Authors: Liz Reinhardt
Chapter Twenty-Three
The room is silent except for the hiss and beep of the machines hooked up to Trent’s still body. I sit right next to his bed, holding his bandaged, road-rashed hand. I stroke his wounded skin and try not to break down.
When they rushed Georgia to an exam room, we all followed, but she shook her head and screamed to me, “Go to him! Go to Trent. Don’t leave him alone, Sadie. You know how he hates being alone.”
I knew she was thinking about our childhood, when Trent would always wind up on the floor next to her bed or nestled on the edge of Eileen’s queen. When he woke up, he never said he was afraid of the dark or thunder or anything else.
He always just said he was lonely.
We joked that was half the reason he had so many girls climbing in and out of his windows in high school. Even back then, it would make me burn with jealousy. It wasn’t just that he was having sex with them, but that they got to sleep wrapped in his arms.
Where I wanted to be. I was just too much of a coward to admit it.
“Trent,” I say, softly, not sure he can even register the sound of my voice. “I hope you don’t think this changes things.” I laugh wetly, so used to crying by now that I’m not even bothering to wipe the tears away. “I mean, of course it
changes
things. But don’t worry. I’m going to come up with a new plan. An amazing new plan. For both of us. Because I’m not leaving your side. Do you hear me?”
I hope he’ll squeeze my hand or open his eyes, but he just lies still.
He’s deep sleeping. It’s what he needs to do. This is a sleep that will help his broken body heal.
It’s hard to believe that, though. To really believe that behind those closed eyelids, he’s still Trent.
They said that it’s hard to determine how severe the swelling on his brain actually is. That his helmet was extremely protective, and he’s very, very lucky he was wearing it. That his body took most of the impact, which, again, makes him lucky. He may be looking at months of therapy to repair his body, but we have our fingers crossed that he’ll open his eyes and still be the Trent we know and love.
It breaks my heart, but I’m trying to focus on the good in this crazy situation. I’m grabbing at straws, holding on to thankfulness wherever I can.
“I love you,” I tell him.
I have to believe he can hear me. I have to believe we can get through this together, because any other option scares the crap out of me.
“I love you, Trent, and we’re going to do this. They said it will probably take a few months of therapy before you can get back to your normal life. So I had to take that big folder full of all our amazing plans and forget it. I thought I might be sad or upset, because we worked so hard to come up with this perfect future.
“But you know what? I couldn’t give a shit less about the plans or what should have been. I really couldn’t. If you weren’t in such bad shape, I’d be furious at you for scaring the crap out of me. Because there were a couple hours where we had no idea how bad it was. And I thought—”
I’m talking to him so he knows I’m here. Or maybe I’m talking to him so I’ll feel better. Talking so I can say all the things I should have said when he was in front of me, alive and well.
I choke back a sob. I feel like I’m a pendulum, swinging back and forth between a kind of peaceful acceptance and total, knee-buckling fear. I tell myself to be strong, to have faith, but I’m scared right to the core of my being. I’ve never been so damn scared before.
I bargain with God, praying harder than I ever have before. I swear, sobs choking out of my throat, that if—no,
when
he gets through this, I’ll never hold back again. I’ll never miss an opportunity to tell him how much I love him. I’ll never take a single second for granted.
“There were seriously a few hours where I was waiting for the doctor to come out and tell us you didn’t make it, Trent. I thought I lost you. And if I’d lost you, I know I’d have lost a part of myself forever. But I have faith you’ll get better. I’m not giving up on you. I know you’re going to open those beautiful eyes and smile at me again. I know you’re going to come back to me, Trent. God knows I don’t deserve you, but I swear I’ll work every single day to try to earn your love. I swear it.”
I drag the chair as close to his bed as I can, hold his hand like I’m clinging on for dear life, and close my eyes. I press my lips to his hand and pray for him, for Georgia and her baby, for all of us to pull through this all and be okay.
“We’re gonna be okay,” I reassure the love of my life, who lies lost in a coma, his body broken, but his heart still beating.
***
When Ella comes in, hours later, I sit straight up at the sound of her voice. I must have fallen asleep, my head nestled against Trent’s arm.
“Georgia?” I ask, my voice a rough whisper.
Ella comes to my side and collapses on the floor at my feet, tears pouring down her face. And my stomach drops.
Georgia lost the baby.
The tiny life inside her is gone.
I rub my hands over my sister’s hair and start to cry with her, but she looks up. When I see her face, I realize she isn’t sobbing.
She’s laughing.
“Ella?”
“There were
two
heartbeats, Sadie,” she says, tears rolling out of her eyes and falling into her smiling mouth. “They stopped the bleeding. They did an ultrasound. And there were two little hearts in there, beating like mad. Like crazy. Really strong! I wish you could have seen it! I wish you were there! Mom and the tech were dancing, they were so happy. Georgia needs to rest, but she can go home. Mom is getting her packed up now.”
I shake my head, and the tears don’t stop, but I’m laughing with my sister.
“Twins? Georgia’s okay? We’re having
twins
?”
She nods. “Yep. Mama and babies are all doing great, all three of them.” Ella turns to Trent, strokes his hair back, kisses his forehead, and whispers, “Hey, Uncle Trent, you’ve got to get better fast. You and I are gonna be the cool aunt and uncle. We’ve got spoiling to plan.” She reaches out for my hand, and squeezes. “You look rough, Sadie. Why don’t you go home. I’ll sit with Trent for a while.”
I shake my head. “I’m fine here, El. This is where I want to me.”
She pulls over another chair. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know you two—”
“We’re gonna be fine, El,” I say in an overbright voice. My fingernails dig into my palms, but I keep smiling. “It’s going to be okay.”
She nods. “I know you had this whole plan…”
She trails off, leaving the rest hanging out there.
Ella must think I’m crushed that my plans have just evaporated before my eyes. The old Sadie, the one who was hiding everything she truly felt, would have clung hard to those plans, rigidly following through with them.
Because I’ve
always
had a plan.
Since I was a little kid, I’d map out a plan and follow through with any plan I set up, and I’d get so upset if I had to deviate from my course in any way. From winning swim meets to getting straight As to earning enough money for my first car to getting into college and getting my degree, my life was like a series of items on a checklist. Each thing I ticked off made me feel this jolt of satisfaction.
Until I realized I loved Trent, even though I shouldn’t. He wasn’t part of any plan, and suddenly my checklists seemed ridiculous.
“It’s going to be okay,” I tell Ella. “Plans change.”
She gives me a shocked look, but doesn’t have a chance to comment. Mom bursts in with a nurse who’s pushing Georgia in a wheelchair. My best friend looks tired and worn, but also so damn happy. The glow is back in her skin and radiating from inside her.
Georgia gives me a soft smile. “Any changes?”
I shake my head, wishing I could give her an update that would make her happier. I step back and Georgia goes to her brother, speaking softly against his ear, kissing his forehead and crying softly. Mom comes forward and does the same.
“I don’t want him to be alone,” Georgia insists. She tugs on her ear. “Maybe I can sleep in the recliner?”
“You are going to go home with me, sleep in a real bed, eat three square meals a day, and take care of those babies,” Mom says in this total no-nonsense voice. “Ella, Sadie, and I will be with him on shift, round the clock.”
“I’ll take this shift,” I offer, knowing that I’ll keep doing whatever I can to be with him as much as possible. “You should go home, rest, shower, eat.”
“I’ll come back as soon as I drop them,” Ella says, her voice echoing Mom’s with that crisp, businesslike tone. “Get me a list of what you need, and I’ll bring it here.”
We make our plans, and they leave after rounds of nervous hugs and kisses.
“Thank you,” Georgia whispers, holding my hand tight.
“Take care of yourself and our babies,” I grin back. “By the way, holy amazing news! I’m so damn happy for you.”
“I wish you could have seen them. I wish Trent could have seen them,” she says, her chin wobbling.
“Trent will be with us all at the next ultrasound. I know he will.”
Georgia gnaws on her lip and studies the hideous linoleum tiles under her feet. “I’m sorry for what I said before...I was scared, I love you both so much, and I was just upset thinking what it would be like if something happened.” She gestures to her brother, lying silent on the hospital bed. “But, look. Something
did
happen, worse than anything I could have imagined. And I don’t even want to think about what it would be like if he didn’t have you here…”
“He does, though. You both both do. I’m here,” I rush, cutting her off before she can start crying again. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Sadie,” she says, crushing me tight. “Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Georgie.”
Finally they all leave, and I return to my chair, my fingers wound around Trent’s, my every heartbeat a quiet prayer that he’ll make it. That he’ll be okay.
“Come back to me, Trent. Please come back to me. I don’t give a damn about the plans we had. I just need you. I love you.”
And then the fatigue of the day takes over, and I’m asleep again, my head on his arm, waiting for a miracle.
Chapter Twenty-Four
For one long week I live in the hospital by Trent’s side. Mom and Sadie offer to cover shifts for me, but I only go home long enough to shower and nap, then I’m back in the room, waiting for Trent to open his eyes so I can tell him how much I love his crazy ass.
I may have given up on things working out just the way I wanted, but I can’t stop myself from planning. This time, though, I know things may not go exactly the way I mapped out. And that’s okay; as long as Trent wakes up, everything is going to be just fine.
I send emails, make phone calls, and figure out how to juggle this all. For the first time in my life, every decision I make revolves around other people instead of me. And it feels
right
. For the first time ever, I feel like I know exactly what I need to do.
There’s one slight snag.
I’ve been through some intense changes in the last few weeks. I feel like I shed some of the weight that had been holding me back for so long. But the new me still lives in my old world, and my mother isn’t reacting the way I hoped.
“What the
hell
do you mean you’re not going back to Kensington?”
She whisper-roars the words. By this point, we’ve all accepted that a medically induced coma is not the same as sleep, at least logically. But it’s hard to fully grasp that Trent isn’t just napping peacefully.
I think we lower our voices because it’s nice to pretend he really might wake up if we just scream loud enough. We’re trying not to think about the fact that all the drugs were weaned away yesterday, but he hasn’t ‘woken up’ yet. The doctor explained it takes time. It’s not like in the movies.
Again, these are all things we know logically. But there’s a leap of logic between what you know and what you choose to believe when you’re dealing with someone you love.
“I’m a senior now, Mom. I really only need three classes to complete my degree. The other two were just electives I was interested in. I have enough credits to graduate with the nine credits, and I explained the entire situation to the dean. I’ll be able to commute to meet with my advisor for my senior thesis class every two weeks. My other two professors have had me before, and they’ve agreed to allow me to be there via Skype, which was really kind of them.”
I’m blown away by how amazing the faculty at Kensington has been. It helps that I’m a committed senior with a 3.9 GPA, but they bent over backwards when they heard my story. It probably helped that one of my professors knew Trent by name from art world gossip, and we had a surreal chat about his health and whether or not he’d be able to paint again.
I shook answering those questions. I had to admit I didn’t know, but I hoped I’d be bragging about his latest projects soon.
Mom wrings her hands. “Baby, Skyping your last semester senior year? That just doesn’t seem fair. You’ve worked so damn hard.”
We both look over at Trent, who’s become the elephant in the room. Ella knows the entire story because I told her. She told Georgia because she asked, and I’m thankful for that. Since Georgia heard about our original plans and my new set, she came to me and apologized. Gave her blessing. There are no words to express what a relief it is to know she’s rooting for the two of us.
But Mom has technically been in the dark about everything. That said, my mother is a very smart woman. Just because she doesn’t
know
doesn’t mean she doesn’t know.
“You’re right, Mom. I have worked hard. And I’ll be able to finish my degree, no problem. But I’ll also be able to stay home. Trent’s going to need a lot of physical therapy. The house needs work. Georgia’s babies will be here before we know it. I need to be
here
.”
Mom presses her lips together. “Look, sweetie, we’ve all made do without you for years. You need to focus on school. That’s what’s important. That’s where your future lies.”
I feel like I swallowed a knot of thorns.
“Mom, I know you’re saying that because you love me, but the truth is, it hurts.”
I hate the look that washes over her face, the shock and guilt.
“What?” She shakes her head, slowly. “Sadie, I’m trying to say I’m
proud
of you. I want you to go and achieve all the great, smart things none of us were able to.”
“But I don’t want that!” I cry, not staying as calm as I intended. “I don’t want to be off doing my own thing all the time. I don’t want to be thinking of myself first. I want to be part of this family.”
“You are,” she argues. “Just because you’re not here with us every day doesn’t mean you’re not part of this family! You can move back home when you graduate.”
I take a deep breath. “Mom, I pay for school with loans and grants. I have my own job. If you don’t want me living at home, I’ll find somewhere else to live. But I’m not going back. I’m staying here.”
Her eyes fill with hot tears she blinks away. “You think this is what Trent would want? If you really care about him, you’ll pursue your education, Sadie. You’ll finish the right way. He’ll be taken care of.”
I stand straighter even though I feel like I’ve turned to mush inside.
“Yes he will. I know he will because I’ll be here to take care of him, Mom.” I close my eyes and say, “I’m in love with him. And we made plans to be together, plans we were going to tell you about. Then he went and almost got himself killed. So now I’m not taking any chances. I love him. I won’t leave him. I don’t care what anyone else says. I’m staying here.”
Mom shakes her bangs out of her eyes and sighs. Then a tiny smile breaks over her face.
“You’re a stubborn little asshole, you know that?”
She opens her arms, and I fall into them, relieved that we’ve finally come to a truce.
Which doesn’t stop her from trying to talk me into
at least
finishing my last semester at Kensington. She also warns me, gently, that we have no way of knowing if Trent will wake up the same guy he was before the accident. The doctors are hopeful, but no one knows for sure.
It’s the not knowing that’s so damn scary.
She stays for a while. Georgia comes by and we look over all different sites where she’s set up registries, since she needs doubles of so many things now. With our planning combined, we almost manage to convince ourselves that we know what the hell we’re doing. Ella comes in after work. She brings me a big, juicy Italian sub and lets me know Lloyd and Monty are headed to my college to pick up my car and get it fixed and ready for me to claim.
We’re all doing the best we can to keep moving forward, even though our hearts don’t leave this room or Trent’s side for a single second.
Long after everyone else leaves, I stand by the window, watching the snow fall. It puts me in a peaceful trance. Takes me back to New Year’s Eve, that incredible night when Trent and I found our short-lived happiness. I trace a heart in the foggy patch my breath leaves on the window.
And then I hear a sound. It’s like someone clearing his throat.
I whirl around and rush to the bed. Trent’s eyes are open, and he’s looking around the room with wild confusion.
My heart thuds so quickly I feel faint.
What if he doesn’t remember anything? What if he can’t speak at all? What if he’s not the Trent I know and love anymore? What are the chances we’d fall in love again?
“Sadie?” he says, his voice scratching out of his dry lips. “Where the hell am I?”
I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to twirl around this tiny little room with my arms flung out wide because
he’s awake
! Trent has finally come back to me!
I grab his hand and pull it to my lips, kissing it over and over as I laugh. “You’re at Memorial. You crashed your motorcycle a week ago, on your way to my mom’s. You’ve been in a coma to help you heal since then.”
He squints his eyes. “ I don’t remember crashing. I remember...us?” He trains his green eyes on my face. “I remember you telling me you—”
“I love you,” I say, pressing my mouth to his.
I kiss him softly, but he deepens the kiss, nearly yanking out his IV trying to hold my face in his hands.
“Trent!” I untangle the wires and tubes, and he glares. “I’m going to get a nurse right now.”
“No you’re not.” He grabs my wrist and pulls me back to his side. “You love me?”
“With all my heart,” I whisper.
“I almost died?” he asks.
“You could have. You were really lucky.” I blink back tears because it’s all too raw, too real still.
“I want to kiss you again. My memory is fuzzy, but kissing you brought back some pretty great stuff.” He grins slowly as I lean forward and kiss him again. He’s more careful about the machines he’s hooked up to, but I’m still worried about him overdoing things. When I pull back, he’s smiling wide. “Please get the nurse. I need to get out of this place and get you into my bed as soon as possible.”
“Trent, you’ve had a really bad accident. You’re still badly banged up. You’re probably going to need pretty intense physical therapy for a while. And you’ll be living at doctor’s offices.”
I squeeze his hand, so damn happy he’s up and full of life. But I want him to know the reality of his situation.
“But you and me? We’re solid?” he checks and double checks.
“Without a doubt,” I promise.
“Then bring it on. All of it. Because I can face anything if I have you, Sadie.”