Heart Ache (Bound by a Touch Novels #1) (13 page)

His heart pounded so hard in his chest he feared it might just break the ribs that were meant to protect it. He dropped to the floor and knelt at her feet. “My sweet Gabrielle.”

“
Please.” That one simple word, spoken with such pure anguish assured he would deny her nothing.

“
What do you want from me?”

She cradled his face in the palm of her hand. He leaned into her touch. He waited for her answer. She stroked his cheek with her thumb, but didn’t respond.

“
Gabby, do you love … him?”
Or me?

“
I love Jayson,” she said in a rehearsed, robotic way.

But not as much as you, Nikolai,
he added in his head,
I have never loved a male as much as I love you.

But there were no ‘buts’.

She stood and turned to face him. Her eyes locked on his. He disappeared into the deepest blue he’d ever seen, getting lost. His hand absently rubbed at his chest again, at the breaking heart just below the surface.

He got to his feet and stood before her. “Are you … sure … this is what you want, Gabrielle?” He let his accent seep heavily into every word.

She took a step closer to him, their bodies only a breath apart, and looked up into his eyes. The deep cobalt was intense, filled with a thousand emotions he couldn’t name, they flashed so quickly.

“
Give me one reason I shouldn’t marry Jayson.”

I love you! I need you. You are my life, my soul, my very heart!

She pushed up one her tiptoes, her breasts brushing lightly against his chest then grazing upward as she continued the motion. Her lips pressed to his chin, then drifted to the corner of his mouth.

He couldn’t stop the groan that escaped his throat. His mind came back on track, sent the orders to his hands to capture her and pull her to his body. His lips bruised hers with kisses long awaited. Gabrielle’s heartbeat echoed in his ears. Her scent increased, intensified, exposing her desire. She wanted this. She wanted
him.

His tongue moved across her lips and she opened to him. He swallowed her gasp as he deepened the kiss. She met his aggression, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him down. His arms tightened around her and lifted until she nearly melted against him. One step toward the couch and another and—

A knock interrupted their kiss, and she went stiff when a male voice asked, “Gabs, baby, is everything okay?”

She ripped herself out of Nikolai’s embrace and began to smooth the front of her dress with shaking hands. She flew over to the mirror to examine her smudged lipstick. “Yeah, Jay, I’m fine.”

“
Like hell you are,” Nikolai hissed.

“
Okay, well, we’re all um … waiting on you.” Jayson’s attempt at calm was eclipsed by his anxiety.

“
I’ll be right there,” she called.

Nikolai’s mouth dropped open and he gawked at her. “You’ll be right there?” he mocked her statement. “After what just happened, you’ll
be right there
?”

Her fingers slowly, intoxicatingly swept over her full lips, which were even fuller and a deeper red than usual due to his aggressive kisses.

“
I don’t know what you want me to say, Nikolai,” she muttered, unable to meet his eyes.

His entire body shook with fury. Rage filled breaths rushed in and out of his lungs. If he didn’t gain control of himself he would become the male he hated most and throw her over his shoulder, kidnapping her from the groom.

If only she’d listen her heart. He’d kissed her. She’d kissed him back and yet she was still ready to walk out the door, down the aisle, and marry her mortal.

“
Damn you, Gabrielle.”

“
Damn
me
? You’re one to talk, Nikolai!” she shouted back. “It’s
my
wedding day for hell’s sake. What did you think would happen?”

Her eyes collided with the angriest man she’d ever seen. His black eyes flashed like an electrical storm at midnight. The muscle in his jaw jumped with the audible grinding of his teeth. His hands formed fists at his sides.

“
It’s not like I can leave Jayson at the alter.”

He closed his eyes and the muscle in his jaw jumped again.

“
I think you should leave.” She sighed.

“
I think you should be honest with me.” His voice was so low it vibrated in her ribcage.

“
I want you to leave.”

“
Liar.”

“
What did you just say?” She stomped over until they were toe to toe.

“
You. Are. A. Liar,” came his slow, even accusation.

“
And you are a coward!”

His eyes widened and went nearly all white. He turned from her and stalked away from her. She thought he might leave her and her heart skittered. At the doorway he stopped, leaned his head against the wood and gripped the jamb. His knuckles whitened. His suit expanded with his breath. She heard his exhale.

“
Is this what you want … to marry him when—” His face hovered over hers in the next breath. She could see every silver fleck in his black eyes. “—when you are in love with me?”

At some point she would realize she should have agreed with him. She
should
have leapt into his arms and kissed him like the sun would never rise again. Yeah, but in this moment, she was pissed.

“
How
dare
you?!” With a huff she turned her back to him. The way he’d flung the words at her, like some kind of dirty laundry he was airing to the world, added fuel to her don’t-screw-with-me fire. “I have
never
given you any reason to think I feel
anything
for you except respect as my boss.”

His hands dug into her shoulders and he spun her around to face him so fast she’d have fallen in the floor if not for his hold on her. His breath was warm against her cheek. His hands firm as they moved down to hold her by the arms.

“
I see the way you look at me. There is not a doubt in my mind that you care for me, that you love me as much as I—”

“
Gabby?” Marie knocked on the door.

Dammit!
Her heart hammered in her chest. The heat emanating from his hands was about to set her ablaze. She’d never been so scared in her life. His next words would determine her future. She was afraid of what he’d say, and terrified of what he wouldn’t.

Neither of them acknowledged Marie. They just stood close enough to feel one another’s heartbeat. He leaned in, got nice and close, his breath hot against her ear, sending a shiver up her spine and goose bumps to break out over her entire body.

“
I will walk you down the aisle.”

“
What
?” She stretched up on her tiptoes to bring herself nose to nose with the man she loved more than life itself.

“
You
have to stop this yourself.”

“
I … You … Nikolai…?”

“
I won’t make this decision for you.” His hand rubbed at his chest
again
as though he had a deep ache he was trying to soothe. “
You
have to choose whom you want.”

But please choose me
, she waited for him to add, but he didn’t. Instead he took her hand and pressed it to the spot he’d been rubbing, where his heart hammered in his chest, and leaned down to kiss her nose.

“
Let’s go, love, you have a groom waiting.”

Chapter Nine

A death march. That’s what the soft, traditional “Here Comes the Bride” sounded like to Nikolai. Gabrielle’s fingers dug into his forearm. He hoped her grip on him signaled her aversion to making the trek down the aisle.

As they entered the small chapel, Nikolai purposely didn’t look in the direction of Gustav and Vincent. He didn’t have to.

“
Holy … shit!” Vincent breathed.

Holy shit was right!

Nikolai had spent so many years afraid to become like his father, been so determined to give his heartmate the choice their mother didn’t get, he’d never truly given Gabby a choice. He saw that now. It was too late. He was actually going to
give
her to another man.

Although he’d sworn he wouldn’t look at his brother. Their gazes clashed. Gustav’s mouth hung open, his eyes wide.

Vincent regained control first, turning to Gustav. “He’s giving her
away
?”

Gustav rubbed at his eyes. “What the hell?”

The reactions of his nearest and dearest validated the idiocy of what he was doing. Throwing her over his shoulder, evaporating away, and locking her in his basement sounded like a really good idea.

She squeezed his arm and looked up at him through her veil. He leaned down. “There he is, love. He’s waiting for you.”

She nodded and sniffed. Tears flowed over her cheeks. He knew damned well they weren’t happy tears. Dammit! Gabrielle did have feelings for him. He knew it. And she knew he knew it.

Why did she have to be so stubborn?

Nikolai chanced a look at the groom. The muscles of Jayson’s jaw worked so hard his teeth were going to be nothing but stubs. His hands balled into fists and the best man actually had a hand on his arm. Nikolai wanted to be smug, wanted to flash a victorious smile. But he wasn’t the victor. He was the loser.

And he was about to lose
everything
.

It had been years since Nikolai had cried. Since the day his mother had died to be exact. Right now, with his heartmate asking to be given to another man, his eyes burned. He blinked to keep the tears at bay. His heart ached like it was trying to pump concrete.

He had always been the kind of male who could keep his emotions in check. He didn’t get angry. He seldom laughed and he
never
cried. But he found his eyes watering.

He was on the verge of sobbing like a newborn.

They were halfway up the aisle when Nikolai couldn’t take another step. He paused. Gabrielle looked up at him.

“
Nikolai?”

Small gasps and whispers floated up around them, creating a soft buzz. He barely registered the disturbance. His focus was on Gabby.

He leaned down until his lips brushed her ear. “I can’t do this, Gabrielle. I’m sorry, but—” He paused and pulled back to look into her eyes. She silently pled with him. But he wasn’t sure what she was pleading for. To take her away? Let her go? Or just not embarrass her further?

Taking her by the shoulders, he maintained eye contact. “I love you. I know I’m too late, but—” He swallowed hard then cleared his throat. “—Gabrielle, I love you.”

Wetness gathered in the corners of his eyes and he knew he was out of time. He lifted her hand to his lips, pressed a kiss to the knuckles, then turned on his heel and struggled to keep his retreat to human speed.

An agonized roar ripped through the air as he vaporized into his bedroom. It took a moment to register the sound had come from him. He wasn’t sure he would survive. He
was
sure he didn’t want to. As painful as giving himself up to the sun would be, he considered it the least agonizing.

He shredded the curtains that were meant to shield him from the light while he slept. He grabbed onto one of the posts and yanked it from its position. The bed hit the floor with a thunderous bang and the post flew through the air like a javelin, only to be stopped by the opposing wall.

Crash after wall-shaking crash, he let his feelings out—with a vengeance. The gentle displacement of air and the scent of leather and rain signaled his brother’s arrival. Having a witness to his expulsion of emotion didn’t faze him one whit. He was
way
past the point of caring.

Let the bastard give him shit.

He deserved all the I-told-you-so’s the world had to offer. He
had
been stupid, irresponsible, idiotic, passive.

He should have been more aggressive with Gabrielle from that very first day. There was no excuse not to send her flowers or take her to dinner—or to his bed. She was
his
, the Goddess had made it so. But he’d been foolish and she’d gradually slipped through his fingers.

He growled as he tore the remaining sheets from his bed, shredding them into hamster bedding. “How could I have been so stupid?”

He waited for the smart-ass response from Gustav, but instead his brother quietly asked, “Nikolai, what now?”

His eyes narrowed to glare at Gustav, who took a step back under the intensity. “The only thing I can do,” he spat through gritted teeth.

Gasps and whispers rose around her like waves of accusation, but Gabby stood frozen in the exact spot where he’d left her. Her whole body trembled as she stared at the doorway where Nikolai had disappeared. A thousand emotions raced into Gabrielle’s thoughts, weaving themselves into her very soul.