of him moments later. He handed me a microphone. “Make your testimony, child.”
I froze for a moment. I looked to Beau for reassurance, but he was just as scared as I was. I scanned the congregation. Greg looked skeptical. Roni, Stacie, and Patrick looked shocked. Tammy looked amused. Near the back on the right sat Jewel and Roman. Roman looked blank, but Jewellen, my homegirl, was smiling at me. I held on to that, took a deep breath, and spoke. “I just wanted to take this opportunity to get back on track with the Lord, with my life, with my friends and family. I've taken a few wrong turns, and I've made mistakes. And I'mâ” I started to choke up and cry, but I forced it out anywayâ“sorry for that. I never meant to hurt anyone. I only hope that with the Lord's help, I can find a way to make it up to everyone. Including myself. I just ...” I broke down then, and Beau had to take the mike away. He put an arm around my shoulders as he spoke. I couldn't help but think that we probably a real cute picture standing up there together.
“Renee's not the only one who has made mistakes. I never would have come up here on my own, but now that I'm here, I'm glad about it. It's been a long time since I took responsibility for anything, myself included. I can only pray that today marks the beginning of a whole new me. Thank you.”
By the time the reverend asked people to come forward and rejoice in our reaffirmation of faith, I was a little more composed. The first people up to the altar were Rome and Jewel. I couldn't say as I've ever really gotten along with Roman, but when he smiled at me and gave me a hug, I felt he meant it.
“Good for you, girl,” Jewellen said as she leaned forward to hug me.
I was still too choked up to do much more than nod. When Beau and I went back to our seats, I felt more at peace than I had in years. Who knows, maybe this God thing was the way to go. I felt cleansed, as if nothing I'd done before mattered. My slate was clean. And I saw the look on Greggy's face; he wanted to believe that I was truly sorry deep in my heart. Hell, in a way I was. I was truly sorry I had gotten caught. I smiled over at Beau. God bless his beautiful hide, he was going to have to move out. If there was the slightest chance I could get Greg back ... Oh yeah, he'd have to go and soon. Beau grinned back. That grin was the furthest thing from sanctified I'd ever seen.
“Feel better,
chere
?” he whispered.
“Yeah, I really do. Thanks for coming up there with me.”
“You can thank me very personally later. Get your prayers in now.”
A slow smile spread across my face. Hey, I was dedicated to the Lord, but I wasn't dead. Beau would go, but tomorrow was plenty soon enough.