Heart Song (26 page)

“You are a sorry excuse for an existence,” I spat.

His chuckle floated on the air. “Maybe, but I never lose.”

“Fight me, and I'll prove you wrong.”

Again he laughed. “Not yet, pup.”

“Fight me, coward!” I fought back tears.

“Be careful what you wish for,” he said and took a step closer to me. As he came into clearer view, he wasn't himself, but Marren.

“Bastard!”
I ran towards him, sword poised to run him through.

“Relena, wait!” Marren's voice shot from his mouth, halting me. He had the perfect tone and pitch. The sound was exactly like him. My heart thudded slightly then I realized it was all part of his trick, his useless scheme.

“You are a liar! What is so wrong with living on the mortal realm?”

“Relena, drop your sword. It's me.” Jiren's attempt to get me to drop my guard didn't work this time, no matter how much he sounded and looked like Marren.

“No, you are not my Marren.” My sword shook. I struggled to regain control.

“Relena, look at me. See me, I am Marren.”

“No, you aren't,” I snapped.

“Relena, please!
It really is me!”

“If it really is you, what did you tell me the first night we were together?”

“Relena, please.
This isn't the time for that,” he worked harder, even taking on the resigned tone and stature that Marren would when he was running thin on patience with me.

“Oh, I think this is the perfect time,” I countered.

He sighed, “What part do you want?”

“All of it,” I snapped.

“Relena,” I could see the falter in the image. Jiren was losing his hold. He was losing his patience.

“Your mind games aren't going to work on me. You will never have the light that Marren holds in his eyes. You will never have the warmth of his skin, or the love in his touch. You will never look at me the way Marren does.
Never.
You are jealous of him and you wanted to stop at nothing to show him just how much higher above him you are. Well, you will never amount to the person Marren is.
Never in a thousand years or ages.
You will always be less than him.”

I ran towards him, not willing to back down and convincing myself further this was Jiren not Marren. Just before I reached him something dark swooped up and snatched him from me. They disappeared beyond the line of trees that bordered the meadow. I fell, thrusting the sword into the ground instead of Jiren's heart, where I was aiming.

***

I was brought back to the mountain. I wasn't punished for injuring Blyl. In fact, they expected that Jiren would do something that would make Marren appear dead as one last desperate attempt to dissuade the races and make them defect to his side.

Somehow, they still believed me. But for the sake of appearances, I had to remain in the room and wait.
Either for Marren to come find me or for someone to find him.
A group had been sent to search for him, but no sign of him was found.

I begged for Enid and Danst to keep me company. The Ancients were hesitant, not wanting to send the wrong impression to the races. I assured them, no one would know. I wanted them there to help keep me safe. Despite the argument that they would have guards rotated, they decided that Jiren could infiltrate the mountain and take on any form he desired. They eventually agreed.

The first night, Danst slept in the chair that was next to the bed, Enid stood up the entire night, and I slept in my bed. It wasn't a restful sleep. I had horrible dreams that Marren was stuck somewhere dark, inside a Tombcell that was not easily reached, and hidden away somewhere deep inside the forest beyond the mountains.

***

I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. Despair and loneliness were my only companions. The nightmares were my lovers at night.

Enid and Danst left to help find Marren. I tried to tell them I could be of use, but they refused to let me. They were afraid of the unborn child's wellbeing. I knew they meant well, but it had been so long since I’d seen Marren and I missed him like a part of me was missing. Six days passed and I felt my grip on life slipping away...along with Marren's.

I had grown accustomed to the four walls that surrounded me. The only hint of the passing days was from the
one window that overlooked the small courtyard where Marren's people gathered to do dances and rituals customary of their ways. Lately, it was the beating of their drums and chanting voices that soothed me the most. They were trying to find him, which brought me hope.

Sometimes their music sent me off to sleep and I dreamt of peace and lush, green meadows with bright fragrant flowers, and a warm wind that blew through my hair gently.
The ends tickling my cheek and nose.
But then, darkness would creep in and I would hear Marren’s screams. I’d hear him calling out to me, begging me to find him. The wind blew colder and fiercer, the grass and flowers would wilt and crumble to ash. The ground would start to shake and break apart, forcing me to my knees. As the earth opened to swallow me whole, I desperately clung to a thick root that was sticking out of the side of the gorge. But it wasn't able to support my weight. It gave, pulling free from its grip of the earth. I would then plummet into a dark abyss, only to wake up just before the darkness consumed me.

I had a plan to leave—sneak away if I had to. I knew there was more to those dreams than just fears playing themselves out. There was definitely more. I felt Marren in my head. I heard him and I could almost touch him. Him! Like he was lying in bed next to me or speaking to my mind with our private way of communicating. I knew it was him calling to me. He knew I was the only one that could find him and bring him back safely.

Just as my determination set in, the door opened. Enid stormed through, hand on sword, looking in dire need of a bath. His eyes found mine and I knew then, he was coming to get me.

“A'lainn, are you absolutely sure you can find Marren?”

I nodded.

“Very well, gather your things and meet me outside the doors. I think I know where to find him. If you can speak to him, as you told me before, I think we stand a chance to find him alive, yet!”

I nodded once more and started changing into traveling clothes. I had told Enid about our private way of speaking, using it to hold weight on my needing to help find him. He wasn't at all surprised, telling me that he would see Marren and I get silent but would act like we were still somehow communicating. He had heard of it happening in a few stories regarding heart songs, but he had yet to actually observe it. Of course, I was shot down immediately. But, he did promise to return if he got anything solid to follow. It seemed I would have company after all.

***

Make that a small army.

I stepped out the doors of the mountain and found a small group of werewolves, a few centaurs, and Ildir waiting for me along with Danst and Enid. I looked at Enid quizzically and stepped even slower out into the open.

“I'm sorry, A'lainn, I had no choice. They simply wouldn't let you come along,” Enid said.

“Aye, that is true. But that is some rare gift ye and Marren share. It's one more notch in our belief in
ye
and one less in Jiren, which can't bode well for him.” Ildir spoke with his hands resting limply over the blade of his axe. It looked like it had to weigh nearly the amount he did, but he gripped its handle and laid it over his shoulder as if it were nothing more than a feather—a mere extension of himself.

“It's okay. I understand that you are just as desperate to find him as I am,” I said to Enid and then turned to Ildir, “I'm glad you are still on my side. It will make Marren very happy to know you continued to stand by me when he wasn't around.”

“Well, all this talk is doing us nothing good in the way of finding him,” a woman's voice spoke. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. I peeked around the group to find a woman, tall, lean and dark skinned. Some of her features remind me of Danst, but I didn't need that comparison to know that she was elven. The most fascinating feature was her eyes. Crystal blue, like shards of ice when the light touched them and dark gray like storm clouds when the shadow graced them. Her hair looked like it was streaked with different colors, yet all dark brown.

“It must be the setting sun,” I told myself, low enough only I could hear. “You're right,” I said to the woman. “This isn't going to find Marren any sooner. I would suggest keeping the pleasantries while on foot.”

The last light of
the day had finally faded into the night sometime after we left the mountain village. We moved past the mountains further north, deep into the heart of a forest that nestled against the foot of the sinking peaks of the earth. It seemed that the night insisted on carrying on forever, making the trek seem to last for days, despite our speed. I kept thinking that eventually, the light of day would start to brighten the sky above us, which was riddled in an ink so thick that not even the stars were visible. Instead, the night remained. 

The night seemed to grow darker and darker, making the shadows blend into one another, despite my being able to see the auras of the living things around us. They had gotten dimmer, like their life was being slowly zapped away into nothingness and eventually, they disappeared altogether. I had to stop.

“What is it?” Danst asked.

“I can't see a thing.”

“What she means is there are no auras, no life.” Enid's voice came from right behind me. He sounded strained, like he too felt unnerved by the sudden and complete blackness that swallowed every ounce of light that belonged to the auras. Even the moon's light didn't touch this dark place. My heart pounded within my chest, urging me cautiously forward.

“This is the forest of the dead,” Faun, the dark skinned and crystal blue eyed elf spoke.  “We shouldn't remain still. We must push on.”

“My lady,” one of the other werewolves spoke, “It's too dangerous.”

“But we have to find Marren,” I said and stretched out my hands, taking careful steps forward. “Form a line behind me and step only where I step.”

Relena...

I stopped in mid-step as my heart nearly leapt from my chest.

A chorus of voices sounded in my ears.
“My lady...A'lainn, Relena...”all asking the reason for my sudden stop.

“
Shh
.” I held up my hand to halt further interruptions. I held my breath and waited for the beating of my heart to calm down enough so the pounding didn't make any sound in my ears.

Relena, go back...

My heart leapt happily. A voice that made my heart
soar
.
Marren?

Go back...please!

Go back? How could I go back now? I heard his
voice,
my heart
’
s reaction confirmed it. I couldn't turn back. Not now. Not when I was so close to finding him again. No. I couldn't. I started to walk again, faster this time and less careful. My pace quickened as I let my heart control where I was going. Faster and faster until I was sure that I was going to find him at any moment. With each step, I told myself it would be the next one. I would see him then. Behind a tree, lying at its base, trying to regain strength from
his own
escape.

I found nothing but a seemingly endless forest, lacking life and hope, and a chill that was colder than death nipping at my skin. I felt my heart fall. I had hoped that I would find him. Hoped that he would be alive and well so we could go back to the village and show the races Marren was okay, and that Jiren had only wanted to destroy all hope.

Yet, I felt like he was near. So close that I only needed to reach out to him and touch him. I forced the breaking of my heart to stop long enough for me to try one more
thing
.

Marren?

Silence.

Marren, please answer me! Please!

I tried to listen for his voice to return to me. I held my breath and forced my heart to stand still as the wind blew whispers through the trees above and around us. I knew the group stood behind me and watched me, waiting for some sign for me to give them as a direction of where to go.  I couldn't move any further. I couldn't bear the weight of my own body. My knees gave out from under me sending me to the ground, landing hard on a tree branch. The pain surged up my leg. It created a rage in me that I couldn't control. I started banging my fists on the ground and I pulled up bushes and grass and punched the tree that was in front of me.

The tree gave way with a hollow crack, distilling my anger and replacing it with curiosity. I reached out and touched the tree. It gave under the gentle pressure of my touch. I pulled away the bark and found that not only was the tree de
ad and hollow, but something
lai
d
inside.

It was a body, faintly covered in a thin pale blue-green aura. I pulled him out, and laid him gently on the ground. We'd found Marren but he was barely alive.