Heart Song (22 page)

I couldn't help the smile that came to my face. “No, it's actually quite amazing!”

“You're going to be a wonderful mother,” she said.

“That is very kind of you, but I'm afraid that won't happen for quite some time.”

“He didn't tell you, did he?” she asked.

“Tell me what?”

“My lady, you are already with child,” she said.

The world filled with an impenetrable silence, so thick the air was harder to breathe and my heart struggled to continue beating.

“That's impossible,” I finally said. Serid started to squirm and fuss so I handed him back to Okelo.

“No?” She smiled, taking her son. “Tell me something, has he lain with you recently?”

“Um, no…Not for a week or so, why?”
I wasn’t entirely sure about their customs, much less the way girl talk was supposed to go, but I figured she was being nice enough—couldn’t hurt to open up a little. At least I hoped.

“That is when you conceived. Our people feel that being with your mate may be potentially harmful to the development of the child, particularly in Ancient offspring. That belief isn't so much so now-a-days, but it is a tradition that our people cling to.”

“Traditions don't define who you are.” I still didn't want to believe that I had conceived and was grateful for the change of direction the conversation was taking.

“But they speak of who we were. They are important because we've lost so much since crossing over.
Which also makes your arrival reason for a celebration.
You being here
symbolizes
our hope of returning home and rejoining the two realms once more.”

“You make it sound so simple,” I muttered.

“Isn't it?” she asked, as if it was clear to her.

“Not when you consider every step I've made, since Marren rescued me from a fate worse than death, has brought me close to death more times than I care to count. Besides, Marren wouldn't keep something like that from me.”  And yet when I spoke the words, I couldn’t help questioning them.
Would he?

She shrugged,
then
started to wrap her son back up. She strapped him to her back and stood from the ground. “We better head back. It will be sundown soon and we’re going to have a special dinner in your honor!”

The walk back up
the path, to what I could only refer to as a city in the mountain, was silent except for the sounds of the wind blowing through the leaves of the trees, the rushing water of the rivers and waterfalls, and the sounds of bird songs filling the air and carried along the breeze. Okelo walked in front of me with Serid strapped to her back, sound asleep. His head lopped forward and a small stream of saliva dripped down his chubby chin. His cheeks were puffy and his dark hair was straggled in chunks of waves along his head. He looked so perfect and so small.

I wondered about what Okelo had told me and if it really could excuse feeling rejected by Marren. There was a lot to this world I had yet to discover and these customs that his people cling to so desperately, seemed so farfetched and ridiculous. Honestly, having a child would seem like means for celebration, not seclusion and abandonment. What's worse was to find out from Marren's second and not him. I knew he’d been keeping something from me but if it were this, he should know better than to think I would shun any part of him that I could have.

The path opened up to the larger one that led to the main gates. Just before reaching the giant doors that sealed the inside of the rock city from the outside world of the immortal realm, Okelo turned abruptly and seemed to stare off just behind me, over my right shoulder. I lifted my hand to touch her and ask if she were okay, but she blinked whatever she saw away and then smiled at me.

“I need to warn you...” she began.

“About what?”
I couldn't hide the worry in my voice no more than I could control the way my heart reacted when Marren was around.

“It's about the child you're carrying—don't mention it, especially to the other Ancients. It could make their position regarding you shift in the wrong direction. The best thing to do is to keep it to
yourself
for now. You’re walking along a delicate line in an even more delicate balance. Be careful of who you trust.”

I blinked blankly, and then slowly nodded my head. I wanted to ask questions to further my understanding but she turned around with a smile and proceeded to walk to the doors that opened as she approached. I shut my mouth, figuring it was better not to stir murky waters.  I needed to find Marren to get some answers. Answers I was going to get, else he wanted to spend the next two hundred years of his life sleeping alone. I followed Okelo inside and where I turned left, she turned right.

I followed the hall to another werewolf and asked if they would take me to the room. I felt ashamed that I couldn't remember the way but my mind was too stubborn to allow me to think of anything but the remaining secrets Marren still kept from me. Luckily for me, the werewolf was happy to oblige. I decided on a whim, before we reached the door to the room, to ask him where Marren was.

“He's having a counsel with some of his commanding officers. I can send a message to him if you would like?”

“No, actually I was hoping you could just take me to him?”

“I'm sorry, my lady, but he's given strict orders to make sure you don't go running around. I need to make sure you remain comfortable in your room.”

I stopped, turned sharply towards the werewolf, and raised an eyebrow to symbolize my seriousness with the matter. “You can deliver him a message. You can tell Marren that if he wants me as a prisoner, he'll have to fight me. I'm not going to sit around and be held captive in a room any more. I can help and he knows it.”

“My lady, I'm sorry, but if you don't go to your room, I will have to force you.”

I saw the glint of fear in his eyes and he even swallowed hard. I sighed. “I'm sorry as well. I'm no prisoner, and I don't expect to be treated like one without due explanation.” I turned around, stomping off in an aimless direction, with the idea of opening every door if I had to in order to find Marren.

***

I stared at the back of the door on the inside of my room. My arms crossed tightly over my chest and my legs crossed at the knee. I bounced the top one furiously while sitting in the wooden chair that adorned the room. I glared at the door, hoping that I could cause it to burst into white fire and scorch the guard on the other side—who, along with a few others, was all too willing to help the werewolf I mistakenly asked for help. The other ones, I can
forgive. But this one and I had
a score to settle.

I had exhausted my last means of defiance by nearly destroying every piece of furniture in the room that I could toss against the door. The only thing left was this chair and the bed, and though I still had enough anger in me to fight a year’s worth of wars, my energy was ebbing rapidly.

Every time I thought of how the brute simply picked me up with both hands, as if I were a child, carried me into the room, sat me down firmly on the bed, and then turned and walked out, shutting the door behind him with no emotion, no words, no fight, it re-ignited the burning fire of anger within me. I was so angry I could spit lightning bolts. Nothing was dimming the fury within.

Finally, the faint shuffling sound came from the other side of the door and even fainter sound of whispers. I
knew who it was by the sigh that carried an undertone of an exasperated growl.

Think twice before coming into this room.

I added as much venom as I could into my unspoken words, but couldn't help the erratic beat of my betraying heart. It was the first time ever that I had hated the way he made my body
react
. Even as he stood on the other side of the door, my anger ebbed away, hoping for the warm and solid embrace of Marren's arms.

My warning must have worked because I heard the shuffling's quiet whisper fade in the distance, making me hate myself once again for feeling disappointment overwhelm me from him heeding it.

That didn't mean I didn't want to hear your explanation for keeping me prisoner!
I knew it was a long shot. But I figured, why not test the distance our little gift is limited by?

The door clicked and opened a crack. Assuming whoever it was paused long enough to see if something was about to fly through the air and hit them. When nothing happened, he decided to open the door the rest of the way and step through. He closed the door and locked my eyes into his.

I forced myself to hold back. It took all my will to command my body to stay put and not run into the arms that melted away all the cares of the world as soon as they touched my skin. I needed him to know I was serious, hurt, and a little betrayed by his insistent need to keep secrets from me and drop them in my lap on a whim.

And then, all it took was a look from his eyes.
Black as onyx, absorbing all light, and full of intense sadness.
He didn't have to say it for me to see it in his eyes. His brows were arched slightly higher and pinched together, his mouth pulled down at the corners, even his shoulders were somewhat slumped. Yet, it still shocked and amazed me. He was a very proud man, but he wasn't too proud to hide his remorse—even from me.

I opened my mouth to start saying something, anything that would let him really feel the heat of my anger. But the hundreds of words that swam around in my head shouting so loud they nearly drowned out the sounds of the world around me, had fallen mute and still—leaving a silence so thick in the air that a faint hum played in
the
distance. I couldn't be sure what that sound was, but at that point, I knew that everything around me was quiet.

“What happened?” His voice wasn't frustrated, but resigned. Almost as if he gave up whatever struggle he intended to keep from me, deciding surrendering was better. His eyes fell along the destruction that had nearly reduced the room to shreds and hints of what it once was. A room full of rubble.

I had to say something instead of staring at him feeling drained and lost. My mouth felt dry and my throat felt scratchy. I tried my best to swallow and form the words as calmly as I could. “I was angry that brute of a werewolf forced me to stay in here.”

“By my orders,” he said with patience, almost as if he was too drained to be upset.

“About that,” I sat forward on my knees. It felt uncomfortable, like a small grapefruit stuck inside my stomach and for a very brief moment I wondered how that was possible. I sat back up and resumed my previous position. “Care to tell me what that is about?”

He sighed heavily. “Does it matter? You're so stubborn that you'll just run head first into something so far over your head...you'd get yourself killed before you realized how far over your head you really were.” He maintained that same calm, resigned tone that matched his face and it was at that moment I realized he wasn't sorry for his actions, but surrendering to mine.

“It does matter. Why do you insist on keeping secrets from me? You keep me hidden under this apparent protection knowing full and well that I can't stand to be kept within four walls and having just escaped a very narrow space...” I paused to force back the tears that nipped my eyes and caused my throat to swell. “I can't help but wonder if you really were all that worried when I was in that room. You should have been the one to rescue me, not your friends.
You, Marren!”

“I—couldn't,” he said, barely above a whisper.

“Right, because the mere sight of me or touch from me is unbearable!” The last word came out muffled in a sob. I stood up and walked to the window. I forced myself to take a deep breath. “Tell me something, and for once be completely honest with me. If I'm your heart song, why do you act like you regret the day I came into your life? Why don't you want me anymore? Why did you keep our child from me?”

I looked over my shoulder, not even bothering to hide the tears that flowed down my cheeks in a steady stream. My heart was breaking and if he really was my heart song, he felt it too. It made no difference in hiding tears when he could already feel the pain that I was in. He stared at a spot on the floor, with most of his weight on one leg. His other slightly bent at the knee. His hair dangled in front of his face, shadowing it from the light in the room.

When he didn't answer I added, “Why do you only pretend to love me?”

His eyes shot straight to me, quicker than an arrow and sharper. I had hurt him now. That much was felt in my own heart with how it shrunk back with the painful pierce. “You think I don't truly love you? You don't know me as well as I thought.”

“Nor do you know me, keeping me here in this room, not letting me see you or be around you and barely acting like you were even worried that I almost died. But then, was that what you hoped? So that you didn't make your
people suffer?”

“Relena, how can you say those things?”

“How can you do half the things you do? You are the one making me question everything. You are making me feel like you want nothing to do with me. You can't even look me in the eye for more than a few seconds!”