Authors: Samantha LaFantasie
It’s a strange sensation
, fainting. It feels like tumbling through darkness, permanently falling. I never felt the ground greet my body in the hard and painful thud that I knew was coming. I never felt the painful pricks of the pointed rocks that surely jabbed into my skin. There’s just a sense of floating in air, drifting weightlessly down.
A loud scream pierced my ears and soul.
The only sound that came to me.
It sounded as though it came from a distance, but the darkness was too thick to see through, like a blanket that had been placed over my head and blotted out all light. Then, the sound faded, echoing listlessly into the dark.
Slowly, things came back to me.
Sensations.
Things like the sound of the wind blowing through the trees.
The smell of dirt and wood.
The crisp smell of grass and the tangy sent of leather.
And him…Marren.
The woodsy smell of his body was near.
My eyes were sealed shut. I forced them apart, desperate to see him, as I remembered my overwhelming fear of him fighting Jiren in my form. At first, things were blurred together, as if being viewed from underwater. But then focus came to me with each blink, and the sight of Marren crouching at my side, his eyes full of worry. The baby flipped inside me, my stomach growled its reminder that I hadn't eaten in quite some time, and my head spun with the dizziness that still clung to my body.
“Marren!”
I breathed through the dizziness and sat up as quickly as I could, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and tucking my nose into his neck. “You're alright!”
“Relena,” he whispered into my hair, wrapping his arms tightly around me.
“I thought I would never see you awake again.” My voice cracked, but I didn't care.
Shh
, uwoduhi.
Shh
. I'm here. I'm here.
His voice spoke to my mind as his body trembled.
Tears spilled down my face as I pulled away from him. I poured out everything inside me that I had bottled up, kept safe until I could see him again. “I'm so sorry for everything, for being stubborn, for not listening, for being jealous and selfish, and not—”
Marren stopped my downpour of emotional babble by placing both hands on either side of my face and forcing me to look at him. “
Shh
. It's okay.
Gvgeyu.”
His lips pressed firmly into my forehead, burning my skin with the heat that I thought I’d lost forever.
“You don't understand, Marren, I—”
“I don't need an apology or a reason for your behavior. I should have taken the time to explain things better to you. I am the one that should be sorry. I'm the one that thought pushing you away or keeping you at a distance would keep you safe. And it seems that I've only done things to hurt you worse.”
I was forced to pause, feeling the sense of fear rising within him. “What do you mean?” There was something he wasn't telling me.
“Relena, Danst was hurt badly. You should go see him while he's still clinging to this world.”
My breath escaped me and failed to return. My lungs contracted, restricting the air from entering. My best friend, the one who helped me through all of those horrible nights after finding me in the woods, the one who taught me how to fight and sent my life in a chaotic tumble when I thought he betrayed me, and it was to save himself from the pain and torment that would kill him.
My friend.
My closest, dearest friend.
No one could ever come close to him in my heart, not even Marren. Though Marren had my heart, there would always be a space in there no one else could touch, besides Danst.
Danst was my only real family. He was all I had.
My eyes began to burn as tears stung them, yet they didn't seem content to fall. I sat suspended in guilt and disbelief.
No, he can't die. He can't. Can't you save him? Can't the elves?
Marren's eyes darkened. My heart sank further.
He was injured protecting you, and the
elves. There's nothing they can do. I'm so sorry. We need to go before we're too late.
It made no sense to me. How can he die? How did Marren know? He stood up and held his hand out to help me up. I stood, deep in my thoughts. So deep I felt the kink of the muscles in my forehead.
I knew you were there, being protected by Tobias. I didn't think he would betray me to get to Jiren. I woke and fought my way there. It was when I was on my way that I watched Danst get stabbed by Jiren.
I tried to make sense of what Marren was explaining to me. He knew before he found me? We started walking as Marren continued to explain.
I stopped to help him, knowing how much he means to you. But had I known what Tobias was up to...
I don't blame Tobias. I understood. Given the circumstances, I may have done the same thing.
I'm not sure if my defending him helped Marren. Though, he gave a gentle squeeze to my hand, continuing out of the trees and into the tall grassy field, now covered with blood, acrid smelling green ooze that steamed, and masses of bodies strewn all about.
All the blood.
The bodies...
Marren pulled me into him and stopped walking. I wasn't sure of all this being worth it. People lost their lives.
Because of me.
Don't think about them.
His thoughts whispered in my head.
You're safe and that is what's important. These people knew what they were doing.
I nodded and pulled away from him. He gazed into my eyes as he rubbed my arms gently up and down. Filling me with his warmth—warmth I missed so much. His eyes smiled at me once more then we turned towards the edge of the trees, to the boundaries of the elves.
***
Two tall elves, dressed in white robes, stood at the entrance between two trees. They lowered their heads in respect and allowed us through without a word. My heart palpitated anxiously. I held my breath waiting for them to tell Marren that he was the only one allowed to pass. But none stopped me. As soon as we were through, I couldn't help but focus on the center of what took up my vision.
The ground was carved out hollow, tapering down to a level platform. Trees arched above in a surrounding protective barrier.
In the center, stood dwarves, elves, and werewolves.
They stood solemnly with their heads bowed. Their arms were slack at their sides or crossed at the wrists in front of them. My heart picked up in pace.
Are we too late?
Marren didn't answer. He continued leading me, instead, towards the center where I knew Danst laid. Taking his last few numbered breaths. How I had clung to the hope that he held on long enough for me to make it to his side to say one last goodbye. But the silence was too thick. Not even the breathing of the races that took up the center of the elves home broke through the thick air.
I felt Marren release my hand and my body take over, gently pushing through those standing around to find the one that I needed to see, one final time.
I nearly collapsed as the base of the bed he laid
up
on came into view. It was covered in white cloth that shimmered with a pale effervescence. It had a green border of ivy and leaves that delicately wove along the edge. My eyes slowly moved up to Danst's feet, covered in smooth layers of light gray cloth that looked as soft as flower petals. A white robe with silver trim stretched to his mid-calf, bound at his waist with a silver clasp adorned with pearls.
His hands were resting on his stomach, one on top of the other. He looked like he was sleeping. His jaw was relaxed and smooth, the battle long gone from his face. His green eyes hidden beyond the lids that made his eyebrows look more pronounced. And above them, a silver band encircled his forehead with his stringy brown hair woven through.
My heart took on the weight of what it already knew. Danst was gone. I was too late. I approached his side, resting my hand on his, the warmth gone from his pale skin. I slapped a tear that fell down my cheek. My heart broke into so many pieces. There was a part of it that was going to forever miss his presence. Miss his laughter and the warmth in his smile. The way he showed patience when he first taught me to fight, the care and protection he gave me when he saved me that night so many years ago. It didn't seem fair that he should have given his life.
A movement caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. Joe'n approached, stopping at Danst's head. She peered down at him, the corners of her lips turned down. It caused me to question her sadness for his loss of life. Her eyes rose to mine and as if she knew my thoughts she said, “Danst was my grandson.”
Her words held no disgrace, no hate. I almost expected a murmur of shock through the crowd.
How had I not known this? How could I have possibly been the last to know?
“As it is custom with my people, Danst will be sent to his next life in our tradition. He meant a lot to you as you did him. It seemed only fair that you received a chance to send him on his final journey.”
I stared for a long moment, processing her words. She spoke them with grace and calm, though clearly she had been torn about losing her grandson. The whites of her eyes were red. Even the lower lid was puffy, as though she had been crying until she approached. Realizing that she was waiting for a response, I numbly nodded my head. I removed my hand from Danst's and felt that a part of me was leaving with him.
“Relena, I need you to follow me, alone. This is a private ceremony. You may join your friends after the send-off.”
I nodded and glanced towards Marren, who was at the back of the crowd.
It's okay. I'll be waiting for you.
I know.
Gvgeyu.
You too.
I wanted to feel the emotion that filled me with Marren's words. Instead, I felt empty and lifeless. I watched Joe'n turn and walk to a dark path in between some trees and stop as she waited for me to follow. I noticed four elves had picked up the bed that Danst was on and waited to carry it. I quickly followed behind the Ancient, feelin
g the others in close proximity
with Danst.
***
I had it wrong when I thought it was a bed Danst was on. It was a raft. A small one built to accommodate him to his next journey. I knew nothing of the ways of the elves, of which Joe'n realized and quietly told me of the ceremony. This
sort of funeral was given only to those who deserved the highest honor. Danst gave his life protecting others and made difficult decisions to protect his people and his home. She had told him long ago that because he was half human, he would have to prove himself to her. She didn't realize what she had asked of him at the time and had wished that she had shown him her affections. This was her way of remedying that. Not only was this the highest honor she could bestow on her grandson, he was of the Ancient bloodline. It was his birthright.
Hearing the emotion in the words Joe'n spoke pulled at my heart. I thought she had
cast
him
out
because he wasn't fully elf, but I had it wrong. Being new to this realm had given me a new perspective on things. It wasn't because he was different that he was on the outside, it was because he had to prove himself worthy of his lineage. Just like I had, and likely still will have, to prove I'm worthy of Marren's love—regardless of our heart song.
The races of this world had taken extreme measures to protect themselves and in doing so had procured such high levels of fear and suspicion over outsiders. It was easy to understand why they were so protective over themselves. Being different was a risk that the races of the immortal realm had to be leery of in order to extend their lives and protect those they loved. It was a means of survival.
We approached the head of the river. It flowed away from us towards the horizon. Where it led, no one knew. It
was
not meant for the living to know. Only the dead would see, and even then you had to be worthy, what waited at the other side.
The elves stepped into the water and rested the raft carefully on the surface. As instructed, I walked over to Danst, placed my hands at the foot of the raft. Before pushing him off, I said, “Whatever waits for you at the other end of this river, know that until we meet again, you have always been my closest friend. You were the only real family I’d ever had. Until the end, I love you.” A tear fell hot down my cheek. I gently pushed the raft into the current that pulled it along the rivers length and waited until the fading light made it too difficult to see his shape before walking out of the water.
We decided to wait
until morning before heading back to our own home. The night was spent with roars and grumbles of angry voices demanding to know Jiren's next move. Apparently, Tobias had been right. Between him, me, and Marren, he had sustained enough damage that he had to retreat to regain his strength. You can't kill energy, but you certainly can damage it. Marren maintained that he would find a way to destroy him, but at that moment, Jiren was probably deep into hiding, licking his wounds. We'd only won the first battle.