Heart Ripper - Coffin Nails MC (gay biker M/M romance) (Sex & Mayhem Book 9) (5 page)

“A part of me really wants these things.” And even
more so since he’d tasted the forbidden fruit. “Do you think I could be happy
this way?”

“Of course you can, but only with a man you can
trust. Who won’t just use and discard you,” said Father Joseph, petting David’s
cheek gently. His upper teeth pulled on his bottom lip as he watched David, a
strange tension between them appearing out of nowhere.

David instantly thought back to Raja who wouldn’t
even return his text. “I don’t know if there are men like that out there. All
gay men want is just sex.”

“That is not true. Look at yourself. Don’t you
think there are godly men out there who are looking for true companionship?”

“I don’t think I’m the best example. I don’t even
know what I am myself.” David searched for understanding in Father Joseph’s
eyes.

“But I know,” said the priest, leaning closer over
the table, until the sun hit his face through the net curtain. “You are a young
man, who is worthy of love, no matter what others tell you.”

“And you really think there’s nothing wrong with
these kind of… urges?”

“Not if you keep them very discreet.” Father
Joseph slowly raised David’s hand to his lips. They felt warm and soft on
David’s skin, nothing like the burning passion of Raja’s grabby hands.

David swallowed, unsure of what was happening all
of a sudden. “Wh-what do you mean?” Was his mind even processing this
correctly? Was he being cheered up, or was that an actual kiss on his fingers?

Father Joseph pierced him with the same eyes that
could keep the attention of several hundred people during mass. “I like you,
David. Very much.”

“Are you gay?” David’s eyes went as wide as
saucers, and his heart started pounding. This couldn’t be happening. His whole
world was spinning out of control. Had he stepped into a different dimension?
Everything had been normal yesterday before he met Raja.

Father Joseph let go of his hand and looked out
the window. “Do we really need to label everything so arbitrarily? We need to
believe that God leads us to the things we need.”

David pulled his hands into his lap, desperate to
check his phone. “I suppose…” he mumbled.

“David, your secret is safe with me. I thought you
always enjoyed my company. You are lost, and I could help you.”

“How?”

Father Joseph slowly rose from the chair and
walked up to David, standing so close to him that the cassock was tickling
David’s pinky. He stopped breathing, and his body hair bristled when the
priest’s warm hand pushed up his nape and into his hair. “I could show you that
this could be loving and respectful.”

David got up from the chair so fast it fell over,
and he backed away a few steps. The
déjà vu
of Raja sitting him on the
toilet seat and sliding his fingers into David’s hair was so vivid he could
taste Raja’s cum on his tongue. There was nothing loving or respectful about
what he did yesterday, yet he still craved more. But not from Father Joseph who
was supposedly someone to safely confide in!

“I… I think I need to go.”

Father Joseph looked at him for a moment, then
smiled and finished his juice. “There’s no need to be so nervous. I know this
is confusing, but if you need consolation or some reassurance, you know where
to find me.”

“Yes, thank you for talking to me. I think my
parents will be out by now.” David said and went to the door, even more
confused.

Father Joseph’s voice was like a drop of sap
rolling down his back.

“Hope to see you soon, David.”

David gave him a quick smile and waved his hand as
he walked out, making a mental note to delete Father Joseph’s number from his
phone. David was ninety percent sure he just got hit on. By a priest. It was
all his fault. He was some strange pretty cobweb, glistening with morning dew
and attracting unsuspecting victims. He couldn’t let Father Joseph fall into
such a trap. It was enough that David got tempted, a man of the cloth didn’t
need to be as well.

He rushed outside just in time to see the
attendees leave the church after mass. He sped up and stood by the main exit,
trying to breathe calmly, to not alarm his parents. His heart buzzed so hard he
was slowly getting nauseated from the stress of it. There was something wrong
with him if he attracted this kind of attention. Maybe he moved the wrong way,
maybe his voice was too soft-spoken? He couldn’t wait until they were back
home, and he could retire into the safety of his own room, even if just for
half an hour before Mom served lunch.

“David, where have you been?” asked Dad, who
frowned at him, pulling David toward a stone-covered staircase, which led to a
parking lot at the foot of a hill where the church was. Mom and Amy, David’s
younger sister, waited for them, looking back impatiently.

“I was just talking to Father Joseph.” David faked
a smile, more shaken by what had happened as the seconds passed. His father was
the image of what he wanted to be one day - still fit, always clean-shaven and
dressed in tidy, conservative clothes. Father would never have any of the
thoughts that were plaguing David.

“What’s that face?” asked Mom as they calmly
descended down the stairs, following the crowd. She was very petite, which made
her appear younger than she was despite the big glasses she wore even though
they were long out of fashion. “You’re feeling ill, aren’t you? You should have
worn a sweater last night.”

David looked at his button-up short-sleeve and
slim brown slacks rolled up to expose the ankles. “No, no, I’m fine. Maybe
let’s talk in the car, okay?” The conversation with Father Joseph had pushed
him to the edge. He needed to make a decision and take his life into his own
hands.

He glanced at his phone as he got into the car.
Nothing. Because
he
was a nothing to Raja. David had been a receptacle
for spunk for that handsome beast. David didn’t think he could ever be as
ashamed of himself as he’d been yesterday when Hunter introduced him to Raja
minutes after the sex, but the lack of answer was so much worse.

Father started the car, and they began the drive
back home. Even the cute video game Amy was playing next to him on a tablet
couldn’t make David smile today, and he looked out of the window.

“When will you be leaving for college?” asked Mom
from the front seat.

“That’s right,” said Father. “You need to start
thinking about the things you want to take with you. Just remember that you’ll
share a room, so there’s plenty you’ll need to leave behind.”

David swallowed hard, trying not to look into his
father’s eyes in the rearview mirror. He hadn’t gotten into any of the colleges
he chose, and frankly, it was because he applied to colleges that he had no chances
of being accepted to. Then he missed the deadline for a second chance
recruitment, and he was really starting to think he forgot about sending out
the forms on purpose... even though he hadn’t done so consciously. Was that
what self-sabotaging was? The truth was that he had no idea what he wanted to
do in life yet, and so college seemed like a waste of time at this point. He
tried to talk to his parents about this, but when they started pushing the idea
of David following in his father’s footsteps and becoming an accountant, he
decided not to mention it again. He wasn’t even good at maths.

But the worst thing was that he knew there would
be pushback from his parents so he lied to them. For all they knew, he was
awarded a sports scholarship and would be starting college in the fall. Yet
another lie, yet another reason to be ashamed of himself. He had been so greedy
to drink up all Raja had to offer, and now thinking about it was making him
nauseated.

“I should get an email about it soon. But I’ve
been meaning to talk to you.”

“What is it Davey?” asked Mom, looking back with a
sweet smile.

“I’m out of high school, summer is just starting,
and I wanted to try something new. To get a summer job, get more independent.
I’m gonna need that in college.” He hated lying to them so bad his tongue
ached, but he was too afraid of being a disappointment.

Mom frowned slightly, but Father looked back at
David in the rearview mirror. “That’s actually a very good idea. I mean,
working for a charity is amazing, but I think it is time for you to get some
savings. You will need your own car when you go to college.”

David smiled with a bit of relief. If he found a
job and became more independent, the fact that he’d failed to secure a place at
a college should be less of a blow to his parents when he came clean about it.
“I was actually talking about this with Hunter yesterday, and he said I could
stay with him and Asty as long as I helped out with the baby.” Yet another
shameful lie, but he was sure his brother and his girlfriend would agree, and
since they lived in the city, there would be more opportunities for David there
anyway. He wouldn’t be cooped up with his parents like a kid. And the
possibility of seeing Raja again was not an incentive at all. Raja was a
mistake David needed to put behind him.

Mom blinked. “Absolutely not! David, he is your
brother, and you should love him, but I don’t think he’d be a good influence.”

“Don’t be so harsh on him,” said Father, “Hunter’s
not that bad. It’s you who won’t visit his home.”

“Because he’s got Satanic paraphernalia all over
the house. I dread to think how the baby’s room looks!”

David sighed. “It’s normal, Mom. It’s quite
colorful actually.” Except for the ‘Satan is watching’ poster. It freaked him
out, but it wasn’t like he’d get infected by demons by just living there.

“But why? Can’t you find a job around here?” asked
Mom.

“There’s not much out here, and I’d have to
commute. If I lived at Hunter’s, maybe I could find work somewhere more
interesting than a fast food place.”

Father shrugged. “Maybe it could be good for him.
It would be like a transition period before college.”

Mom scowled but didn’t come up with any
counterarguments for now. David needed to call his brother and seal the deal
before their parents got in touch with Hunter. “Thank you both so much for
having faith in me,” he said quickly.

Father nodded, and Amy looked up from her game.
“Does that mean I can have your room?”

Mom would have probably growled if it weren’t so
unladylike. “We repainted yours pink just last year.”

“But his room’s in the attic! That’s the best one,
and he’s not gonna be using it anymore,” said Amy, looking between David and
their parents.

David smiled at her. “I could box up the less
essential stuff.”

Amy squealed in delight, but as soon as David
looked down at his phone, his mood soured again.

Nothing.

David clung to Hunter’s back as the powerful bike
rode down a viaduct, spiraling to join a different highway. it had been almost
two weeks since David moved into his brother’s guest room, and even with the
baby crying at night and chores he needed to help out with, he already was much
calmer than he’d been just days ago. Both Asty and Hunter were laid-back, and
they welcomed him into their home as if the ten-year-long rift between Hunter
and the rest of the family had never happened.

The Satanic and magical decoration elements
freaked David out, but he was relieved to hear that there would be no black
masses in the house. Apparently, despite keeping all the esoteric paraphernalia,
neither Asty nor Hunter actually worshipped the devil. David was trying very
hard not to be judgmental, and with all the kindness he was receiving so far,
it was much easier than he expected. Truth be told, he found the way Asty and
Hunter rejected traditional beauty standards fascinating and scary all at once.
David sometimes toyed with the
idea
of what it would be like to have a
piercing. To look different. Asty had at least ten. And those were only the
ones in her face.

And today he would be receiving yet another
helping of kindness. Hunter was taking him to his clubhouse, so he could meet
Asty’s brother, who supposedly had leads on a job opportunity for David. He was
a barber and it amounted to lots of connections in the area. Exactly what David
needed. But David wasn’t above admitting to himself that he chose to arrange
the meetup for today because he’d heard the club president of the other Coffin
Nails chapter nearby would be over to do some business at the clubhouse. David
remembered every detail of Raja’s patches and the word ‘president’ had
definitely been there.

The last few days, when he’d been busy with the
move and settling in an exciting new place, really helped David reevaluate his
attitude toward Raja and realize that his lust was a misguided craving. Just
because he liked marshmallow spread didn’t mean he should eat a whole jar of
it. His life was actually better and healthier without marshmallow spread.
Marshmallow spread was off his menu for good, and he actually needed to
confront marsh—Raja about that. Just to get some closure, because the lack of
response was eating at his gut. He wanted to make sure that Raja understood
David wasn’t available.

When they finally drove past the fence surrounding
the clubhouse, David breathed a sigh of relief. There was something frightening
about rushing past cars with no protection around his body, except for a helmet
that could hardly save him were he to be flattened by wheels. He slid off the
bike and pulled off the helmet, self-conscious of his flattened hair. He didn’t
know where Raja was, and even if the ruthless bastard wasn’t interested
anymore, David wanted to make him feel at least a tiny bit sorry.

He wore a forest-green short-sleeve with a fox
print, and he had struggled to choose between gray and camel pants but went
with camel in the end, finishing the look with a pair of ankle-high green
Converse.

Hunter parked his bike in front of the entrance to
the two-story building, pulling back his long hair as he too got rid of the
helmet. “Okay. Lucky will be around in about half an hour. You want to wait
outside? We will be having a meeting soon,” he said, glancing at his watch.

David patted his shoulder bag. “Could I wait
inside? I’ve got a book.”

Hunter nodded and pushed the door, walking into a
large space with beat-up leather sofas gathered around a coffee table and a bar
on the other side. Two men David had seen at the baby’s welcome party looked up
at them from their places, but Hunter only greeted them with a nod.

“What are you reading?” he asked, walking David
all the way to a chair by the window.

"Ah, this book on job interviews." It
was the
Maze Runner
actually, but David didn't want to seem like a
slacker when he lived at Hunter's rent-free.

Hunter stared at him for a whole two seconds and
patted him on the shoulder. “You need to loosen up sometimes, you know? Maybe
when Asty visits her dad, we could go into town. Just the two of us.”

David nodded, but was secretly mortified that
Hunter’s idea of fun could be taking him to a prostitute. “I suppose. I just
don’t want to have too much fun before I get a job. It wouldn’t be fair on you
guys.”

Hunter chewed on his lip but was distracted when
one of the men, a giant with wild long hair and a chunky beard, called him
over.

“It’s time for church,” he said, getting up.

“Not what you think,” said Hunter before David
could ask. He patted David’s shoulder and went off toward a set of doors at the
back of the lounge. “Don’t snoop around.”

“I won’t!” David frowned and plopped down onto the
leather couch, instantly curling up his feet on the seat. He wondered if he’d
get to see Raja storm in late, or if he was already waiting where ‘church’ was.

The doors closed behind the bikers, and he was
left completely alone someplace that reminded him a bit of the parish’s common
rooms, only the clubhouse smelled of beer and grease, something he wasn’t
accustomed to. He was like an alien on some bizarre planet that had somehow
naturalized his older brother.

He hadn’t gotten any further into his book when
the front door opened and in came Lucky, to whom David had already been
introduced to at the party. His long, smooth hair was completely straight when
it fell down his back, and he was wearing big, black, beat-up boots with his
skinny jeans, a studded belt, and a tight-fitting T-shirt with some
scary-looking creature print.

“Hope you didn’t have to wait too long,” said
Lucky, getting to his toes when he stretched, as if the drive here had given him
cramps. Despite the rocker outfit, Lucky had a wide smile that made him seem
approachable.

David got up, and they shook hands. “No, no, I
just came with Hunter. I’m David. My brother said you might have some leads on
a job?”

Lucky sized him up and down. “Looks like you’re
ready for the interview.”

David pinched his own shirt. “This? Nah, it’s just
this casual thing…”

Lucky smirked. “Yeah, right. More like trying to
look fuckable. That’s not how you get jobs, unless you wanna pole dance.”

David drew in a sharp breath, taken aback. He
couldn’t believe Lucky had just dropped an F-bomb for no reason. He didn’t look
like the kind of person to do that. “Uh... I didn’t hope for an interview right
away. I just like the shirt,” he mumbled, but his face was flushing at a rate
that could put cartoon characters to shame. Lucky was so right. Was David
really that obvious? “Besides, I don’t think there will be any ladies here.”

Lucky waved his hand. "Yeah, yeah. Come on,
let's have a drink and chat." Lucky led him to the bar and walked in
behind the counter, as if it were his second home. “So you’re looking for a
lady-boss? To boss you around, walk all over you in ten-inch heels?” Lucky
snorted and reached out for a vodka and two shot glasses. At 1:00 p.m.? David
didn’t think that was the kind of drink Lucky had in mind.

David stumbled over the smooth floor and held his
shoulder bag close to his chest. He was overwhelmed by the tasteless jokes.
None of his friends talked about those things so casually. “I have no idea what
you’re talking about. Are you saying there’s something wrong with me?” he asked
in the end, standing halfway through the room from Lucky.

“You’re the one talking of getting dressed up ‘for
the ladies’.” Lucky prompted David closer with his hand.

“I never said that,” said David. Harsher words
were at the tip of his tongue.
You’re making me uncomfortable
was there
too, but he couldn’t bring himself to say any of them out loud. “I’m new here.”

Lucky propped his elbows on the counter and eyed
David again, as David finally sat down on a barstool. “I can see that. Are you
a whiskey on the rocks, or a raspberry martini kinda guy?”

David licked his lips and looked at the bottle
cap-shaped clock on the wall. “I’m eighteen.”

Lucky squinted. “I’m pretty sure it’s a martini.”

David tried to laugh, but it came out flatter than
the Netherlands. He didn’t have the vaguest idea what Lucky was referencing but
preferred not to ask. Something told him it wasn’t anything proper. “I’ve never
had any. Is there any orange juice that I could have?”

Lucky grinned and pointed a finger at him before
turning around to the fridge. “Nice cop-out. Okay, so I know this guy who runs
a flower shop, and he’ll be doing some arrangements for my wedding once the
date is set in stone and all that. He told me he’s looking for someone to work
in the store. He’d train the new employee himself, so all you need is a nice
phone manner and customer service skills. Hunter said you were nice, so I
figured I could suggest you.” He turned around and poured David a glass of
orange juice.

David exhaled and accepted the drink with relief.
At least the conversation was back to normal. He hated when people talked in
riddles. “That’s so nice of you. I really need some experience.” He closed his
mouth, suddenly ashamed that he hadn’t asked about Lucky’s future plans. “And
by the way, congratulations on the engagement. Who is the lucky girl?”

Lucky was making himself some elaborate drink with
mint. He closed the shaker and rattled it vigorously. “
I’m
Lucky.” He
winked at David.

David swallowed. He needed to step up his small
talk game fast! “Okay. Which girl made you Lucky and agreed to marry you?”

Lucky’s face went slack. “David, I’m gay. I’m the
lucky guy, because I’m marrying Tooth, the vice president of this club.”

David had trouble breathing, and he leaned back, very
carefully keeping his ass on the seat, because his first reaction was flight,
just like it had been almost two weeks ago in Father Joseph’s room. “You’re
having... a gay wedding?” he muttered. This went against everything he believed
in. It wasn’t that he hated gay people, but he didn’t believe that they should
impose their minority issues on everyone else. Everyone in David’s circle would
be uncomfortable at that notion.

Lucky cocked his head to the side and tapped his
fingers on the counter once his drink was ready. “I’d rather call it a
wedding
.
And if you wanna work at that flower shop, you better be comfortable with
that.”

David slurped some of his juice, wishing Hunter
were here with him. He’d never mentioned that Asty’s brother was gay and was
marrying another man! “You just caught me by surprise.”

“Many things will catch you by surprise soon,”
Lucky grumbled and had a big sip of his drink. “The owner’s gay too, so are you
fine with that, or should I not recommend you? Don’t want you to be
uncomfortable
after all.” Lucky’s pout suggested he didn’t care about anyone else’s comfort
but his own.

David cleared his throat. Of course, gay people
were friends with other gay people. “I mean... as long as he doesn’t make any
advances... it’s fine. I’m assuming you know he’s an honest employer.”

“
Advances
?” Lucky shook his head. “Your
innocence is safe with Lindell.”

David slouched, drinking his juice in silence. He
couldn’t help but wonder at how relaxed Lucky was in this macho environment.
Since when were biker clubs gay friendly? And he was getting married to one of
the bikers, as if it were the most natural thing to do. David’s mother wouldn’t
think so. He had actually heard her make crude jokes to another friend about
the way gay men had sex, and how it was a bastardization of the
real
act. He’d never tell her that, but it hurt something deep inside him, even
though he planned to never act on his fantasies.

His eyes were drawn to the door, which opened
suddenly, and just like that, he completely forgot about Lucky.

Raja’s thick hair was in disarray, but instead of
looking like a bum, he reminded David of fashion models smudged in fake sweat
and coiffured into the perfect image of carelessness. He was wearing a dark
blue vest top underneath his cut, and his powerful, tattooed arms shone with
their bronze tint. Their eyes met, and Raja stopped for a split second, rocking
his body on one foot before going straight toward the doors on the other side
of the room.

Lucky laughed. “You look
thirsty
. Let me
pour you another glass.”

David cleared his throat and shoved his glass
toward Lucky over the counter. His skin was burning where Raja’s gaze had touched
it, his mind flooding with images of that six-pack twitching underneath his
touch as Raja fucked his mouth. The images were imprinted on his brain so
deeply he would never wipe them away.

Lucky raised his eyebrows and leaned toward David
over the counter. “He’s single,” he whispered.

David grabbed the wooden countertop and tried not
to wheeze through his clenching windpipe. Oh, God, how did Lucky know? Did gay
people have a way to recognizing one another? “I—it’s none of my business.”

Lucky watched him and leaned back, having more of
his drink. “I guess it’s for the better. He’s a total manwhore anyway. You
don’t wanna get all up in that.”

David’s heart trembled, and he covered his mouth,
clutching his knee with the other hand. Oh, God, he was just another conquest,
another tally mark documenting Raja’s sex life. “I... what? Are you saying he’s
ill with something?” he asked, already getting nauseated.

He’d swallowed it. He’d just swallowed it all, no
questions asked.

Lucky made his drink swivel in his glass as he
watched the back door where Raja had disappeared a moment ago. “He could be.
I’ve heard some stuff about him. It’s all fun and games until you get
gonorrhea.”

“Or AIDS,” muttered David, already getting chills
all over his body.